


Of Wine and Coffee

by fanficloverme96



Category: Glee
Genre: Attempted Rape, M/M, Minor Character Death, Occasional fluff, Romance, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-08-31
Updated: 2012-11-12
Packaged: 2017-11-13 05:48:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 37
Words: 102,230
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/500177
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fanficloverme96/pseuds/fanficloverme96
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>With his recent breakup with Blaine, Sebastian’s taunts were the last things Kurt really needed. So when Sebastian’s life took an unexpected turn and he became a temporary resident of the Hudmel residence, Kurt then realizes the comfort comes in strange ways, with the help of a thing we call karma.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> This could be found at FF.net and Tumblr.

**Prologue**

**_~Like gravity, karma is so basic we often don't even notice it~_ **

Pissed. Kurt Hummel was pissed.

Standing in front of Lima Bean, hands on his hips, Kurt glared at the person in front of him. The said person was handsome; brilliant green eyes, hair with a soft brown color and a perfect smile. At least, it would have been perfect if it was not for the fact that it was shaped into an arrogant smirk.

“You are such a jerk, Sebastian,” Kurt snapped, completely ignoring the curious bystanders near them.

“That’s the best you can do, princess? Your talent in insults seems to be wearing thin,” Sebastian answered coolly.

Kurt narrowed his eyes. “Shut up,”

“Why? Can’t handle the fact that Blaine actually came back to his senses and broke up with you?”

The words hurt. And what’s worse, Kurt could not deny it.

Blaine was kind about it-he was always kind. He was not harsh or cruel when he initiated the break-up. In fact, he brought up the right reasons that made Kurt felt as if breaking up was the right thing to do. _Long distance relationships…what if it doesn’t work out, Kurt? Would that end our friendship? I don’t want that to happen…_

Santana said the reason was stupid and cowardly. And maybe Kurt agreed. Just a tiny bit. But he could not bring himself to hate Blaine. _That’s your weakness, Kurt,_ Rachel had sighed. _You’re too forgiving to the ones you love._

Kurt blinked away tears. He brought back his focus towards Sebastian, his glare intensifying. “I don’t see how that’s any of your business, Smythe. Unfortunately for you, Blaine doesn’t go for badboys,”

Sebastian’s grin grew wider. “You may never know. He might have a secret kink for guys like me. Guys who don’t strut around in clothes those only girls would normally wear,”

_Shut up. You know nothing. At least I don’t go around smelling like Craigslist._

The words died at Kurt’s lips. He simply had no more energy on insults. In fact, Kurt felt drained for some reason. The weight of the drama he had gone through these past few days was still heavy on his shoulders. His soon-to-be departure to New York, missing his friends, his breakup with Blaine…

Blaine. The heaviest weight of all.

Kurt sighed. He cast a tired look at Sebastian.

“Someday, Sebastian, you’ll know what’s like to lose someone you cherish,”

~*.*~

It was two weeks later when Kurt saw Sebastian again.

Okay, maybe ‘saw’ was not the accurate word. It was more like he heard of him. Kurt was going through the music sheets in the local music store. His very last assignment- was it really, truly the last? Kurt could not seem to wrap his head around the prospect just yet- was to perform a song during the graduation ceremony which was only a week and half away.

Graduation.

The idea seemed so unreal to Kurt, seemed so far away. New Directions had returned triumphant from Chicago, winning first place in Nationals; securing not only the glee club’s permanence at McKinley but also Coach Sylvester’s control over the Cheerios ( _“Come on now. Don’t make it sound like that was the only reason I helped out,”_ she had insisted). And now, the only thing left for the seniors to do was to prepare for their upcoming graduation.

Blaine had offered to help Kurt prepare for his move to New York which will be in a few months’ time, but Kurt had politely refused. It was not that he did not want him to. _God_ , how he wanted him to, really. But Kurt had not gone past the stage where he would see Blaine’s face and remember the tearful conversation in Ms. Pillsbury’s office.

_But I promise, you aren’t going to lose me…_

_Heh,_ Kurt smiled inwardly. _What a joke. A cruel one at that._

He was so focused in searching for the right song to sing that at first, he did not notice the news could be heard from the old television that stood at the corner of the counter. Its image was fuzzy and inconsistent, but its sound was crystal clear.

_“—the car crash took the lives of Andrew and Julia Smythe, who died on the spot due to a head-on collision --,”_

That caught Kurt’s attention. Andrew and Julia _Smythe_? His eyes strayed to the television where for once, the image was clear and did not disappear. It showed an accident scene where a Mercedes Benz had crashed into a truck. The car looked badly damaged. The female news anchor continued to drone on about the details of the car crash and Kurt was beginning to grow disinterested. As he was about to tear his eyes away from the screen, the news anchor’s next words made Kurt’s heart skip a beat.

_“—the only known survivor was the couple’s only son who got away with only a minor head injury and a few scratches. He was rushed to Lima Memorial Hospital--,”_

And on the screen, showed the picture of Sebastian Smythe. 


	2. Chapter 1: Visit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ~A pity beyond all telling is hid in the heart of love~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Refer to the prologue.

Aside from the smell of his mother’s perfume, Kurt remembered the movement of her fingers as well.

He remembered being an eight-year-old boy again, with chubby cheeks and wide curious eyes as he followed his mother around the house, watching her do her daily activities. He watched her sew, mesmerized by the sureness if her fingers as they push the needle in and out of the cloth, making no mistake. He loved the way she played the piano, her fingers drifting over the piano keys like white butterfly. Those fingers were the same ones that ran through his locks, stroking his hair reassuring as Kurt lay against her chest at night, inhaling her sweet perfume.

Right now, he felt as if her fingers were stroking his hair again, as if trying to calm him down as Kurt drove towards the Lima Memorial Hospital.

Kurt did not even remember leaving the music store without buying anything, nor did he remember entering his car and started the engine. All he knew was the fact that right now, he was driving towards the hospital where Sebastian currently resided.

Hospitals.

How Kurt hated them. He hated the intense clean medicine smell of the place, hated how everything was so white, hated how hospitals were the place where the sick and the dead were. Kurt remembered standing there, feeling helpless as his dad lay on the hospital bed, his eyelids unmoving and his body still. How scared he felt, about the possibility of losing another parent. Kurt had been so desperate, even praying to a deity he did not believe in, thinking **_pleasepleaseplease save my dad, ohmygodohmygod don’t let him die, wakeupwakeupwakeup…_**

Kurt sighed as he parked his car in an empty parking spot, getting out before locking the car doors. He made his way towards the hospital main entrance and entered inside. The hospital smell hit him hard, making Kurt wrinkle his nose in distaste. He shook his head and approached the counter. The woman behind it was young, with light blond hair and dark brown eyes. She was pretty, the kind of girl a boy would hit on at first sight. The nametag pinned on her uniform said her name was Clarissa.

“Hello,” Kurt said. “I’m looking for a patient,”

“Name?” asked Clarissa, smiling politely.

“Sebastian Smythe. He was involved in a car crash recently,”

Realization dawned in Clarissa’s eyes. “Oh, the boy from the news,” her tone held pity, which Kurt knew Sebastian would not exactly appreciate. “Poor boy, losing his parents like that,”

“Yeah…I suppose,” Kurt answered slowly.

Clarissa let out another sigh before looking at her computer, her fingers typing on the keyboard. “He’s in Room 5021, fifth floor,”

“Thank you,” Kurt gave her a small smile before making his way over to the nearest elevator. He was silent throughout the elevator ride, his heart pounding in his chest. Why was he nervous? He was only seeing Sebastian, for goodness’ sake. Just another guy he knew. Albeit a guy he did not exactly like, but still. But the prospect of seeing someone lying injured on the hospital still made Kurt’s head spin a bit. Why on earth did he go here in the first place?

The elevator stopped and its doors slid open with a ‘ting’. Kurt walked out and followed the corridor leading towards Sebastian’s room. 5018, 5019, 5020….5021.

Kurt stared at the door in front of him. He could hear the soft sound of the television from inside the room, indicating that Sebastian might be awake. He hesitated as he raised his hand to knock. Should he have brought a gift? Flowers? Fruit baskets? It was a matter of courtesy, after all. But then again, this was Sebastian. The same guy who insulted him at every given opportunity, even after his heartfelt apology before Regional’s. Kurt remembered thinking _some things never change…_

Taking a deep breath, he gave two light knocks on the door. A hoarse “Go away,” could be heard from the other side of the door and Kurt could not help but smile. This was Sebastian’s room alright. Ignoring the unwelcoming reply, he twisted the knob and opened the door. He automatically turned towards the bed and his eyes widened slightly.

On the bed, lay Sebastian, looking…well…rather horrible. His forehead was covered by bandages and there were purple bruises and cuts on his cheek. His left arm was in a sling. There were also bandages peeking from under his hospital gown. His hair was a mess. Sebastian looked like he just got out from a gang fight rather than suffering from ‘a minor head injury and a few scratches’.

“Oh my god,” The words left his lips before Kurt could stop them. Sebastian caught his eyes and from the way his own eyes widen, Kurt could tell that Sebastian had not exactly expected to see him. Not that he would.

“Look what the cat brought in,” Sebastian called out after a moment of silence. “It’s the princess of Lima, Ohio,”

“Oh shut up,” Kurt retorted automatically before stopping himself. He shook his head for the umpteenth time today and looked at Sebastian. “You…look terrible,” Kurt finished lamely.

“Gee, thanks for the compliment,” Sebastian replied sarcastically. But from the way his voice shook and wavered in the end, the sarcasm was clearly half-hearted. Sebastian looked away from Kurt and trained his gaze onto the television screen at the corner of the room. It showed the earlier news; the same female news anchor, the same wrecked car, the same picture of Sebastian. Kurt sucked in a breath before letting it out shakily.

“Why are you watching that?” he asked softly.

Sebastian did not answer at first. He continued to watch the news as if it was the most engrossing film in the world. His eyes, normally light green, were darker than usual, though. When the news was finally over, Sebastian grabbed the remote and abruptly switched off the television. His eyes still would not meet Kurt’s as he stared out of the window.

“I just want to make sure it was real,” Sebastian whispered in the end.

Kurt had no reply to that. He stood there awkwardly; his hands limp at his sides. He watched as Sebastian sighed wearily and finally, _finally_ turned to Kurt. His gaze was tired. He did not smile. Nor there was his usual smirk. “What are you doing here, Kurt?”

Kurt hesitated. “I…just wanted to make sure you’re okay,” he said in a surprisingly small voice.

Sebastian raised his eyebrow. “Well, if you count three broken ribs, a dislocated shoulder and a bump in the head as okay, then I’m terrific,”

“The news anchor really downplayed your injuries, huh?” Kurt forced out a smile.

Sebastian seemed to detect Kurt’s effort to make a light conversation and let out a tiny smile of his own. It lit up his face a little. “I guess she did,”

An awkward silence greeted them once again. Kurt busied himself by looking around the room. It was a rather medium-sized, with pastel colored walls, a sofa back up against the wall beside Sebastian’s bed and a television at the corner of the room. It was pretty ordinary.

“You’re right,”

Kurt’s head snapped up when he heard Sebastian speak. He turned towards the boy to find him looking at him.

“What’s right?”

“The thing that you said the other day,”

For a moment, Kurt was confused. Then, his words came rushing back to him. _Someday Sebastian, you’ll know what’s like to lose someone you cherish…_

Oh.

Kurt suddenly felt numb all over. He had said those words in the heat of the moment, but he never truly meant them. Just meaningless words. Meaningless, meaningless, meaningless. Guilt washed over him and Kurt started to feel sick.

“I….Sebastian…I…” he trailed off, not knowing what to say. What could he say?

“Forget it,” Sebastian said curtly. “It’s called karma, Kurt. I’ve dealt with it before,”

“I never truly meant what I said, Sebastian, I…” Kurt’s eyes slid to the floor. “I’m sorry,”

Sebastian said nothing. He looked down to his white bed comforter, his fingers playing with the material absently. His gaze was hard and cold. Almost unforgiving. Kurt looked away. He bit his lip, trying to keep it from quivering. He had never felt more terrible in his life.

_They say be careful of what you wish for…_

“Look,” Kurt started. “Do you have any relatives you could stay with?”

Sebastian, clearly surprised by the sudden question, lifted up his gaze to look at Kurt questioningly. “Why?”

Kurt shifted uncomfortably. “It’s just that…you might be leaving the hospital in…” he looked at Sebastian for an answer. The latter merely sighed.

“Three days,”

“Right,” Kurt continued. “And well, you need a place to stay since…er…” he trailed off. But both boys knew what his next words were. It does not take a genius to know them. _Since your parents are dead._

“No,”

Kurt looked at him in surprise.

“I’m sorry?”

“You asked whether I have any relatives to stay with,” Sebastian explained with exaggerated patience. “The answer is no,”

This…well, Kurt did not expect this. He stared at Sebastian, who had begun fidgeting under his gaze. “Stop staring at me. If you have a crush on me, at least be discreet about it,” Sebastian said sharply. Normally, Kurt would scoff at this, but his brain was still processing the answer that Sebastian had given him to his previous question.

“That’s impossible,” he said at last, completely ignoring Sebastian’s earlier sarcasm. “You must have some relatives living nearby,”

“I don’t,”

“Grandparents?”

“In Paris,”

“Aunts or uncles?”

“Ditto,”

“Cousins?”

“Unless you want me to catch a plane all the way to Norway which I _won’t_ , that’s not a good idea,”

“So you’re telling me, the only Smythes living in Ohio were you and your parents?” Kurt asked, exasperated.

Sebastian shrugged his good shoulder. “Pretty much,”

Despite how sad it actually sounded, Kurt couldn’t help but to throw his hands up in the air in exasperation. So far, Sebastian was not helping him out at all. He found himself pacing in the room, mulling over the fact. Sebastian watched him with semi-interested eyes.

“Why are you getting so worked out about?” Sebastian asked. “I don’t see how this is any of your concern,”

Kurt stopped in his tracks as Sebastian’s words sunk. True, it was not his concern. Why on earth _should_ he care? As far as he was concerned, Sebastian was not exactly his most favorite person. He could just leave right now. On the other hand, though…

_It was your words that somehow got him in this situation._

Kurt let out a breath and turned to Sebastian. “Because I’m a nicer person than you are, that’s why,”

Sebastian seemed to consider this and shrugged. “Whatever,” he said and turned away. Maybe Kurt had imagined it, but did he see the corner of Sebastian’s lips lift slightly? Kurt dismissed it as an imagination.

“So what are you going to do when you are discharged from the hospital?” Kurt asked quietly.

Sebastian, once again, did not answer right away. He continued to stare out of the window, as if the view of the garden interested him more than anything else. After what had seemed like an eternity, Sebastian spoke.

“I’ll just live in the house alone, I guess,”

Kurt was slightly, okay, _very_ , taken aback by his answer. “What?” he said dumbly.

“You heard what I said,” Sebastian turned to him, his eyes turning dark once more. “My parents are dead, I have no relatives and my friends’ list? It’s not very long despite my charms. Most of the Warblers live pretty far away,” he paused. “I’m fine being alone. I can take care of myself,”

Kurt was about to reply when a nurse poked her head inside the room. She was short and plump, in a cute way. She would have been cuter, though, if she smile a bit. “I’m sorry, sir, but visitation hours are nearly over,”

“You better leave, then,” Sebastian chimed in tiredly, lying back against the pillows.

As the nurse led Kurt to the door, he turned towards Sebastian.

“No one should be alone, Sebastian. Not even you,”

 

 


	3. Chapter 2: Invitation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ~A helping hand comes in many forms, some stranger than others~

“Dad, I have a question,”

The Hudson-Hummel household was at Breadstix that night, having their usual Friday night dinner. Burt was home from D.C and Carole thought it might be nice to have their usual dinner again after three weeks of not having them. Kurt had agreed whole-heartedly. Finn merely tagged along because, hey, who wants to ignore free food at a rather fancy restaurant?

Burt, who was about to take a bite from his sirloin steak, looked at his son with a vaguely curious expression. “Shoot,”

“Say you dislike someone,” Kurt began slowly. “-and you found out that the person is in trouble. It isn’t any of your concern but that person really needs help,” he paused. “But that person insisted that help it not needed,” he added as an afterthought. “What would you do?”

“Shozn helshp that pershon jen,” Finn mumbled as he chewed his burger. At Carole’s disapproving look, Finn hastily swallowed, took a large gulp of his coke and turned to Kurt. “What I said was ‘Don’t help that person, then’”

“Why?” Kurt could not help but to ask.

“Dude, you dislike that person. And that person insisted on no help and it’s not like, it’s your concern, right? So I don’t see the point,” Finn explained with a tone that suggested that he was rather proud of his answer.

“So you wouldn’t help, say, Jesse St James if he got into, I don’t know, a gang fight and he’s dying, just because he went ‘I don’t need your help, Hudson’?” the countertenor shot back, for whatever reason he was not so sure of. Why was he suddenly annoyed? Finn looked at him with a rather startled expression.

“That’s….I don’t know,” he replied. “Would you?”

Before Kurt could answer, Burt cleared his throat. “What are you so worked up about this anyway, bud?” he asked gruffly. Kurt turned to his dad and bit his lip, his gaze sliding down to the table momentarily before lifting up to meet Burt’s.

“Have you watched the news earlier?” he asked.

Burt shook his head. “I was at the workshop the whole day. I hadn’t got time to even switch on the television,”

“Why, honey?” Carole interjected, setting down her fork. “Is there something wrong?”

Kurt sighed. “Do you all remember Sebastian Smythe?”

“That guy from the Warblers?” Finn asked. “Who tried to blackmail me?”

“Who nearly blinded Blaine?” Burt added.

“Do you only remember him because of his bad actions?” Kurt asked exasperatedly.

Burt and Finn looked at each other for a moment before turning to Kurt. “Pretty much,” they said in unison.

Kurt let out a breath before continuing. “ _Anyway_ , he was…involved in a car crash recently,” he said softly. “Actually, earlier today,”

“Oh,” A soft gasp could be heard. Heads turned to see Carole with a hand covering her mouth. Her eyes widened in surprise. “Of course,” she continued. “He was the boy from the news I watched today. He-he, got involved in a car accident, a-and his parents were killed, oh my _goodness_ ,” She let out a shuddering breath. “The poor boy,”

Burt looked at his wife with concern. “His parents got killed?’

“Yes,” Carole nodded. “On the spot, actually. Their son managed to get away with a few causalities,” She turned to Kurt with a sad expression. “I didn’t know you two are friends,”

“We’re not,” Kurt said quickly. “I mean…not exactly. But, I…uh… visited him today and…” he trailed off. “He said that he didn’t have anywhere else to live. He doesn’t have any relatives here in Ohio, it would seem,”

“Well,” Finn began. “That…just suck,”

“And your summarizing skills never failed to amaze me,” Kurt rolled his eyes. Finn’s face lit up, though.

“You really think so, dude?”

Kurt merely sighed. He decided to turn back his focus on his dad. “Well? You haven’t quite answered my question, dad. What should I do?”

Burt was silent for a moment. “If you really want my answer, kid,” he said carefully. “Then, you should help him,” he paused, looking at Kurt’s hesitant expression. “Look, Kurt, I know he may not be the nicest kid on the block but he’s a person. Who has a rather serious problem, I might add,”

Kurt had no reply to that. Burt took his silence as a sign to continue.

“It’s hard, losing your parents. And you, Kurt, of all people should know that,” Burt reached over to pat Kurt comfortingly on the shoulder.

Kurt knew the feeling alright. He remembered the long nights crying himself to sleep, thinking, _why isn’t mummy here with me? Is she mad at me?_ He remembered the little appetite he had for food; facing Burt’s desperate attempts to get him just one tiny bite at every meal. _Come on, kid. Just one bite…_ And he had only lost _one_ parent. He honestly could not imagine losing _both_ of them. ****

“So you’re saying that I should help him?” Kurt said the words slowly and carefully, as if weighing the possibilities.

Burt smiled. “You bet I am. And I know just how,”

~*.*~

Kurt was in front of Sebastian’s hospital room again the next day. His right hand clutched a bouquet of pink tulips and white lilies which had been beautifully arranged. Kurt had not been quite so sure of what to give Sebastian during his hospital visit, initially. In fact, he had spent the whole Saturday morning mulling on the fact. There was thought of giving him teddy bears ( _really, Kurt? I’m not five_ ), a fruit basket ( _these aren’t poisoned apples, are they?_ ) and just a plain get-well card (I _always thought you were cheap_ ). Finally, after countless of frustrated groans, he had settled on a bouquet of flowers. And that, too, had been quite a problem. Red roses seemed too romantic-Kurt had blushed at the thought-, white roses seemed too…wedding…-y-another blushed had been earned- and the thought of spider lilies made Kurt think of funerals ( _I’m not dying, yet, Kurt_ ). At Carole’s suggestion, he had ended up with tulips and lilies.

Of course, he had to deal with a rather embarrassing conversation.

“Never knew he is so special to you, Kurt” Carole had commented. Kurt could have choked on his pancake.

“He’s not!” he spluttered. “We just…know each other,” At Carole’s meaningful glance, Kurt had huffed another indignant reply. “It is a matter of courtesy,”

Kurt sighed before knocking on the door. When he got no reply, he knocked once more before the door creaked open slowly. It was unlocked. He pushed it open quietly and turned towards Sebastian’s bed.

Sebastian was asleep.

His head propped on two fluffy pillows, his eyes were closed and still, aside from the occasional movement under his eyelids which indicated that the boy was dreaming. His lips were parted slightly. His breathing was calm. The sunlight streaming from the windows lit up his face, making it look rather serene and…younger.

Sebastian looked calmer, Kurt realized.

Not knowing what to do, Kurt stood there awkwardly before he strode over to the bedside table to set down the bouquet of flowers. There were a few cards that littered the bedside table; one cheerfully read _Get well soon, Sebastian Warbler. From Trent._ Kurt could not help but smile. He knew there was a reason he liked Trent in the first place. While he had been quite an adamant person, Trent was fun to be around with because of his optimistic nature.

Kurt placed the bouquet on the table before sitting down on the couch near the bed. He leaned back and closed his eyes, his breathing calming down slightly. He did not want to wake up Sebastian so he decided it would be best to wait.

_I’ll just close my eyes for a bit…_

~*.*~

_Never knew I could feel like this_

_Like I've never seen the sky before_

Sebastian’s eyelids fluttered open slightly as he woke up to a very familiar tune. Something he had listened in a car…with his parents. His mother was singing along to the lyrics as his father watched her rather fondly. Sebastian had huffed from the backseat but he was secretly pleased looking at his parents’ happy faces.

 Then, everything had gone by too fast.

One second he was watching them smile, then he heard screams, tyros screeching, a loud crash… ** _Son, please...be alright…Honey, I love you…Sebastian…Where’s my parents?! Mr. Smythe, calm down! Mom! Dad!_**

Sebastian blinked away tears. He turned to the source of the sound. What he did not expect to see was Kurt; his head leaned back against the wall, blissfully asleep on the couch without a single care for the world. In his hand was his iPhone, which was buzzing insistently, its ringtone playing louder by the second.

And Sebastian really needed to stop hearing that song.

“Kurt,” he said, his voice a bit hoarse. “Kurt, wake up. Your phone is ringing,” when Kurt did not stir, Sebastian raised his voice a little. “Kurt, come on,”

The latter’s eyelids finally twitched before opening. He glanced blearily around the room before his gaze landed on Sebastian who was wearing a bemused expression. He blinked before realizing the buzzing phone in his hands. It was almost comical, watching Kurt abruptly sit up straight and sliding his thumb across the phone screen to answer the call, all the while looking rather startled. Sebastian nearly let out a chuckle. Instead, he settled with a thin amused smile.

“Hello?” said Kurt. “Yeah? Oh, sorry, Dad. I must have fallen asleep. No…not yet,” Kurt cast a quick meaningful glance at Sebastian before looking away again. “I will. Okay, sure. See you later, then,”

Putting his iPhone back into his pocket, Kurt slowly, almost hesitantly, turned to Sebastian.

“Hi,” he said, in a tone that was a little bit too light.

“Hey to you, too, princess,” Sebastian smirked, his green eyes straying to the bedside table. “Aww, you brought me flowers…I’m touched,”

“I can hear sarcasm in your voice, Sebastian,” Kurt sighed. “Be glad they aren’t poison ivies,”

“Noted,” Sebastian said cheerfully. Then, as if switched on by a remote, Sebastian’s face turned slightly more somber. “What are you doing here, anyway? Didn’t think you like me so much you’d come and visit me every day. Or do you feel obligated to do so because you feel guilty?”

“Don’t be an asshole, Smythe,” Kurt shot back. But he was starting to fidget in a way that suggested that he was uncomfortable. “Actually…I came here with an offer,”

“No, thanks, I’m not interested in your type,” Sebastian said breezily with a raised eyebrow.

Kurt glared at him before sucking in a breath and letting it out shakily. “My family is inviting you to stay with us for the time being,”

There was a terse silence.

“What?” Sebastian finally asked. Kurt managed to look embarrassed.

“I…sort of told my parents about your…situation and they agreed to let you…crash with us for a while before we can find you a more…permanent home,”

“I already have a home. A rather large one, I might add,” Sebastian pointed out.

“You are not living on your own,” Kurt said through gritted teeth. “It’s a bad idea, Sebastian. Terrible, even,”

“I can take care of myself,”

“You’re…what? 16? 17?”

“17,”

“Exactly. You’re not even an adult yet, Sebastian! Legally, at least. You _can’t_ take care of yourself,”

“Yes, I can,” Sebastian answered, each word said very slowly through gritted teeth. His tone was bordering on dangerous. Kurt, however, did not back down.

“Face it, Sebastian. You can’t. Who’s going to pay for the bills? You can’t have a permanent job at your age. At least, not a proper one. What if someone broke in? What if someone suddenly knock on your door, demanding you to pay for the money you didn’t borrow?” Kurt paused. “I’ve seen teenagers attempting to live on their own. And most of them didn’t turn out so well,”

“Why do you care, anyway?” Sebastian demanded. “How is this any of your business?!”

“I told you, I’m nicer than you are!” Kurt shouted. He took a deep breath before letting it out slowly, closing his eyes. When he reopened them, he looked visibly calmer. “Look, I know we had a rough start. But I’m the sort of person that helps those who are in need when I feel that they deserved it, and you, Sebastian, do,”

When Sebastian did not reply, Kurt took this as a sign to continue.

“You remembered Dave Karofsky, right? He was my bully. In fact, he was the main reason I transferred to Dalton a year ago. He made my life a living hell,” Kurt remembered the painful locker shoves and the humiliating slushie facials he had received from the jock. He remembered the fear he felt when things escalated up to the point that he started to receive death threats. That year, he felt like he was in a horror movie, and until now, Kurt never forgot that feeling.

“When I found out how scared he truly was about his sexuality, I actually find myself pitying him and wanted to help him. If I can have that sort of compassion for him, why can’t have it for you?”

Sebastian was rendered speechless. He turned away, staring out of the window again, his lips stretched into a thin line. There was that terse silence again and just when Kurt was about to think whether he had said too much, he heard Sebastian whisper.

“Just why, though? I thought you hate me,”

Kurt sighed tiredly. “I don’t, Sebastian. You may be one of the biggest jerks that I’ve ever met, but I don’t hate you. Even when you tried to steal Blaine, I didn’t hate you. Dislike you to bits, sure, but never hate you,”

That was true and Sebastian realized this. Even during their conversation at Lima Beans just a few days before Sectionals, Kurt had never uttered the word ‘hate’ in his sentence. _I don’t like you._ And that was it.

“So are you in or not?” Kurt asked after a moment of silence. Sebastian started to reconsider. But when he really thought about it…

_I’ve got nothing to lose…_

Turning his gaze to the pale boy in front of him, Sebastian smiled his usual sarcastic smile.

“If you insist, princess,”


	4. Chapter 3: Move

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ~Home is the place where, when you have to go there, they have to take you in~

 

That Sunday morning was quite an eventful one for the Hudson-Hummel family. They had breakfast early, to which Finn who was usually a very late riser during weekends grumbled at, so they could prepare for the soon-to-be addition to the household. Burt had drove to Sebastian’s house (the address had been given to Kurt the night before with a promise not to ‘ _steal anything I own for blackmail, Hummel_ ’) to pack up some of Sebastian’s things while Kurt had helped Carole clean up the place for a bit despite his insistence that the house was already clean. Carole had merely smiled and proceeded to sweep the floors, anyway.

By noon, the family of four had already piled in Burt’s car and drove off to the hospital. All the while, Kurt could not help the nagging feeling at the back of his head that told him he had forgotten to prepare on more thing. He decided to ignore it after a while and proceeded to occupy himself by quietly singing along to the song playing on the radio.

_I threw a wish in the well_

_Don't ask me, I'll never tell_

_I looked to you as I fell_

_And now you're in my way_

_I trade my soul for a wish_

_Pennies and dimes for a kiss I wasn't looking for this_

_But now you're in my way_

_Your stare was holdin'_

_Ripped jeans, skin was showin'_

_Hot night, wind was blowin'_

_Where you think you're going, baby?_

Kurt could not help the smile forming on his lips. This was the very same song Blaine had sung playfully sung to him during one of their late night studies at Blaine’s house. French was never Blaine’s strong subject and Kurt had offered to tutor him. But after an hour of studying, Blaine had declared rather loudly that it was time to relax for a bit, to which Kurt had relented after his initial protests. The song had begun playing on the radio and with a grin, Blaine had sung along. He remembered how Blaine leaned in closer to Kurt’s face and capturing his lips into a kiss. It was meant to be a light peck but apparently, Kurt had other plans. By the time the song finished, the pair was already tangled up on the bed. Those were the few times Kurt was really glad that Cooper had plans with his latest girlfriend.

But just as quick as the smile appeared, it faded soon after. The pain in his chest, which was starting to become dull, flared up again. Kurt choked and willed for the tears that formed in his eyes not to fall. He quickly looked outside the window, hoping that the view outside might help him forget the bittersweet memories he had with Blaine. All of a sudden, the song ‘Call Me Maybe’ was getting a bit too painful for him to listen.

“Switch to another station,” he whispered, just loud enough for Burt to listen.

“What?” his dad asked, glancing at the front mirror to look at him.

“Switch to another station, please,”

Burt raised an eyebrow but wordlessly complied. The song ‘Blackbird’ started to drift out of the speakers. Kurt all but groaned.

This was going to be a long ride.

~*.*~

Sebastian was picking on his lunch which had consisted of mash potatoes that tasted like bitter mush and some coleslaw when Kurt’s familiar face peeked at the doorway. He had a sheepish small smile on his face. Sebastian barely restrained himself from smiling back.

“That’s your lunch?” Kurt eyed the food with a look of barely disguised disgust as he strode over to Sebastian’s bed.

“Yep,” Sebastian replied breezily. “You want some? I heard that hospital food is _excellent_ for your health, you know, with the lack of salt and all,”

“No thanks,” Kurt shook his head. He looked at the amount of cards littering the bedside table and smiled. “You’re popular,”

“Hm? This?’ Sebastian took a glance at the cards with disinterest. “Oh, those are just from the Warblers. Well…Trent, mostly. Who knew that guy is so clingy?”

“It’s called devotion, Sebastian,” Kurt chuckled. Then, he noticed that the flowers he gave Sebastian were sitting quietly in a vase next to the pile of cards. They looked like they had been sprayed with water recently. The small card that was initially tied to the stem of one of the flowers was now taped to the vase, displaying the message inside.

_Get well soon, Sebastian. You’re stronger than that. :)_

That’s funny. Kurt did not remember putting a smiley face at the end of the message. “You kept the flowers,” he said at last.

Sebastian looked somewhat startled by the sudden statement and turned to the said flowers. Maybe it was the trick of the light but Kurt could have sworn he saw Sebastian’s cheeks reddened slightly.

“Oh, er, those,” Sebastian cleared his throat. “Of course I kept them. It’s the matter of courtesy,” he huffed, turning away. Kurt nearly smiled.

“Anyway, my family’s here, too, so you’ll meet them soon,”

Sebastian snorted. “Family reunion. _Fantastic_ ,”

“Don’t be a dick, Sebastian,” Kurt glared. “They can be pretty crazy at times, but I’m sure you’ll grow to love them in time,”

“Right,” Sebastian scoffed. “Like the way I simply adore your dumb brother who doesn’t even know the meaning of contemptible and deplorable and his best idea of a baby name was Drizzle,”

“I…what? Wait, how do you even _know_ these things?” Even Kurt had nearly forgotten about these tiny facts.

“Maybe that’s why I wanted to blackmail him?” Sebastian continued on, looking thoughtful. “Did you know that love could be expressed as hate?”

“If that were the case, then you must really _love_ me, then,” Kurt snapped.

Before the meaning of his words sunk in.

Sebastian looked at him with eyes wide and mouth slightly open. Kurt’s cheeks reddened rapidly and he averted his gaze from Sebastian, mentally smacking himself for saying such stupid things. _Why, why, why did I say that? Ohmygodohmygodohmygod…._

“That’s not possible,”

Sebastian’s voice snapped Kurt out of his reverie. He looked up and saw Sebastian was leaning back against his pillow, completely relaxed. He was smirking, even.

“What?” Kurt asked dumbly.

“I said,” Sebastian’s eyes twinkled as his smirk broadened. “-that’s not possible, princess. No matter how much you wanted it to be,”

Before Kurt could think of some snarky response, Sebastian continued. “Because I don’t hate you,”

Silence.

“What?” Kurt repeated.

“I don’t hate you, Kurt,” Sebastian’s smirk lessened for a tiny fraction, making his smile somewhat genuine despite the fact Kurt knew that it was not. “Dislike you to bits, sure. But I never hated you,”

A laugh escaped Kurt’s lips. He gave Sebastian a sideway amused smile. “Typical of you to throw my words back at me,”

A grin. “Naturally,”

That was when Burt walked into the room. His face seemed strained for some reason Kurt could not comprehend but there was a smile playing on his lips. He took off his faded colored cap and sat onto the couch.

“Hey, there, kids,” he said gruffly before looking at Sebastian solely. “Sebastian Smythe, right?”

Sebastian nodded, lifting his right hand to offer a handshake. “That would be me, sir. You’re Burt Hummel, right?” he said, sounding perfectly polite. Kurt looked at him warily while Sebastian merely grinned wider in response. _I can be a gentleman if I want to._

“Just call me Burt,” Burt replied. “Paperwork was tiresome but it needed to be done. You’re discharged in about an hour so till then, we’ll wait,”

“You really don’t have to,”

“Nah, it’s fine,” Burt waved his hand dismissively. “We are gonna have lunch downstairs, anyway,”

“I doubt Finn would appreciate the tasteless hospital food, though,” Kurt said thoughtfully.

“The kid’s an eating machine. Food is food,” Burt replied easily. Kurt smiled at that. And from the corner of his eyes, he saw the corner of Sebastian’s lips lifted as well.

“Oh, before I forgot,” Burt reached into his pocket and took out a small silver object. It was a key. He handed it to Sebastian. “It’s in the postbox, just like you said,”

“You hide your extra key in the postbox?” Kurt asked Sebastian incredulously.

“It’s convenient,” Sebastian’s tone was defensive.

Burt chuckled and proceeded to usher Kurt out of the room. “C’mon, Kurt,” He turned to Sebastian. “I asked a nurse to send some of your clothes to you, later. For you to change into,”

Sebastian nodded. “Thank you, Mr. Hummel…I mean, Burt,”

Burt smiled and turned to Kurt once more.

“Let’s get some lunch,”

~*.*~

An hour, some food, more introductions and banter later, Kurt was helping Sebastian into the car, all the while trying to avoid accidentally brushing Sebastian’s dislocated left shoulder. Earlier, Finn’s fist had an unfortunate run-in with the said shoulder when he gave Sebastian a mock punch as his way of greeting. As a result, Sebastian had practically collapsed on his bed and could not get up for another ten minutes because of the throbbing pain in his shoulder. Finn was left in a blubbering mess as he tried to apologize.

“It’s fine,” Sebastian had said in the end through gritted teeth. “You didn’t mean to,”

Kurt was impressed because Sebastian was restraining himself from insulting Finn like he would usually do, at least, not when Burt and Carole were in the same room.

In the end, Sebastian sat at the very end of the passenger seat, followed by Kurt and Finn. Sebastian played with the collar of his shirt absently as he gazed out of the window, waiting for Burt and Carole to get into the car. Changing had been quite a difficulty. Kurt politely averted his eyes as Burt helped him change into a plain blue checkered button-up shirt before Sebastian could accuse him of peeping.

Which he would _not_ do, he might add.

Though Sebastian did look rather embarrassed and Kurt could not blame him. It kind of go against your pride to have a grown up help you dress when you are a teenager, dislocated shoulder or not.

“Are you okay?” Kurt whispered. Not that he needed to. Finn was so absorbed in whatever music he was listening on his iPod, he would not even notice if the apocalypse happened at this very second.

“I’m fine,” Sebastian answered, fingers still playing the material of his collar. “Tell your dumbass brother to watch where he punches, next time,”

“Duly noted,” Kurt grumbled.

When Burt and Carole finally piled into the car, Carole turned to Sebastian with a lovely smile. “You ready, sweetie?”

Sebastian managed a small smile back, his eyes meeting hers. “As ready as I’ll ever be,”

“Then, let’s go home,” Burt said and started the car.

~*.*~

The ride was comfortably silent, with Sebastian gazing stonily ahead the whole time, his gaze refusing to meet Kurt’s.

But when they finally arrived, Kurt could not help to notice the way Sebastian practically dragged his feet as he got out from the car and walked to the front porch. He did not even to stop to make a comment about the house and Kurt knew something was up.

 _He looks dead on his feet…_ Kurt wondered.

Carole, apparently, thought of the same thing as she walked to Sebastian’s side and looked at him in concern.

“Honey, are you okay?”

Sebastian looked at her tiredly. “I’m fine…Just a bit sleepy, that’s all,”

“Must be those painkillers,” Burt said as he and Finn approached them. “They must still in effect,”

“Sebastian, why don’t you sleep for a while?” Carole suggested. “You must be exhausted,”

Sleep.

Sleep….

Then, it hit Kurt. He now remembered what he had forgotten to do that morning.

“Er…dad, Carole…where _is_ he going to sleep?” Kurt asked.

“Oh!” Carole’s eyes widened. “We forgot to prepare a place for him to sleep, oh my goodness! He can’t and will not sleep on the couch…” Carole said this while giving Burt a meaningful look. Burt sighed.

“What about Finn’s room?”

Finn chose to this moment to speak. He placed his iPod back into his pocket and held up his hands in protest. “Whoa, I don’t think that’s a good idea. I don’t have any problems sharing a room with gay guys,” he paused, looking at Kurt apologetically who merely sighed. “But have you _seen_ my room? It’s small and…messy,”

“Hate to break it to you guys,” Kurt chimed in. “But Finn’s right. If I hadn’t known any better, I would have assumed Finn’s a hoarder,”

Finn only tilted his head in confusion. “What’s a hoarder, again? I heard that term somewhere before…”

 Burt was silent for a moment before glancing at Sebastian, who looked as if he was going to faint any second. He fixed Kurt a sudden stern stare. “Sebastian…can stay in your room, Kurt,”

The statement was so sudden that Kurt was rendered speechless for a moment. “Wait, what?”

“You heard me, buddy. He’s gonna sleep in your room,” he paused. “But no funny business and he sleeps on the floor,”

“Burt!” Carole protested.

“On a roll-up mattress,” Burt amended.

The fact that his dad thought there was actually any chance of any ‘funny business’ happening in Kurt’s room made Kurt’s cheeks redden and he quickly looked away, crossing his arms.

_Trust me; you don’t have to worry about that…_

When they entered the house, Kurt excused himself to help Sebastian up the stairs. “C’mon, Sebastian,” he said, bringing Sebastian’s right arm around his shoulders. “Don’t faint just yet,”

“Like I’d swoon over you, Kurt,” Sebastian said, his tone dripping with sarcasm. Kurt could only roll his eyes. Even in his sleepy haze, he still had time to insult Kurt.

“Oh, shut up,”

It took a while to get up the stairs but they finally managed to reach Kurt’s bedroom. Sebastian leaned heavily against Kurt as the drug began to take its toll. Kurt hurriedly opened the door and motioned Sebastian to sit on the bed.

“Don’t get so comfortable just yet, Smythe. You’re sleeping on the floor,” Kurt warned.

“I won’t share a bed with you of all people, princess. Not after knowing the possibilities of the things you might have done with Blaine on this very bed,” Sebastian scoffed, but he was already starting to curl up on the mattress, regardless.

Blaine’s name made Kurt’s heart ache slightly but he took a determined breath before letting it out slowly. “I’m going to get the roll-up mattress,” he muttered. “Don’t fall asleep till then,”

He hurried out of the room and closed the door behind him. He leaned against it for a moment, willing himself not to cry.

~*.*~

When Kurt came back not ten minutes later, he found Sebastian blissfully asleep on the bed.

Lying on the side of the bed where Kurt usually sleeps.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	5. Chapter 4: Songs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ~Think of me fondly when we've said good bye. Remember me, once in a while. Please promise me you'll try. When you find that once again you long to take your heart back and be free, if you ever find a moment spare a thought for me. – Andrew Webber~

When Sebastian woke up, it was already evening. He got up slowly and looked around blearily. The room did not look familiar to him but he must admit that it was nice-looking. The color schemes made it look modern yet comfy at the same time. The furniture and other miscellaneous things were arranged in an orderly manner. When he swung his legs off the bed, he felt a soft material underneath his feet. He looked down to see that there was a thick roll-up mattress covered with a blue duvet beside the bed. There were two pillows neatly arranged on it, with a note on top of one of the pillows. Sebastian picked it up and unfolded it.

_Next time, this is where you sleep :p- -Kurt._

Sebastian smiled.

Gingerly, he stretched his right arm and got out of bed. The clock on the nightstand said it was nearly7 p.m. Sebastian looked around the room curiously. His duffel bags were piled at the corner of the room, alongside his guitar. _Nice of them to get my guitar as well…_ Sebastian thought with a smile. His eyes strayed to the while shelf in front of the bed where it held the most things; from a certificate of participation from the 2010 Show Choir Regional’s to a crown resting on top of a fake glass skull ( _Where on earth did Kurt get that?_ Sebastian stared at it with a raised eyebrow). What really caught his eyes, however, was the nicely framed photo of Kurt and Blaine. They were dressed in tuxedoes with Kurt wearing the crown he saw earlier, and Blaine was looking with the fondest expression Sebastian had ever seen.

“Hey,”

Startled, Sebastian turned to see Kurt looking at him as he leaned against the doorway. He had changed from his earlier attire and was now only wearing a simple combination of skinny jeans and a loose fitting long-sleeved black shirt. His hair was still styled, though and Sebastian could not help himself from remarking upon it.

“Do you plan to sleep looking like you just stepped off a Puerto-Rican Pride float, too, princess?” Sebastian smirked.

Kurt rolled his eyes. “Please, at least I’m not the one who reeked of hospitals,” he said. “Anyway, since you’re awake, dinner’s gonna be ready in half an hour so I suggest you take a bath and go downstairs later,”

“You should listen to yourself,” Sebastian smirked. “You sound like my mom-,” Sebastian broke off and suddenly, he looked really uncomfortable. Kurt’s face softened and he took a step towards Sebastian.

“Sebastian-,”

“Go,” Sebastian cut him off curtly. “I’ll be downstairs in a sec,”

Kurt stared at him for a second before he sighed. “I’ll see you, then,” he said, before closing the door behind him.

Sebastian stared at the wall for a long moment, his jaw set and eyes hard. Unknown to him, his clenched fists were shaking at his sides.

Meanwhile, outside the door, Kurt fished out his phone and begun texting, his expression determined.

~*.*~

Sebastian went downstairs 15 minutes later, freshly bathed and dressed in a long-sleeved button-up shirt and black pants. He padded softly across the living room, taking a look around the house at the same time. The house itself was similar to Kurt’s bedroom; a mixture of modern and the comfy feeling that reminded Sebastian of those little holiday cottages by the seaside. There was a game counsel in front of the television with game discs littering a small portion of the carpet. Magazines were neatly arranged on the coffee table and there was a piece of paper titled “The History of World War II” on top of the pile of magazines. Sebastian somehow recognized the handwriting as Kurt’s.

He spotted Carole fussing over something in the kitchen and approached her.

“Need help?” he asked.

Carole looked up in surprise but she smiled nevertheless when she saw him. When Sebastian thought about it, there was something soft about Carole’s expression. It was warm and…motherly.

“Sebastian! Kurt told me you’re awake,” Carole said. “That’s sweet of you to ask, but I’m fine, sweetie. Why don’t you join the boys in the dining room? They’re already setting the table,”

Sebastian hesitated. “Are you sure?”

“Yes, I’m sure,”

Nodding, he left the kitchen and made his way over to the dining room. The room itself was not exactly big, not as big as the one in Sebastian’s house, but it was nice enough. There was a long table in the middle of the room. Kurt, Burt and Finn stood around it, setting the plates and silverware. Or at least, Kurt and his dad were. Finn was busy banging the table with a spoon and a fork in some sort of a rhythmic beat. Kurt shot Finn an annoyed look.

“If those things ever so much have a scratch on them, Finn, you’re paying for them,” Kurt warned.

Finn stopped immediately and gave a sheepish smile. Then, his eyes caught Sebastian’s.

“Oh hey, dude,” he greeted, his tone friendly. “Had a good sleep?”

“Lovely,” Sebastian answered with a barely concealed smirk.

“Hey there, Sebastian,” Burt said as he arranged the forks. “Are you up for dinner?”

“Dinner…would be nice, Mr. Hum-ah, Burt,” Sebastian replied politely. “Need any help?”

“We’re just arranging the plates and stuff. It’s okay,” Burt arranged one final spoon before turning to Sebastian once more. “Come on then. Dinner should be ready in about…”

“Now, actually,” Carole interjected cheerfully. In her hands was a bowl of freshly baked macaroni and cheese. It smelled rather good and Sebastian’s stomach growled in approval. He glared when he heard Kurt chuckle beside him.

“I haven’t eaten since I was at the hospital,” Sebastian hissed, just loud enough for Kurt to hear. “Excuse me if I’m hungry,”

Kurt said nothing and merely smiled. As Carole set up the food, the guys took their seats, with Sebastian sitting in between Finn and Kurt while Burt sat across the three. Sebastian restrained the urge to scoff when Finn practically salivated as he looked at the food being laid on the table. Kurt helped Carole to prepare the drinks and within five minutes, they were ready to eat.

“Great,” Finn said, rubbing his hands eagerly. “I’m starving,”

“Aren’t you always?” Kurt muttered as he took his first helping.

Sebastian took one cautious scoop of the macaroni and cheese already served on his plate and took a bite. His eyes widened. _Oh my god…_ Sebastian honestly could not remember the last time he ate something so good. The cheese melted on his tongue nicely and when he swallowed, there was a warm feeling inside his stomach. He practically purred in content as he helped himself to the rest his dinner. Unknown to him, Kurt was watching him from the corner of his eyes, smiling as he chewed his salad.

Finn was oblivious to the whole thing, happily munching on his steak.

Sebastian thought of how his parents would object to this kind of dinner. _Too much carbs! And the fats! You’ll be dead within an hour…_ his mother would cry. His father would not verbalize his protest but he had this way of clicking his tongue in such a way that made his disapproval plain and clear.

If someone asked Sebastian why he almost never ate at fast food restaurants, this was why.

Things were comfortably quiet when Burt suddenly cleared his throat. Four heads looked up to see him setting down his fork, his steak half-finished. He looked distinctively uncomfortable. “Honey?” Carole asked in concern. “What’s wrong?”

“The…er... local church called today,” Burt began. His eyes were trained on Sebastian. “The one your parents go to,”

Sebastian tilted his head in confusion. “My parents don’t go to church…” Then again, Sebastian usually slept in during Sundays. Maybe he did not notice them come and go.

“Well, they do, apparently,” Burt answered. “Anyway…the funeral’s tomorrow…Your parents’, that is,”

Silence. Kurt looked at Sebastian sideways. Sebastian’s eyes were hard as he stared at Burt’s face. His lips were stretched into a thin line. For some reason, Kurt felt a sharp pang in his chest. Even Finn looked sort of uncomfortable as he started to pick on his leftover coleslaw.

“Sebastian,” Carole turned to the said person. “Oh, sweetie, you don’t have to go if you don’t want to,”

“But mom,” Finn said, confusion in his voice. “Why wouldn’t you want to go to your own parents’ funeral?”

Kurt gave him a look that screamed _have some understanding, you jackass_ and Finn became silent. Because Kurt knew the answer. He remembered how hesitant he was about going to his mother’s funeral. He did not like the prospect of seeing his mother being buried into the ground and never seeing her again after that. It made his heart felt as if it was pierced by a thousand of needles.

“I want to,” Sebastian said abruptly, his gaze cool. “I’m their only son, I have to,”

Carole looked at him with sympathetic eyes and Burt simply nodded. “Are you sure, though? I know it’s a hard thing to do,”

“I’m sure,”

“Then…well, we’ll leave at 9 a.m. tomorrow, okay? The funeral starts at 10 and we don’t want to be late,”

Sebastian nodded, gazing blankly at his dinner. He hastily finished his food and asked to be excused. Burt let him immediately. When he left the room, Kurt looked at his dad with a raised eyebrow.

“Why did you have to bring the subject up during _dinner_ , of all times, dad?”

Burt sighed. He looked at his son with serious eyes.

“Because,” he said. “The longer I wait, the harder it will be for me to tell him,”

~*.*~

The clock on the nightstand told Sebastian that it was half past one in the morning. Kurt had entered his room at around 10 and excused himself to the bathroom. Half an hour later, he returned, already changed into his blue flannel pajamas and told Sebastian that he wanted to retire early that night. Sebastian merely nodded mutely from his lying position on the mattress. He heard Kurt sigh and after a moment, the lights were switched off and Kurt fell asleep not long after.

Maybe it was because of the fact that he had slept earlier. Or maybe he was too energized from the dinner he had. Either way, Sebastian could not bring himself to fall asleep. He stared blankly at the wall for a long time before closing his eyes. He let out a long withering sigh before willing himself to sleep.

Meanwhile, on the nightstand, Kurt’s iPhone buzzed and two notifications were displayed on the screen.

_One message received from Mercedes._

_One message received from David warbler._

Both of them said the same thing, though.

_The plan is on._

~*.*~

The church was already quite full when the Hudmels and Sebastian arrived there. Sebastian recognized most of them as his close and distant relatives. They were all nicely dressed in their own black attire that it made Sebastian thought whether they were here to attend a funeral or a fashion show.

Kurt, apparently, thought the same thing.

“Who wears that much jewelry to funerals?” he grumbled. “Even if they _are_ black,”

Finn played with his tie absently as he looked around. He was dressed in a formal suit to which Kurt knew he never really liked wearing. So Kurt appreciated the fact that he put up with it for the sake of the guy who blackmailed him during Regional’s. Sebastian was dressed similarly and his face was somber as he entered the building.

“Kurt!”

“Sebastian!”

Both teens turned when their names were called. The Warblers and the New Directions were walking towards them; all of them dressed in dark attires. Sebastian looked surprised to see his friends. “What are you guys doing here?”

Nick shrugged. “Kurt texted David to ask us to come,” His face turned sympathetic as he looked at Sebastian. “I’m sorry for your loss, by the way. How’s your shoulder?” he asked.

Sebastian regarded his sling briefly and shrugged. “Healing,”

“I’m so glad you guys could make it,” Kurt said, addressing the New Directions. Kurt could see Blaine’s familiar face and he hesitated before flashing him a small smile. Blaine looked at him for a brief second before returning the smile. The sight of it made Kurt’s heart ache at the warmth of it. _He’s handling the break-up better than I am…Of course, he was the one who initiated it after all…_

“Of course we’ll be here,” Rachel replied, smiling. “Even though Sebastian was never actually close to us in a good way…we can’t abandon those who just lost their loved ones,”

“Yeah, that’s cruel, man,” Puck piped in.

“As touched as I am by your speech,” Sebastian drawled from beside Kurt. “We better get going,”

Rachel could not resist glaring at him. “You may have tried to blackmail me in the past, but I’m nice and compassionate, so I’m willing to forget it ever happened,”

“I’m so _happy_ ,” Sebastian said, his voice dripping in sarcasm.

Kurt sighed and nudged his right shoulder. “No arguing at a funeral. Come on,”

To his surprise, Sebastian did not retort and nodded silently, trailing after Burt and Carole as they entered a certain room.

Jeff turned to Kurt and asked him in a small voice, “Is Sebastian handling this well?”

Kurt sighed. “Honestly, Jeff, I have not the slightest clue,”

~*.*~

The proceedings went quite smoothly. Each close family member had their turn to make a small speech near the altar where the two coffins were placed Sebastian had refused to look at his parents’ bodies for some odd reason, despite Kurt’s insistence. His reason was strange but Kurt could find himself relating to it ( _I don’t want to see my parents for the last time, because…really, there **is** no last time_ ).

Sebastian had not said much during his own speech.

“Mom…dad…I’ll miss you, and I will always remember you. Rest in peace,” was all he said, earning surprised and shocked looks from the crowd. Kurt said nothing as Sebastian, with his head down, took his seat next to Kurt and stared ahead.

When the funeral nearly came to an end, Kurt gave a knowing look at his friends and the New Directions as well as the Warblers with the exception of Sebastian (who watched them in confusion) got up from their seats and made their way to the small stage near the altar. The two groups positioned themselves neatly and Kurt nodded to the priest, who took this as a signal to give the two teams some room. Kurt approached the microphone stand on the stage and began to speak.

“Hello, I’m Kurt Hummel and these are the New Directions and the Warblers. We are Sebastian’s…friends, and we would like to dedicate a song to him,” Kurt focused his attention on Sebastian. “This is especially for you, Sebastian,”

And with that, he took his place among the New Directions. Then, the Warblers began to sing a familiar harmony and Rachel’s voice rang across the room as she sang.

_Mamma  
You gave life to me  
Turned a baby into a man  
  
And mamma  
All you had to offer  
Was the promise of a lifetime of love  
  
Now I know  
There is no other  
Love like a mother's love for her child  
  
And I know  
A love so complete  
Someday must leave  
Must say goodbye  
  
Goodbye's the saddest word I'll ever hear  
Goodbye's the last time I will hold you near  
Someday you'll say that word and I will cry  
It'll break my heart to hear you say goodbye_

 

Blaine took centre stage, giving Sebastian a small smile before, he, too began to sing. _  
  
  
_

_Papa  
You gave love to me  
Turned a young one into a man  
  
And papa  
All I ever needed  
Was a guarantee of you loving me  
  
'Cause I know  
There is no other  
Love like a father’s love for his child  
  
And it hurts so  
That something so strong  
Someday will be gone, must say goodbye  
  
Goodbye's the saddest word I'll ever hear  
Goodbye's the last time I will hold you near  
Someday you'll say that word and I will cry  
It'll break my heart to hear you say goodbye  
  
But the love you give will always live  
You'll always be there every time I fall  
You offered me the greatest love of all  
You take my weakness and you make me strong  
And I will always love you 'till forever comes  
  
_

The two teams then sang the last verses of the song, their voices harmonizing beautifully.   
  


_And when you need me  
I'll be there for you always  
I'll be there your whole life through  
I'll be there this I promise you, mamma  
  
I'll be your beacon through the darkest nights  
I'll be the wings that guide your broken flight  
I'll be your shelter through the raging storm  
And I will love you 'till forever comes  
  
Goodbye's the saddest word I'll ever hear  
Goodbye's the last time I will hold you near  
Someday you'll say that word and I will cry  
It'll break my heart to hear you say goodbye  
  
  
_

And before the music ended, Kurt took one step forward and sang the very last verse, his eyes already watering.

_'Till we meet again...  
Until then...  
Goodbye_

~*.*~

“I’ll see you in school tomorrow, right?”

“Yeah, sure,”

Kurt and Rachel shared one last hug before Rachel went off with the rest of the New Directions. Blaine, who was talking to Tina, whispered something in her ear and he began to walk towards Kurt. Kurt watched him warily as he approached, trying to resist the urge to make a run for it. Blaine gave Kurt a smile when he was finally at talking distance near Kurt.

“Hey,” he said.

“Hey, yourself,” Kurt replied, proud of himself when his voice did not waver.

“That was a great idea you had…dedicating a song to Sebastian like that,”

“Yeah well, I’m a nice person. That’s what nice people do,”

Blaine chuckled, ruffling his hair. His ungelled hair. Pain flared in Kurt’s chest again when he remembered the feeling of running his fingers through his soft locks during their senior prom when they slow-danced…also during the late nights spent at the hotel room rented by Rachel, when all Kurt could feel was the pleasure running through him and the electric current that shot up his spine with every kiss, touch, whispered ‘I love you’s….

Kurt looked determinedly away.

He heard Blaine sigh. “I’ll see you in school on Monday, okay…Kurt?” Blaine said, his voice somewhat wavering when he said his name. Kurt did not say anything and simply nodded. Blaine was silent in front of him and not long after, the sound of fading footsteps could be heard. When Kurt turned, Blaine was already quite a distance away.

Finn approached Kurt and lightly clapped Kurt on the shoulder. “You okay, Kurt?” he asked. Kurt regarded him questioningly. “Yeah…Why wouldn’t I be?”

Finn shrugged. “You looked like you’re about to let out waterworks during our performance,”

Kurt blushed and gave Finn’s own shoulder a light slap out of indignation. “Oh be quiet, you lug,”

The pair walked to the car, where Burt, Carole and Sebastian were already waiting. Sebastian’s posture was oddly stiff as he leaned against the door, looking anywhere but at Kurt. Kurt let out a withering sigh. Why was Sebastian always avoiding his gaze?

They got into the car without saying a word. As Burt revved the engine, Kurt dared to take a peek at Sebastian, who had resumed his usual habit of staring out of the window, his right hand resting on his sling. That was when Kurt noticed something. Even though his face was serious and somber, his eyes were dry. And not the least bit puffy, unlike Kurt’s.

During the whole funeral, Sebastian did not cry even once


	6. Chapter 5: Tears

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ~“And tears came before he could stop them, boiling hot then instantly freezing on his face, and what was the point in wiping them off? Or pretending? He let them fall.”   
> ― J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince~

“Sebastian?”

Kurt entered his room rather cautiously that Sunday afternoon. The Hudmels had just arrived home from the funeral about an hour ago. Sebastian had wordlessly got out of the car, waited for the front door to be unlocked and went quietly upstairs to lock himself in Kurt’s room, where he stayed for the rest of the hour. Kurt had not hurt a single sound from the other side of the door and if he had to be honest, he was getting a little worried.

Plus, he _really_ needed to change out of his mourning outfit, like, _right now_.

“Sebastian, come on, open up!” Kurt knocked on the door repeatedly. “You have no right to lock me out of my own room!”

“How long has it been?” Finn asked as he exited his own room across Kurt’s. He had changed out of his own suit and was now wearing regular jeans and his favorite blue shirt. For once, Kurt envied him. He wanted to change into something comfortable, too, darn it.

“An hour,” Kurt sighed.

“Why can’t you just unlock it with a key?” Finn asked again.

“ _Because_ ,” Kurt said patiently. “I kept my room key _inside_ the room,”

“Oh,” Finn said simply. “Well, you’re welcome to change in my room if you want. I’m going downstairs anyway,”

Kurt wrinkled his nose. He had nothing against Finn’s room personally; it was just that…it was kind of messy. Okay, _really_ messy. Finn is just like any other typical teenage guy who simply dumped his things on the bed or on the floor, never really cleaned his dirty laundry, had posters of metal bands that looked somewhat very evil and always, _always_ leaving his bed unmade.

On second thought, maybe he did have something against Finn’s room. The unhygienic condition of it, at least.

“That’s nice of you, Finn, but I’d rather wait,”

“You sure?”

“Positive,”

Finn stared at him for a moment before shrugging, making his way down the stairs.

Kurt turned back his attention to his door.

“Sebastian, please open up. Damn it, I need to change. _You_ probably need help getting out of that suit as well, with the sling and all,” When the door still hadn’t opened, Kurt heard something snap. And he was fully sure it was his patience.

“Damn it, Sebastian, open the hell up!” he shouted.

Kurt heard a frustrated sigh, sound of shifting limbs and soft footsteps, before the door finally opened with a soft ‘click’ and Sebastian leaned against the doorway, still in his suit, minus the blazer. His hair was a mess. There were marks on his cheeks that looked like sleep marks. Kurt arched an eyebrow, looking at Sebastian expectantly.

“I was asleep,” Sebastian said curtly, his expression annoyed.

“Really?” Kurt’s tone was acidic. “I would’ve _never_ guessed,” He pushed his way past Sebastian and entered his room. The roll-up mattress was undone and Sebastian’s black blazer was strewn across the floor. “Honestly, you didn’t have to lock the door. I needed to change,” Kurt grumbled as he took out a pair of skinny jeans, a tan sweater and a clean white crisp undershirt from his wardrobe.

“I needed to sleep,” Sebastian replied easily.

“This is my room. I have more right,” Kurt headed to the joint bathroom and closed the door behind him. “Why aren’t you changed anyway? You could have at least changed out of those slacks and tie,” Kurt continued to speak, his voice echoing in the bathroom.

“I don’t see how that’s any of your business,”

Kurt paused, his right arm halfway through the sleeves of his sweater. Maybe it was his imagination. But when Sebastian replied, his tone sounded harsher than usual. Kurt continued putting on his sweater, buttoning it up quietly. He opened the door and found Sebastian holding an object in his hand.

It was Kurt’s iPhone, which Kurt had left on the bed as he hurried to change.

“Hmm…I was hoping for some entertainment, but apparently, I’m up for a disappointment,” Sebastian drawled as he casually scrolled through Kurt’s phone.

“Why are you going through my phone?” Kurt snapped, his hand reaching out for his phone but Sebastian held it away from him.

“I was hoping for some semi-decent sexts between you and Blaine but all I got was some sickening flattery last texted about a month ago,” Sebastian continued to scroll down Kurt’s phone. “Hm?” Kurt watched as Sebastian raised his eyebrow. “Well, well… our little princess once went on a flirty-texts escapade with a new prince,”

“What are you talking about?” Kurt asked, his tone defensive, trying to reach for his phone but to no avail. He sighed. Now he knew why Blaine had a little height complex.

“Are you an astronaut because your smile is out of this world,” Sebastian smirked. “Can you sing in my voicemail so I can make your voice as my ringtone?”

A feeling of dread suddenly went through Kurt.

“Who’s Chandler?” Sebastian finally asked, and that was when Kurt had a strange sense of déjà vu. 

“That’s none of your business, Sebastian,” Kurt snapped. “Give me my phone,”

“I wonder if this was the reason Blaine broke up with you. Couldn’t handle a threesome relationship, hm?” Sebastian said, his tone sarcastic and bordering on cruel mocking.

“There was nothing between us!” Kurt snapped. “Now give me back my phone!”

“I wonder what would happen if I text all these texts to Blaine to see how really _intimate_ you and Chandler were…You think he would drop the nice gentleman act and-,”

Sebastian was cut off when he heard a resounding ‘ _slap_ ’ echoing in the room and felt his cheek burn rather intensely. He rested a hand against it and looked at Kurt, who was standing in front him with flushed cheeks and shining eyes which were filled with tears that threatened to fall. He was also breathing quite heavily.

There was silence, before the shouts came.

“What the _hell_ is wrong with you, Sebastian?” Kurt snapped. “Why are you being such an asshole? For your damn information, Blaine knew about those texts and sure, he got mad but we made up. We _didn’t_ break up because of that!”

Sebastian, however, seemed unfazed. He stared at Kurt with steady eyes. “Have you ever heard of slow reactions? Maybe Blaine’s having one,” He gave another smirk and lightly tossed Kurt’s iPhone on his bed and sauntered his way out of the room, not bothering to change out of his previous attire. A sound of song soft humming could be heard a while later. Glad You Came by The Wanted.

That bastard.

Kurt wordlessly picked up his phone and saw that he had received a message. It was from Blaine himself.

_I know it’s been a while but…how does coffee at Lima Bean tomorrow sound to you? As friends? –Blaine_

As friends.

As _friends._

Kurt sat down on his bed, covered his face with his hands and wept.

~*.*~

Kurt went downstairs about half an hour, eyes still a bit puffy from before but other than that, his expression was smooth. He walked into the living room in hopes of finishing his English assignment on his laptop. But when he reached the room, he stopped mid-step when he saw a familiar figure lounging on the couch, casually flipping through the channels.

Sebastian.

Kurt took a deep breath before letting it out and walked determinedly in the room, eyes not looking at Sebastian as he sat down on the floor, switching on his laptop. As he patiently waited for it to start, his eyes focused on the television screen which showed channels being switched so fast, Kurt had trouble keeping up.

He let out an irritated sound and focused on his laptop, opening the documents file to look for his saved assignment. He clicked on it and watched as a page of his written assignment appeared on the screen. In the midst of things, Kurt noticed that Sebastian had finally settled on a channel. He peeked through his eyelashes to see what it was and he suppressed a groan when he found out that it was MTV.

He avoided that channel quite often nowadays as he did not like to see the explicit music videos and horrible rap music he heard during the only programs that aired when Kurt was at home. The only thing he liked watching on MTV was My Super Sweet 16 and Plain Jane. The rest…well, he had not much comment.

Kurt’s fingers steadily typed out the next paragraph of his assignment, not the least bit hesitating. He knew what to write and he intended to deliver it at the very best he could.  He did not get A+ for his English out of sheer good luck, you know.

He was halfway finishing the first half of the paragraph when a familiar song drifted into his ears. __

_Before you met me_

_I was alright_

_But things were kinda heavy_

_You brought me to life_

_Now every February_

_You'll be my Valentine,_

_Valentine..._

Kurt could barely suppress his groan. Oh why did Katy Perry had to belt out _that_ song _now_ of all times? He tried to ignore the music and peeked at Sebastian.

He looked like he was enjoying himself.

That damn bastard.

Mentally trying to block out the song, Kurt trained his gaze towards the screen, intent on finishing his assignment.

**_Human Emotion: When Passion Overcomes Reason_ **

**_Summary: An analysis of the degrees to which the characters Romeo, Juliet, Tybalt, Friar Lawrence, and the Nurse in William Shakespeare's "Romeo and Juliet" are influenced by their emotions._ **

**_Feelings play a huge part in the decisions people make. In William Shakepeare's The Tragedy of Romeo and Juliet, many of the characters make rash choices because of their emotions for other people. Therefore, emotions are an extremely important factor in determining the choices people make because they interfere with rational thought._ **

_Let's go all the way tonight_

_No regrets, just love_

_We can dance until we die_

_You and I_

_We'll be young forever_

**_Romeo lets his emotions for Juliet dominate his decisions._ **

_You make me  
Feel like   
I'm living a Teenage Dream  
The way you turn me on  
I can't sleep  
Let's run away   
And don't ever look back  
Don't ever look back_

**_Juliet's emotions also heavily influence her decisions. She deceives her parents, sneaks out, and fakes her death because of her love for Romeo. She doesn't think about the consequences of anything._ **

_We drove to Cali  
And got drunk on the beach  
Got a motel and  
Built a fort out of sheets  
I finally found you  
My missing puzzle piece  
I'm complete_ __

**_Their relationship is passionate and spontaneous, and their feelings have a big role in their deaths._ **

_That’s cheating, Kurt!_

_I’m sorry if it makes you upset!_

**_The play is very similar to real life, not because of the plot but because of the characters. They are impulsive and make bad decisions sometimes, because their emotions blind them from seeing the consequences._ **

_I’m never saying goodbye to you…_

_We can’t be together anymore, Kurt…_

_And don't ever look back_

_Don't ever look back_

“Switch the channel, please,” Kurt whispered, eyes staring blankly at the laptop screen. Sebastian made a noncommittal sound from the sofa, but the channel was not switched. “Damn it, Sebastian, switch the channel,” Kurt said irritably.

“Nope,” Sebastian answered. “I rather like this channel. Oh? Bills, Bills, Bills is next. I heard from the Warblers that this was one of Blaine’s favorite songs,” His tone was mocking. “Come to think of it, you were part of the Warblers, once right? Singing with Blaine is basically a routine for you. Or _was_ , any-,”

“What the hell is your problem, Sebastian?’ Kurt cut him off with a glare. “Why are you saying all these things?”

“Because they’re the truth?’ Sebastian replied, his tone light.

“Why are you tearing me down about Blaine? Are you really that insensitive? Or are you just plain cruel? Or maybe even both?” Kurt could not help the torrent of words that poured out of his mouth. Thankfully, Finn and his parents had sent him a quick message (he was too busy trying not to cry loudly when Burt had knocked on his door to even reply) informing him that they were out for lunch (Kurt had managed to say a muffled ‘no thanks’ when Burt asked him whether he wanted to follow). So the house was practically empty except for the two of them.

Tears had gathered at the corner of his eyes again and his throat was beginning to grow tight. Sebastian noticed this, unfortunately.

“Aww…is the princess going to cry? Would you like me to sing a song for you?” he asked sweetly. “How’s Whitney Houston sound to you?”

“Fuck you,” Kurt hissed.

“Nah, you’re not my type,” Sebastian smirked. “Hm…what about that song from Celine Dion? My Heart will Go On? Or something equally cheesy but fitting for this situation?”

“You bastard,” Kurt growled, tears threatening to fall from his eyes. “You f-,”

“Seems fair, since you did sang something equally insensitive to me,”

Kurt looked at Sebastian in confusion, quite taken aback from the hints of anger in his light tone. “What?” he said, furrowing his brow in confusion.

“Goodbye’s the Saddest Word by Celine Dion, Kurt?” Sebastian replied coolly, but his eyes were hard. “How more typical can you get? You decided that a song about saying goodbye to your parents will be _perfect_ song to help the grieving son to move on?”

“So all this was just because of a wrong choice?” Kurt snapped. “You went this far just because of some-,”

“Say _trivial_ , Kurt, and you’ll be the insensitive one here,” Sebastian interrupted coldly.

“I wasn’t going to say that, damn it!” Kurt shot back.

“But you were thinking about it, weren’t you?” Sebastian’s tone was harsh. “The song choice is _exactly_ the problem, Kurt,”

“How so?” demanded Kurt.

_“Because you’re expecting me to say goodbye to my parents when that’s the last thing I want to do!”_

Silence greeted them, thick and uncomfortable. Kurt stared at Sebastian, whose eyes were no longer hard and cold, instead they were fiery and filled with so much anger. His cheeks were flushed. His gaze was piercing. Kurt could not say a word. It was Sebastian that broke the silence.

“I told you why I didn’t want to see their bodies, right?” Sebastian exhaled. “I don’t believe in seeing someone for the last time. I never do,”

“Sebastian…”

“You know how hard it is? Things had been happening to me so damn fast that I can’t seem to keep up and it’s fucking frustrating!” Sebastian snapped. “I lost my parents in a blink of an eye, staying at someone’s house who I consider as someone so annoying and you know, all I want is for time to stop. So I can see my parents again. To see them smile and laugh at the stupidest reasons, to see them proud of my bravery for coming out to them…to hear them say my name in that sickening affectionate manner of theirs..” Sebastian took a deep breath and let it out noisily.

Kurt bit his lip. He could find himself empathizing with Sebastian, because he, too, had wished for something similar as well, some years back.

“I…”

Sebastian was not finished, apparently.

“And you and your friends started singing an emotional song about saying goodbye and all I could think was…oh god,” Sebastian inhaled sharply. “How my parents are really gone, dead and never coming back. How’s that supposed to make me feel?” Sebastian finally looked at Kurt once more, his eyes watering.

Kurt felt as if someone gripped his heart and twisted it painfully. Because Blaine had looked at him the same way and asked him the very same question.

And it was always his fault.

“Sebastian…I…I’m sorry,” Kurt said softly, his eyes sliding to the floor. “I didn’t know…I…”

Then he heard a muffled broken noise that sounded a lot like a sob. Slowly, he looked up. And a gasp escaped his lips.

Sebastian Smythe was crying.

Tears silently trailed down his cheeks and his chest was wrecked with quiet sobs. Sebastian tried to wipe the tears away and covered his mouth to muffle the sobs that escaped his lips, but to no avail. It was as if a dam had been opened. Kurt watched as an uncontrollable emotion took over Sebastian, reducing him to something smaller…

And much more vulnerable.

“Oh my god,” Kurt said quietly. “Hey, Sebastian, I…I..oh my god,”

“Go away,” Sebastian’s voice cracked at the last word. “Just…” A fresh wave of tears took over him once more, forcing him to look away.

It was then, a distant memory came into Kurt’s mind. The sound of his mother’s voice, quietly singing him to sleep at night, or soothing him when he was upset. Her gentle eyes…her warm arms around him.

_Shh now, Kurt…it’s going to be fine._

It was as if some strings had taken control of Kurt’s limbs because he suddenly found himself wordlessly approaching Sebastian before doing something he never dreamed of doing. Slowly, ever so hesitantly, he gently turned Sebastian around to face him and under Sebastian’s questioning eyes, he wrapped his arms around the taller boy.

He heard a surprised gasp and arms stayed limp at Kurt’s side. Kurt closed his eyes and allowed his instinct take over.

“Shh…Sebastian, it’s going to be okay. It’s going to be alright,” Kurt whispered. And when he heard no reply, he hesitated before opening his mouth to sing.

The very same song that his mother used to sing to him.

_Goodnight my angel, time to close your eyes_

_And save these questions for another day_

_I think I know what you've been asking me_

_I think you know what I've been trying to say_

_I promised I would never leave you_

_Then you should always know_

_Wherever you may go, no matter where you are_

_I never will be far away_

_Goodnight my angel, now it's time to sleep_

_And still so many things I want to say_

_Remember all the songs you sang for me_

_When we went sailing on an emerald bay_

_And like a boat out on the ocean_

_I'm rocking you to sleep_

_The water's dark and deep, inside this ancient heart_

_You'll always be a part of me_

_Goodnight my angel, now it's time to dream_

_And dream how wonderful your life will be_

_Someday your child may cry, and if you sing this lullaby_

_Then in your heart there will always be a part of me_

_Someday we'll all be gone_

_But lullabies go on and on_

_They never die_

_That's how you and I will be_

Before he knew it, Kurt could feel Sebastian’s breathing calming down and that his body was starting to lean heavily into Kurt’s embrace. When he looked at Sebastian, he could not help but to smile.

Sebastian’s face, though tear-streaked, was calm and peaceful, and his eyes were closed. His jaw was slack.

Sebastian had fallen asleep.

And just as Kurt was about to adjust his position, he heard something softly escaping Sebastian’s lips.

_“Mom…Dad…”_


	7. Chapter 6: Shopping

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ~“I love shopping. There is a little bit of magic found in buying something new. It is instant gratification, a quick fix.”~

Sebastian was well aware that he was lying down somewhere very soft. There was also that familiar scent drifting into his nostrils that was so comforting, he wanted to surround himself with it just a little bit more. Something warm and soft was covering him and he let out a happy hum.

“I know you’re awake,” said a voice from somewhere beside him. It was playful, in an exasperated way. “I can tell the way from the way your eyes are half-opened,” Sebastian heard himself chuckle quietly and slowly opened his eyes properly.

He was indeed lying somewhere different. But not unrecognizable.

He got up and found himself lying once more on Kurt’s bed, his torso covered by a red duvet. He glanced at himself and realized that he was no longer dressed in his previous attire. Instead, he was dressed in a pair of dark grey sweatpants and a green short-sleeved shirt that he recognized as his. He looked around him and found Kurt neatly perched at the edge of the bed, casually reading a novel. Kurt was looking at him with a cool stare.

“I see our sleeping beauty has finally awoken from slumber,” Kurt teased.

“How long was I asleep?” Sebastian asked.

“For about 20 hours,” At Sebastian’s surprised eyes, Kurt began to explain. “You slept the whole day yesterday. You missed lunch and dinner. You must be more exhausted than you thought. Have you gotten enough sleep lately?” Kurt’s tone was concerned.

Sebastian looked down. “Not really,” he admitted. Most of his nights were plagued by nightmares, lately. Terrifying ones, involving the death of his parents being repeated over and over again in front of his eyes. The screams, the blood…

Sebastian shook his head to clear away the images. “Why aren’t you in school?” As far as Sebastian was concerned, today was a Monday and the idea of Kurt skipping school for the fun of it did not exactly sound right.

Kurt gave a delicate shrug. “I was, briefly. I notified all my teachers that I will be skipping school today and they gave me my work in advance,”

“Why?”

Kurt gave him a measured look. “To take care of you, of course. I was the one who cleaned you up and changed your clothes,” Kurt paused and looked away. A faint blush stained his cheeks. Sebastian smirked.

“Oh? Did you like what you see?” he said, wriggling his eyebrows.

“Don’t flatter yourself,” Kurt huffed. “Dad helped me out when necessary so I _didn’t_ see anything,”

Sebastian simply ‘hm’ed. All of a sudden, his stomach let out a growl. His eyes widened and he looked away in embarrassment. Kurt looked at him with a smile tugging his lips. He went nearer to Sebastian and held out his hand. Sebastian looked at it questioningly.

“You might be wobbly on your feet after lying down for so long,” Kurt explained. “Come on, I’ll get you something to eat downstairs,”

Sebastian hesitated but when his stomach growled louder, he grabbed Kurt’s hand and got out of bed. Kurt was right about one thing; Sebastian did wobbled on his feet, nearly stumbling onto Kurt as he could not use his other arm to steady himself. Kurt grabbed him by his shoulders and steadied him. Once Sebastian insisted that he could walk, Kurt stared at him for a brief moment before shrugging, letting go of Sebastian’s hand.

“So…where is everyone?” Sebastian asked as they climbed down the stairs.

“Finn’s at school and my parents are at work,” Kurt said. “Speaking of which,” Kurt turned to him. “My dad’s wondering if you’re up for school tomorrow,”

“School?”

“Yeah…”Kurt walked into the kitchen and went towards the fridge. “It’s just that…Carole’s concerned that you might miss your Warbler friends. Not to mention that you might miss the preparations of your upcoming graduation and all…”

“…yeah, sure,” Sebastian said slowly. “I think I can go to school tomorrow. And as for graduation…you don’t have to worry about that. I’m not graduating,”

Kurt’s head snapped up. “Wait, what?”

“I’m a Junior,”

“What’s with all the guys being a Junior?” Kurt muttered to himself. “Well, at least you have one less thing to worry about,” he said.

“Aren’t you graduating soon?” Sebastian tilted his head in inquiry as he sat on the kitchen counter.

“This week,” Kurt replied absently. “Well, with the lack of groceries around the house, I could make pancakes and some toast…and coffee…Would that be alright to you?” Kurt looked at Sebastian expectantly.

To his surprise, Sebastian merely shrugged. “Whatever. As long as I get to eat soon,” he paused. “But a shot of Courvoisier to that coffee would be lovely,”

“You drink wine with your coffee?” Kurt shot him a look.

“Technically, it’s cognac but yes,”

“You’re insane,” Kurt rolled his eyes. “I don’t even have that kind of stuff around here, for starters. And you act like you’re drunk when you’re sober and I’m not about to make you drunker,”

“Kurt, cognac doesn’t make me drunk,” Sebastian scoffed. “It’s not my fault that you can’t handle your alcohol well,”

“I have better things to do than to learn how to handle alcohol, Smythe,” Kurt retorted, slicing a loaf of bread. “’sides, I don’t have time to drink and get drunk. Not with all the wayward people my house keeps on receiving,”

“Hey,” Sebastian held up a hand. “You’re the one who offered that I stay at your place. And what do you mean by people?”

“People,” Kurt rolled his eyes. “As in the organisms or living things that live in this planet we call Earth. Don’t tell me you’re not one, though I have always thought you don’t act human,”

Sebastian snorted. “I am going to ignore that. I meant people as in plural form of a person. You sound like you’re too used to taking people in,”

Kurt nodded. “Sam used to live with us not long ago due to some family problems. He’s staying with Quinn now, since her house is nearer to the school and it would be convenient if Sam decides to go to church or something,”

Sebastian said nothing after that. He looked around the kitchen as he waited for Kurt to cook up his meal. After a while, he finally settled on watching Kurt cook, instead. He watched as Kurt expertly flipped the pancake on the frying pan without making a single mistake. How focused his eyes looked when he tested the texture of the dough. Sebastian even found himself watching the movements of his fingers when Kurt stirred a cup of coffee, before adding some cream to it.

“You’re going to have to settle with cream since we’re out of sugar,” Kurt said, placing the cup in front of Sebastian. “Hey, are you okay? You’re spacing out on me,”

“It’s nothing,” Sebastian muttered. He took the cup carefully and slowly took a sip of the coffee. It tasted sweet and nice on his tongue. There was a warm feeling that settled in his stomach. Sebastian could not help but to make a sound of approval at the back of his throat.

“I see you like the coffee?” Kurt asked teasingly.

“It’s decent,” Sebastian said, taking one last sip before setting the cup down. “The food, if you please?” His tone was somewhat mocking and playful at the same time that Kurt simply shook his head.

“In a sec,” was all he replied.

~*.*~

“Tell me again why I’m following you to the mall?”

Sebastian and Kurt were strolling around in Lima Mall that afternoon, with Kurt constantly darting from one store to another at such a fast rate that Sebastian had difficulty to keep up. In the end, he approached one of the benches provided and sat down, watching Kurt move around with an amused expression. Kurt later sat down next to Sebastian and handed him a Styrofoam cup filled with hot espresso. Sebastian accepted it with a muttered ‘thanks’.

“Because,” Kurt began. “I’m buying graduation presents for my friends. The ceremony is on Friday and I haven’t bought a single thing. And Rachel is extremely picky about her gifts to begin with,” Kurt rolled his eyes, remembering Finn’s complaint about dating another Kim Kardashian last Christmas.

“My heart bleeds for you,” Sebastian said dryly. “That still doesn’t explain why you could have left me at home,”

“Dad and Carole won’t be home till 6 and Finn’s at Puck’s place. I can’t leave you alone in the house,” Kurt replied, his gaze sliding to land on Sebastian.

Sebastian downed the rest of his espresso and chucked the cup into a nearby thrash can before turning to look at Kurt once more. “I can take care of myself,” he said in indignation.

“I’m sure you could. But I promised Dad that I’ll take care of you. Leaving you home alone doesn’t really qualify as ‘taking care’,” said Kurt, making quotation marks in the air.

Sebastian let out a huff but said nothing. He heard Kurt sigh beside him before the smaller boy rose and turned to him. “Come on. I’m going to Claire’s to buy a bracelet for each of the girls,”

“You mind if I go somewhere else?” Sebastian asked. “Being in an accessories store doesn’t really go well with my ego,”

Kurt made an irritated noise. “Your ego? Please, your ego is big enough that some deflating might actually do more good than harm,”

“Look, we could just meet up here in an hour or something,” Sebastian replied, not bothering to hide the annoyance in his voice. “I just want to look around. You can’t keep me tailing after you like some kind of a dog on a leash,”

If Kurt flinched at Sebastian’s words, he was very good at hiding it.

Kurt let out a sigh. “Fine,” With that, he turned and walked off. Sebastian stuffed his hand into his jeans pocket and looked around, wondering where to go. He sighed, deciding to go the first level where the music stores were. He went to the escalator and as he went up, he caught a glimpse of Kurt standing in Claire’s, hands on his hips. He looked like he was arguing with the cashier, a young girl who looked no older than him. Sebastian held back a smile as he watched the girl cower under Kurt’s stern glance.

“Some things are just so typical of him,” Sebastian murmured to himself.

He walked towards the music store, wincing at the slightly too loud pop music playing in the background. He let his eyes stray to the collection of albums being displayed on the wall, running his finger over a pile and picking up one CD case.

One Direction: Up All Night.

Sebastian snorted and put it back. It was not that he hated that group, in fact he had a couple of their songs downloaded in his phone.  It was just that he found them a bit too charming for his taste. He liked a bit of badboys and his taste hardly changed when it came to finding hook-up partners. Of course, he was here to buy some songs to listen to. Not some guy to hook up with.

He browsed through other sections for a while before he started to feel a bit bored. He checked his watch and saw that he had about 40 minutes left before he was supposed to meet up with Kurt. He was about to leave the store when something caught his eye. He went nearer to it and studied it.

It was a poster. And it was advertising something very interesting.

Turning towards the cashier, Sebastian asked, “Can I inquire you about something?”

~*.*~

“Did you buy anything?”

Kurt and Sebastian were sitting in the food court; Kurt busy eating his sushi while Sebastian picked up a bagel with his fingers, bit it and used his free hand to tear it into smaller pieces. Obviously, he was playing with his food. Kurt looked at him in disdain but did not say a thing regarding the action.

“I got the bracelets at half price, if that’s what you’re asking,” Kurt said with a satisfied smirk, showing a small but full plastic bag. “I know how to negotiate prices,”

“And probably scar the salesgirl for life,” Sebastian mumbled around the bagel.

“She needed some persuasion,”

Things were comfortably quiet between the two of them before Sebastian abruptly spoke, his eyes not looking at Kurt. “Thanks,” he whispered.

Kurt stopped eating, his eyes wide. “What?”

“Thanks,” Sebastian repeated, still not looking at Kurt. “For yesterday. And I’m sorry for being a dick,”

Kurt looked momentarily confused before the memory from the day before came rushing back to him. Kurt, holding Sebastian close, whispering meaningless words of comfort and singing him a lullaby….Blushing furiously, Kurt swallowed and looked down.

“You’re welcome,” he said. “And as you for being a dick,” Kurt gave a teasing smile. “I guess I’m used to it, but it’s okay,”

Sebastian returned his gaze to Kurt and hesitantly returned the smile. “Sucks for you to deal with someone like me,” he said. The words were meant to sound harsh and indifferent, but Sebastian’s smile made it sound like a teasing words exchanged by two friends.

“Like I said, I’m used to it,” Kurt replied easily, picking up one sushi before eating it.

“Well, I guess it’s only fair, since I have to deal with someone who insists on dressing like a girl,” Sebastian answered playfully.

“You just haven’t realized that fashion has no gender,” Kurt shot back but he was smiling. “Did you buy anything just now?” Kurt added.

Sebastian smirked knowingly. “Hm…I guess you could say that,” he said, wriggling his eyebrows.

Kurt stared at him for a moment before scrunching his nose. “You’re disgusting,”

“Hey, I didn’t say anything,”

“You don’t have to,”

“You’re so dirty-minded, princess,”

“Says the person who hooks up with any random stranger he finds appealing,”

“You’re just jealous you’re not that random stranger,” A smirk.

A furious blush. “Shut it, meerkat,”

They continued to banter for a while before Kurt began to notice it. Sebastian did not hesitate to smile or laugh now. And because of that, his face looked more relaxed and his eyes lit up more often. Perhaps all that crying from yesterday had somehow unloaded all the weight Sebastian had been carrying on his shoulders.

Kurt noticed that for the first time after many days, Sebastian looked peaceful.

Sebastian caught him staring at him and drawled. “Oh? I see that crush of yours have returned,”

Kurt merely rolled his eyes and smiled. “Be quiet, Smythe,”


	8. Chapter 7: Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ~It’s easy to fall in love. It’s also easy to fall out of it. ~

“How is he, Kurt?”

Kurt was in the choir room that Tuesday, attending Glee practice as usual. Mr. Schuester had yet to arrive so the Glee club members were stuck in the room, waiting for him. Kurt took this opportunity to take one last look at his music sheet. He was planning to sing his song today and after Burt’s surprise visit and his abrupt yet entertaining attempt of dancing to Single Ladies about a couple of hours ago, Kurt was feeling more cheerful and ready than he had been for days. 

Rachel had turned to him with a wistful look in her eyes that Kurt just had to ask what was wrong. 

“Who?” Kurt asked. “Sebastian?” When Rachel nodded, he sighed. “He’s doing fine, actually. There was some…emotional times, but he’s doing fairly well, now,” 

“Is he still snappy?” Sugar asked rather curiously. “Like during the funeral?”

“He’s still his usual sarcastic self, if that’s what you’re asking,” Kurt leaned back against his chair. 

Blaine shifted in his seat to look at Kurt. Kurt struggled to return the gaze. “So…” Blaine began, his face as though he was searching for the right words. “Everything’s…alright, now?”

Kurt nodded slowly. “You could say that,” 

Blaine exhaled and gave Kurt a smile. “Well, that’s great! I know it must have been a lot to take in,”

You have no idea…

“Alright, guys!” said Mr. Schuester as he walked into the room. “Sorry, I am late,”

“Man, you could’ve come in later,” Puck groaned. “I was just about to fall asleep,”

“The fact that you managed to stay awake for the last 15 minutes was a miracle,” Santana said breezily, admiring her newly polished nails. Brittany leaned her head against Santana’s shoulder and offered her own comments. Santana merely rolled her eyes and smiled at the blonde, patting her head affectionately.

Kurt envied them.

His heart grew heavy at the sight of them and determinedly looked away. As he tore his gaze away, he managed to catch sight of Blaine. It would seem that Kurt was not the only one looking at Santana and Brittany. Blaine glanced at them for a brief second, a wistful smile forming on his lips and turned away. 

“Who’s turn is it today? Anyone of you wants to dedicate a goodbye song to somebody?” Mr. Schuester asked, casting an expectant look at everyone in the classroom. 

Kurt’s hand shot up in the air before Rachel could begin raising hers. He gave her an apologetic look and got out of his seat. He gave Mr. Schuester a smile before turning to rest of his friends. 

“I would like to dedicate this song…”

~*.*~

Say good-bye to not knowing when

The truth in my whole life began

Say good-bye to not knowing how to cry

You taught me that

 

And I'll remember the strength that you gave me

Now that I'm standing on my own

I'll remember the way that you saved me

I'll remember

Kurt’s voice echoed through the hallways as Sebastian approached the choir room. He had just gone back from Dalton Academy and Burt had asked him to wait for Kurt to finish with his Glee club practice before they could go home. Not really trusting himself not to feel awkward around Burt in the car, Sebastian had asked whether he could wait in the school. Burt had hesitated but allowed him, in the end. 

He was now standing behind the closed door of the choir room, looking awkward in his Dalton uniform and his sling as this made him stand out among the rest of the students at McKinley. He ignored the curious looks of the others and focused his attention on Kurt’s voice drifting out of the room.

For some unknown reason, Sebastian found it rather soothing. His nerves turned calm whenever Kurt sang for a reason Sebastian cannot fathom. He closed his eyes and leaned his head against the wall, allowing his body to relax. He let out a sigh.

Sebastian…

Honey, are you alright?

Sweetie, we’re so sorry.

We’re proud of you, son. We will always be proud of you.

“Sebastian?”

Sebastian’s eyes snapped open and he was greeted by the sight of a concerned looking young woman with ginger hair and very wide doe-like eyes. She was peering at him with a worried expression.

“Huh?” Sebastian said blearily, blinking a few times.

“You nearly doze off over there,” The woman smiled. “Are you waiting for Kurt? Will told me that you’re living with him, now,”

Now that Sebastian looked at her properly, she did look sort of familiar, like he had seen her before. Sebastian caught sight of her nametag pinned on her floral blouse. 

Emma Pillsbury.

Ah.

The crazy school counselor Kurt might have mentioned once or twice.

“Oh, yeah, I am,” Sebastian replied. “Is the practice about done?” he asked, jerking one thumb towards the door.

Ms. Pillsbury looked thoughtful for a moment before the door opened. Sebastian also noticed that Kurt was no longer singing. Sebastian turned to see Kurt looking at him with surprised eues. The countertenor blinked.

“Sebastian? What are you doing here?” he asked.

Sebastian shrugged. “Burt asked me to wait up for you,” 

“Oh,” Kurt stood aside as his friends filed out of the choir room, each of them casting Kurt a smile and Sebastian a polite nod. “See you later, boo,” Mercedes said, kissing Kurt’s cheek. Kurt nodded and gave her a small hug before Mercedes walked off with Sam, their fingers intertwined. Ms. Pillsbury gave Kurt a pat on a shoulder before she, too, walked off.

 Blaine was the last one to leave, meeting Kurt’s eyes hesitantly before his gaze landed on Sebastian. Despite his initial surprise, Blaine managed to remain friendly.

“Oh, hey, Sebastian,” he greeted.

“Hey, Blaine,” Sebastian replied coolly. “How are you?”

“Great, thanks. What about you?’

“Well,” Sebastian grinned. “My shoulder’s hurting…Maybe you could kiss the pain away?”

Kurt smiled tightly at that and deliberately stepped on Sebastian’s foot before twisting his own foot on it. Sebastian let out a hiss of pain and glared at Kurt reproachfully. The smaller boy merely smiled innocently in return. Blaine’s gaze flitted from Kurt to Sebastian and back to Kurt in a worried manner.

Blaine cleared his throat and both boys turned to him. “Um, I was wondering if I could borrow Kurt for a while?” 

“Me?” Kurt pointed to himself. 

Sebastian rolled his eyes. “No, he means some other Kurt in this school,” 

Kurt glared at Sebastian some more before turning to Blaine. Hesitantly, he nodded. “Sure…”

Blaine visibly relaxed and let out a breath in relief. “That’s great. Can we talk at my locker?”

“Um…” Kurt looked at Sebastian with a contemplating expression, as if he was weighing two options. Sebastian returned Kurt’s stare before sighing. “It’s okay, Kurt,” he said wearily. “I’ll just wait in the car,”

“Are you sure?”

“Unless your dad turns out to be psychopathic murderer on the loose, I’m pretty sure I’m alright being around him,”

Kurt smiled and nodded. “I won’t be too long,” he promised. He turned to Blaine. “Come on, then,” he said, meeting Blaine’s eyes slowly. Blaine nodded almost eagerly and Kurt found himself smiling fondly. This was one of the reasons he fell in love with Blaine in the first place. His eagerness reminded Kurt so much of an excited puppy. 

They walked side by side to Blaine’s locker, the two of them not saying a single word. Kurt restrained himself from looking like a nervous wreck but really, it had been too long since he was alone with Blaine for more than a minute. He was aching to talk to him, staring at his phone number during some nights, willing himself to call him.

But the sharp pain in his heart the moment he saw Blaine’s ID picture flash on the screen caused him to end the call before Blaine could answer. In the picture, Blaine was smiling so happily and it reminded Kurt so much of what they used to be. But no matter how hard he tried, he could not bring himself to delete the picture.

It almost seemed cruel. 

Kurt leaned against a neighboring locker like he usually did as Blaine opened his own and started to put back his books. Kurt fiddled with the sleeves of his outfit as he waited. His head turned when he heard Blaine clearing his throat. He was looking at Kurt with an expectant expression.

“So…” he began. “That was a really nice song you sang back there,”

Kurt raised a delicate eyebrow. “Thank you,” he replied hesitantly. 

“I…uh…wanted to talk to you about something and that song…well, it reminded me what it was,” Blaine scratched the back of his head, looking somewhat sheepish.

Kurt waited. Blaine looked at him and heaved a sigh. His eyes turned soft but he was unsmiling. In fact, he seemed a bit…nervous. “I’m sorry,” he said. 

“Why?” Kurt asked, not understanding. 

“For the…er…breakup,” Blaine tore his gaze away to look at the floor. 

Kurt stared at him wide-eyed and said nothing. He suddenly felt as if something was stuck in his throat and his body tensed slightly. He watched as Blaine slowly returned his gaze on him and licked his lips, a habit he developed when he was nervous. Kurt knew him long enough to notice that.

“What?” Kurt whispered.

“Kurt…I…I have been thinking about the whole thing and I realized that I was…,” Blaine paused. “Too abrupt. I just…left you hanging without a proper reason and I’m…God, Kurt, I’m sorry,” 

“You did give me a reason,” Kurt said softly. “You said that long-distance relationships won’t work between us,”

“That was the stupidest thing I have ever said,” Blaine exhaled. “And I just realized how insensitive I sounded back then,” 

Kurt watched as Blaine ran a hand through his hair, a feat he could not quite pull through. Kurt nearly smiled. He held out a hand to touch Blaine’s cheek fondly, simply out of sheer habit, before he realized what he was doing and stopped; his fingers just an inch away from Blaine’s cheek. Blaine smiled wearily and took hold of Kurt’s hand and placed it against his chest. Kurt could feel Blaine’s heart beating beneath his hand. 

“Are…you saying that you…” Kurt swallowed. “…regret breaking up with me?” He looked at Blaine with shining eyes. “Is that what you were trying to say?” Oh, how he hoped it was! His heart started to pound faster at the possibility of it. How he wanted that to be true! He could return to his normal state before the breakup. He could be happy again.

But Kurt’s hopeful smile began to falter when Blaine stared at Kurt with a sad expression, his left hand clasping Kurt’s hand on his chest tightly. 

“No…that’s not it,” Blaine said. “I just wish I could’ve found a better way to do it,”

The words hit Kurt like a sharp slap that he visibly recoiled from Blaine, drawing his hand away in the process. He looked at the boy in front of him with an expression of disbelief and shock. His mouth was opened. His eyes were wide. 

“H-How…B-Blaine, you mean you’ve…” Kurt sucked in a shaky breath before letting it out. “I don’t understand, Blaine. You mean, all this while, you still planned to break up with me?”

Blaine looked at Kurt sadly and nodded. “Yes, Kurt. For a good reason,” 

“The long-distance relationship thing?” Kurt asked, his voice shaking. “You just said about a minute ago that that was the-,”

“It is,” Blaine cut him off. “That’s because that’s not the real reason. It was just an excuse-a cowardly one- for me to make it easier to initiate the break-up,” Blaine looked away for a second before looking at Kurt again, his expression somber. 

Silence.

“What’s the real reason then?” Kurt whispered, afraid to hear the answer. 

Blaine seemed hesitant to answer as well. “You won’t like it,”

Kurt chuckled without humor, his eyes already watering. “Blaine, I have faced so much terrible things this week. I’m sure one more would not topple down the list,”

Blaine’s gaze slid to the floor and he refused to meet Kurt’s gaze when he said it. It was barely above a whisper, in fact, it was almost inaudible, but Kurt heard it all the same. Only he wished that he did not.

“What?” Kurt choked. 

A sharp exhale. “I’m not in love with you anymore,”

Earlier, Blaine’s words felt like a sharp slap. Now, they felt as if a sharp knife had been plunged directly into his heart and someone twisted the weapon. Kurt let out another choke and leaned against the locker for support. His view became hazy due to the gathering tears in his eyes.

“H-how…?” 

“I tried to deny it,” Blaine said with a pained expression. “I really did. Every day, I told myself that I’m in love with you and that I want to spend the rest of my life with you. But…”

“But?”

Blaine sighed. “In the end, I couldn’t. The feeling that I have for you Kurt, I could feel it slipping away and I just-,” he broke off. “I was scared when it happened, Kurt. I really was. And I was angry at myself,” He looked at Kurt desperately. “I wanted to fight it. But I couldn’t,”

Blaine slowly took Kurt’s limp hands and grasped it tightly. “I still love you. But not in the way that you want me to. That I want myself to. And when I think how I’m holding on to you when I’m not in love you anymore, I just…feel like the most selfish person I ever knew,”

“You’re not!” Kurt cried, his tears already flowing freely down his cheeks. “You won’t be, Blaine! I-I…we could work this out and-,” 

“No,” Blaine said quietly. “We can’t. I thought about it and I know that we can’t,”

“Blaine…please…” Kurt hardly begged. He had too much pride for that. But he was so desperate to hold on to Blaine that he did not care. He gripped Blaine’s hand tighter and looked at him tearfully. “Please, don’t do this to me. Please…please…”

Abruptly, Blaine pulled Kurt into a hug and held him close, his own eyes already watering. Kurt’s tears soaked Blaine’s shirt as he continued to cry, gripping the material of the shirt tightly. Passersby’s gave the pair an odd expression but otherwise ignored them. Blaine ignored them, too.

“Kurt,” Blaine choked. “It’s okay, it’s okay. You’re a strong person, Kurt. And you’ll get through this. Like the way I force myself to,”

“It’s not okay, Blaine!” Kurt wailed, his voice muffled by the shirt. “Losing you…I can’t handle it!”

“Losing you also pains me, Kurt,” Blaine said softly. “But holding on to you when I don’t have feelings for you…it’s selfish,”

“No, it’s not-,”

“Kurt, listen to me,” Blaine released Kurt to tilt Kurt’s chin up gently, making the other boy look at him in the eye. “You’re a strong person. The strongest I ever met. And you are going to get through this. Someday, you’ll find someone who truly loves you, whose feelings will never go away,”

Kurt only whimpered. 

“Oh, Kurt,” Blaine pulled him close once more. “I’m so sorry,”

They stayed like that for a while before Kurt released himself from the hug to look at Blaine squarely in the eyes.

“Kiss me,” he said.

“What?”

“Kiss me, Blaine. Kiss me like the first time we ever kissed,” 

Blaine’s expression was guarded. “Kurt, we’re in the middle of the hallway-,”

“Please,” Kurt begged. “If you’re going to leave me, please give me something to remember. I need to remember it. Blaine, please…”

Blaine’s expression was sad as he reached to stroke Kurt’s cheek before cupping his face and pulling him close. Their lips met and Kurt held on tight. Blaine smelled like chocolate and honey, a blend that always calm Kurt’s nerves. The thought of not being able to smell Blaine’s familiar scent again made Kurt deepened the kiss, holding on for as long as he could.

The kiss was slow and sad, the perfect one for saying goodbye. 

Unknown to them, Sebastian was leaning against the wall, having heard the entire the conversation. His green eyes were unreadable as he straightened himself and walked away.

~*.*~

Kurt entered his bedroom and flopped on the bed in an ungraceful manner, not bothering to take off his shoes. Sebastian entered the room and stripped off of his tie and (carefully, slowly) his blazer and rummaged through the folded pile of clothing in the cupboard to pull out a pair of sweatpants and a white shirt. He spared a glance at Kurt and sighed.

The boy had been unnaturally silent throughout the whole ride home. Burt had given him multiple worried glances to which Kurt did not acknowledge. He simply looked out the window with a blank expression and for a split second, Sebastian was reminded of himself. 

“Hey Kurt,” Sebastian said. “It’s late. You should take a bath,” 

There was no reply. Sebastian did not expect one.

“Come on, princess,” he tried again regardless. “Don’t you have like a skin care regime to do or something?”

Kurt did not say a word. Sebastian heaved another heavy sigh and proceeded to sit on Kurt’s bed, prodding Kurt with his finger. “Kurt, come on,”

When Kurt did not move, Sebastian decided to go straight to the point. “Look, it doesn’t take a genius to tell that you’re upset. But ignoring your hygiene is not worth this,” he said, trying to keep his tone light.

“Go away,” Kurt mumbled. 

“Not going to,” Sebastian said. “Tell you what, why don’t I give you something to cheer you up?”

Kurt lifted his head to stare at him wordlessly. Sebastian considered this as an achievement. 

“It turns out that I inherited quite a lot of fortune from my parents,” Sebastian continued. “And that includes a company that I will someday take over, though honestly, I don’t want to,” he chuckled, looking at Kurt.

Kurt stared at him stonily.

Sebastian’s chuckle died down but he kept his smirk intact, looking away as if thinking about something. “I’m sure there’s something I could give you to cheer you up. Hm…a car perhaps? What about clothes? Or perhaps, diamonds? Princesses like diamonds, right?”

“Can you give me Blaine?”

Sebastian turned to Kurt in surprise. The smaller boy was looking at him through watery eyes again as his lips started to tremble. He looked more vulnerable this way, Sebastian realized. Much more different than the headstrong bitchy teenage boy he was used to seeing. 

“What?” Sebastian asked.

“Give me Blaine,” Kurt replied, his tone wavering. “I don’t want anything else,”

“Kurt, I…”

But apparently, Kurt was not finished. He sat up and looked at Sebastian in the eye. His gaze was so sharp that it unnerved Sebastian slightly. “You can keep the diamonds, the cars, the clothes or your money. I don’t want any of that. All I want is Blaine,”

Sebastian had no reply to that. 

“Blaine is all I want,” Kurt said, his voice edging towards hysteria. “I want him to hold me close again, to kiss me, to-,”

“Kurt, calm down-,” Sebastian began.

“All I want is for him to not fall out of love with me!” Kurt screamed at last, tears streaming down his face. 

Sebastian stared at him in silence. He watched as Kurt began to sob in earnest, his hands covering his face. “Y-you have no i-idea how frustrating it is,” Kurt sobbed. “He was the f-first one w-who truly love me for who I am and f-for him to suddenly r-realized that he’s not in l-love with me anymore…I….” He broke off as another sob rose out of his throat. 

Maybe it was sheer instinct, maybe it was conscience or maybe it was just karma. But Sebastian found himself slowly gathering Kurt into his arms and held on tight. Kurt seemed a little shocked by this but it only lasted for a second before emotion began to take hold of him once more.

“Shh… “ Sebastian said, the same way Kurt said to him not more than a couple of days ago. “Just let it all out…Let it out, Kurt. Let it out…”

And Kurt did. Sobs racked his frame as he cried, face buried in Sebastian’s chest. Sebastian said nothing aside from comforting words and simply held him tight.

Burt found the pair like that as he peeked at the doorway. Usually, he would stride into the room to comfort his son without hesitation. But instead, he watched as Sebastian rubbed soothing circles onto Kurt’s back, never breaking his flow of soothing and comforting words, completely unaware of Burt’s presence.

“You’re going to be alright...”

“Shh…”

“Let it all out, Kurt…”

Smiling softly, Burt left the boy to it and quietly walked away.“How is he, Kurt?”

Kurt was in the choir room that Tuesday, attending Glee practice as usual. Mr. Schuester had yet to arrive so the Glee club members were stuck in the room, waiting for him. Kurt took this opportunity to take one last look at his music sheet. He was planning to sing his song today and after Burt’s surprise visit and his abrupt yet entertaining attempt of dancing to Single Ladies about a couple of hours ago, Kurt was feeling more cheerful and ready than he had been for days. 

Rachel had turned to him with a wistful look in her eyes that Kurt just had to ask what was wrong. 

“Who?” Kurt asked. “Sebastian?” When Rachel nodded, he sighed. “He’s doing fine, actually. There was some…emotional times, but he’s doing fairly well, now,” 

“Is he still snappy?” Sugar asked rather curiously. “Like during the funeral?”

“He’s still his usual sarcastic self, if that’s what you’re asking,” Kurt leaned back against his chair. 

Blaine shifted in his seat to look at Kurt. Kurt struggled to return the gaze. “So…” Blaine began, his face as though he was searching for the right words. “Everything’s…alright, now?”

Kurt nodded slowly. “You could say that,” 

Blaine exhaled and gave Kurt a smile. “Well, that’s great! I know it must have been a lot to take in,”

_ You have no idea… _

“Alright, guys!” said Mr. Schuester as he walked into the room. “Sorry, I am late,”

“Man, you could’ve come in later,” Puck groaned. “I was just about to fall asleep,”

“The fact that you managed to stay awake for the last 15 minutes was a miracle,” Santana said breezily, admiring her newly polished nails. Brittany leaned her head against Santana’s shoulder and offered her own comments. Santana merely rolled her eyes and smiled at the blonde, patting her head affectionately.

Kurt envied them.

His heart grew heavy at the sight of them and determinedly looked away. As he tore his gaze away, he managed to catch sight of Blaine. It would seem that Kurt was not the only one looking at Santana and Brittany. Blaine glanced at them for a brief second, a wistful smile forming on his lips and turned away. 

“Who’s turn is it today? Anyone of you wants to dedicate a goodbye song to somebody?” Mr. Schuester asked, casting an expectant look at everyone in the classroom. 

Kurt’s hand shot up in the air before Rachel could begin raising hers. He gave her an apologetic look and got out of his seat. He gave Mr. Schuester a smile before turning to rest of his friends. 

“I would like to dedicate this song…”

~*.*~

_ Say good-bye to not knowing when _

_ The truth in my whole life began _

_ Say good-bye to not knowing how to cry _

_ You taught me that _

__

_ And I'll remember the strength that you gave me _

_ Now that I'm standing on my own _

_ I'll remember the way that you saved me _

_ I'll remember _

Kurt’s voice echoed through the hallways as Sebastian approached the choir room. He had just gone back from Dalton Academy and Burt had asked him to wait for Kurt to finish with his Glee club practice before they could go home. Not really trusting himself not to feel awkward around Burt in the car, Sebastian had asked whether he could wait in the school. Burt had hesitated but allowed him, in the end. 

He was now standing behind the closed door of the choir room, looking awkward in his Dalton uniform and his sling as this made him stand out among the rest of the students at McKinley. He ignored the curious looks of the others and focused his attention on Kurt’s voice drifting out of the room.

For some unknown reason, Sebastian found it rather soothing. His nerves turned calm whenever Kurt sang for a reason Sebastian cannot fathom. He closed his eyes and leaned his head against the wall, allowing his body to relax. He let out a sigh.

_ Sebastian… _

_ Honey, are you alright? _

_ Sweetie, we’re so sorry. _

_ We’re proud of you, son. We will always be proud of you. _

“Sebastian?”

Sebastian’s eyes snapped open and he was greeted by the sight of a concerned looking young woman with ginger hair and very wide doe-like eyes. She was peering at him with a worried expression.

“Huh?” Sebastian said blearily, blinking a few times.

“You nearly doze off over there,” The woman smiled. “Are you waiting for Kurt? Will told me that you’re living with him, now,”

Now that Sebastian looked at her properly, she did look sort of familiar, like he had seen her before. Sebastian caught sight of her nametag pinned on her floral blouse. 

Emma Pillsbury.

Ah.

The crazy school counselor Kurt might have mentioned once or twice.

“Oh, yeah, I am,” Sebastian replied. “Is the practice about done?” he asked, jerking one thumb towards the door.

Ms. Pillsbury looked thoughtful for a moment before the door opened. Sebastian also noticed that Kurt was no longer singing. Sebastian turned to see Kurt looking at him with surprised eues. The countertenor blinked.

“Sebastian? What are you doing here?” he asked.

Sebastian shrugged. “Burt asked me to wait up for you,” 

“Oh,” Kurt stood aside as his friends filed out of the choir room, each of them casting Kurt a smile and Sebastian a polite nod. “See you later, boo,” Mercedes said, kissing Kurt’s cheek. Kurt nodded and gave her a small hug before Mercedes walked off with Sam, their fingers intertwined. Ms. Pillsbury gave Kurt a pat on a shoulder before she, too, walked off.

 Blaine was the last one to leave, meeting Kurt’s eyes hesitantly before his gaze landed on Sebastian. Despite his initial surprise, Blaine managed to remain friendly.

“Oh, hey, Sebastian,” he greeted.

“Hey, Blaine,” Sebastian replied coolly. “How are you?”

“Great, thanks. What about you?’

“Well,” Sebastian grinned. “My shoulder’s hurting…Maybe you could kiss the pain away?”

Kurt smiled tightly at that and deliberately stepped on Sebastian’s foot before twisting his own foot on it. Sebastian let out a hiss of pain and glared at Kurt reproachfully. The smaller boy merely smiled innocently in return. Blaine’s gaze flitted from Kurt to Sebastian and back to Kurt in a worried manner.

Blaine cleared his throat and both boys turned to him. “Um, I was wondering if I could borrow Kurt for a while?” 

“Me?” Kurt pointed to himself. 

Sebastian rolled his eyes. “No, he means some other Kurt in this school,” 

Kurt glared at Sebastian some more before turning to Blaine. Hesitantly, he nodded. “Sure…”

Blaine visibly relaxed and let out a breath in relief. “That’s great. Can we talk at my locker?”

“Um…” Kurt looked at Sebastian with a contemplating expression, as if he was weighing two options. Sebastian returned Kurt’s stare before sighing. “It’s okay, Kurt,” he said wearily. “I’ll just wait in the car,”

“Are you sure?”

“Unless your dad turns out to be psychopathic murderer on the loose, I’m pretty sure I’m alright being around him,”

Kurt smiled and nodded. “I won’t be too long,” he promised. He turned to Blaine. “Come on, then,” he said, meeting Blaine’s eyes slowly. Blaine nodded almost eagerly and Kurt found himself smiling fondly. This was one of the reasons he fell in love with Blaine in the first place. His eagerness reminded Kurt so much of an excited puppy. 

They walked side by side to Blaine’s locker, the two of them not saying a single word. Kurt restrained himself from looking like a nervous wreck but really, it had been too long since he was alone with Blaine for more than a minute. He was aching to talk to him, staring at his phone number during some nights, willing himself to call him.

But the sharp pain in his heart the moment he saw Blaine’s ID picture flash on the screen caused him to end the call before Blaine could answer. In the picture, Blaine was smiling so happily and it reminded Kurt so much of what they used to be. But no matter how hard he tried, he could not bring himself to delete the picture.

It almost seemed cruel. 

Kurt leaned against a neighboring locker like he usually did as Blaine opened his own and started to put back his books. Kurt fiddled with the sleeves of his outfit as he waited. His head turned when he heard Blaine clearing his throat. He was looking at Kurt with an expectant expression.

“So…” he began. “That was a really nice song you sang back there,”

Kurt raised a delicate eyebrow. “Thank you,” he replied hesitantly. 

“I…uh…wanted to talk to you about something and that song…well, it reminded me what it was,” Blaine scratched the back of his head, looking somewhat sheepish.

Kurt waited. Blaine looked at him and heaved a sigh. His eyes turned soft but he was unsmiling. In fact, he seemed a bit…nervous. “I’m sorry,” he said. 

“Why?” Kurt asked, not understanding. 

“For the…er…breakup,” Blaine tore his gaze away to look at the floor. 

Kurt stared at him wide-eyed and said nothing. He suddenly felt as if something was stuck in his throat and his body tensed slightly. He watched as Blaine slowly returned his gaze on him and licked his lips, a habit he developed when he was nervous. Kurt knew him long enough to notice that.

“What?” Kurt whispered.

“Kurt…I…I have been thinking about the whole thing and I realized that I was…,” Blaine paused. “Too abrupt. I just…left you hanging without a proper reason and I’m…God, Kurt, I’m sorry,” 

“You did give me a reason,” Kurt said softly. “You said that long-distance relationships won’t work between us,”

“That was the stupidest thing I have ever said,” Blaine exhaled. “And I just realized how insensitive I sounded back then,” 

Kurt watched as Blaine ran a hand through his hair, a feat he could not quite pull through. Kurt nearly smiled. He held out a hand to touch Blaine’s cheek fondly, simply out of sheer habit, before he realized what he was doing and stopped; his fingers just an inch away from Blaine’s cheek. Blaine smiled wearily and took hold of Kurt’s hand and placed it against his chest. Kurt could feel Blaine’s heart beating beneath his hand. 

“Are…you saying that you…” Kurt swallowed. “…regret breaking up with me?” He looked at Blaine with shining eyes. “Is that what you were trying to say?” Oh, how he hoped it was! His heart started to pound faster at the possibility of it. How he wanted that to be true! He could return to his normal state before the breakup. He could be happy again.

But Kurt’s hopeful smile began to falter when Blaine stared at Kurt with a sad expression, his left hand clasping Kurt’s hand on his chest tightly. 

“No…that’s not it,” Blaine said. “I just wish I could’ve found a better way to do it,”

The words hit Kurt like a sharp slap that he visibly recoiled from Blaine, drawing his hand away in the process. He looked at the boy in front of him with an expression of disbelief and shock. His mouth was opened. His eyes were wide. 

“H-How…B-Blaine, you mean you’ve…” Kurt sucked in a shaky breath before letting it out. “I don’t understand, Blaine. You mean, all this while, you still planned to break up with me?”

Blaine looked at Kurt sadly and nodded. “Yes, Kurt. For a good reason,” 

“The long-distance relationship thing?” Kurt asked, his voice shaking. “You just said about a minute ago that that was the-,”

“It is,” Blaine cut him off. “That’s because that’s not the real reason. It was just an excuse-a cowardly one- for me to make it easier to initiate the break-up,” Blaine looked away for a second before looking at Kurt again, his expression somber. 

Silence.

“What’s the real reason then?” Kurt whispered, afraid to hear the answer. 

Blaine seemed hesitant to answer as well. “You won’t like it,”

Kurt chuckled without humor, his eyes already watering. “Blaine, I have faced so much terrible things this week. I’m sure one more would not topple down the list,”

Blaine’s gaze slid to the floor and he refused to meet Kurt’s gaze when he said it. It was barely above a whisper, in fact, it was almost inaudible, but Kurt heard it all the same. Only he wished that he did not.

“What?” Kurt choked. 

A sharp exhale. “I’m not in love with you anymore,”

Earlier, Blaine’s words felt like a sharp slap. Now, they felt as if a sharp knife had been plunged directly into his heart and someone twisted the weapon. Kurt let out another choke and leaned against the locker for support. His view became hazy due to the gathering tears in his eyes.

“H-how…?” 

“I tried to deny it,” Blaine said with a pained expression. “I really did. Every day, I told myself that I’m in love with you and that I want to spend the rest of my life with you. But…”

“But?”

Blaine sighed. “In the end, I couldn’t. The feeling that I have for you Kurt, I could feel it slipping away and I just-,” he broke off. “I was scared when it happened, Kurt. I really was. And I was angry at myself,” He looked at Kurt desperately. “I wanted to fight it. But I couldn’t,”

Blaine slowly took Kurt’s limp hands and grasped it tightly. “I still love you. But not in the way that you want me to. That _I_ want myself to. And when I think how I’m holding on to you when I’m not in love you anymore, I just…feel like the most selfish person I ever knew,”

“You’re not!” Kurt cried, his tears already flowing freely down his cheeks. “You won’t be, Blaine! I-I…we could work this out and-,” 

“No,” Blaine said quietly. “We can’t. I thought about it and I know that we can’t,”

“Blaine…please…” Kurt hardly begged. He had too much pride for that. But he was so desperate to hold on to Blaine that he did not care. He gripped Blaine’s hand tighter and looked at him tearfully. “Please, don’t do this to me. Please… _please_ …”

Abruptly, Blaine pulled Kurt into a hug and held him close, his own eyes already watering. Kurt’s tears soaked Blaine’s shirt as he continued to cry, gripping the material of the shirt tightly. Passersby’s gave the pair an odd expression but otherwise ignored them. Blaine ignored them, too.

“Kurt,” Blaine choked. “It’s okay, it’s okay. You’re a strong person, Kurt. And you’ll get through this. Like the way I force myself to,”

“It’s not okay, Blaine!” Kurt wailed, his voice muffled by the shirt. “Losing you…I can’t handle it!”

“Losing you also pains me, Kurt,” Blaine said softly. “But holding on to you when I don’t have feelings for you…it’s selfish,”

“No, it’s not-,”

“Kurt, listen to me,” Blaine released Kurt to tilt Kurt’s chin up gently, making the other boy look at him in the eye. “You’re a strong person. The strongest I ever met. And you are going to get through this. Someday, you’ll find someone who truly loves you, whose feelings will _never_ go away,”

Kurt only whimpered. 

“Oh, Kurt,” Blaine pulled him close once more. “I’m so sorry,”

They stayed like that for a while before Kurt released himself from the hug to look at Blaine squarely in the eyes.

“Kiss me,” he said.

“What?”

“Kiss me, Blaine. Kiss me like the first time we ever kissed,” 

Blaine’s expression was guarded. “Kurt, we’re in the middle of the hallway-,”

“Please,” Kurt begged. “If you’re going to leave me, please give me something to remember. I need to remember it. Blaine, please…”

Blaine’s expression was sad as he reached to stroke Kurt’s cheek before cupping his face and pulling him close. Their lips met and Kurt held on tight. Blaine smelled like chocolate and honey, a blend that always calm Kurt’s nerves. The thought of not being able to smell Blaine’s familiar scent again made Kurt deepened the kiss, holding on for as long as he could.

The kiss was slow and sad, the perfect one for saying goodbye. 

Unknown to them, Sebastian was leaning against the wall, having heard the entire the conversation. His green eyes were unreadable as he straightened himself and walked away.

~*.*~

Kurt entered his bedroom and flopped on the bed in an ungraceful manner, not bothering to take off his shoes. Sebastian entered the room and stripped off of his tie and (carefully, slowly) his blazer and rummaged through the folded pile of clothing in the cupboard to pull out a pair of sweatpants and a white shirt. He spared a glance at Kurt and sighed.

The boy had been unnaturally silent throughout the whole ride home. Burt had given him multiple worried glances to which Kurt did not acknowledge. He simply looked out the window with a blank expression and for a split second, Sebastian was reminded of himself. 

“Hey Kurt,” Sebastian said. “It’s late. You should take a bath,” 

There was no reply. Sebastian did not expect one.

“Come on, princess,” he tried again regardless. “Don’t you have like a skin care regime to do or something?”

Kurt did not say a word. Sebastian heaved another heavy sigh and proceeded to sit on Kurt’s bed, prodding Kurt with his finger. “Kurt, come on,”

When Kurt did not move, Sebastian decided to go straight to the point. “Look, it doesn’t take a genius to tell that you’re upset. But ignoring your hygiene is not worth this,” he said, trying to keep his tone light.

“Go away,” Kurt mumbled. 

“Not going to,” Sebastian said. “Tell you what, why don’t I give you something to cheer you up?”

Kurt lifted his head to stare at him wordlessly. Sebastian considered this as an achievement. 

“It turns out that I inherited quite a lot of fortune from my parents,” Sebastian continued. “And that includes a company that I will someday take over, though honestly, I don’t want to,” he chuckled, looking at Kurt.

Kurt stared at him stonily.

Sebastian’s chuckle died down but he kept his smirk intact, looking away as if thinking about something. “I’m sure there’s something I could give you to cheer you up. Hm…a car perhaps? What about clothes? Or perhaps, diamonds? Princesses like diamonds, right?”

“Can you give me Blaine?”

Sebastian turned to Kurt in surprise. The smaller boy was looking at him through watery eyes again as his lips started to tremble. He looked more vulnerable this way, Sebastian realized. Much more different than the headstrong bitchy teenage boy he was used to seeing. 

“What?” Sebastian asked.

“Give me Blaine,” Kurt replied, his tone wavering. “I don’t want anything else,”

“Kurt, I…”

But apparently, Kurt was not finished. He sat up and looked at Sebastian in the eye. His gaze was so sharp that it unnerved Sebastian slightly. “You can keep the diamonds, the cars, the clothes or your money. I don’t want any of that. All I want is Blaine,”

Sebastian had no reply to that. 

“Blaine is all I want,” Kurt said, his voice edging towards hysteria. “I want him to hold me close again, to kiss me, to-,”

“Kurt, calm down-,” Sebastian began.

“All I want is for him to _not fall out of love with me!_ ” Kurt screamed at last, tears streaming down his face. 

Sebastian stared at him in silence. He watched as Kurt began to sob in earnest, his hands covering his face. “Y-you have no i-idea how frustrating it is,” Kurt sobbed. “He was the f-first one w-who truly love me for who I am and f-for him to suddenly r-realized that he’s not in l-love with me anymore…I….” He broke off as another sob rose out of his throat. 

Maybe it was sheer instinct, maybe it was conscience or maybe it was just karma. But Sebastian found himself slowly gathering Kurt into his arms and held on tight. Kurt seemed a little shocked by this but it only lasted for a second before emotion began to take hold of him once more.

“Shh… “ Sebastian said, the same way Kurt said to him not more than a couple of days ago. “Just let it all out…Let it out, Kurt. Let it out…”

And Kurt did. Sobs racked his frame as he cried, face buried in Sebastian’s chest. Sebastian said nothing aside from comforting words and simply held him tight.

Burt found the pair like that as he peeked at the doorway. Usually, he would stride into the room to comfort his son without hesitation. But instead, he watched as Sebastian rubbed soothing circles onto Kurt’s back, never breaking his flow of soothing and comforting words, completely unaware of Burt’s presence.

“You’re going to be alright...”

“Shh…”

“Let it all out, Kurt…”

Smiling softly, Burt left the boy to it and quietly walked away.


	9. Chapter 8: Forget

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ~Sometimes, it’s just better to forget~

Kurt was lying uselessly on his bed that evening, feeling utterly drained.

After the waterworks episode, Kurt had been too exhausted to get out of bed. Sebastian had rested a hand against Kurt’s forehead-Kurt did not even flinch at the touch due to his lack of energy- and declared that the boy was starting to get slightly feverish. Sebastian had been uncharacteristically gentle with him as he instructed Kurt to lie down while he went downstairs to look for medicine. Not a few minutes later, Sebastian texted him that he and Burt will be out to buy some. Kurt merely replied a one-word text.

_Okay. –Kurt._

He stayed where he was, staring blankly at the duvet as if he had nothing better to do. But then, he did not have anything better to do. Not that he could do much. All that crying had left him both physically and emotionally drained that all he really wanted to do was to curl up and sleep. But every time he closed his eyes, images started to form behind his eyelids, extremely vivid and real.

Blaine smiling at him…

Blaine singing his heart out…

Blaine holding his hand…

Blaine kissing him…

_I’m not in love with you anymore…_

Kurt sat up with a gasp and rushed into his bathroom, collapsing on his knees near the toilet bowl. He moaned in pain as he retched and vomited into the toilet bowl, gripping the rim tightly until his knuckles turned white. Sweat began to bead along his forehead as he continued to vomit some more before shakily reached up to flush the toilet. He stayed where he was for a moment, too sick to get up before he felt a soothing hand rubbing his back. Startled, he turned to see Carole smiling gently at him as she continued rubbing his back.

“Hey, are you alright now, honey?” she asked. “Did you eat something wrong?”

Kurt shook his head. “N-no…I’m just…not feeling so well,”

“Sebastian said that you have a fever,” Carole pressed the back of her hand against Kurt’s forehead. Kurt looked at her as her eyes widened slightly. “You’re burning up!”

“I’m fine,” Kurt smiled. “It’s just….” _My ex-boyfriend called me aside today to talk to me. He said sorry for the breakup and honestly, I thought he wanted to get back together but no, he just wished he could have found a better and less insensitive way to break up with me. It turns out that it’s not because of long-distance relationship problems, but it’s just that he wasn’t in love with me anymore. Did I mention that he told me all this because of the song I sang in Glee club? Me and my horrible song choices._ “…the stress,” Kurt said finally, giving Carole a reassuring look. “I’ll be fine after I take my medicine and get some sleep,”

Carole looked doubtful for a moment before she nodded. “Well...if you say so. I’m going to make you some soup, anyway, okay? You can’t take medicine with an empty stomach,”

“Okay,”

Carole gave Kurt another smile before she rose and strode out of the room. Kurt sighed before he got up and went to the sink to rinse out the odd taste in his mouth. He stared at his reflection in the mirror. God, he cannot remember the last time he looked so terrible. His eyes were red and puffy from crying, his face looked blotchy and his hair was in an extreme mess. He splashed cold water on his face and patted it dry with a towel. He eyed the multiple products of lotions on the side of the sink with consideration before deciding to skip his skincare regime for once. He was too tired for that.

He walked into his bedroom and was surprised to see Sebastian waiting for him, leaning against the wall with a glass of water and two pills in his hand. Kurt did not hear him walk in. Sebastian watched him as Kurt opened his wardrobe to fish out a pair of night attire before turning to him.

“What?” Kurt finally asked after getting irritated at Sebastian’s unwavering stare.

“I was wondering how you are feeling,” Sebastian answered.

“I’m fine. Just a bit drained,” Kurt put the folded clothing on the bed before looking at Sebastian. “You’re back fast,”

“Turns out the pharmacy was closer than I thought,” Sebastian replied, putting the objects in his hand on the bedside table. “You should take that after dinner. Carole said you were throwing up in the bathroom earlier?” Sebastian said with a raised eyebrow. His expression, however, was somewhat concerned.

Kurt blushed. “It’s just the stress,” he huffed. “I’m fine,”

“You didn’t seem fine an hour ago,”

Sebastian’s calm tone was sharp and it sliced through Kurt like a knife. He stared at Sebastian with unreadable eyes before turning away, his gaze sliding to the floor. Kurt bit his lip and shook his head. Just as he was about to say something, he heard Sebastian sigh.

“Look, I know you don’t want to talk about it,” he said wearily. “I’ll just be downstairs and Carole should be bringing your dinner up soon. Rest up, princess. You’ll need it,”

Sebastian walked out of the room, not bothering to cast Kurt a glance. The sound of his fading footsteps was the last thing Kurt heard before he flopped on the bed headfirst and groaned.

~*.*~

_You alright, Kurt?- Mercedes_

_I’m okay, sorry for worrying you :( -Kurt_

_Nah, it’s okay. You just sound really down when I called you a moment ago -Mercedes_

_I’m just a bit sick. Stress and all. –Kurt_

_Want me to come over, boo? –Mercedes_

_I don’t think that’s a good idea, ‘Cedes. Don’t want you to catch it –Kurt._

_Awww…fine :p. Will you be well enough to come to school tomorrow, though? –Mercedes_

_I’ll see –Kurt_

_Well, I’ll send you my love. Feel better, Kurt –Mercedes_

_Thanks :) –Kurt_

“What did I tell you about having dinner and relax right after?” demanded Sebastian as soon as he entered the room.

“Nothing that I should really care,” Kurt rolled his eyes. He screen-locked his iPhone before turning back his attention to his dinner tray. The bowl of creamy mushroom soup was only halfway done and the glass of apple juice was untouched. Sebastian gave Kurt a pointed look.

“Do you want to get better or not, princess? I didn’t waste my time going to the pharmacy for fun, you know,”

“You weren’t complaining before,” Kurt snapped. “Besides, you did that out of your own accord!”

“Don’t make me regret my decision,”

“I think you already are,” Kurt retorted. “Why do you care, anyway? It’s just a stupid fever. I’ll sleep it off and I’ll be fine in the morning,”

Sebastian made an impatient noise and sat on Kurt’s bed despite the other boy’s protests. He pulled the bowl of soup nearer to him and used the spoon to scoop some soup before holding the spoon in front of Kurt’s face. “Eat,” he said. Kurt narrowed his eyes and turned his face away. “Leave me alone. I can it on my own,”

“Oh you’re doing such a great job so far,” Sebastian answered sarcastically. “Come on, Kurt. Carole made it just for you. The least you could do is to eat more of it. It’s good manners,”

“Like you would know about manners,” Kurt replied bitingly. “Forget it, Sebastian. You’re not feeding me,”

“Don’t be such a brat, princess!” Sebastian groaned in exasperation.

“You stop being an asshole, then!” Kurt snapped. “And stop calling me princess! My name is Kurt, in case you haven’t notice,”

“Kurt,”

Kurt looked at Sebastian in surprise. The way he had said his name…it sounded almost desperate. Sebastian was staring at him with a tired expression and Kurt watched as he put down the spoon to run a hand through his hair. Kurt suddenly realized how hard it must be to only have one working arm, having to put down something to take another. Sebastian heaved a sigh and looked at Kurt again.

“Just…do me a favor, okay Kurt, and eat? You know, you cried like there was no tomorrow and you’re running a fever right after. I’m trying to make you feel better and you just have be so bitchy and uncooperative about it,” he paused. “I know you have a rough day, but can you just make things easier for me to take care of you?”

Things were quiet before Kurt whispered. “I just don’t get why you go all to this trouble just because I have a fever,”

“It’s not just because of that,” Sebastian sighed tiredly. “Look, you were there for me when I lost my parents despite everything I’ve done to you. You let me live with you, you provided me with everything I need when all this while I’ve been nothing but a jackass to you and your friends. Consider this as payment. I’m taking care of you because I owe you that much,”

Kurt was rendered speechless as he looked at Sebastian. The boy in front of him looked earnest when he said all those words. If someone asked Kurt a few weeks ago if Sebastian was capable of showing compassion towards others, Kurt would have laughed in that person’s face. Even when Sebastian dedicated his Regional’s performance to Dave Karofsky a while back, Kurt had remained doubtful despite Blaine’s urge to give him a chance.

But now…Kurt was not so sure.

Sebastian picked up the spoon and held it in front of Kurt’s face again. “Now will you please eat?” he asked.

Kurt hesitated at first before slowly, he went nearer to the spoon and swallowed its contents, still maintaining his gaze on Sebastian. When he was done, Sebastian gave Kurt a small smile. “See? Now, that wasn’t so hard, was it?”

Sebastian stayed to watch Kurt finish his meal before he took the tray to take it to the kitchen. He gave Kurt a stern glance as he instructed Kurt to immediately take his medicine. “I’m serious, Kurt,” he had said. “The pills better be inside your stomach by the time I come back,” Kurt resisted the urge to poke out his tongue at him, because really, Sebastian was starting to treat him like a child now. He waited until Sebastian was gone before turning to the said pills on the bedside table.

He let out a long withering sigh before proceeding to take the medication. After he did, he set down the empty glass and lay back down on his bed. After a moment, he felt his body growing heavy and his eyelids drooping. Sebastian must have bought those strong sedative painkillers because Kurt could already feel himself dozing off. In fact, he could have already dozed off if it were not for Finn’s loud drum banging in his room across the hall. Annoyed, he rolled over and covered his ears with his pillow.

The noise went down and Kurt saw Sebastian entering his room, closing the door behind him. Sebastian walked over to Kurt’s bed and sat on the mattress. He pressed the back of his hand at the back of his hand against Kurt’s forehead for a few seconds before withdrawing it. “Your fever’s going down already. I told you some food and medicine would help,” he said smugly.

“I never said they wouldn’t,” Kurt replied, his voice slightly muffled by the pillow. “God, did Finn stop banging on his drums yet?”

“Nope, but the door should lower down the noise a bit,” Sebastian gave Kurt a tiny smile. “Hey, you’re not sleepy already, are you?”

“It’s your fault,” Kurt huffed weakly. “The pills you bought are strong painkillers,”

“Actually, that was Burt’s idea but hey, the stronger they are, the faster you’ll get better, right?”

“It was just a small fever. Ordinary painkillers would have been fine,” Kurt groaned. “Can you switch off the lights? I can’t sleep with them on,”

“But of course,” Sebastian rolled his eyes but got up to flick off the switch anyway. He padded to the bathroom to change into a pair of pajamas. When he came out a few minutes later, he found Kurt looking up at the ceiling, not showing any signs of being on the verge of sleep. Kurt’s fingers were gripping the duvet tightly and he was breathing a bit irregularly.

“Hey,” Sebastian said. “Kurt, are you okay?”

“They keep on coming back,” Kurt whispered brokenly.

“What keep on coming back?”

“The images,” Kurt answered, his breathing speeding up. “Images of…Blaine,” His voice broke on the last word. A tear managed to escape Kurt’s eye and he hurried to wipe it off. “ _God_ , every time I close my eyes, he-he would always be there…Smiling, laughing…looking so happy,” Kurt sniffed. “It _hurts_ ,”

“Kurt…” Sebastian sat beside Kurt, looking at him with sad eyes. “I…You just…can’t stop thinking about him, huh?”

“I want to,” Kurt answered softly. “At least…for a while. But I guess…the pain is still too fresh for me to forget,” Kurt turned to Sebastian and stared at him wistfully. “You know, Blaine and I used to call each other during times like this,”

“What do you mean?”

“When one of us is hurting for some reason, we would call each other and just…talk endlessly for hours. Never about the thing that’s hurting us…just random topics,” Kurt found himself smiling. “Before either of us realizes it, we forgot about whatever it was that was bothering us,” Kurt sighed deeply and closed his eyes briefly. “Now, I can’t do that,”

Sebastian reached out to give Kurt a comforting pat on the shoulder. Kurt gave Sebastian an appreciative smile before continuing to speak. “Blaine…he was the most special person I’ve ever met. Heck, he still is. He understands me, empathizes with me and…” Kurt choked. “He is the first one to truly love me for who I am. He stuck with me through thick and thin and I just…” Kurt’s voice began to shake. “I just can’t believe I just lost him just like that...Things are happening too fast… _God_ ,” He let out another choke before he hurried to wipe off the tears that streamed down his cheeks.  

Sebastian did not say a word. He stared at Kurt wordlessly as Kurt struggled to control his tears. The sight of it…it made Sebastian feel guilty. Because some time ago, he himself had every intention on breaking Kurt and Blaine apart so he could have Blaine all for himself. He even got to the point of seriously trying to hurt Kurt just to achieve that. But now that the two are actually broken up, Sebastian did not feel any satisfaction he thought he would get it from it. Even when Kurt first broke the news to him a few weeks ago, he felt this odd sensation in his chest, like he was uncomfortable about the news.

“Hey,” Kurt croaked. Sebastian snapped out of his reverie to look at Kurt once more.

“What?”

“I can’t sleep if I keep on thinking about him,” Kurt mumbled. “Can you sing something to distract me?”

Sebastian raised an eyebrow. “Sing something?”

“It usually works for me,” Kurt sighed. “Just…sing something so I can fall asleep,” He bit his lip. “Please,”

Sebastian looked at Kurt with an incomprehensible expression before nodding slowly. Kurt visibly relaxed and leaned back against the pillow, closing his eyes. Sebastian quickly racked his brain for something to sing before an idea struck through him. He started to hum the melody softly at first, before he opened his mouth to sing.

_When you try your best but you don't succeed_

_When you get what you want but not what you need_

_When you feel so tired but you can't sleep_

_Stuck in reverse_

_And the tears come streaming down your face_

_When you lose something you can't replace_

_When you love someone but it goes to waste_

_Could it be worse?_

_Lights will guide you home_

_And ignite your bones_

_And I will try to fix you_

_And high up above or down below_

_When you're too in love to let it go_

_But if you never try you'll never know_

_Just what you're worth_

_Lights will guide you home_

_And ignite your bones_

_And I will try to fix you_

_Tears stream down your face_

_When you lose something you cannot replace_

_Tears stream down your face_

_And I_

_Tears stream down your face_

_I promise you I will learn from my mistakes_

_Tears stream down your face_

_And I_

_Lights will guide you home_

_And ignite your bones_

_And I will try to fix you_

Things had gone quiet when Sebastian finished singing. He turned to look at Kurt and could not help the smile that tugged his lips. Kurt’s face was relaxed and peaceful as he slept, his breathing slow and calm. Sebastian slowly got up from the mattress. That was when he heard it. A very soft whisper that it was almost inaudible. But Sebastian heard it, regardless.

“ _Thank you…_ ”

Sebastian stared at Kurt wordlessly before leaning down to whisper something in Kurt’s ear in return.

“Someday, Kurt, you will forget about the pain Blaine had caused you to feel and I will help you to it. That’s a promise,” 


	10. Chapter 9: Warblers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ~The Warblers are like rockstars!~

The sun was warm on Kurt’s back as he cracked one eyelid open. He yawned and looked around. The room was dim aside from the single ray of sunshine streaming through the gap in between the curtains. He turned to his alarm clock and found out that he had an hour to spare to get ready for school. Briefly, he considered sleeping in a bit more. But the thought of the possibility of being late for school changed his mind. Few more days till graduation or not, Kurt was never the one to be tardy.

He groaned a bit as a wave of sudden dizziness hit him when he sat up abruptly. He was about to lift up a hand to massage his temples when he felt it. Something warm was holding his right hand. He looked at it and did a double-take.

Sitting with legs outstretched on the roll-up mattress and head lolling to the side was Sebastian, sleeping peacefully against Kurt’s bed.

With his free hand covering Kurt’s.

Kurt’s cheeks reddened rapidly and he quickly pulled his hand away. Unfortunately, the sudden movement caused Sebastian to stir from his sleep. Kurt watched him as he blinked wearily and looked around, as if confused to why he was here. After a moment, Sebastian’s gaze finally landed on Kurt.

“Oh, good morning, princess,” he greeted as he yawned. “Why are your cheeks so red?”

“I..um…” Kurt spluttered.

Sebastian stared at him for a moment before giving Kurt his signature smirk. “You haven’t been watching me sleep, have you?”

“No!” Kurt said indignantly. “As if I would ever do that!”

“Then why are you blushing?” Sebastian reached up to touch Kurt’s forehead, much to Kurt’s surprise. Kurt remained still as Sebastian furrowed his brow and withdrew his hand. “Your fever’s gone so I can’t blame the blush on that. Hm…are you cold? But it’s not that early in the morning-,”

“I’m fine,” Kurt interjected. “I just… I pressed my cheek too hard on the mattress. It left marks,” he lied, looking away. “I’m fine,”

Sebastian looked skeptical but he did not make a comment. He shrugged before getting to his feet and stretched his arm. He winced as he turned his head abruptly and massaged his neck for a bit. “Oh god, if I would have known that I’d fall asleep like that, I could’ve leaned against my pillow in advance,”

“Your neck hurts?”

“Stiff and sore. But it will go away,” Sebastian went to the bathroom and came out a few minutes later while brushing his teeth. Kurt wrinkled his nose in distaste. “Oh god, Sebastian. You’ll get toothpaste and your saliva all over the floor!”

Sebastian rolled his eyes. “I’m not a messy teeth brusher,” he said after he took out the toothbrush out of his mouth. “I’m 17, not 7,”

“Your term ‘teeth brusher’ proves otherwise,” Kurt said dryly. He got out of his bed and neatly pulled up the duvet and arranged the pillows. “Honestly?”

“What would you call it then?” Sebastian demanded before walking back into the bathroom with a huff. Kurt heard the sound of water running, some splashing and shifting movements before Sebastian emerged once more from the bathroom. Only this time, his pajamas were gone and he was only clad in a pair of boxers.

Kurt heard a shriek and he was very sure that it came from him.

“Sebastian!” he cried, cheeks reddening again before turning away. “Do you mind?”

“What?” Sebastian asked he dried his hair with a towel.

“Some clothes would be nice. Preferably on you,” Kurt said evenly, all the while looking determinedly at the wall.

“This?” Sebastian motioned his body with a wave of his hand. “You’re bothered by it? God, Kurt, you said you cleaned me up before. Don’t tell me you never see me nearly naked,”

Kurt let out a squeak at the last word and spluttered a reply. “I cleaned the top half of…you,” he swallowed before continuing. “My dad helped me when needed, remember?”

“Well, that’s a very interesting mental image I did _not_ need to see,” Sebastian replied dryly. “Geez, Kurt. Don’t be such a prude. It’s not like I’m completely in my birthday suit or something, yeesh,”

“It’s called manners, Sebastian,” Kurt retorted. “Are you covered up now?”

He heard a sigh before he heard the sound of shifting limbs again. He waited for a moment before Sebastian spoke behind him. “I put my pants on already. Good enough for you, princess?”

Kurt slowly turned and saw that Sebastian was already halfway putting on his white button-up shirt. He sighed and nodded. “You need help?” he asked as he watched Sebastian attempted to put on the other half of the shirt. Putting clothes on while you were still wearing a sling cannot be easy.

“Uh yeah…” Sebastian said slowly. “You mind unfastening the sling for me?”

“Sure,” Kurt walked towards Sebastian and carefully unfastened the sling. Sebastian’s other arm was then hanging limply at his side. The sight of it was sort of strange and unnerving to Kurt. It was like seeing a rag doll with its limbs hanging loosely on its frame. He observed the way Sebastian took the other sleeve of the shirt and slid on his other arm before pulling it all the way to his shoulder. He, however, had quite a difficulty trying to button his clothes. Kurt sighed and went towards him until he was standing in front of Sebastian.

“Here, let me do it,” Kurt murmured as he gently pulled Sebastian’s fingers away from the button and replaced them with his own.

He thought he heard Sebastian catch his breath but he dismissed it as an imagination. “You don’t have to,” Sebastian muttered. “I could do it on my own,”

“Sure you can,” Kurt answered softly, too focused on his task to come up with a really witty response. After he was done, Kurt got up and looked at Sebastian with satisfaction. “There, done. You need help with the tie and blazer?”

“No thanks,” Sebastian shook his head. “I’ll be fine. You should get ready yourself. You should know how long that would take,”

Kurt smiled haughtily. “An amazing look doesn’t happen in a minute, you know,” He took out a pre-assembled outfit that consisted of what Sebastian could make out as a black vest, a white short-sleeved shirt, a pair of jeans, a bow tie and even a fedora and made his way to the bathroom. He hesitated at the door, casting Sebastian another glance. “Are you sure you’ll be fine?”

Sebastian rolled his eyes. “Just go and do your regime or something, princess. I can manage,”

Kurt bit his lip before disappearing into the bathroom. Sebastian thought he heard an exasperated sigh.

~*.*~

“You want me to wait for Sebastian at Dalton?”

Kurt was sitting in his dad’s truck that late afternoon. He had managed to survive school –survive being in the same room as Blaine, mostly- and there was no Glee club practice that day so he opted to go home early. He was slightly puzzled at Sebastian’s absence in the truck before he remembered that he must still be at Warblers practice. That was when Burt had told him that nobody was home –Finn had gone to Puck’s house for some gaming session again and Carole was stuck at work- so he thought it would be best for Kurt to wait at Dalton for a while.

“Yeah…it’s better than staying home alone, bud,” Burt said as he drove. “With all the crimes happening nowadays, I’m not about to leave my son alone in the house,”

“That’s sweet of you, dad. But Sebastian is at Warblers practice. What should I do till it ends?”

“I’m sure the Warblers won’t mind you watching them practice. They’re your friends, aren’t they?” Burt asked, looking sideways at his son.

Kurt nodded slowly. “I guess...I better text Sebastian a heads up, then,” he replied and fished out his iPhone from his pocket. Burt nodded in approval before turning back his attention to driving. Kurt searched for Sebastian’s number before he began texting.

_Hey. Expect to have a visitor during Warblers practice –Kurt_

A few minutes later, his iPhone buzzed.

_What do you mean? –Sebastian_

_My dad asked me to wait up for you at Dalton –Kurt_

_Seriously? I guess I’ll run this down to David, then. Though I’m not sure he’ll like the impromptu change to his schedule :p –Sebastian_

_I know :) –Kurt_

_I’ll see you then, princess –Sebastian_

_Yep, meerkat –Kurt_

Half an hour later, the gates of Dalton Academy soon came to view. Kurt had always admired the majestic aura the building gave off. It reminded Kurt of the old castles he saw on television. Unlike McKinley, the academy had a proper landscape and Kurt remembered sitting under one of those huge oak trees and read or did his homework. Kurt could not help but to feel a little nostalgic.

He got out of the truck and waved Burt goodbye as Burt drove away. He climbed the main steps of the academy and entered inside. Things had not changed at all since he left this place a year ago. There was still that familiar view of a sea of blazer-clad boys rushing here and there. He took the normal route to the Senior common rooms, passing by a few classrooms in the process. When he got nearer to the Senior common rooms, he heard multiple voices singing. In absolute perfect harmony, at that.

 _Some things never change,_ Kurt smiled as he stood in front of the oak doors. He took a deep breath and pushed the door open.

_Rise above gonna start the war_

_Whatcha want whatcha need whatcha come here for_

_Well an eye for an eye and an F for fight_

_Takin me down as the prisoners riot_

 

Sebastian was standing on-yes, on- the sofa, wearing a huge grin on his face as he sang the familiar lyrics. Kurt recognized it as Houdini by Foster the People. The Warblers danced around as they harmonized with Sebastian. Kurt leaned against the doorway with an amused smile playing on his lips.

_Got shackles on, my words are tied_

_Fear can make you compromise_

_Fast enough it's hard to hide_

_Sometimes I want to disappear_

No one seemed to notice Kurt as he watched the Warblers pulled out some fancy footwork and simply goof around. Sebastian did not look odd or out of place even with his sling as he jumped off the sofa and joined in the dance. Nick slid in front of Sebastian and began belting out his own lines.

_When I feel kinda bad and I'm all distressed_

_Pass it off on a better day_

_Well you got whatcha want whatcha never knew_

_Perfect gift from me to you_

The Warblers called out the next line in unison.

_Yeah yeah yeah_

To Kurt’s surprise, Jeff had begun singing as well. He did not ever recall ever hearing him sing a solo other than his audition a year back.

_Got shackles on, my words are tied_

_Fear can make you compromise_

_Fast enough it's hard to hide_

_Sometimes I want to disappear_

Sebastian took over once more, his gaze finally landing on Kurt. He gave a smirk before he belted out his lines.

_(Raise up to your ability)_

_You never knew that I could find_

_What could come when we realize_

_The sun won't stop with the compromise_

_(Raise up to your ability)_

_Can't stand while I disappear_

_Run around before I’m filled with fear_

_Like a glue cause my life is filled with red_

_(Raise up to your ability)_

_I know that you wanna_

_Throw me into the sea_

_For my ability_

_(Raise up to your ability)_

_Yeah you're undecided_

_Yeah I just want to leave it_

_Yeah I'm gonna wanna runaway_

_Focus on your ability_

_Focus on your ability_

_Now focus on your ability_

_Focus on your ability_

_Gain again what they want to steal_

_Gain again what they want to steal_

_Gonna gain again what they want to steal_

_Gain again what they want to steal_

“You guys are amazing!” Kurt grinned as he clapped. The Warblers turned to Kurt in surprise and they broke into a grin of their own in return. Some of the Warblers that Kurt knew personally; Nick, Jeff, David, Trent and Thad, approached Kurt and each gave Kurt a friendly pat on the shoulder or a very enthusiastic handshake (mostly Jeff did that). Kurt returned their greeting warmly and his grin got wider.

“You didn’t tell us you were coming!” Trent exclaimed.

“I did,” Kurt said. “I told Sebastian who informed David,”

“And I was about to inform you guys,” David continued defensively when the Warblers turned to him. “-if it weren’t for the fact that Sebastian abruptly burst into a song,”

“If you gotta sing, you gotta sing,” Sebastian replied easily, approaching Kurt with a smirk. “Took you long enough to arrive, princess. You nearly missed the performance,”

“And we don’t want that, do we?” Kurt said playfully. “But seriously, you guys were amazing!”

The Warblers preened at the praise and invited Kurt to sit on one of the sofas. Perched on one at the side of the room, Kurt breathed in a sigh. Sitting here with the Warblers, he could not help but to remember all the times when he himself had been a Warbler. He remembered being comfortable albeit the strict rules and he had been really happy. Not as happy as when he was with the New Directions, but he was content all the same.

“But I’m sure the New Directions are just as awesome, though,” Trent chirped. “I heard you guys won first place in Nationals! Congrats!”

“Thanks,” Kurt said, feeling very pleased. “We worked hard for it,”

“I’m sure you did,” Thad smiled. “Wish we could’ve have seen the performance,”

“I’ll show you the video when I have the chance,” Kurt promised.

Sebastian snickered from somewhere behind Kurt. Kurt turned to him with a glare and crossed his arms. “What are you snickering about?” His glare intensified when Sebastian merely smirked and shook his head. He waited until Sebastian finally spoke.

“Yes, well…I could imagine how _your_ performance will look like, princess,” he said. “I bet you did a full-blown hip roll in front of the crowd,”

Kurt managed to look affronted when the meaning of his words sunk. The Warblers, however, looked somewhat embarrassed. David let out an awkward cough and looked away. Kurt glared at Sebastian some more before he started to speak. “Excuse me? What the hell does that suppose to mean?” he demanded.

“Oh please, don’t pretend you don’t know,” Then, Sebastian did something that Kurt have only seen Sam and himself did. Sebastian smirked before he thrust his hip forward and did what he called ‘Kurt’s hip roll’. Kurt found himself staring alongside the Warblers. David coughed louder and turned so that his back was facing the rest. Nick choked and Kurt could have sworn he heard Jeff whimper beside him. Trent looked like he was about to splutter something indignant while Thad closed his eyes and mumbled something about ‘decency for certain people’.

Kurt…well, he could not stop staring.

Sebastian straightened himself and gave Kurt a winning smile. “That. See? Only when you did it, you looked more like a girl than you do now,”

That snapped Kurt out of his reverie. He narrowed his eyes at Sebastian. “I do not,” he hissed.

“I beg to differ,”

“Boys,” David called, his back still towards them. “Don’t fight,”

But Kurt ignored him and went nearer to Sebastian until they were nearly chest to chest. “I bet I can prove you otherwise,” he glowered.

Sebastian looked amused, raising his eyebrow. “Oh? How so?”

“A song,”

That was not something that Sebastian was fully expecting. Expression unchanging, he gave Kurt a cool stare. “Hm? A song, you say,”

Kurt nodded stiffly. “Yes, a song. I’ll perform a song and I’ll show you that I most definitely do not look like a girl when I perform,”

“Oh? Well, why don’t I make it more interesting? Why don’t we _both_ sing and the Warblers,” Sebastian gestured to his friends with a wave of his hand. “-shall make the comparison?”

Kurt considered this for a moment. After a while, he nodded. “Sure, why not?”

Sebastian smirked. “Alright, then. I’ll start,” He gave his friends a look which they seemed to comprehend as some sort of a signal and they began to sing out an upbeat tune. Kurt recognized it because of the late nights when he occasionally heard Finn singing it in his room.

Without the slightest hesitation, Sebastian began to sing.

_I'm better_

_So much better now_

_I see the light, touch the light,_

_We're together now_

_I'm better_

_So much better now_

_Look to the skies, give me life_

_We're together now_

With a wave of his hand, Sebastian gestured Kurt to sing. His jaw set, Kurt started to sing as well.

_We've only just begun_

_Hypnotized by drums_

_Until forever comes_

_You'll find us chasing the sun_

_They said this day wouldn't come_

_We refused to run_

_We've only just begun_

And then, the pair sang together, their voices coming together perfectly.

_You'll find us chasing the sun_

_Oh oh oh oh oh oh_

_Oh oh oh oh oh oh_

_Oh oh oh oh oh oh_

_You'll find us chasing the sun_

_Oh oh oh oh oh oh_

_Oh oh oh oh oh oh_

_Oh oh oh oh oh oh_

_You'll find us chasing the sun_

_When Daylight's fading_

_We're gonna play in the dark_

_Till it's golden again_

_And now it feels so amazing_

_Can see you coming_

_And We'll never grow old again_

_You'll find us chasing the sun_

Sebastian gave Kurt a superior grin before he abruptly ran towards the nearest wall before using his foot to lift himself in a backward flip. The Warblers, in the midst of their background harmonizing, made an impressed sound. Kurt merely rolled his eyes and belted out the next line, his tone somewhat low and aggressive. Sebastian found this a lot more different than the usual high voice he was used to hearing.

_I'm never_

_I'm never down_

_Lying here, staring up_

_And you're looking down_

_I'm never_

_I'm never down_

_Live forever, forever_

Kurt cast Sebastian a smirk of his own before he began to twirl on his feet in a way he had seen Jason Derulo did on television. He himself was not really the kind to imitate moves off the television, but this was one of the moves that he did not mind learning. Then, without warning, Kurt did a side flip before landing neatly on his feet. Trent whistled, impressed.

Sebastian, not willing to be beaten, sang out the next verse along with Kurt.

_We've only just begun_

_Hypnotised by drums_

_Until forever comes_

_You'll find us chasing the sun_

_They said this day wouldn't come_

_We refused to run_

_We've only just begun_

_You'll find us chasing the sun_

_The sun, the sun, the sun_

_You'll find us chasing the sun_

_Oh oh oh oh oh oh_

_Oh oh oh oh oh oh_

_Oh oh oh oh oh oh_

_You'll find us chasing the sun_

_Oh oh oh oh oh oh_

_Oh oh oh oh oh oh_

_Oh oh oh oh oh oh_

_You'll find us chasing the sun_

_When the Daylight's fading_

_We're gonna play in the dark_

_Till it's golden again_

That was when Kurt had an idea in his hand. He bit his lip, hesitant to do it. But when he saw Sebastian giving him that arrogant smile again, he steeled his resolve. He approached Sebastian until the pair was only a few inches away from each other. When Kurt started to lean in, Sebastian initially looked a bit confused. However, when Kurt leaned in some more until their lips were nearly touching, Kurt was positive he heard Sebastian’s breathing catch. Exhaling slowly, Kurt gave Sebastian a triumphant smirk before he turned and started to grind his body against Sebastian’s-a move he usually saw Santana doing with Brittany. Sebastian looked shell shocked when Kurt turned to look at him.

Kurt took the Sebastian’s momentary shocked silence to belt out the next line.

_And now it feels so amazing_

_Can see you coming_

_And We'll never grow old again_

_You'll find us chasing the sun_

_You'll find us chasing the sun_

Somehow, Sebastian managed to snap out of his reverie and sang the next verse, all the while maintaining a wary glance at Kurt.

_When the Daylight's fading_

_We're gonna play in the dark_

_Till it's golden again_

_And now it feels so amazing_

_Can see you coming_

_And We'll never grow old again_

_You'll find us chasing the sun_

The pair sang the next verse together. Sebastian and Kurt were exchanging dance routines at a more determined pace, not ready to give in to one another.

_Oh oh oh oh oh oh_

_Oh oh oh oh oh oh_

_Oh oh oh oh oh oh_

_You'll find us chasing the sun_

_Oh oh oh oh oh oh_

_Oh oh oh oh oh oh_

_Oh oh oh oh oh oh_

_You'll find us chasing the sun_

By the time the last note drifted into the air, Kurt and Sebastian were chest to chest and breathing really hard. They stared at each other, willing the other look away. The common room was silent for a brief moment before David cleared his throat uncomfortably.

“Um…it’s a tie!” he declared.

~*.*~

Kurt and Sebastian avoided looking at one another when they sat in Burt’s truck that evening.

Kurt was still mortified at himself for dancing like he did earlier. He had not meant to the body grind but he cared too much of his pride to give in to Sebastian. But now, when he thought about it, he could not feel anything other than extreme mortification.

Sebastian had resumed his usual position of staring out of the window so it was hard to tell how he felt about the whole ordeal.

Burt cast a worried glance and Kurt and could not help but to ask.

“What’s wrong, boys? You two looked as if you saw something horrible,”

In perfect unison, the two teens replied.

“I don’t want to talk about it,” 


	11. Chapter 10: Graduation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ~Graduation is not the end; it's the beginning~

Dinner was…well, one could describe it as ‘simply awkward’.

At least, for Kurt and Sebastian.

Carole was scooping some bread pudding for Finn and Burt was busy chewing on his steak. Finn was downing the rest of his glass of apple cider before finishing the rest of his spaghetti. Kurt, however, was trying very hard to concentrate on his own dinner while trying to avoid eye contact with Sebastian. Which was nearly an impossible feat seeing as Sebastian kept on asking him to pass a certain dish and Kurt just had to look at him when he did (Burt was rather strict about the whole ‘looking at someone when they speak to you’ thing, surprisingly). And when they locked eyes, Kurt could feel the tension radiating off that stare.

Try as he might, Kurt could not shake off the feeling of mortification he felt earlier that day.

It was not like him to act the way he did. The grinding, especially, and Kurt still shivered at the thought of it. Sebastian was not particularly helpful, either, seeing as he refused to look Kurt in the eye after the whole ordeal. Also, strangely, when they reached home, Sebastian darted towards Kurt’s room and locked himself in the bathroom. Judging from the sound of water running, Kurt knew Sebastian was taking a shower. But he remembered that the heater was broken and was not fixed until about an hour ago. Sebastian, who hated cold showers in general, did not seem to notice. Kurt stared at the closed door and had walked away.

“So, Kurt, Finn,” Burt began, looking at the two of them. “Your graduation…it’s this week, right?”

Finn swallowed his food before nodding. “Yeah. We should get our college application replies sometime this week, too,”

“You applied for the Actor’s Studio, right, sweetie?” Carole smiled. “How did your audition go?”

“I think I did pretty well,” Finn sounded extremely pleased with himself that Kurt could not resist smiling. He was proud of Finn, really. He was glad that his brother finally found something he wanted to be. He was no longer unsure of himself and gained more self-confidence. Come to think of it, Kurt realized that Finn had indeed changed a lot ever since he first met him in sophomore year. Gone was the popularity-obsessed teen he grew to tolerate over the years. Finn had become a more mature person and Kurt found this…well, he was glad of the change in him.

“I’m sure you did great,” Kurt said encouragingly. “You always did have flair of taking on…multiple roles,”

“If by that you mean having so much confused personalities you don’t even know who you are anymore,” Sebastian muttered quietly. Kurt deliberately stepped on his foot underneath the table and he watched in satisfaction when Sebastian hissed in pain.

“Are you alright, Sebastian?”Carole asked in concern. “Are your bruises hurting?”

Sebastian flashed her a forced smile. “I’m okay. I just…,” Under Kurt’s watchful eyes, Sebastian merely sighed. “I just bumped my foot against the chair. Nothing major,”

“That sucks, man,” Finn gave him a sympathetic look. While he had been initially wary of Sebastian, Finn seemed to be making an effort to be civilized around him. “That happened to me, too. Only I bumped it too hard against the table and I couldn’t walk for the whole day. Oh wait,” Finn looked confused for a moment. “Was that the time when I twisted my ankle?”

“Anyway,” Burt cut in. “Speaking of injuries, the doctor said that you could take the sling off around next week, right, Sebastian?”

Sebastian nodded. “Yeah…It’s been about a week since I worn it so I guess next week should be alright. He said that once I did, though, I shouldn’t exert too much work on it for a while,”

“Well, there goes shoving my share of chores on you,” Kurt mumbled. Burt glanced at him, a small smile playing on his lips.

“Come on, bud. He’ll do his own share of chores by the end of this month, I can guarantee you that,”

“Yes, but,” Sebastian drawled, his fingers twirling the fork in his hands. “If I get injured trying to help you around the house, Kurt, I’ll blame you,” Despite his threat, his tone was playful.

Kurt rolled his eyes. “I doubt that I’ll need your help much. You can’t handle a broom well enough to save your own life,”

Sebastian managed to look affronted. “Yes, I can! As if you’re the one to talk, Kurt. You can’t wipe furniture without breaking anything. Don’t think I miss the part where you broke the vase the other day,”

Kurt blushed. “It was purely an accident!” he protested. “I bet you can’t cook anything without poisoning it,”

“The Warblers beg to differ. They enjoyed the pastries I bake on occasion,”

“You bake?” Kurt snorted. “Well, that’s ironic coming from the one who insisted that he’s so manly,”

“Baking _is_ manly,” Sebastian retorted. “It takes courage to admit that you bake,”

Kurt was about to come up with a witty response when he heard a soft chuckle. He turned to see Carole watching them with an amused smile. Her eyes were twinkling. “Goodness boys. You two fight like an old married couple,”

A terse silence.

Cheeks reddening a rapid pace, Kurt looked at Carole with wide eyes while spluttering a reply. “Carole! We don’t-!”

At the same time, Sebastian said indignantly “We are not-!”

The boys looked at each other for a moment before looking away in a huff. Kurt rose stiffly out of his chair and asked if he could be excused. When he was permitted, he walked out of the dining room with Sebastian tailing after him not long after. Hushed arguments could be heard a moment later.

“Stop _following_ me!”

“Please, I was the one who wanted to walk out first,”

“Liar,”

“Princess,”

“Jerk,”

“Prude,”

With a small smile, Burt turned to his wife who was biting back another life. “Yep, definitely like an old married couple,” he agreed.

~*.*~

The Mckinley auditorium was packed by the time Sebastian, Burt and Carole arrived that Friday. Sebastian shifted uneasily in his seat as he played with the material of his sweater. He had skipped school today seeing as it was graduation for his school as well today and he saw no point in attending. Most of the Warblers were in the same grade with him and Sebastian was not really close to the Senior Warblers aside from David and Thad (he had sent them a short message to make up for his absence). So when Burt invited him to go to McKinley’s graduation ceremony, he figured, why not?

But honestly, he was starting to get a little restless. Which resulted with him shifting and fidgeting in his seat. Carole and Burt had gone outside to talk to some friend of theirs and Sebastian opted to remain where he was. A decision he was steadily regretting. He fished out his phone and hastily sent a text to Kurt.

_What’s taking you so long? –Sebastian_

The reply came not a minute later.

_Sebastian, there’s the fact that the graduation ceremony doesn’t start until in about 10 minutes, for starters. And there’s the fact that there’s more than 1000 students here. There’s also the fact that the Glee club will have their turn last. So in conclusion; patience, Smythe. It will be worth it –Kurt_

Sebastian rolled his eyes.

_This is worse than receiving a ‘K’ for a reply –Sebastian_

_I try :D –Kurt_

Sebastian bit back a smile and leaned back against his chair. He closed his eyes and breathed in and out steadily before he opened his eyes again to look around. The auditorium was nicely decorated with banners and the sight of students rushing here and there was mildly entertaining. He was about to settle on playing Angry Birds on his phone while waiting when he heard a very familiar voice.

“Hey,”

Blaine was standing in front of him with his hands stuffed in his jeans pocket and looking _very_ awkward. Some time ago, Sebastian would have thought that this awkwardness of his made him look cute and rather endearing. But now…nothing. Sebastian gave him a light shrug. “Hey yourself,”

“Is this seat taken?” Blaine asked, gesturing to the empty seat beside Sebastian.

“Nah, it’s free. But don’t you want to sit with your New Directions friends?”

Blaine fidgeted uncomfortably, looking down to the floor. “They’re not exactly pleased with me as of late,”

Sebastian raised an eyebrow. Blaine sighed. “They found out about the true reason behind the breakup, which,” Blaine looked at him once more. “I assume you know,”

“Of course, I do. The real question is…how did the _New Directions_ find out?”

“Kurt apparently talked to Mercedes about it and made her not tell anybody. But you know how the Glee club works. Gossips spread like wildfire and sure enough, when I came back to school the next day, Puck was already threatening to break my bones,”

Sebastian bit back a laugh and settled for a barely-concealed smirk. Blaine gave Sebastian a withering look and continued, plopping himself in the empty seat next to Sebastian. “I was lucky that Kurt calmed things down a bit. He even went to the extent saying that it’s not my fault…” Blaine groaned and buried his face in his hands. “Finn was kind enough to be civil with me in the meantime and the girls are _trying_ to be understanding…but I guess I’ll just have to deal with Puck and Santana glaring at the back of my head for the time being,”

Sebastian patted Blaine’s shoulder comfortingly. “Hey, they’ll come around. It’s not as if you wanted this to happen,” Sebastian looked at Blaine with a look of pity. “You can’t help the way you feel,”

“I wish I could, though,” Blaine whispered. “I _didn’t_ want to mess things up but…”

“But?” Sebastian prompted.

Blaine turned to look at Sebastian with some sort of raw desperation. “I can feel it…the feeling, it’s like slipping out of my fingers. I don’t know how or why it happened but it did. All of a sudden, I see…” Blaine inhaled sharply, almost terrified that he was actually going to say it. “…a life without Kurt. I envisioned myself somewhere in the future, looking happy and content, doing what I love…”

“And you see Kurt nowhere in that future?”

Blaine shook his head wearily. “No. I read in the Internet that if you’re falling out of love with your partner, you get bored with them. You…just stopped caring about what they do, or how they feel,”

“Do you feel that way about Kurt?”

“No!” Blaine shook his head once more. “I’ll never stop caring about Kurt. It’s just…I don’t know…”

Sebastian sighed and gave Blaine another pat on the shoulder. “Don’t worry about it too much. We’ll talk about this again if you want, but not here. This is supposed to be a happy event, after all,”

Blaine nodded mutely. “Y-yeah. You’re right. I shouldn’t-,” He breathed in and out slowly before turning to Sebastian, flashing him a small smile. “Thank you, regardless. For bearing with me,”

The other teen merely gave a shrug. “It’s nothing. Just don’t go all waterworks on me, Anderson. I dealt enough of them from Kurt,”

Blaine looked like he was about to say something but closed his mouth and shook his head. Sebastian did not bother to question him about it.

Burt and Carole arrived back to their seats a few minutes later. While Burt had given Blaine a stern (yet somehow remaining polite the whole time) stare, Carole had been friendly to the boy and gave him a brief hug before returning back to her seat. The ceremony started with a short speech from Principal Figgins before music began to blare from the speakers, indicating the start of the diploma distribution process. Sebastian watched as Puck went to the stage with a guitar and began to sing his heart out while Principal Figgins handed the diplomas to the students.

Sebastian hated to admit it, but he was starting to enjoy himself with all the music and all.

Finally, it was the New Directions’ turn. One by one, the members emerged from behind the curtain as their names were called, each of them displaying some sort of a pose before going up to the stage. When Kurt’s name was called, Sebastian noticed that Blaine stiffened beside him as they watched the said boy emerging from behind the curtains, wearing a huge grin on his face. Sebastian caught a tiny fond smile playing on Blaine’s lips when Kurt did a high kick before making his way to the stage.

When Kurt passed the pair, Sebastian noticed that Kurt’s stare on Blaine was a bit more lingering than usual before the countertenor flashed Blaine a tiny, comforting smile before walking away. Blaine practically sagged with relief shortly after. Sebastian grinned slightly. “The princess is doing better than you think. Don’t beat yourself up because of it,” he reached out to (or attempt to) ruffle Blaine’s hair before turning back his attention towards the stage.

“Yeah,” he heard Blaine mutter beside him. “I’ll try not to,”

Sebastian smiled.

~*.*~

“I’m tired!”

Kurt flopped onto the bed, his diploma in one hand. He snuggled into the pillows and let out a content sigh.

Sebastian entered the room shortly after, his hair mussed from falling asleep in the car. There were sleep marks on his left cheek. “Well, I’m beat,” Sebastian answered. “And I’m not the one who’s graduated,” Kurt looked up and flashed Sebastian a tired smile.

“Yes, well,” Kurt got up into a sitting position to face Sebastian properly. “Thank you,” he said quietly. “For coming today. I honestly didn’t think you would,”

“I have nothing else better to do,” Sebastian answered easily, leaning against the wall as he blinked wearily, trying to get over the haze of sleepiness. “’Sides, it’s not every day that the resident princess gets to graduate,” he smirked.

“Oh, shut up,” Kurt replied, throwing a pillow at him. Sebastian caught it easily and set in on the roll-up mattress. “Aww, another pillow for me? Didn’t think you’d care,” Sebastian chuckled when Kurt gave him a hard look.

“Whatever, Sebastian,” Kurt resumed his lying position on his bed and rolled onto his side. He heard footsteps as he closed his eyes. Then, he felt something heavy sitting on his mattress, causing it to deflate slightly. He opened his eyes to find Sebastian sitting on his bed with an envelope in his hand. Kurt looked at it questioningly before Sebastian began to speak.

“I…uh…” he trailed off awkwardly. “I got you something for graduation,”

Kurt raised an eyebrow, sitting up once more.

“Consider it as…a thank-you-for-putting-up-with-me-despite-the-fact-that-I’m-a-dick present. I got it when we went shopping the other day,” Sebastian said quickly before Kurt could say anything. Kurt looked at him questioningly and with some degree of surprise in his eyes before nodding. “Okay…please let me have it then,”

Hesitantly, Sebastian handed Kurt the envelope. Kurt opened it slowly and took out the contents. Almost immediately, his eyes went out.

“This is…”

“I know you have a thing for that sort of thing,” Sebastian explained, trying hard not to sound sheepish. “You could go with one of your female friends…I mean, I know you’ve probably been to one before so-,”

“Doesn’t matter,” Kurt cut in. “I’ll go again,”

In his hands, was a pair of tickets to see a recital organized by the local SCPA which will be held in three days. Oh god, how Kurt adored recitals! He had gone to a few before and was very eager to go this one. He beamed at Sebastian. “Thanks so much, Sebastian! That’s nice of you,”

Sebastian looked somewhat embarrassed. “Like I said, it’s like a-,”

“I know, I know,” Kurt smiled. “Still, thank you,”

“Also…” Sebastian began hesitantly. “I would also like to…er…sing you something,”

Kurt stared at him.

Sebastian sighed. “This is actually a backup plan and since I can’t play my guitar at the moment, the performance will probably suck anyway so...”

“It’s okay,” Kurt said, smiling. “I won’t mind. You probably worked hard at it, too,”

At this, Sebastian shrugged. “It’s something that I’ve sung before but I guess…” He looked at Kurt hesitantly. “Are you sure?”

“Why not?”

Nodding slowly, Sebastian took a deep breath before he locked eyes with Kurt and opened his mouth to sing.

 

_Well you're magic he said_

_But don't let it all go to your head_

_Well I bet if you all had it all figured out_

_Then you'd never get out of bed_

_No doubt_

_All the things that I've read what he wrote me_

_Is now sounding like the man I was hoping_

_To be_

_Keep on keeping it real_

_Cause it keeps getting easier indeed_

_He's the reason that I'm laughing_

_Even if there's no one else_

_He said, you've got to love yourself_

_You say, you shouldn't mumble when you speak_

_But keep your tongue up in your cheek_

_And if you stumble on to_

_You better remember that it's humble that you seek_

_You got all the skill you need,_

_Individuality_

_You got something_

_Call it gumption_

_Call it anything you want_

_Because when you play the fool now_

_You're only fooling everyone else_

_You're learning to love yourself_

_Yes you are_

_There's no price to pay_

_When you give and what you take,_

_That's why it's easy to thank you_

_You..._

_Let's say take a break from the day_

_And get back to the old garage_

_Because life's too short anyway_

_But at least it's better than average_

_As long as you got me_

_And I got you_

_You know we'll got a lot to go around_

_I'll be your friend_

_Your other brother_

_Another love to come and comfort you_

_And I'll keep reminding_

_If it's the only thing I ever do_

_I will always love_

_I will always love you_

_Yes you_

_I will always, always, always, always love_

_I will always, always love_

_I will always, always love, love_

_Climb up over the top._

_Survey the state of the soul._

_You've got to find out for yourself whether or not you're truly trying._

_Why not give it a shot?_

_Shake it. Take control and inevitably wind up_

_Find out for yourself all the strengths you have inside of you_

Kurt was staring at him with what would Sebastian guessed to be teary eyes when Sebastian finished singing. They stared at one another in silence for a moment before Kurt did something Sebastian did not at all expect. He scooted nearer to Sebastian before wrapping his arms around the other boy’s neck to gently pull him into a hug.

“Thank you,” Kurt whispered. Sebastian felt something moist soaking his shirt and he guessed they were tears. Why Kurt was even crying, Sebastian could not comprehend. “Thank you, Sebastian. That was beautiful,”

Sebastian felt something warm in his chest for a reason he could not fathom. He bit his lip, unsure, before he lifted up his free hand to wrap it around Kurt, returning the hug. It was strange for him, the two of them being like this. Even though it had happened before, the both of them had been in such an emotional wreckage that they do not exactly remembered much about the whole thing. But now…

Now, Sebastian thought, it was slightly different. Different, alien and strange in so many ways that Sebastian could not even begin describing it.

But he liked it.

A lot.


	12. Chapter 11: story

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ~Stories can take you anywhere, from your home to your own version of paradise~

_“Sebastian…”_

_“Honey, it’s us….”_

_Sebastian opened his eyes and blinked. All around him was dark and no matter how hard Sebastian tried, he could not see a thing. He felt as if he was floating; light and weightless. He was also feeling oddly drained, not having enough energy to panic, to question where he was and why he was here. He wanted to sleep. So badly, at that._

_“Sweetie…”_

_There was that voice again. It sounded feminine, its tone soft and warm. Sebastian slowly turned his head towards it._

_“Sebastian…”_

_There was another voice. It was masculine but holding the same warmth as the previous voice did. It also came from the same direction. Sebastian blinked multiple times when he saw a patch of white light somewhere in the distance. It started out as faint and flickering, but it began to grow brighter until Sebastian was no longer in the dark. The surroundings became bright and now, Sebastian could clearly see two figures standing not too far away from him._

_“Who are you?” he asked._

_There was no answer. Sebastian strained to see who the figures were, trying his best to focus. There was a brief moment before the figures started to look clearer. Sebastian could now tell that there was a man and a woman. The woman had long wavy brown hair, creamy skin and very gentle-looking blue eyes. The man was a head taller than her, with black hair that had been cropped short, slightly tanned skin and familiar-looking green eyes._

_It took Sebastian a minute, but his eyes widened as soon as he knew._

_“Mom…Dad…” he breathed._

_His parents smiled softly at him. His mother went nearer to Sebastian and before he could say anything, he was suddenly enveloped into a warm hug. His mother kissed his cheek before pulling him closer, patting his back. “My darling boy…”she cooed. “We miss you,”_

_Sebastian’s father, too, approached the pair and wrapped his arms around them both. “We really do, Sebastian,” he said. Sebastian remained still, too shell-shocked to say anything. But he could feel tears gathering in his eyes and threatening to fall. His throat started to feel tight. He could feel a sob trying to rise out of it._

_“I…” he choked. “Mom...Dad…why…?”_

_His mother turned her head to look at him. She was smiling but her eyes were sad. She stroked his cheek lovingly before she began to speak. “I’m sorry we left you so abruptly,” she whispered. Her voice was oddly distant despite the fact that she was hugging him close. It sounded like an echo in a cave; loud but fading away soon after. His father looked at him, his lips stretched into a thin line before they curved into a tiny sad smile. “Son, you’re doing so well without us…You’re stronger than we thought,” he said, ruffling his hair._

_The pair released Sebastian from their embrace. Sebastian looked on in confusion when they shared a look and faced him, their expressions shadowed and hesitant. His mother bit her lip. “We have to go, sweetie…I’m sorry,”_

_“What?”_

_His father looked at him and reached out to ruffle his hair. “We’ll always be watching over you…”_

_Sebastian found himself shaking his head. “No,” he said softly._

_“My darling boy…” his mother whispered one more time before his parents started to fade, their figures becoming more translucent with each passing second._

_“No,” Sebastian said again, his tone growing desperate. “No, no, no! Don’t go, don’t-!”_

_He tried to grab hold of their hands but his own hand passed through them, as if they were not even there. He looked at them with wide eyes, his tears spilling down onto his cheeks and he made no move to stop them. “M-mom! D-dad! Please, don’t-!”_

_His parents continued to fade away, their sad smiles remaining on their faces the whole time. They also seemed to be moving away and when Sebastian realized this, he began to run, desperate to catch up to them. But no matter how hard he ran, he just could not get closer to them. “Please!” he cried. “Don’t go! I need you, please-!” Sebastian could not even bother how broken he sounded. All that mattered to him now was his parents._

_Sebastian thought he felt something soft on his cheek, as if someone was kissing it, before his surroundings began to grow dark once more._

_“We love you, Sebastian…” was the last thing he heard._

~*.*~

Kurt woke up to a sound of whimpering.

He groggily opened his eyes and turned to the source of the sound. He got up to a half-sitting position, propping himself on his elbow and looked around. He saw something he might as well would never expect.

Sebastian was tossing and turning on his roll-up mattress, the duvet tangled in his legs. His expression was twisted in pain and his cheeks were tear-streaked. His arm was outstretched as if he was reaching out for something but could not quite reach it.

“N-no, don’t go…” he whimpered softly, eyes still shut as he tossed and turned.

Kurt swung his legs off the bed and quickly lowered himself to kneel beside Sebastian. He reached out a hand and it hovered above Sebastian’s shoulder, contemplating to wake him up or not. Sebastian had begun to thrash this time, his arm flailing to the side and his whimpers increased. Kurt bit his lip before shaking Sebastian’s shoulder.

“Hey, hey,” he whispered. “Sebastian, wake up. Wake up, come on…”

It took him some more insistent shaking before Sebastian woke up with a gasp, sitting up so quickly that he startled Kurt. He was still shaking and he was looking around with wide eyes before his gaze landed on Kurt, who was looking at him with a cautious expression.

“Kurt…?” he said quietly. “What…why…?”

“You had a nightmare,” Kurt explained. “Are you okay now?” he asked in a concerned tone.

He watched as Sebastian breathed heavily for a moment before Sebastian covered his face with his hand, groaning softly. His frame was still shaking, Kurt noted. He patted Sebastian’s back in an effort to calm him down. “Hey…” Kurt said. “Look, do you want to talk about it?”

Sebastian was silent and after a few minutes, Kurt thought of giving up trying to talk to him when he thought he heard a whisper. “What?” he asked.

“It’s just…” Sebastian trailed off. “So vivid,” He uncovered his face and looked straight at the wall. He drew his knees to his chest and wrapped an arm around them. This position made Sebastian looked smaller and…vulnerable. “I had a dream about my parents,” he said at last. He let out a breath noisily and continued. “They said they’re sorry for leaving me so soon…and that they love me,”

“Sebastian…” Kurt had nothing to say to that.

“I know I’m supposed to be…over about this,” Sebastian said. “But I always have these…flashbacks of them and I just…” Kurt thought he heard a sniff but he did not acknowledge it, knowing Sebastian would not appreciate it. He knew Sebastian long enough that he hated to be depicted as a weak person. “I just can’t get over it, Kurt…It still hurts,”

Kurt looked at him with a sad expression. “Sebastian, it’s normal for you to feel this way. It’s been…what? A week?” he said. “It takes time to really get over things like that, Sebastian. In fact…”he took a deep breath and let it out slowly, turning away for a moment.  “…when my mom died 10 years ago, it took me a few weeks to start eating properly again. My dad was a wreck when I stopped talking or eating much during those few weeks. It was hell for him,” he looked at Sebastian. “I know how it feels…and it’s okay for you to still be hurting right now. You’ve done a pretty good job repressing it so far, anyway,” he smiled.

“How long until it stops?” Sebastian whispered. “I’m not really up for vivid dreams at the moment,”

“I wish I could give you a definite answer…but I can’t,” Kurt said. “But give it time. The pain will lessen before you even realized it,”

Sebastian was silent again and Kurt decided to get back to sleep again. As he was about to get up, however, he felt something tugging his sleeve. He looked down to see Sebastian’s hand gripping the said sleeve. He looked at Sebastian questioningly but the boy did not return his stare. Instead, he was biting his lip and seemed to be contemplating something.

“Sebas-,”

“Can you sit here with me?” Sebastian cut him off. “Until…I fall asleep again?”

Kurt raised an eyebrow.

“It’s just for a while,” Sebastian said in a rush, his face somehow flustered but maybe Kurt was imagining it seeing as the room was dark anyway. “I just…I can’t sleep like this…My mind is too messed up to let me go to sleep,”

“Your mind is already messed up since the beginning of time,” Kurt sighed but lowered himself on the mattress to sit beside Sebastian. He gently pried Sebastian’s fingers off his sleeve and flashed him a tiny smile. “Better?”

“I won’t know. I’m not asleep yet,” Sebastian replied.

Kurt could only roll his eyes.

The room was quiet aside from the sound of breathing and shifting of limbs. Sebastian sat very still beside Kurt and the only signs of movement coming from him was his fingers, gripping the duvet every now and then. Kurt leaned against the wall and closed his eyes. He could hear the sound of crickets chirping a while later and the sound was oddly soothing and it dulled his senses until he could feel himself on the verge of dozing off. But before he could, however, Sebastian spoke.

‘Hey, Kurt…I still can’t sleep,”

“It helps if you lie down, Sebastian,”

“I am,”

Kurt opened his eyes and found that Sebastian was indeed lying down, his head propped on two pillows and his green eyes were staring at Kurt. “Can you…” he trailed off and chewed on his lip again.

“You should stop that,” Kurt said. “Soon, your bottom lip will be gone before you know it,”

That stopped Sebastian immediately but it did not stop him from rolling his eyes in annoyance. Kurt considered closing his eyes again but Sebastian had begun speaking to him again.

“Hey, princess…do you mind a little story-telling?”

“What?” Kurt turned to him in surprise.

“My mom…”Sebastian paused. “She had this habit of telling me a story if I can’t sleep. Even when I’m a teenager right now, she still did that. It helped…take my mind of things to allow me to go to sleep,”

“Like a distraction,” Kurt concluded. Sebastian nodded. “I’m not even sure if you’re good at story-telling, Kurt, but I guess your voice will be good enough as a distraction,” he said offhandedly. Kurt blinked. Did Sebastian insulted and sort-of complimented him in one sentence?

Kurt sighed. “Sure, whatever. What story do you want me to tell you?”

“Anything,” Sebastian paused. “As long as it does not involve a prince in a shining armor. I’m not really up for fairytales right now, princess,” he added as an afterthought.

“Oh shut up,” Kurt huffed. He thought about it for a moment before he shrugged delicately. He did not really have a story in mind so he will have to make one up as he went along. Not that he had any qualms about that. He just hoped Sebastian would not mind and complain.

“You know,” Kurt began. “There was once this one boy. He’s rich and had everything-every _one_ even- he wanted. Everyone loved him,”

“What’s his name?” Sebastian mumbled.

“Hmm….Adam, I guess?”

Sebastian snorted. “How lame…Can it be Julian instead?”

Kurt only smiled. “…Sure. Anyway, Julian was actually a very nasty boy. He acted nice on the surface, but if you’re unlucky, you’ll see his true nature; rude, mean and cunning,”

“Then how did everyone loved him?”

“I’m getting there,” Kurt said. “No one said a thing about his bad antics if he showed any. His family was a very influential one and no one wanted trouble from them. One day, Julian met another boy. His name was Lo,”

“Lo?” Sebastian snorted again.

Kurt swatted his arm. “Shut up. This is my story. Anyway,” he said. “Lo wasn’t like the others. He was headstrong and refused to back down. Julian found this quite annoying. He tried to charm Lo with his great personality like he did with everyone else, but Lo was not bought. He had heard stories about Julian and he did not want to be involved with someone like him,”

“His loss,” Sebastian muttered.

“They began to fight. Each time, Julian tried to break Lo’s self-confidence, insulting him at every turn. But Lo would only roll his eyes and blatantly ignored him. This made Julian very frustrated. He wasn’t used to people treating him like this,”

Silence.

“One day,” Kurt said quietly. “Julian landed into a situation he did not expect. His parents suffered a huge loss from their business and were on the verge of being bankrupt. Suddenly, no one seemed to care about him anymore. It then dawned on him that no one truly liked him. They were only friends with him because of his money and influence. But when all that was gone, he was nothing to them. All…except for one,” Kurt smiled. “Lo stood by his side, surprising Julian in so many ways he could not explain. He repeatedly questioned Lo’s intention but Lo only laughed it off. When Julian asked him again for the last time one day, Lo smiled and looked straight ahead,”

Sebastian did not want to admit it, but he was straining to hear what Kurt was about to say.

“Lo said…”Julian, you’re biggest asshole I’ve ever met. And all I want to do most of the time is to punch you in the face. But…I don’t hate you, dummy. In fact, I care a lot about you, for some reason,”,” Kurt gave a tiny shrug. “Naturally, the story ends with them being friends and all that. But I bet you’ll find that pretty boring, huh, Sebastian?” he said, turning to Sebastian.

The said boy was staring at the ceiling, not answering Kurt at first. His expression was smooth and his eyes were half-lidded. For a moment, Kurt thought that he was falling asleep. Then, he heard a soft mutter.

“Julian’s a pretty lucky guy. Getting a friend out of a situation like that,”

Kurt blinked. “Yes, well…friends come in unexpected ways, Sebastian. You should know that,”

“Do you think…if Julian had lost his parents instead…do you think Lo would have stood by his side, too?”

There was silence. Kurt stared at Sebastian quietly, rather taken aback by the sudden question. He leaned back against the wall again and thought it over.

“I…”he said carefully, choosing his words. “Yes,” he says finally, this time with more conviction. “Yes, he would,”

“But Julian’s a total asshole, like you said,” Sebastian muttered. “Why would Lo help him after all the things he had done?”

“Because…Lo doesn’t hate Julian, I told you that. He actually cared for him and was willing to be his friend when no one else was there for Julian. Their friendship may have started from pity at first…but after a while,” Kurt closed his eyes. “Lo realizes that Julian isn’t so bad after all. He’s a dick most of the time, yes, but his brash personality grew to be something Lo got used to, even finding it endearing in the end. Julian was just someone misunderstood…Most villains are,”

Things had gone quiet after that and Kurt was starting to worry that maybe he had said too much.

“I’m glad,” Sebastian whispered.

Kurt opened his eyes to look at him once more. Sebastian was already closing his eyes and the duvet had been pulled up to his torso.

“I’m glad Julian found a friend after all that…” Before Kurt realized it, Sebastian was already dozing off, his hand no longer gripping the duvet, instead it lay limply on it. His breathing was calm and his face looked relaxed. There was even a hint of a smile on his lips.

Kurt returned the smile.

“Yeah, me too,”


	13. Chapter 12: Free

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ~The greatest gift you could give to a person might just be a sense of freedom~

That Saturday morning was pretty normal; slow, even.

Sebastian was lounging on the couch, flipping through the TV channels again, his expression clearly bored. Finn was texting on his phone as he sat on the armchair, occasionally letting out a fond laugh before replying back. Kurt had passed the pair on his way to the kitchen and explained to Sebastian that Rachel had been accepted to NYADA and Finn was really happy for her.

When Sebastian asked whether Kurt had gotten his letter yet, Kurt merely smiled. “It should arrive sometime today. Finn’s, too,”

Finn had become quiet when Kurt said that, strangely.

Sebastian had finally settled on watching a comedy show that was not really all that funny. But he did not care seeing as he was bored anyway. That was when Finn stopped texting and turned to Sebastian.

“Hey, Sebastian,”

“Hm?” Sebastian answered, eyes glued to the screen.

“Do you ever have a choice that you’re not really sure you should make?”

“Like whether I should hook up with some random guy? Not really,” Sebastian shrugged. “It’s all about pleasure to me. Except,” Sebastian paused. “If that guy is really ugly and I could tell that he might have STD’s,”

At this, Finn turned beet red and turned away, mumbling something incoherent. Sebastian smirked. Finn and Kurt had more things in common than they thought. Finn shook his head and returned his gaze on Sebastian.

“I’m serious, man. Like this choice might affect your whole life or something,”

“What brought this on?” Sebastian asked, finally looking at Finn. “Just spit it out, Finn,”

Finn fidgeted uncomfortable in his armchair before he sighed and took out something out of his pocket. It was a folded piece of paper; its corners slightly crumpled and torn. He silently handed it to Sebastian who accepted it reluctantly.

“That’s…er…my letter from the Actor’s Studio. I got it yesterday,” Finn admitted.

“Why didn’t you tell Kurt about this?” Sebastian asked.

“I…I’m not ready to tell him something that’s been on my mind lately,” Finn mumbled.

Sebastian looked skeptical. “And you think you’re ready to tell me of all people?”

“Just read it, Sebastian,” Finn sighed. “I’ll tell you the rest once you do,”

Sebastian raised an eyebrow but he did not comment. Slowly, he unfolded the paper and began to read. The print was rather small but Sebastian, who had grown too used to reading small letterings from his History textbook, managed to read it without much difficulty.

**_Dear: Mr. Finn Hudson_ **

**_Thank you for your application in the Actors Studio Drama School.  The search committee has carefully reviewed your experience and background against our criteria.  While your credentials and experience represent significant accomplishments, we found the qualifications of other applicants to more closely fit our needs at this time._ **

**_We wish you much success in your career search and thank you for your interest in the Actors Studio Drama School._ **

**_Sincerely,_ **

**_Dean Emeritus_ **

Sebastian put down the letter and looked at Finn. The said boy was smiling thinly and looked down at his hands. “Yeah…I didn’t get accepted. But I…” he exhaled. “I have another choice in mind,”

“Which is…?”

Finn looked at Sebastian determinedly. “I want to join the army,”

Pause.

“The army,” Sebastian repeated.

“Yes,” Finn nodded. “I want to do something for my dad, y’know? To make up for his dishonorable discharge and all that. So I figured, if I join the army and like, do better than him as a soldier or something like that, I could-,”

“Wait,” Sebastian held up a hand, interrupting Finn. “I’m guessing that Rachel and Kurt don’t know about this?”

Finn faltered. He scratched the back of his neck awkwardly. “Yeah…that’s the thing. I won’t have too much problems with Kurt, I guess. He’ll be mad but he’s the type that supports me anyway. It’s…It’s Rachel I’m worried about,” Finn frowned. “I told her about my rejection…But she’s adamant that I come to New York with her. She’s even planning to deter her college application for another year just so I could do that…”

“She told you that?”

“Technically, she texted me about it just now but yeah…” Finn let out another heavy sigh. “I don’t want her to be stuck here for another year just because of me. She…she deserves all the things that she wants after all the things that she had been through…And now she’s willing to give it up all because of me. I don’t…feel nice about it,”

Sebastian let out a monotonous hum as he listened. The faint laughter coming from the television was ignored as he looked at Finn; observing him carefully. He watched as Finn bit his lip and turned away. His phone buzzed, indicating that Finn had received another message. Finn pressed the ‘open message’ icon and the message was then displayed on the screen. From his position, Sebastian could clearly read it.

_We’ll get through this together, okay? –Rachel_

Sebastian sighed.

“I think I know how to solve your problem, Hudson,” he said.

Finn glanced up at him. “How?”

“Break up with her,”

“What?”

Sebastian exhaled noisily. “Look, if that term is too harsh for your delicate ears, fine, I’ll say it another way,” he said, staring at Finn straight in the eye. “Set her free, Finn. She’s tied down to you, being engaged and all that. _That’s_ what preventing her. _That’s_ what keeping her from New York. This…relationship. It’s like a chain binding her here in this lame town,”

There was no reply. Finn merely stared at him in disbelief.

“Think about it this way,” Sebastian continued. “Think of her as a pretty little bird that you kept in a cage because you’re afraid to lose her. She’s happy, sure, since you take such good care of her. But she’s also a burden. You have to be careful so that she doesn’t fly away. Her actions are limited by you,” Sebastian paused. “But if you unlock the cage and set her free, her actions won’t be your responsibility anymore. She’s free to do what she please without having to worry about affecting you. Because she’s not yours anymore,”

Things were silent for a while. Finn looked as if he was considering his words; weighing them in his mind. He leaned back against the armchair, his expression serious. Sebastian decided to left him to it.

“You’re right,” Finn said after a while. “I…you’re right. I should…”

“Look,” Sebastian said. “Just…take it as a consideration first okay, Hudson? Don’t rush things. I’m merely saying those things as a suggestion. You don’t have to follow it,”

Finn nodded. He slowly got up from the armchair and made his way upstairs. Before he did, however, he turned to Sebastian and flashed him a tiny smile.

“Thanks, Sebastian. You’re not so bad, after all,”

Sebastian. “Or so they tell me,”

Finn chuckled faintly before he disappeared up the stairs. Just as Sebastian was about to return back his attention to the television, Kurt walked into the living room. Sebastian was surprised when he saw Kurt’s face was slightly tear-streaked and his frame was shaking. In his hand was a piece of paper. He was gripping it tightly.

“Kurt?” Sebastian asked him, his face etched in barely concealed concern. “What’s wrong?”

Kurt did not answer him at first. He remained quiet for a minute before he handed the paper to Sebastian. A sense of déjà vu washed over him and he hesitated. It could not be that…

Kurt gave him a watery smile.

“I didn’t get into NYADA,”

~*.*~

Kurt had shut himself in his room for about three hours now. Carole had insisted that he’d come down for lunch but no amount of persuasion worked. Kurt remained silent aside from a few sniffs every now and then.

Sebastian stood outside the door with a tray of food in his hand (he had learnt to balance it with one hand quite well nowadays), sighing heavily. He set the tray down before he twisted the doorknob and opened the door. Kurt slowly came to view. He was lying face down on the bed, his arms and legs sprawled on the bed. Sebastian wondered how he even breathed if he was like that for three straight hours.

He picked up the tray and entered the room, setting the tray on the bed. Kurt turned his head to look at Sebastian. His eyes were puffy from crying and there were marks on his cheeks. He looked pretty disheveled, to say the least.

“Eat something, princess. You don’t want to end up with stomach flu,” said Sebastian.

Kurt shook his head. “I’m too depressed to eat,”

“I thought people eat more when they’re depressed,”

“Not me,” Kurt mumbled.

Sebastian sighed for the umpteenth time. “Look…lying down on your bed the whole day won’t do much, I can assure you that. You need to do something if you want to cheer yourself up,”

“I don’t want to cheer myself up. I want to lie down here and be depressed for the rest of my life,”

“That’s classic coming from you,” Sebastian rolled his eyes. “What happened to the headstrong princess I grew to tolerate?”

“The princess,” air quotation marks “…has left the building and isn’t coming back anytime soon,”

“Kurt. This is stupid. You can’t be like this forever,”

“Why do you care?” Kurt snapped, sitting up. “I don’t see how any of this is your business. You should be happy and start mocking me right now like you usually do,”

“Do you want me to?” Sebastian shot back. “Do you want me to insult you at every turn until your self-esteem is basically nothing?”

“That’s what you usually do, right?!” Kurt shouted. “It’s your past time!”

“I don’t do that to my friends!”

Pause.

“What?” Kurt asked, eyes wide. “Friends…?”

Sebastian breathed out heavily and ran a hand through his hair in exasperation. “Yeah well…after all the things you’ve done, it would hardly seem fair to consider you as an acquaintance, right?”

Kurt said nothing.

“Like Lo and Julian,” Sebastian said. “Friendship that starts from pity. That’s you and me, right?”

“I didn’t think you’d take the story seriously,” Kurt muttered.

There was an uncomfortable silence between them before Sebastian spoke. “Look…I…”he took a deep breath. “I _care_ about you, okay? I don’t know how or why, I just do. I get…unreasonably uncomfortable if you’re upset. I get this itchy sensation and I figured if I cheer you up, it’ll go away. So, if you don’t want to cheer yourself up, you’re one cruel person for causing me discomfort,” he huffed, looking away.

Kurt nearly smiled.

“I…”Kurt’s lips curved into a smile. “Thank you, Sebastian. That’s…really sweet of you to care. Didn’t think it was chemically possible for you to be nice, seeing as it’s in your DNA to be mean,” Kurt added teasingly.

Sebastian smirked. “I’m human capable of emotions, princess. Don’t forget that,”

A few minutes passed by without them saying a word. Kurt scooted over to the tray and began to scoop out one helping of mash potato. He let out a content sigh when he ate it, savoring the taste. Sebastian smiled.

“I think I have an idea,” he began.

Kurt regarded him curiously. “What idea?”

Sebastian looked at him, his eyes mischievous. “I’m going to show you how I cheer myself up when I’m upset, especially on a Saturday night,”

Kurt looked at him blankly.

With a grin, Sebastian approached Kurt and leaned in to whisper something into his ear.

“I’m taking you to Scandals,”


	14. Chapter 13: Scandals

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ~It’s trouble…but that brings all the fun~

“I’m still not sure about this….”

Kurt fidgeted restlessly as he drove his car towards a familiar direction. Beside him, Sebastian rolled his eyes. He was dressed rather casually; his favorite green striped shirt and a pair of jeans. He even put on a pair of fake glasses for the extra effect, or so he put it. His posture was relaxed. He did not even look weird despite the heavy contrast of his sling.

Kurt had to admit, albeit grudgingly, that Sebastian looked very handsome.

Kurt, of course, did not look too bad himself. Although his ensemble was rather simple- a graphic tee, a dark blue double collar jacket, a pair of skinny jeans and sneakers- he was proud to say that he looked awesome in them. Even Sebastian raised an eyebrow, though it could have meant something else other than a compliment.

“God Kurt, if you didn’t want to go, you could have said so earlier,” Sebastian sighed.

“It’s not that I don’t want to go…” Kurt hesitated. “It’s just that…the last time I was at Scandals, you spent the majority of the night dancing with my ex. Not exactly the best memory to keep,”

Sebastian smirked and leaned against his seat. “It’s not my fault you were so boring,”

“What about you, anyway?” Kurt asked. “Are you sure you’ll be alright going to a bar with a dislocated shoulder? How are you going to dance without fearing that someone might bump onto your injured shoulder?”

Sebastian rolled eyes. “Please…I’ve gone there once with a twisted ankle I got from lacrosse practice. It worked out fine albeit the no dancing part,”

“You went to a bar with a twisted ankle?” Kurt stared at him in disbelief.

Sebastian merely shrugged.

“You’re unbelievable,” Kurt muttered as he shook his head. Beside him, he heard a chuckle.

Kurt found himself smiling.

~*.*~

The pounding music was the thing that greeted the pair when they stepped inside the bar. It was packed as usual. Men were dancing and laughing; Kurt suspected that most of them were probably drunk. He scrunched up his nose in disgust as one guy, most likely no older than Kurt, staggered past them and bumping onto a wall before passing out on the floor. No one seemed to notice.

“I’m starting to regret this…” Kurt groaned. Sebastian laughed. “Oh come on, princess, lighten up,” he grinned and Kurt could not help but to return it hesitantly. “The party is only starting!”

Kurt let himself to be dragged to the refreshment bar and watched as Sebastian ordered two martinis. “Hm? I’m the designated driver, Sebastian. I thought I’m not supposed to get drunk,” Kurt raised an eyebrow, his tone heavy with sarcasm. He still remembered when Sebastian had suggested that he could not hold his liquor well. Granted, it was true, but it still wounded his ego nevertheless.

“No way,” Sebastian replied. “Tonight is about you forgetting your worries. And you can’t do that sober,”

“I’m not taking a taxi back home,” Kurt crossed his arms determinedly.

“Who says you are? I asked a friend to help drive us home,”

“And who might that be?” Kurt asked suspiciously.

Sebastian pointed to a certain direction and in the midst of the crowd, Kurt could see a familiar figure. His eyes widened when he realized it was none other than Dave Karofsky, leaning against the wall with a drink in one hand. Dave caught Kurt’s eyes and gave a small wave, smiling hesitantly. The latter returned it.

“You two are friends now?”

Sebastian shrugged. “Recently. We kept on bumping onto each other at the library or here. He’s okay,”

Kurt’s smile widened. In some ways, Kurt realized that Sebastian really did change. 

Sebastian handed Kurt one of the martinis. He brought his own glass nearer to Kurt, tilting it slightly. “Let’s toast, eh? For the princess’s first real night out,” he smiled cockily. Kurt looked indignant for a second before he returned the smile with his own tiny one and hesitantly clinked his glass against Sebastian’s.

“Cheers,” he said quietly.

He took a small sip slowly and winced at the burn that greeted his throat. Sebastian smirked, clearly amused by Kurt’s discomfort as he finished his own glass in one gulp. Kurt scowled at his smirk and forced himself to finish his drink. He exhaled noisily when he was done, looking entirely relieved. Sebastian laughed.

“Are you really that intolerant towards alcohol?”

“Shut up, meerkat,” Kurt growled. Then, he realized something. Once the initial burn went away, he actually found the martini rather delicious. In fact, it was tasted really addicting.

“Wanna dance?” Sebastian asked.

Kurt shook his head. “Not yet. I think I’ll stay here for a while,” he said, sitting down on one of the stools. Sebastian shrugged and stuffed his hand in his pocket. “Suit yourself. I’ll go hang out with Karofsky, then. Catch you later, princess,”

“Mhm…” Kurt replied absently. When Sebastian walked away, Kurt spun to face the bartender. “Can I have one more of that martini, please?”

The bartender, a man around 40 gave Kurt a light smirk before nodding and started preparing his drink. Kurt figured that he could have a bit more alcohol tonight.

It was not as if he was going to get drunk that fast, right?

~*.*~

Five glasses later (Kurt never thought that martinis could be _that_ addicting), Kurt was already swaying in his seat. His cheeks were flushed and he was looking at the crowed with a dazed look on his face. It was definitely official.

Kurt was drunk.

Somewhere in the crowd, Sebastian was dancing with some random guy, clearly having fun in a way. The other guy looked slightly younger than Sebastian and himself by a few years, with blond curls that fell over his light green eyes and very prominent cheekbone. He was cute. Definitely the kind of guy Sebastian would flirt with.

Unlike him. No wonder Blaine fell out of love with him. What was special about him?

All of a sudden, something snapped in Kurt’s mind. Why was he sitting here all alone? Sebastian was over there dancing with some guy he barely knew and having the time of his life. Even Dave was striking up a conversation with a group of guys, clearly enjoying himself. So why was Kurt spending his time moping around and getting drunk?

Sebastian brought him here to have fun. Then, fun was what he will have.

Getting off his chair, he strode towards the jukebox tucked away at the corner. He peered at the playlist provided and scrolled through them, hoping to find something decent to listen to. The current music was horrendous and Kurt honestly thought his ears were bleeding. He was not drunk enough to enjoy music that consisted nothing more than rap, beatboxing and some horrible melody. The others, however, were.

Finally, his eyes caught one title. They sparkled in interest and with a triumphant smile, Kurt pressed play.

A familiar tune drifted out of the speakers. Heads turned when the music suddenly changed. Sebastian watched as Kurt grabbed the microphone provided. Kurt caught his eyes and sent him a winning smile before opening his mouth to sing.

_Yeah, yeah, we did it again_

_And this time I'mma make you scream_

Guys hooted when they began to recognize the lyrics. Even Sebastian raised an eyebrow. _Hmm…? What’s the princess doing?_

Kurt walked confidently towards the small stage at the end of the room before getting on it, keeping his eyes locked with the audience the whole time. His smile never faltered.

_I see you over there, so hypnotic_

_Thinking 'bout what I'd do to that body_

_I'd get you like ooh baby baby_

_Ooh baby baby, ah-ooh baby baby ooh baby baby_

_Got no drink in my hand_

_But I'm wasted_

_Getting drunk on the thought of you naked_

_I'd get you like ooh baby baby_

_Ooh baby baby, ah-ooh baby baby ooh baby baby_

Kurt never felt so confident before. There was this strange buzzing in his veins that made him feel alive. He gave a wink to the audience and the guys cheered, clearly pleased. Sebastian was watching him with a cool stare, his expression amused.

Kurt somehow found this unnerving. It was as if Sebastian was making fun of him.

_And I've tried to fight it, to fight it_

_But you're so magnetic, magnetic_

_Got one life, just live it, just live it_

_Now relax, and get on your back_

He jumped off the stage and strode over to Sebastian. When the latter merely smirked, Kurt scowled, his thin stretched into a thin line. Suddenly, the urge to prove something to him boiled within him. It reminded him so much of the time when they had a duet during Warblers practice. The urge to prove to Sebastian that Kurt could win.

And he would.

_If you wanna scream, yeah_

_Let me know and I'll take you there_

_Get you going like_

_Ah-ooh baby baby ooh baby baby_

_Ah-ooh baby baby ooh baby_

_If you want it done right_

_Hope you're ready to go all night_

_Get you going like_

_Ah-ooh baby baby ooh baby baby_

_Ah-ooh baby baby ooh baby_

_If you wanna scream_

Keeping his eyes locked on Sebastian’s, he wound his arm around Sebastian to pull him closer towards him until they were nearly nose to nose. It was a bold move, even for Kurt, and judging from Sebastian’s surprised expression, he must have thought so, too. Kurt grinned triumphantly and continued to sing.

_Yeah, come on_

_Kill the lights, shut 'em off_

_You're electric_

_Devil eyes telling me "Come and get it"_

_I'll have you like_

_Ooh baby baby ooh baby baby_

_Ah-ooh baby baby ooh baby baby_

_Girl tonight you're the prey_

_I'm the hunter_

_Take you here, take you there_

_Take you under_

_Imagine me whispering in your ear_

_Then I wanna take off all your clothes and put something on ya_

His face was dangerously close to Sebastian’s now, their lips nearly touching. He thought he heard Sebastian catch his breath but with the pounding music, he could be mistaken.

_And I've tried to fight it, to fight it_

_But you're so magnetic, magnetic_

_Got one life, just live it, just live it_

_Now relax, and get on your back_

_If you wanna scream, yeah_

_Let me know and I'll take you there_

_Get you going like_

_Ah-ooh baby baby ooh baby baby_

_Ah-ooh baby baby ooh baby_

_If you want it done right_

_Hope you're ready to go all night_

_Get you going like_

_Ah-ooh baby baby ooh baby baby_

_Yeah, ah-ooh baby baby ooh baby_

_If you wanna scream..._

He spun around so that his back was against Sebastian’s body and did something he only remembered doing once. Slowly and deliberately, he started to grind his body against Sebastian as he went down to the floor, his fingers trailing Sebastian’s sides and thighs as he did before casting a look over his shoulder.

Sebastian was looking at him with wide eyes. Kurt considered this as a victory. He stood up and faced Sebastian again before wrapping one leg around Sebastian’s waist, effectively pulling him closer once more. He was grateful for the buzz lingering in his veins.

It made him feel braver than he ever was before.

_Out louder, scream, louder (if you wanna scream)_

_Louder, louder, louder, louder_

_Hey, tonight I scream, I'm on need (if you wanna scream)_

_If you wanna scream, yeah_

_Let me know and I'll take you there_

_Get you going like_

_Ah-ooh baby baby ooh baby baby_

_Ah-ooh baby baby ooh baby_

_If you want it done right_

_Hope you're ready to go all night_

_Get you going like_

_Ah-ooh baby baby ooh baby baby_

_Ah-ooh baby baby ooh baby_

_If you wanna scream_

When the song ended, Kurt’s ears were greeted with hoots and cheers of approval. He also realized that he was slightly breathless, panting heavily as he stared at Sebastian.

“You…” Sebastian began slowly, his tone indicated that he was not sure that everything that has happened actually happened. And honestly, Kurt was not, as well. Suddenly very aware of their not-so-innocent position, Kurt put down his leg and took a careful step back. He stared at Sebastian with wide eyes when he realized what he had been doing.

_Oh my god…_

Pushing past the crowd, Kurt ran away from the dance floor, ignoring the fact that Sebastian was calling out his name. He bolted for the nearest toilet and leaned against the wall, completely ignoring the fact that it might be dirty. Kurt’s head was spinning.

_Oh god…I did it again. What…why on earth did I do that? Singing and acting like that…oh god…_

He was so caught up in his own thoughts that he did not realize that someone else had entered the toilet. He could barely register what was happening when a hand covered his mouth and strong arms pulled him in. His eyes wide, he looked up to see a guy with cropped short black hair, tattoos across his arms and very nasty smile.

He leaned in closer to whisper into Kurt’s ear.

“You wanna scream, baby?” A dark chuckle. “I’ll make you scream…” 


	15. Chapter 14: Hero

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ~It’s funny how heroes can appear in so many different forms~

A feeling of dread went through Kurt. He heard another chuckle before he felt the man snaking his arms around Kurt’s waist. One of the man’s hands was raised to tilt Kurt’s chin, forcing him to look at the man. His eyes were grey; fierce and cruel.

“That was such a wonderful performance you put on back there,” the man purred into Kurt’s ear. “Think you could do it again?”

“W-what do you want?” Kurt struggled to keep his voice even. Even in the midst of all the dizzying waves in his mind caused by the alcohol, he could still comprehend the danger he was currently facing.

“Oh come on, sweet cheeks. You know what I want,” replied the man coolly. Kurt’s eyes widened when he felt the man’s other hand gripping his shirt, lifting the material until a fraction of Kurt’s pale skin could be seen. “That was so hot…what you did back there. I want more,”

“Let go of me,” Kurt whispered. “Let go,”

The man merely chuckled and continued to lift Kurt’s shirt, running over the exposed skin with the tip of his fingers. “What soft skin you have, princess,” The familiar nickname caused Kurt to bite his lip, struggling to remain calm yet trying to fight the man off at the same time. “Hm…we are going to have so much fun,” the man murmured before lightly kissing Kurt’s throat, sucking on the skin slightly Kurt gasped and began to wriggle in the man’s grasp.

“Let go of me, you bastard,” he growled. Kurt looked at the door desperately, hoping someone would come in to help him. Unfortunately for him, the bastard had locked it and even if it was not, the chances of the next person coming in helping him were not in his favor. Who was he kidding? This was a gay bar full of drunks, after all. Tears gathered at the corner of Kurt’s eyes.

“Stop,” he said when the man began groping his sides, tugging on the waistband of his jeans. “Stop!”

When the man began to pull down the zipper of the fly of Kurt’s jeans and unbuttoned it, Kurt struggled more and by a stroke of luck, he managed to elbow the man in the ribs. The man let out a hiss in pain before releasing Kurt from his hold. Kurt scrambled for the door but he was not fast enough. He fell to the floor when the man grabbed a hold of his shoulder and pulling him down.

“You bitch,” the man growled. “You just don’t know when to stop fighting, do you?”

Panic set it and Kurt struggled to get up but it was to no avail. The man was pinning him down at his upper back with one hand. He was also able to stop Kurt’s legs from kicking him by putting his knees on either side of Kurt’s hips and placing his feet toward each other so his shins effectively held down the smaller boy’s thighs.

“Trust me…”the man whispered into Kurt’s ear. “You are going to enjoy this,”

This could not be happening to him. Out of sheer desperation and fear, Kurt began to scream.

“Kurt!” Kurt could cry out of relief when he heard a familiar voice shouting his name at the other side of the door. “Kurt, are you okay? Dammit, the door won’t open!” He heard Sebastian curse before the door began to rattle with Sebastian’s effort to open it.

“Sebastian, hel-mmph!” Kurt’s sentence was cut off when the man covered Kurt’s mouth with his hand.

“Kurt!!” He heard Sebastian shout. “Karofsky, help me out here. Kurt’s in trouble!”

“Damn it,” the man hissed. He turned to look at Kurt with a cruel smile. “Well then, I guess I’ll just have to make this quick,”

Kurt’s eyes widened when he realized the meaning behind his words. He bit the man’s hand hard, causing him to let out a cry of pain, uncovering Kurt’s mouth.  “Let go of me!” Kurt shrieked, trying in vain to kick the man. “Help, Sebastian! Help!!”

“Hold on, Kurt!” Sebastian answered. “Karofsky, come on, help me break down this damn door!”

“On it,” came a gruff reply. There was a sudden slamming sound, causing Kurt to jump. The man made a reach to force Kurt’s head down to the floor again. “You bitch. I’m going to make you pay for this,” he growled. Kurt screamed louder as he tried to fight off the man who was beginning to pull down Kurt’s jeans. “STOP IT!!!!!” he shrieked.

There was a loud sound and the door went down with a crash. Sebastian and Dave stood at the doorway, both breathless from the exertion.

“You let go of him!” Sebastian snarled as he charged towards the man. He pulled him off Kurt and did not hesitate. “You sick bastard!” he growled before delivering a punch squarely on the man’s face. When the man tried to fight back, Dave quickly grabbed hold of the man’s arms and pinned them to his back. He shot Kurt a reassuring grin and Kurt could do nothing other than to nod slowly.

Sebastian kicked the man in the stomach, causing the man to double over in pain, his eyes screwed shut. “That will teach you some lesson, you bastard,” Sebastian snarled before nodding to Dave. Dave hesitated before releasing the man’s arms.

“Get out of my face before I report you to the police,” Sebastian spat. The man glared at Sebastian before running out of the toilet. Sebastian breathed in a heavy sigh before turning to Kurt. He approached him almost in a wary manner, almost as if he could scare Kurt away if he acted too suddenly.

“Hey…” he said carefully. “You doing alright, Kurt?”

“I’m fine...” Kurt nodded shakily. “T-thank you, the both of you,”

“You did an awesome job fighting him off, Kurt,” smiled Dave as he helped the latter to his feet. Kurt wobbled slightly and gripped Dave’s forearm for support. He took one look at the toilet mirror and noticed how disheveled he looked. His dad will surely suspect something if he went home and looking like a mess. He had not exactly told his dad the truth about his outing tonight. As far as his dad was concerned, Kurt was off visiting his Warbler friends with Sebastian.

“Yeah…I guess so,” he nodded. Sebastian coughed and Kurt turned to him questioningly. Sebastian managed to look embarrassed. “You might want to fix your clothes, Kurt,”

Kurt raised an eyebrow before noticing his attire. Particularly his unbuttoned jeans.

Kurt let out a squeak and turned to face the wall as he quickly fixed his clothes, his face red as a tomato. When he was done, he turned to face the pair. Dave offered him a tiny smile. “Are you sure you’re okay, Kurt? You’re not hurt anywhere, are you?” he asked in concern.

“Yeah…I’m just shaken, that’s all,” Kurt replied. Heck, forget shaken. More like downright terrified. Sebastian nodded and sighed heavily once more, running a hand through his brown locks. “Yes well, we all have enough excitement for one night,”

“Do you want to go home?” Dave asked Kurt.

“Yes, home…home would be great,” Kurt replied. Sebastian looked as if he agreed.

~*.*~

The trio exited Scandals and walked towards Kurt’s car which was parked several feet away. Sebastian helped Kurt climb onto the passengers’ seat as Dave climbed on the driver’s one. Sebastian closed the door behind him and turned to Kurt. The boy was leaning against his seat with his eyes closed. He was also breathing rather shakily.

In fact, when Sebastian looked closer, he realized that Kurt’s body was trembling.

“Hey…are you alright?” Sebastian whispered.

“I…I’m fine. Just…god, I don’t know,” Kurt said, burying his face into his hands. “Everything just happened so fast and I didn’t know what to do and _god_ , I think I’m still drunk,” he moaned.

“Good thing I’m here to drive you guys home, huh?” Dave said lightly, trying to diffuse the tension. Kurt flashed him a tiny smile, albeit sadly. “Y-yeah…”

Sebastian looked at Kurt in concern and continued to watch him from the corner of his eyes as Dave drove them home.

~*.*~

“Hey, Sebastian, wake up,”

Sebastian opened his eyes blearily and looked around. Apparently, he had dozed off and from the looks of it, Kurt as well. He turned to Dave who was looking slightly panicky. The clock on the dashboard read 11.34 p.m. There was still 10 minutes left before they would reach the Hudmel residence.

“Karofsky? What’s wrong?” Sebastian yawned.

“It’s Kurt,” Dave said. “Something’s wrong,”

Startled, Sebastian turned to look at Kurt once more and saw that Dave was right. Something was indeed very wrong.

Kurt was muttering something in his sleep and his expression was as if he was in pain. His fingers were clenched tightly in his fists and he kept on tossing and turning. “S-stop…” he whimpered. “Let me go,”

Sebastian’s eyes widened and shared a look with Dave. He reached out to shake Kurt’s shoulder but hesitated at the last minute, his hand hovering above the said shoulder. He remembered his Health and Science teacher back at Dalton Academy telling something about not waking people up too suddenly as it could cause some extreme disorientation to the person. He remembered himself waking up with a start when Kurt shook him out of his nightmare. The disorientation and confusion he felt.

“Sebastian?” Dave asked. “Aren’t you going to wake him up?”

Sebastian shook his head. “Not yet. It won’t do him much good,” But Sebastian knew he needed to calm Kurt down before a panic attack sets in. He racked his brain before an idea came to him.

He took out a deep breath, gathered the whimpering Kurt into his arms and opened his mouth to sing softly into Kurt’s ear.

_Would you dance_

_If I asked you to dance?_

_Would you run_

_And never look back?_

_Would you cry_

_If you saw me crying?_

_And would you save my soul, tonight?_

_Would you tremble_

_If I touched your lips?_

_Would you laugh?_

_Oh please tell me this._

_Now would you die_

_For the one you loved?_

_Hold me in your arms, tonight._

_I can be your hero, baby._

_I can kiss away the pain._

_I would stand by you forever._

_You can take my breath away._

_Would you swear_

_That you'll always be mine?_

_Or would you lie?_

_Would you run and hide?_

_Am I in too deep?_

_Have I lost my mind?_

_I don't care_

_You're here tonight._

_I can be your hero, baby._

_I can kiss away the pain._

_I would stand by you forever._

_You can take my breath away._

_Oh, I just want to hold you._

_I just want to hold you._

_Am I in too deep?_

_Have I lost my mind?_

_I don't care_

_You're here tonight._

_I can be your hero, baby._

_I can kiss away the pain._

_I will stand by your forever._

_You can take my breath away._

_I can be your hero._

_I can kiss away the pain._

_And I will stand by you forever._

_You can take my breath away._

_You can take my breath away._

_I can be your hero._

The car was silent before Sebastian thought he felt something gripping his shirt. He looked down and saw Kurt smiling peacefully in his sleep.

“Hm…” he mumbled in his sleep. “You’re my hero…Sebastian…”

And Sebastian was sure that he felt something warm tugging his heart the moment he heard those words.

Back in the driver’s seat, Dave allowed himself to smile.


	16. Chapter 15: Release

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ~The hardest thing is not letting go, it’s making the decision to do it ~

_“No, stop, let me go…”_

_Everywhere around him was dark and cold. Kurt was shivering uncontrollably. There was also this horrible feeling washing over him, gripping him tight and refusing to let go. Kurt struggled, but the more he did, the tighter the grip became._

_“You have such soft skin…princess,”_

_Hands were touching him everywhere. Touching him in places he did not want to be touched by a stranger. Kurt could hear himself whimpering and the phantom hands seemed to have their rhythm, caressing and stroking as if excited at hearing Kurt’s voice._

_“Stop…please,” Kurt whispered brokenly. He did not want this. He would never want something like this._

_“You’ll enjoy this…” the voice sneered._

_“No…”_

_“Come on, baby, I know you want it,”_

_“Stop,”_

_“So hot…”_

_“Stop!”_

_Kurt was terrified beyond imagination. He wanted everything to stop. He did not want this anymore. **Make it stop, make it stop, make it stop!**_

_“Kurt,”_

_There was a new voice, one that Kurt recognized. It was warm, gentle and reassuring. The kind of voice that Kurt wanted to hold on to._

_“It’s okay…” the other voice whispered. “You’ll be fine…Shh…”_

_Suddenly, something warm was enveloping him. The fear that was gripping him tight began to loosen its hold over him before disappearing completely. The sensation if it leaving him was so overwhelming that Kurt could cry in relief._

_He heard a soft hum; a tune of a song, and the tension in his body began to ebb away, his breathing calming down. Kurt closed his eyes, letting himself to be swayed by the soothing melody sung by the voice he heard. It was beautiful and so very warm._

**_I can be your hero…_ **

**_Hm…you’re my hero…_ ** _Kurt agreed before drowsiness took hold of him once more._

**_Sebastian…_ **

~*.*~

Kurt woke up to the sound of someone singing.

_The sun is filling up the room_

_And I can hear you dreaming_

_Do you feel the way I do right now?_

_I wish we would just give up_

_Cause the best part is falling_

_Call it anything but love_

He opened his eyes slowly and blinked. He looked around and judging from the interior, he knew that he was in his room. He was also not wearing the clothes he wore the night before, instead he wore his familiar blue pajamas. He slowly got up into a sitting position from his bed and yawned slightly. That was when he noticed Sebastian was sitting idly by the windowsill, looking at the early morning sky. He was also, Kurt realized, the one who was singing.

_And I will make sure to keep my distance_

_Say "I love you" when you're not listening_

_How long can we keep this up, up, up?_

“I didn’t know you’re a fan,” Kurt commented lightly, though his voice was still rather hoarse from sleep.

Sebastian stopped singing and turned to look at him before smiling slightly. “Ah, the sleeping beauty has awakened,” He stood up and walked over to Kurt’s bed, before sitting at the edge of the mattress. “How are you feeling?”

Kurt raised an eyebrow. “I don’t understand. What do you me-,” He was cut off when a wave of dizziness hit his head, making it throb rather painfully. Reflectively, he reached out to massage his temples, hissing in pain as he collapsed back onto the pillows. “Ow…” he moaned.

“Yeah…hangover. You’ll get it if you have too much alcohol,” Sebastian said. He got up to take something from Kurt’s dresser. In his hand was a glass of water, his fingers carefully gripping a packet of pills. He handed them to Kurt with a shrug, as if too used to handling hangover cases, which, knowing him, was probably the case.

“Here,” he said. “You better take them before it gets worse,”

Kurt nodded and took them almost fervently, taking two pills before swallowing them with a gulp of water. He set down the half empty glass on the bedside table and turned to Sebastian once more. “Um…so what happened last night?”

“You don’t remember?” Sebastian asked, surprise coloring his tone.

“Bits and pieces,” Kurt admitted. “All the alcohol I took made everything seemed fuzzy. I remembered singing…” His brow furrowed. “I don’t know…there was an audience, I think? I saw David and…that’s about it,”

“You don’t remember the guy? With all the tattoos? In the toilet?” Sebastian prompted. _The performance you made? The fact that you almost got raped almost immediately after?_

Tilting his head to one side, Kurt seemed confused. “I don’t remember…” His eyes widened. “Oh my god, did anything happen? Did I do something stupid?” Then, he seemed to realize something. “Did my dad find out about Scandals? Oh god…”

“No, no,” Sebastian assured him. “Your parents and Finn were pretty much asleep when we reached home,”

“Who sent us home?”

“Karofsky did. He walked home after sending us back, insisting that his house was really not that too far away,” Sebastian stuffed his hand into his jeans pocket. “Couldn’t stop him,”

Kurt let out a tired sigh and proceeded to bury his face into the pillows once more. His head still hurt from the remaining of the hangover and everything in his mind was swimming, the images hazy and unfocused. Kurt honestly did not remember much of last night, aside from the raw feeling in his throat that indicated that he must have sung a lot at some point and fuzzy images of blinking lights and hoots of approval.

And the warm sensation of being held.

Kurt shook his head and regretted the action. The pounding in his head grew worse and he winced in pain, opting to stay still for the time. Beside him, he heard Sebastian chuckle and felt his hair being ruffled. If it were not for his hangover, Kurt would have protested. But he probably had awful bed hair anyway, so he opted to swat Sebastian’s hand instead.

“Stop that,” he mumbled weakly. “You’re not helping,”

“Sure, sure,” Sebastian chuckled, his tone amused. Kurt heard the sound of footsteps fading away and when he lifted his head slightly, he found himself alone in his room. Sebastian must have gone downstairs to eat breakfast, Kurt realized. Funny, though. Here he was, alone in his room, all peaceful and silent. It was not until he heard a distant voice singing.

_And I keep waiting_

_For you to take me_

_You keep waiting_

_To save what we have_

For some strange, incomprehensible reason, Kurt felt lonely.

~*.*~

“Kurt? Kuuuurrrt? Dude, wake up. Come on. It’s half past 10 in the morning. Kurt? Kuuuuuurrrtttt….”

Kurt could not believe this. He was currently being woken up by his stepbrother practically yelling into his ear. Opening his eyes to give Finn a very heated half-lidded glare, he pushed himself up into a sitting position on his bed and crossed his arms.

“What the hell, Finn?” he grumbled.

“Dude, it’s like literally nearly noon. You should be buzzing with energy by now instead of lying in bed,” Finn looked at him with a very odd expression. “You’re not sick, are you?”

“God, I would be if you continue to impose on my personal space,” Kurt wrinkled his nose. “Finn, what on earth are you eating?” Finn stared at him uncomprehendingly. It was as if he was unaware of the crumbs of food that covered the bottom half of his face and the fact that he was currently holding a bowl of food in his hands. Kurt lightly sniffed the air. “Wait, is that chocolate chip?”

That seemed to light up Finn’s face. He gestured to the bowl he was holding with a grin; childish in a way that Kurt could feel the corner of his lips tugging into a small smile. “Oh, these? These are cookies that Sebastian made this morning. They’re awesome, Kurt,”

“Wait, what?” Kurt asked in a surprised tone. “Sebastian made those?”

“Mhm,” Finn nodded. “Want one?” he asked, offering a half-eaten cookie.

Kurt looked at it with barely concealed disdain. “Erm..I think I’ll pass for now,”

Finn looked at him before shrugging. “Your loss,” he said before eating the cookie. Kurt rolled his eyes. He was about to get out of bed when the loud chewing sounds coming from Finn abruptly became softer, eventually coming to a stop. Kurt turned to look at Finn in a quizzing manner and found him staring at the floor with an expression that immediately told Kurt that he was indecisive about something.

“Finn? What’s wrong?’ Kurt asked as he stood up.

Finn took a sharp intake of breath before closing his eyes as he exhaled slowly. His face was uncharacteristically somber as he turned to look at Kurt. “I’m thinking of breaking up with Rachel,”

A terse silence.

“What?” Kurt managed to say at last. That was definitely sudden. He watched as Finn looked down onto the floor, as if his socks were the most interesting things at the moment. Kurt waited. Finally, Finn sighed and looked up once more.

“Yeah…I have been thinking about it for a while actually…Setting her free and all that,” he trailed off awkwardly.

Kurt looked at his stepbrother with a shocked expression, his mouth hanging open slightly. “But…but… _why_? Finn, what brought this on? Have you actually thought about it really thoroughly?”

“You think I haven’t?” Finn suddenly snapped, before catching himself. “Sorry, I just…God,” Finn exhaled. “I’ve been thinking about it for so long, hesitating before deciding, and then hesitating again because I can’t…I don’t know,”

“What about the whole marriage thing?” Kurt said quietly, trying not to press the issue. “Don’t you want to marry her like…in the near future?”

“I do,” Finn said. “I want to marry her so badly; I can’t go through with this whole breakup thing. But the thought of her…” he sighed. “-being stuck here for another year makes me sick,”

“Wait, what?” Kurt tilted his head to the side. “What do you mean by that?”

Finn almost looked guilty. “I didn’t tell you yet, huh?”

“Tell me what, Finn?”

A slow inhale and exhale. “I…didn’t get into Actors’ Studio Drama School,”

Well, Kurt did not really expect that. An uncomfortable silence descended upon the pair for quite a while before Finn, apparently deciding that he was not quite finished, continued to speak. “So…Rachel knew about it and wanted to deter her college application for another year just so I could somehow find a way to go to New York with her,”

“She said that?” Kurt said disbelievingly.

Finn nodded sadly. “Yes…That’s why…I wanted to do something, _anything_ , to be able to convince her to go to New York without me. She…Rachel deserves everything she wants after everything that she has gone though,” Finn’s eyes were sad and wistful. “I am confident that she’s going to be a brilliant star, the brightest one there is, and she’s going to be one _without_ me. I know she can,”

“That’s how much you love her, huh?” Kurt whispered. “But breaking up with her just because of that…won’t that seem cruel?”

“Sometimes, Kurt, we have to be cruel to be kind,” Finn said sadly.

To be honest, Kurt was rather taken aback by Finn’s words. He hardly saw this side of Finn; the mature and selfless side, that puts others’ well-being above his own. He was kind of amazed by it, actually. “Finn…” he said. “You’re really serious about this, aren’t you?”

Finn let out a humorless laugh. “Yeah well, I’m so fucking serious about it, I even bought train tickets for Rachel set for New York 4 pm today,”

“Wait, what?” Kurt was taken aback yet again. “What? Today? What?” he repeated dumbly.

“Yes, Kurt, today,” Finn sighed. “I figured the sooner I do it, the less chances there will be for me to back out,”

Another silence descended upon the pair. Kurt watched as Finn bit his lip as if hesitating. Kurt knew there was more. And apparently, Finn did, too.

“There’s also another reason I’m breaking up with Rachel,”

Kurt raised an eyebrow.

Finn took a deep breath.

“I’m joining the army,”

.

.

.

.

.

.

_“WHAAAAATTTTT??????????”_

~*.*~

Sebastian was sitting on the kitchen counter, idly munching on his cookie. Screw Kurt and his snide comments. Sebastian Smythe can _so_ cook. Or at least, bake. He was just about to dust off the crumbs on his shirt when he heard it.

“Finn, you _idiot_!”

“Ouch! Calm down, come on!”

“Don’t tell me to calm down, Finn Hudson! The _army_? Are you _insane_?!”

“I’m not! I’m doing this for Rachel!”

“Oh, don’t give me that ‘noble sacrifice’ crap. You fucking idiot!”

“Gee, Kurt. Never thought you’d curse like a sailor,”

“Please, this isn’t even the half of it,”

“H-hey, put that down! Come on, Kurt! Don’t resort to violence!”

“I’ll show you _violence_!”

“Supports you anyway, huh?’ Sebastian smirked as he jumped off the counter. “Well, Kurt has a weird way of showing it,”

~*.*~

Kurt stood there at the train station, surrounded by the familiar faces of his friends, as he watched the train that Rachel was in moving further into the distance. Finn had stopped chasing the train and simply stood by, watching it go with a wistful expression.

The breakup scene had gone…well, smoothly, in a sense.

There were tears, of course, lots of it, Kurt might add, but most breakups have those. Even his own breakup with Blaine had been filled with tears mostly from him. Honestly, though, Kurt was proud of Finn. He had gone through with it without backing out and as painful as it might be, Finn acted mature about the whole thing. The whole ‘joining the army’ issue was still rather foreign in Kurt’s mind, but apparently, Burt and Carole had agreed to it, albeit having a very tense discussion about it beforehand, so Kurt had no choice but to be supportive about it as well.

_It’s his own life, after all…_

“You okay, boo?”

Kurt turned to see Mercedes peering at him in concern. Kurt smiled reassuringly and patted her shoulder. “I’m fine, ‘Cedes. Just…you know, it’s been an emotional ordeal for all of us,”

“For Finn, especially,” Mercedes agreed. “I’m really proud of him. He really did grow mature over the time, huh?”

Kurt’s smile turned a tiniest bit wider. “Yes…he really did, huh?”

All of a sudden, he saw Mercedes stiffened before he felt a tap on his shoulder. He turned to see Blaine standing behind him, his expression hesitant. “Um…” he started. “Can I talk to you for a while, Kurt?”

Kurt turned to Mercedes who stared at Blaine with an unreadable expression before shrugging, walking away to join Puck and the others. Blaine, as it would seem, looked really relieved.

“Yeah, sure,” Kurt nodded. “What’s up, Blaine?”

“I was wondering whether…you would like to hang out some time,” Blaine paused. “It’s been quite a while since we did and I just…I don’t know,” he sighed. “I miss you, Kurt, honestly. I like being around you,”

When Kurt raised an eyebrow, Blaine hurried to explain. “As friends, I mean. But, Kurt, the fact that I like being around you…being able to connect with you…” Blaine smiled fondly. “-made us friends in the first place,”

Kurt could not argue with that. When he first met Blaine, he felt as if he finally found someone that truly understood him. To be able to know his feelings without asking. To be able to share his interests and opinions. Granted that Kurt had been smitten with him from the start, but back when he thought there was hardly any chance at all for Blaine to feel the same way, he was grateful that they were even friends.

So, should not he be grateful that he could still have a great person like Blaine as his friend, now?

Slowly but surely, Kurt nodded, grinning a little. “Hanging out with you would be just awesome, Blaine. Coffee at Lima Bean sometime this week sounds good to you?”

And Blaine broke into that joyous grin of his that Kurt just had to smile wider. “Yeah, that sounds great, Kurt,”

He heard a car honk and Blaine turned to a specific direction. “Oh crap, that’s Cooper. I better go, Kurt,” Two more impatient honks. Blaine rolled his eyes. “I’m coming!” he yelled before smiling apologetically at Kurt. “Cooper and his ‘urgent’ meetings,” Blaine said, making air quotations. “See you later?”

“Most definitely,”

Before Blaine managed to walk too far, however, Kurt called out to him. “Hey, Blaine?”

Pausing mid-step, Blaine turned to him. “Hm?”

“What’s the hardest thing you ever had to do in your life?” Kurt asked. “I mean…since this little reunion we are having is about Finn letting go of Rachel and all that, I was wondering about your hardest decision,”

Blaine looked taken aback by Kurt’s sudden question but he decided to mull it over anyway. It took him about a minute, but when he finally answered, Kurt knew Blaine took his question seriously.

“You might think letting go is the hardest thing to do, but for me, making the decision of letting go is harder,” And with that, Blaine walked away.

_Blaine…_

Kurt stood there in silence for a while, watching his friends chatting with one another, before he heard a car honk. He turned to see Sebastian’s head poking out of the car window, his expression impatient.

“Cut your little emotional short, princess! I’m starving for dinner,”

Kurt smiled.

“Oh shut up, I’m driving, you asshole!” he shot back, waving to his friends before making his way back to his car.

_Making the decision of letting go is the hardest part…everything is easy after that…_


	17. Chapter 16: Music

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ~Ah, the beauty of music knows no bounds~

Finn was without a doubt a very normal person. Okay, a person with who is tall as a tree, can sing pretty well and gets jealous easily, but otherwise normal. His mornings were pretty normal, too. He gets up, cleans up, change into fresh attire, tries-key word: TRIES- to make an effort to make his bed and eats breakfast. So, that morning, when he was making plans for his army camp enrollment in a couple of months, he heard an argument between two people he knew and realized that morning would not be quite so normal.

“Come on, Sebastian. It’s just for two hours,” An exasperated tone. Kurt’s.

“No,” A deadpan reply. Sebastian’s.

“It’ll be fun,”

“Funny. Though not so much,”

“Please?”

“No,”

“What’s the point of you buying two tickets when I’m only going to use one of them?”

“The whole point was that you bring one of your _female_ friends. And in case you haven’t noticed, I’m all male, unlike you.”

“Excuse me?!”

“You’re excused,”

Finn cautiously opened his door and saw Sebastian and Kurt standing in front of the staircase. Kurt’s hands were on his hips and he was glaring heatedly at Sebastian, who looked back at him coolly as he leaned against the wall.

“You’re such a jerk, Sebastian,” Kurt narrowed his eyes, crossing his arms.

“I’m glad you noticed,” Sebastian smirked.

The air around the two of them was so thick and tense that Finn knew it was wise to stay out of the argument for the time being. For all he knew, going in between them would be asking for World War III and he had not begun his army training just yet. Instead, he chose to watch by the door, keeping quiet.

Kurt sighed heavily. “Look, none of the girls are free today. Rachel’s in New York,” Finn’s heart grew heavy after hearing her name. “Quinn is getting ready for Yale, Tina and Mercedes already had other plans that I couldn’t bring myself to ask them to cancel and Sugar is off to another one of her ‘extra-sugary sweet’ spa treatments again,” Kurt rolled his eyes.

“So…?” Sebastian replied. “What does that have anything to do with me?”

“You bought two tickets. It’ll be a waste to only use one of them. Plus the other guys won’t be interested,”

“And you think I am?” Sebastian scoffed. “Kurt, I don’t _do_ recitals,”

“But you can relate to them more compared to the others,” Kurt insisted. “I heard you sing that Jet song from West Side Story the other day in the shower,”

“You heard that?” Sebastian turned pale for some reason.

“Yes,” Kurt nodded. “And I hate to say this, but you sounded _amazing_ ,”

Finn swore he saw Sebastian’s cheeks reddened slightly before the latter turned his face away. “It’s not even that much of a proper song, Kurt. And besides, so what if I can and possibly like to sing musicals? That has nothing to do with going to a recital,”

“Yes, it does,” Kurt pressed. “You can relate and enjoy the performance more, seeing as recitals usually has performance of classic songs or those that come from musicals. Guys like Finn or Puck usually aren’t interested in those kinds of things,”

“You’ll never know if you never ask,” Sebastian shrugged before starting to descend down the stairs. Kurt made a hasty grab for Sebastian’s sleeve. The latter stopped in his tracks and looked at his sleeve in confusion.

“Just…come on, Sebastian. Please just accompany me to the recital today,” Kurt said earnestly. “It could be fun,”

Finn heard Sebastian take a deep, long sigh before he saw him nod once. “Fine,” he said. “But if it turns out to be boring, you owe me,”

“I doubt it will be, but sure,” Kurt grinned in triumph. His stepbrother walked back into his room while Sebastian watched on with an amused smile on his face before shaking his head and made his way downstairs.

Well, Finn really thought that this particular morning was an interesting one. And it was.

~*.*~

“I’m starting to regret this…”

The pair was currently sitting in the auditorium packed with other people looking forward to the recital. Sebastian fidgeted restlessly in his seat beside Kurt, who was busy either admiring or criticizing the clothes of the performers. He rolled his eyes and fished out his phone to text a certain curly-haired teen who might be able to help him in this situation.

_Hey, Blaine. Say a good-looking guy asks you on a date, and on the said date, you are beginning to get bored, what would you do? -Sebastian_

The reply came a minute later.

_You’re on a date? - Blaine_

_Not the key question here, - Sebastian_

_No, seriously though, are you? –Blaine_

_Geez, no, for god’s sake! It’s just a theory, -Sebastian_

_…Sorry. I was just curious :( -Blaine_

Sebastian typed out his reply impatiently.

_The question, if you will? –Sebastian_

_Oh right, sorry. Anyway, you’re bored and you don’t know what to do about it? –Blaine_

_Yes- Sebastian_

_Try to be polite about it, then. Make a subtle suggestion that you would like to go somewhere else without hurting your date’s feelings, -Blaine_

_That’s easier said than done, Blaine, -Sebastian_

_Isn’t everything, Sebastian? –Blaine_

Sebastian gave a light smirk before typing out a final reply and put his phone back into his pocket. He took a glance at the boy beside him and saw that he had a very excited expression on his face. Kurt’s eyes were bright and his cheeks were flushed. The smile on his face seemed to be rather permanent from the looks of it. Sebastian smiled and leaned back against his seat.

Ah, let Kurt have his fun. This was his graduation present after all.

“Mr. Kurt Hummel?” an unfamiliar voice asked. Both Kurt and Sebastian turned to the source of the voice and Sebastian saw Kurt’s eyes widened in surprise.

“Chandler?” he said in surprise.

Sebastian raised an eyebrow and looked at the newcomer in front of him. The guy was blonde and glasses framed his eyes. He looked pretty geeky with his jacket and beanie ensemble but he looked decent enough. Chandler noticed Sebastian looking at him and turned to face him.

“Oh? Who is this?” he asked before looking at Kurt. “Is this the famous Blaine a.k.a the wonderful boyfriend you’ve been gushing about?”

Kurt’s eyes darkened slightly before he forced a smile. “No, no. This is Sebastian Smythe. A…friend of mine,”

Chandler eyed Sebastian speculatively before holding out a hand. “Pleasure to meet you, Sebastian Smythe,” he purred. “I’m Chandler Kiehl,”

“I know,” Sebastian replied, shaking Chandler’s hand.

Chandler looked pleased at his answer. “Oooh, do you?” he preened, turning to Kurt. “Kurt, you naughty boy, have you been talking about me behind my back? About good things, I hope!”

Kurt let out a strained laughter. “Uh, yeah, sure. It’s been a while, Chandler,”

“You bet it is!” Chandler cried. “Come on, Kurt, I know you have like a super-hot boyfriend and all that but why can’t we just hang out sometime?” he pouted.

Kurt was silent for a few seconds before his forced smile slipped off his face slightly, though it went unnoticed by Chandler. “I just…don’t have time to hang out nowadays. Today is one of the few times I could. So..yeah, I’m sorry, Chandler,”

Chandler looked at Kurt with the oddest expression on his face before his gaze flitted towards Sebastian. “I’m…not interrupting anything, am I?”

“I don’t think so,” replied Sebastian coolly. “But the show is about to start so you better get your seat before it’s taken,”

Chandler nodded slowly before flashing Kurt another smile. “We’ll talk sometime later, won’t we, Kurt?”

Kurt’s smile was genuine this time, although tiny. “Sure, Chandler. Why not?”

Waving and blowing Kurt a kiss, Chandler walked away, humming a show tune as he did. Kurt sighed and the tense in his shoulder went away, making him slump. Sebastian stared ahead as a female emcee went up to the stage to welcome the audience.

That was when he felt someone squeeze his hand.

He turned to see Kurt giving him a tired yet grateful smile. “Thank you,”

“For what?”

“Just…thanks,”

As the recital began, Sebastian let Kurt hold on to his hand until the grip loosened and Kurt began clapping with everyone else.

~*.*~

By the fifth performance, Sebastian could feel himself dozing off. The performances had been enjoyable enough, and Kurt’s commentaries added more to the fun, but listening to people singing or playing instruments or dancing or whatever, multiple times straight in a row was enough to tire Sebastian out.

Some girl named Harmony was currently singing her heart out on the stage. Earlier, Kurt had gasped quietly and muttered something about a Gerber baby or something like that. Even now, Kurt was still staring at her as if studying her while quietly singing along with her. The sight was amusing, to say the least.

_The first way to lose a man_

_You've met a charming fellow and you're out for a spin_

_The motor fails and he just wears a helpless grin_

_Don't bat your eyes and say, "What a romantic spot we're in?"_

_Just get out, crawl under the car_

_Say it's the gasket and fix it in two seconds flat with a bobby pin_

_That's a good way to lose a man_

_He takes you to a baseball game_

_You sit knee to knee_

_He says, "The next man up at bat will bunt, you'll see"_

_Don't say, "Ooh, what's a bunt? This game's too hard for little me"_

_Just say, “Blunt? Are you nuts? With one out, two men on base_

_And a left-handed batter coming up, you'll walk right into a triple play_

_The same as the fifth game of the world series in 1923"_

_That's a sure way to lose a man_

_A sure, sure, sure, sure way to lose a man_

_A splendid way to lose a man_

_Just throw your knowledge in his face_

_He'll never try for second base, ninety-eight ways to go_

_The third way to lose a man, the life-guard at the beach_

_That all the girlies adore, swims bravely out_

_To save you through the ocean's roar, don't say, "Oh, thanks_

_I would have drowned in just one second more"_

_Just push his head under and yell_

_"Last one in is a rotten egg", and race him back to shore_

_That's a swell way to lose a man_

_You've found your perfect mate and it's been love from the start_

_He whispers, “You’re the one to who I give my heart"_

_Don't say, "I love you too, my dear, let's never, never part"_

_Just say, “I’m afraid you've made a grammatical error_

_Isn't 'to' who I give my heart', it's 'to whom I give my heart'_

_You see with the preposition 'to,' 'who' becomes the indirect object_

_Making the use of 'whom' imperative which I can prove to you_

_With this very simple chart_

_That's a fine way to lose a man_

_A fine, fine, fine, fine way to lose a man_

_A dandy way to lose a man_

_Just be more well-informed as he_

_You'll never hear "Oh, promise me"_

_Just tell him where his grammar errs_

_Then mark your towels 'hers' and 'hers'_

_Yes, girls, you too can lose your man_

_If you will use Ruth Sherwood's plan_

_One hundred easy ways to lose a man_

 

Sebastian snorted. The song had a very catchy tune to it, but the lyrics were strange. But Kurt seemed to enjoy every second of it. Well, that was ironic for someone who loves guys’ attention to be singing a song on ways to lose one.

“I’m going to get some fresh air,” Sebastian muttered. Kurt merely nodded as he clapped at Harmony’s performance.

He walked out of the auditorium and was grateful for the sight of the blue sky once more. He took a slow stroll around the building, taking his time. He was sure that by now the recital would have a short break before continuing so really, he would not miss much.

Before he knew it, Sebastian found himself singing a tune to pass his time.

_Boy, boy, crazy boy,_

_Get cool, boy!_

_Got a rocket in your pocket,_

_Keep coolly cool, boy!_

_Don't get hot,_

_'Cause man, you got_

_Some high times ahead._

_Take it slow and Daddy-O,_

_You can live it up and die in bed!_

He grabbed a pillar and swung around it, laughing slightly. He jumped onto a nearby staircase railing before sliding down, singing the rest of the song. Sebastian had to admit, he was sort of enjoying himself for a bit. After a while, he glanced at his watch and realized that he had been gone for nearly ten minutes. Kurt must be looking for him by now.

Before he managed to enter the auditorium, however, he heard someone calling him.

“Hey, you over there! The guy with the checkered shirt!”

He turned around to see a woman in her mid-thirties running towards him. From her attire, Sebastian guessed that she might be a teacher.

“Yes?” he said.

“I…h-heard you singing back there,” she panted slightly before straightening her posture. “Cool from West Side Story, right?”

“That would be it,”

She smiled widely. “You sounded _amazing_!” she gushed. After Sebastian mumbled a ‘thank you’, she continued. “My name is Mrs. Susan Holliander, one of the drama directors,”

“Sebastian Smythe,”

Look, one of my performers just called and said that he came down with stomach flu and he was set to give one of the most important performances ever!” she said, her tone frustrated. “And when I heard you singing back there, I just thought…well, hey, why not? That guy would be a perfect replacement,”

Sebastian merely stared at her.

“I know, I know,” she said, as if reading his mind. “It’s kind of- okay, really- sudden but I really need your help. My student was supposed to be singing Baby John’s part in the Jet song and no one else could sing as perfectly as he could aside from the ones who play Riff, Action, A-Rab, Snowboy and Big Deal, who you know, had their own parts to play,” she paused. “Do you see my problem now?”

“I guess…” Sebastian answered hesitantly. “But I’m not sure I can…you know, just perform suddenly like that. There’s the matter of the sling that I’m using and I’m sure there’s choreography to consider-,”

“Oh, not at all!” Mrs. Holliander cut him off. “There’s not much, so you can easily catch up. We could delay the performance a bit so we could work on that. And as for the sling…well, Baby John _is_ in a gang, after all, so it’s normal to have injuries here and there,”

“I don’t know…”

“Please, Mr. Smythe. It’s only a recital. You don’t have to be nervous,”

“Nervousness is not the problem-,”

“Then, it’s settled!” Mrs. Holliander clapped her hands gleefully. “Bruce!” she shouted to a guy who looked around Sebastian’s age. “I found our new Baby John!”

“W-wait, hey!” Sebastian protested. But he could not say much as Mrs. Holliander had already started pulling him towards the backdoor of the auditorium, with Bruce tailing them. “Now, don’t worry. You won’t have to do much. Just sing and have fun,” Bruce said soothingly.

“Easier said than done, kid,” Sebastian snapped. In a whirl of the moment, he was introduced to the rest of the performers who began to give him some pointers he already knew and tried to ‘sooth’ him out of his nervousness as he was suddenly asked to learn the choreography for the performance. One even offered to give him a neck massage and seeing as it was a girl who obviously had other intentions, and he was gay, he declined not so politely.

_Damn you princess, I’m already regretting this!_

~*.*~

The said princess was looking around the auditorium, looking around for Sebastian. He had been gone for nearly 30 minutes now and the show was about to start. He had texted him earlier but he had received no reply. He considered going outside to look for him but he was afraid that by doing so, he might miss something. So he stayed in his seat, comforting himself that Sebastian might just be flirting with some random guy again.

The emcee went to the stage again and Kurt refocused his attention. “Okay, everyone! Time for our next performance. The Jet song from West Side Story from class 5-A with a very special and unexpected guest,” she winked before going backstage. Kurt wondered who the guest might be.

The music started and a group of guys went to the stage, all dressed in casual jackets and torn jeans or something similar. A guy with messy dark hair and a mischievous look on his face stepped out of the group and began to speak.

_Against the Sharks we need every man we got_

Another one joined in, who Kurt assumed was Action.

_Tony don't belong any more._

Riff glared at Action.

_Cut it, Action boy. I and Tony started the Jets._

Action crossed his arms.

_Well, he acts like he don't wanna belong._

And when the part of Baby John came, imagine Kurt’s surprise to found out that it was none other than Sebastian.

“Sebastian?” he whispered in shock. The latter caught his eyes and grinned.

_Who wouldn't wanna belong to the Jets!_

Well, that was certainly unexpected. Kurt watched the rest of the performance in some sort of a daze, all the while thinking how the hell Sebastian landed himself a role in a recital.

_ACTION: Tony ain't been with us for over a month._

_SNOWBOY: What about the day we clobbered the Emeralds?_

_A-RAB: Which we couldn't have done without Tony._

_BABY JOHN: He saved my ever-lovin' neck!_

_RIFF: Right! He's always come through for us and he will now._

The, the singing started and Kurt could not help but to smile at the goofy antics shown by the performers. Even Sebastian seemed to be going along.

_When you're a Jet,_

_You're a Jet all the way_

_From your first cigarette_

_To your last dyin' day._

_When you're a Jet,_

_If the spit hits the fan,_

_You got brothers around,_

_You're a family man!_

_You're never alone,_

_You're never disconnected!_

_You're home with your own:_

_When company's expected,_

_You're well protected!_

_Then you are set_

_With a capital J,_

_Which you'll never forget_

_Till they cart you away._

_When you're a Jet,_

_You stay a Jet!_

There were a few more speaking lines and Kurt watched in amusement at Sebastian’s antics who apparently, had no problem in embracing his role as Baby John. A few giggles escaped when he saw Sebastian pretended to trip on his feet when a blonde guy who played A-Rab shoved him playfully on the shoulder.

Sebastian, with a smile in Kurt’s direction, wrapped an arm around Action’s shoulder and began to sing.

_When you’re a Jet,_

_You’re the top cat in town,_

_You’re the gold medal kid_

_With the heavyweight crown!_

Sebastian unwrapped his arm and rejoined his ‘gang’ as Action continued singing with A-Rab and Big Deal.

_When you're a Jet,_

_You're the swingin'est thing:_

_Little boy, you're a man;_

_Little man, you're a king!_

The whole group began to sing their hearts out, wearing goofy smiles on their faces that Kurt just had to grin back.

_The Jets are in gear,_

_Our cylinders are clickin'!_

_The Sharks'll steer clear_

_'Cause ev'ry Puerto Rican's a lousy chicken!_

_Here come the Jets_

_Like a bat out of hell._

_Someone gets in our way,_

_Someone don't feel so well!_

_Here come the Jets:_

_Little world, step aside!_

_Better go underground,_

_Better run, better hide!_

_We're drawin' the line,_

_So keep your noses hidden!_

_We're hangin' a sign,_

_Says "Visitors forbidden"_

_And we ain't kiddin'!_

_Here come the Jets,_

_Yeah! And we're gonna beat_

_Ev'ry last buggin' gang_

_On the whole buggin' street!_

_On the whole!_

_Ever!_

_Mother!_

_Lovin'!_

_Street!_

_Yeah!_

When the audience broke into applause, Kurt found himself joining in. And he was pretty sure he cheered the loudest.

~*.*~

“Darling, you did a wonderful job!” Mrs. Holliander cried out in glee a few moments later when Sebastian had changed back into his normal attire and rejoined Kurt. “Imagine, doing so well when you only learned the moves 15 minutes before the performance!”

Sebastian was suddenly enveloped into a hug with Mrs. Holliander sending streams of ‘thank you’ into his ear while Kurt watched on with an amused expression.

“Y-Your welcome,” he said, gently unwrapping her arms around him. “I had fun,”

Another squeal hit his ears and Kurt laughed. Sebastian turned and found out why. Chandler grabbed a hold of Sebastian’s free hand and grinned excitedly. “Oh my god! Sebastian honey, you were marvelous! An injured Baby John singing his heart out. That goes to show that injuries don’t stop someone’s passion to sing! Brilliant!” he gushed, his eyes sparkling.

“Chandler, shouting,” Kurt reminded him gently.

“Right, sorry,”

Sebastian shook his head and gave a tiny smile. “Well, I’m glad you enjoyed it then,”

After a few more hugs from the rest of the performers, Kurt and Sebastian were free to go. As the pair walked towards the car, Kurt turned to face Sebastian.

“So…an injured Baby John in the Jet song scene, huh? That will be remembered for quite a while,” he said.

“Well, I like to be remembered,”

Kurt rolled his eyes. “You’re great up there. I told you that the recital might be fun,” he grinned winningly.

“Yeah, whatever,” Sebastian said. “I just wish…”

Kurt stopped walking. “Wish what?”

Sebastian took a deep breath. “I don’t know…seeing you in the audience having fun and enjoying my performance, I just thought…” He closed his eyes briefly before opening them to look at the sky wistfully. “…it would be awesome to have my parents see it,”

Silence.

Kurt cleared his throat. “Well, I’m sure they would have enjoyed it, Sebastian,” he smiled gently. “Imagine their proud faces to see their son having fun and it’s only been a couple of weeks since they’re gone. You’re moving on already…just like how they would want you, too,”

Sebastian shook his head. “I can still feel it, though. The emptiness inside of me, like a part of me is missing. But…” he sighed before the corner of his lips lifted into a hesitant smile. “You’re right. It’s been a while since I had fun like that,”

“Ah, the magic of performances,” Kurt replied. “They can make you forget your problems even if it’s only for a little while,”

They walked towards the car in silence, each secretly thinking that today might be one of the best days in their lives. 


	18. Chapter 17: Catalyst

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ~A horrible memory might be a catalyst to something wonderful ~

The following Tuesday was a rather relaxing day for Kurt.

Burt and Carole were at work so the boys pretty much had the whole day for themselves. Since it was the beginning of summer, Finn thought it might be nice to hang out at the beach. Kurt had declined; his skin was over-sensitive enough as it is and he did not want to risk getting sunburn. Sebastian also opted to stay at home.

“I’m going to take a well-deserved snooze,” he said.

“Well-deserved?” Kurt’s tone was skeptical.

“Hanging out with you definitely deserves a nap right after,” Sebastian replied easily, a cocky grin gracing his handsome features. Kurt resisted the urge to kick him where he knew it would hurt.

Finn had been cool with it and decided to invite Mike, Artie (after the Rihanna song performance at the pool, Kurt had been wary of Artie being anywhere near water but Finn had insisted that he could take care of himself) and Puck instead. Three phone calls and an hour later, Finn was driving off with the three of them, while Kurt waved them goodbye at the porch.

He strode back into the house to find it oddly quiet. He glanced at his watch. 11.30 a.m. Sebastian could not have already gone to sleep, has he? He only woke up two hours ago! But sure enough, when he walked into the living room, Sebastian was sprawled on the sofa, with a pillow covering half of his face. His jaw was slack and his hand was half-gripping a remote control. The TV was still showing a movie. How Sebastian managed to sleep while the TV was still quite loud remained a mystery to Kurt.

He sighed before taking the remote control and switched off the TV. He took a wool blanket from one of the drawers pushed back against the wall and covered Sebastian’s form up until his shoulders. Smiling slightly, he walked out of the room and headed straight for the kitchen.

“I guess I’ll just start on lunch,” he muttered. Carole had left him a note on the fridge stating that the ingredients for lunch had been prepared and all Kurt had to do was to cook them. Burt had explained with a grunt that he would not be home for lunch that day and he was sure that Finn would just eat outside.

“I guess I’ll just make something simple,” Kurt said. Just as he was about to open the fridge, his phone rang. Raising an eyebrow, he took out his phone and checked the caller ID. It was none other than Blaine himself.

“Hello?” Kurt answered slightly warily.

“ _Hey, Kurt!_ ” Blaine’s cheerful voice drifted from the speaker.

“Hey, Blaine,” Kurt relaxed a bit, noticing that Blaine took no note of his initial wariness. Why _was_ he wary, anyway? “How are you?”

“ _Great! Are you free today?_ ”

“Um…I guess. Why?”

“ _You still owe me a day at Lima Bean, you know,_ ” Blaine reminded him.

Something clicked in Kurt’s head. “Oh, right. That day at the train station, I promised you that we’d hang out, didn’t I?”

“ _Yep,_ ” Kurt could practically hear the smile in Blaine’s voice. “ _I’m free for the whole day. Want to meet up at Lima Bean in an hour?_ ”

Kurt took a glance at the living room where Sebastian was currently sleeping and then to the note taped at the fridge. _Take care of Sebastian while we’re gone, alright, boys?_ it reminded cheerfully, written in Carole’s loopy handwriting. He remembered Sebastian grumbling about it ( _“Damn it, I’m not 7,”_ ) earlier and resisted the urge to snicker. But then again, Kurt did promised Blaine and he honestly did want to leave the house for a bit, but the thought of leaving Sebastian here alone did not quite settle nicely with Kurt for some reason.

“Hold on, okay, Blaine? I need to check on something,”

“ _Er…sure,_ ” Blaine sounded confused and Kurt could not blame him.

Quietly, he strode back into the living room and approached Sebastian, who was beginning to snore a bit. Kurt kneeled beside him and shook his shoulder gently. “Hey,” he said. “Sebastian?”

Sebastian opened his eyes slowly and looked at Kurt wearily as he yawned. “What is it, Kurt?” he asked, his voice still hoarse from sleep.

“Do you mind if I go out for a bit?” Kurt asked. “Blaine invited me to Lima Bean and I sort of promised that we’d hang out some time,”

Sebastian’s eyes narrowed slightly at the mention of Blaine’s name but he waved his hand dismissively, regardless, already turning his back towards Kurt. “Go on ahead, princess. I can take care of myself,” he yawned.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, yes,” Sebastian looked over his shoulder to meet Kurt’s gaze. “Go have fun with the hobbit and let me catch up on my sleep which you have cruelly taken away from me by watching that horrendous musical on your phone _without_ plugging on your earphones,”

“Cats is not horrendous!” Kurt protested and swiveled on his heel to storm angrily out of the living room.

He missed the tiny fond smile on Sebastian’s face as he did.

~*.*~

Kurt entered the Lima Bean about an hour later, gripping his satchel nervously. He had cooked some casserole for Sebastian to have as lunch and taped a note about it on the fridge. He took the extra set of keys and locked the door behind him before leaving the house. He also made sure that Sebastian’s phone was switched on so he could easily be contacted.

He looked around for a familiar face before his gaze landed on Blaine.

Blaine was sitting alone in the quiet corner of the shop. Coincidentally, that very corner was Kurt’s favorite spot in the whole shop. The fact that it was tucked away in the quietest corner of the shop where the only thing could be heard was the soft lingering music made it a lot easier for Kurt to relax and enjoy his coffee.

It suddenly dawned upon him that Blaine never knew about this even after more than a year of dating. It was not that Kurt did not want to tell him, it was just that it never really crossed his mind to do so. Because wherever Blaine chose to sit, Kurt would follow because, really, at the time, where he sit never really mattered as long as Blaine was there.

So seeing Blaine idly sitting there without knowing at all that that was Kurt’s favorite place to sit made his heart ache a little. _I guess we don’t know that much about each other after all…_

“Hey Blaine,” he greeted the curly-haired teen when he approached him.

“Kurt!” Blaine’s eyes lit up. “You made it!”

“Blaine, this is Lima Bean, not Alaska,” Kurt chuckled. “It’s not that far,”

Blaine laughed along with him, running his finger through his hair. “I know, but it’s so good to see you again,”

“You just saw me a few days ago,” Kurt pointed out.

Blaine shook his head. “I know but still…” he smiled. “It’s just so good to see you again…like this,”

Kurt returned the smile tenderly. What Blaine said was true. Even though they saw each other quite frequently, in a sense, they never really did. Whenever they made eye contact, it became horribly awkward or too painful that eventually, one of them would tear his gaze and walked away while the other stood by watching. Kurt realized that they never really talked properly ever since the breakup. And he knew what Blaine meant when he said he missed him.

Because Kurt really missed Blaine as well, even though they see each other all the time. He missed being around him without feeling uncomfortable or talking to him without feeling awkward.

“Yeah…it’s so good to see you, too,” Kurt agreed.

They ended up ordering their usual coffee and talked about endless things. How Blaine complained that despite that the seniors had just graduated, Mr. Schue had already placed the pressure of being the new captain on his shoulders, how Kurt found out that Finn had been going through his father’s things again, how Tina arranged a picnic for Mike a few days after graduation, how Blaine caught Mercedes and Sam kissing and found it really awkward to be in that situation (Kurt had laughed heartily at that). Kurt also told Blaine about the recital.

Needless to say, Blaine was surprised.

“Sebastian was suddenly chosen to perform?” he asked, eyes wide.

“I know,” Kurt rolled his eyes. “I was surprised. There he was, with his sling and all, singing Baby John’s part like it was nobody’s business. And I hate to say it, but he was good,”

“Oh, speaking about that, how is his shoulder? Is it healing up nicely?” Blaine asked as he lifted the Styrofoam cup to his lips before taking a sip.

“Yes, it is. The doctor said that he should be able to take it off by this week,” Kurt replied. “Then there are a few sessions of physical therapy if needed and he’s good to go,”

“Hm…”Blaine said absently. “That’s great. Wearing a sling could be quite troublesome after a while,”

“And you know this because…?”

Blaine smiled ruefully. “You seem to have forgotten the main reason I transferred to Dalton, Kurt,”

Silence.

“Oh…” was all Kurt could manage.

“Yeah…” Blaine said. “There were a few incidents here and there… The Sadie Hawkins’s dance was the worse. I couldn’t move my arm for about a month and a week out of it, I wasn’t even aware of my surroundings,”

Kurt’s head snapped up. “Wait, what? What do you mean?”

“You don’t know, huh?” Blaine smiled sadly. “When Cooper found me, I was really a mess. I barely made it. My friend…,” A shaky breath. “-was not so lucky,”

“What…?” Kurt whispered.

“Kurt…I was in a coma for about a week after the incident. My friend…well…” Blaine trailed off. “Well, you know…not so lucky,”

Another silence.

“Blaine…” Kurt’s voice was barely above a whisper. “That’s awful,”

“I’m out and I’m proud, Kurt, you know that,” Blaine said. “And yes…that incident was one of the most terrifying moments of my life, but when I think about it…it’s like a catalyst,”

Kurt furrowed his brows in confusion. “A catalyst?”

“Mhm,” Blaine nodded. “Think about it. If it never happened, I would not have transferred to Dalton. I would have never met the Warblers. I would have…probably never met you,” he finished with a fond smile in Kurt’s direction.

Kurt’s eyes widened. “Blaine…I….”

“And I would never want to have never met you, Kurt. Because…meeting you is one of the greatest things that have ever happened to me,”

Kurt had nothing to say about that. Without warning, Blaine grabbed one of Kurt’s hands and ran a thumb over the knuckle. “I’m so glad I have met someone like you, Kurt,” Blaine said earnestly.

That was apparently, the limit for Kurt. For some reason, he started to feel sick. He felt something moist and warm running down his cheeks and he heard a racking sound in contrast with the otherwise soft cheery background music. He lifted a hand to touch his cheek and found it wet.

With his tears.

“Kurt?” Blaine looked alarmed. “H-hey, are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” Kurt sucked in a shaky breath. “J-just…excuse me,” He got up from his chair and bolted for the bathroom. He barely made it to the cubicle before dropping to his knees and threw up into the toilet bowl.

~*.*~

_It hurts…_

_Why did he have to say that?_

_I can’t take it…_

Kurt weakly got up from his kneeling position and reached out to flush the toilet. Tearing a piece of tissue, he wiped his mouth and exited the cubicle. Only to find Blaine waiting for him as he leaned against the row of sinks.

“B-Blaine?” Kurt stuttered, feeling startled.

“Are you okay?” Blaine asked, his face grim.

“Y-yeah…” Kurt nodded. “What makes you ask?”

“You were throwing up,” Blaine reminded in a mild tone.

“Oh,” Kurt looked down. “I…it’s just that…” he trailed off, not knowing what to say. He heard Blaine sigh and soft footsteps coming towards him. A finger went under his chin and brought his face up so that his gaze was locked with Blaine’s. A faint blush covered Kurt’s cheeks at the close proximity of their faces.

“W-what?” he asked, turning his face away.

“Was it because of something I said?” Blaine’s quiet whisper brought back Kurt’s attention. He turned to face Blaine once more. The latter was staring at him with sad eyes, his hands stuffed in his jeans pocket. He was biting his lip again; a habit he developed when nervous.

“I’m sorry, Kurt,” Blaine said. “I… _god_ , I keep messing things up, don’t I?”

“No, Blaine, it’s not your-,” Kurt was about to protest when Blaine cut him off by pressing a finger against his lips. “Yes,” Blaine insisted. “It is my fault. Don’t try to deny it, Kurt,” Blaine exhaled slowly. “You know, Sebastian told me during graduation that you were crying a lot,”

Kurt’s eyes widened. “He said that?” _That damn meerkat…_

As if reading his mind, Blaine placed a hand on Kurt’s shoulder comfortingly. “He didn’t say it directly, Kurt. It’s not his fault. I just…figured it out,” he sighed. “It’s ironic, isn’t it? The one who kept on hurting you is the one who claimed to love you while the one who comforts you is the one who killed your self-esteem every time he’s given the chance,”

Kurt was startled. “Wait, what? What do you mean?”

“You know what I mean,” Blaine smiled ruefully. “He may not say it directly, but from the way he talked about you, Sebastian cared,”

That was news to Kurt. Well…not exactly. Kurt figured it was really weird that Sebastian took care of him during his many waterworks episodes, bought him tickets to a recital for his graduation present, even singing to him when Kurt asked him to, but he thought it was because he owed Kurt for letting him stay with his family.

“I don’t know about that…”

“I know,” Blaine said. “I know that Sebastian cares for you even though he doesn’t admit it,” he smiled. “He mentioned once that you two were friends,”

“He did?”

“Yes…”

It came as a surprise to Blaine when Sebastian told him about. Granted, it was not a direct thing. But Blaine had been so curious about Sebastian’s mysterious date yesterday; he continued to pester the boy about it, ignoring his snarky responses. When his final response came, Blaine could not believe his eyes.

_Darn it, Blaine. I’m going with my friend; the princess of Lima, Ohio- Sebastian_

And Blaine knew there was only one person whom Sebastian called that.

“I…wow,” Kurt breathed. While Sebastian did mention once that they were friends, he thought it was only during the heat of the moment.

“I know,” Blaine agreed. “And it’s so ironic that our roles are reversed. I keep on hurting you even though my intention was otherwise,” His eyes turned sad again. “So for whatever I said that hurt you, I’m so sorry,”

There was a tense silence. Kurt fidgeted where he stood, not knowing what to say. In the end, he knew he had to end the tension between them, one way or another.

“Look…” he began. “It really is not your fault, Blaine. It’s me,” Kurt met Blaine’s gaze steadily. “When you said that…you are so glad to have met someone like me…it triggered something in me, even though it really shouldn’t,” he swallowed. “I was reminded of all the things we used to share and it dawned to me that we’ll never have all those things again; at least not in the same way,”

“Kurt…” Blaine started to say but Kurt was not finished.

“I _want_ to get over this, Blaine. I really do,” Kurt’s tone was determined. “I want to be able to look at you without feeling any pain and I want to see you as my best friend, like I used to back when we first met. Everything was so _easy_ then, and I want it to be easy now,”

“It’s not our fault that life could be complicated, Kurt,” Blaine reasoned. “Not everything could be easy,”

“True, but…” Kurt shook his head. “Life is actually very easy. We’re the ones who make it complicated,”

Blaine looked at him wordlessly.

“Blaine…” Kurt sighed. “I realize that we can’t control the way we feel. They say if you love someone, set them free. You falling out of love with me is just nature’s way to tell us that we weren’t meant to be. I’m trying to accept that. But I guess, some things need more time,”

“What do you mean, Kurt?” Blaine asked, his expression worried.

“I mean…” Kurt exhaled. “We really shouldn’t be around each other so much. At least not for a while. Both of us need time to really heal…Right now, I guess I’m still kind of unstable and I don’t want to strain our friendship, Blaine,”

“Kurt-,”

“Roots before branches, Blaine. Remember that,” Kurt said. “I can promise you one thing, Blaine,”

Blaine looked at Kurt with an unreadable expression before speaking. “What would that be?”

Kurt took a deep breath. “One day, you’ll be with someone else…and I’ll be able to accept it. I can be happy for you,” he smiled. “I’ll say that our breakup is a catalyst to something wonderful,”

Kurt watched as Blaine opened his mouth to speak but no words came out. Instead, to his surprise, Blaine’s eyes began to water and without warning; he pulled him into a hug.

“B-Blaine?” Kurt asked in surprise. When he felt something soaking his shirt, he realized that Blaine was crying. “Hey…are you okay?”

“Oh, _Kurt_ …” he heard a watery chuckle. “You really shouldn’t say something like that. How am I supposed to answer that?”

Kurt chuckled along with Blaine as he rubbed the boy’s back soothingly. But when Blaine’s hug began to grow tighter, something snapped in Kurt’s mind.

_“You have such soft skin…princess,”_

_“You’ll enjoy this…”_

_The feeling of hands groping him…touching him in places he did not want to be touched…_

Abruptly, Kurt put both hands on Blaine’s shoulders and pushed him away, gasping slightly. Blaine stumbled on his feet and leaned against the sink for support. “Kurt?” he asked. “What’s going on-,”

But he was cut off when he saw the expression on Kurt’s face. His eyes were wide with fear and he was looking at Blaine the same way a lamb would look at a hungry tiger. And Blaine had a feeling that he was the tiger.

“Hey, Kurt…what’s wrong?” he asked cautiously.

“I…I…” Kurt looked lost. He did not know why he reacted like that. It was as if something was triggered in him, causing him to push Blaine away. For what reason, Kurt did not know. His heart was hammering in his chest and Kurt found himself breathing rather rapidly.

“I…have to go,” he whispered before bolting out of the bathroom, ignoring Blaine’s cries of his name.

As he ran out of the shop, he passed a man with heavily tattooed arm and piercings on his nose and lip. When their gazes met, a feeling of dread passed through Kurt.

It was as if he had seen those steely grey eyes before. 


	19. Chapter 18: Touch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ~A single touch can bring forth multiple reactions~

Kurt was silent throughout his whole drive home. The soft music playing in the background was ignored as the boy gripped the steering wheel harder than usual until his knuckles practically became white. His eyes were serious and his expression was that of a lost child.

Honestly speaking, Kurt had no idea what to think.

He did not know why he reacted the way he did back in the Lima Bean. Why he pushed away Blaine when his hug got slightly too tight, why the world suddenly seemed like it was spinning, why everything seemed to be suffocating all of a sudden…

Why he felt fear suddenly surging through him.

“What the heck happened?” Kurt muttered to himself. He stared straight ahead, trying to push down the muddled thoughts that threatened to take over his mind and focused on the traffic.

_Hands stroking him…_

_A warm breath tickling his ear…_

_Chapped lips kissing his throat…_

With a loud screech, he turned the car abruptly and headed towards another direction before hastily parking his car at the side of the road. Breathing hard, Kurt looked down to stare at his lap before closing his eyes and tried to slow down his breathing. No such luck.

It was that feeling again. That immense amount of fear and panic that went though him so fast that he barely had time to blink. With slightly shaking hands, he reached out to switch off the radio, hoping that the silence might calm him.

It did, for a little while. Before…

_“You’re going to enjoy this…you bitch,”_

Gasping, Kurt opened his eyes-he did not even notice that he closed them-and buried his face into his hands, groaning miserably. “What the hell is wrong with me?” he moaned. He took a few deep breaths before exhaling them slowly, refocusing his gaze on the road.

“It must be my imagination,” he muttered at last.

At least…he hoped it was.

~*.*~

Sebastian was chewing on the last bits of his casserole when he heard the door being unlocked and opened, followed by Kurt walking into the room. His face was tired and from the way he simply dumped his keys onto the kitchen counter instead of hanging them carefully in the key cabinet, Sebastian knew something was wrong.

Not that he was going to comment on it just yet.

“Welcome back, princess,” he said instead, keeping his tone light. “How’s your playtime with Prince Eric?”

“Hm,” Kurt answered in a noncommittal tone. Sebastian watched as Kurt took out a bottle of carrot juice from the fridge and poured himself a glass, before taking a sip. Unable to hide the disgust on his face, Sebastian turned away. While Sebastian had nothing against carrots, the thought of drinking it repelled him for some reason. Kurt himself was not entirely a huge fan of carrot juice either, but he drank it anyway since he never minded anything that would benefit his appearance.

“Just hm? What’s wrong, Kurt? Did Ursula’s eels destroy your date or something?”Sebastian tried again.

Kurt snorted but he said nothing else. Sebastian raised an eyebrow. Well, this would be harder than he thought.

“Your cooking is terrible,”

.

“Seriously, I thought you poisoned it or something,”

.

.

“Did you scream and set its recording as my ringtone? God, my ears practically bleed every time you call me,”

.

.

.

“Princess,”

.

.

.

.

Sebastian sighed. He was so going to be hated for this but hey, why should he care?

.

.

.

.

“Your hair looks terrible,”

Sebastian considered it to be a miracle when Kurt’s eyes widened and his hands automatically reached out to fix his hair. Only to find it hair sprayed to perfection as always, with not a single strand of hair out of place. Kurt threw Sebastian a heated glare.

“It does not,” he snapped.

“Oh wow. Ariel found her voice again,” Sebastian drawled. “Bravo,”

“You idiot,” Kurt said, rolling his eyes in annoyance. “And my cooking is not terrible. You delude yourself,” he added, crossing his arms.

“Oh? So you heard that. I was pretty sure you’re lost in Wonderland back there,”

Kurt’s glare intensity reduced by a bit and he let out a heavy sigh. “Sorry,” he muttered. “I was thinking of something,”

“Clearly,” Sebastian said dryly. His gaze softened slightly when he saw Kurt’s troubled expression. “Hey, what’s up?” he asked.

Kurt shook his head. “It’s nothing, really. I was just…mulling over something,” He flashed Sebastian a smile. “I’m fine,”

Sebastian stared at Kurt skeptically. “Are you sure?”

“Positive,”

Sebastian got up from the kitchen stool and made a move to approach Kurt. However, after he took a step, he thought he saw Kurt taking a step back. Raising his eyebrow, he took another step and saw Kurt take another step back, almost reflectively. In fact, judging from his expression, Kurt did not seem to realize he was even doing it.

“Kurt?” he asked. “Are you okay?” Sebastian took another experiment step and sure enough, Kurt took a step back of his own, as if his movements were tied down to a chain reaction. Forward, back, forward, back.

“What are you talking about?” Kurt looked confused, unaware of the fact that he was currently backing himself up.

“I’m talking about the fact that you’re basically running away from me,” Sebastian replied. Kurt froze at that and realized that he was indeed a bit further from his previous position. However, he still looked confused to why.

“What the…? How did I…?” Kurt trailed off, his brows furrowed.

“You tell me,” Sebastian reached out to touch the boy’s shoulder when all of a sudden, his hand was slapped away with a loud ‘smack’. Eyes wide, Sebastian looked at Kurt with an expression of pure shock, holding up his hand to look at the red mark that started to form at the side of his wrist.

“Kurt?” he said. “What was _that_ for?”

Kurt, however, looked like a deer caught in headlights. “I...I…” he stuttered. “I don’t know why I did that,” he whispered. He took another step back until his back bumped against the wall. “Sebastian, I…oh my god, I’m so sor-,”

The door opened and a jovial voice cried out.

“I’m back!”

Heads turned to see Finn striding into the kitchen, accompanied by Puck, Mike, Sam, Rory, Mercedes, Tina and Sugar. Joe could be seen walking towards them not a few seconds later.

Silence.

“Um…”Finn cleared his throat, upon realizing the awkward and tense atmosphere in the room. “I didn’t interrupt anything, did I?”

~*.*~

“Dude, that’s cheating!”

“Holy shit, man. How do you even _know_ all those secret moves?”

“Erm…I was merely pressing random buttons,”

Finn, Puck and Joe were playing games in the living room while Mike, Sam and Rory watched, occasionally giving hoots and cheers. The girls were in the kitchen with Kurt and Sebastian, helping with the clean-up. Kurt was absently washing the dishes and he felt a splash of water against his arm. Turning, he saw Mercedes looking at him with an odd expression.

“Hey,” Kurt protested. “What was that for?”

“You were spacing out on me, Kurt,” Mercedes said, her tone half-accusing. “What’s going on in that head of yours?”

“It’s nothing, Mercedes,” Kurt shrugged, scrubbing the stains on the frying pan. “I was just distracted that’s all. Nothing big,”

“Hey, Kurt?” Tina called out. “Where do these plates go?”

“In the top left cabinet. Sugar, be careful with those glasses. They’re fragile,” Kurt added, throwing a look towards Sugar, who was attempting to balance five glasses in both hands.

“What on earth are those guys playing?” Sebastian said irritably, wiping the kitchen counter. “They’ve been cheering and hooting, and frankly, it’s getting on my nerves,”

Kurt did not answer at first. He was still feeling awkward from earlier. But in the end, it was Sugar who answered. “Maybe it’s Ninja Saga. My cousins play that all the time,” she said breezily, pausing for a while to admire her nails.

“Ooh, I know that,” said Tina. “Mike played it once. I honestly don’t get it though,”

“It’s about people beating each other up. What’s not to get?” Mercedes rolled her eyes. Beside her, Kurt chuckled. Finn came into the kitchen not long after. His skin was a tiny bit tanner due to his trip to the beach. “Kurt, do you have anything to eat around here? The guys are starving,” When Sebastian and Kurt gave him a pointed look, Finn scratched the back of his neck sheepishly. “Except for you two, of course,” he amended. “But seriously, though. Got any grub around here?”

“Ugh,” Sebastian wrinkled his nose. “If there is any ‘grub’,” air quotation marks. “We’ll let you know,”

“I got gum,” Sugar said cheerfully, reaching into her dress pocket. “You want some?”

Tina eyed the packet of gum Sugar took out. “Watermelon-mango-tomato fusion? Ew. More like a recipe for instant disaster,” She took her handbag and reached inside, eventually pulling out a small packet of cookies. “I got some leftovers of the snacks we bought at the beach. Here,”

Finn took them with a grateful grin. “Thanks, Tina. This would probably last us for a while,” he said, taking out a cookie and popped it into his mouth, walking back into the living room. Kurt rolled his eyes. “More like a few minutes,” he muttered. He handed the last plate to Mercedes for her to wipe it dry and stretched his arms.

“I’m tired,” he announced. “I think I’ll take a nap for a while,” He gave the girls a smile. “But call me if you need anything, okay?”

“Sure thing, boo,” Mercedes smiled back. “I’ll just see what the guys are up to, hopefully staying awake the whole time,” When the girls disappeared into the living room, Kurt sighed and headed for the stairs. When he heard footsteps from behind him, he turned and was surprised to see Sebastian following him.

“Um…what are you doing?” he asked, standing by the stairway.

“I need to shower,” Sebastian replied. “It’s pretty hot today,”

Kurt narrowed his eyes. “Still doesn’t explain why you’re following me,”

Sebastian gave him a pointed look. “The bathroom is in your room,”

“There’s one downstairs,”

“If you want me to go waltzing around the house dripping wet and half-naked with your friends around, then no. I may have my history of fooling around with men, but I have more self-dignity than to go streaking in public,” A glare.

“I need to use the bathroom as well,”

“For what?”

A pause. “My skin care regime,”

Eye-rolling. “It’s fucking 2 p.m., princess,” A sneer. “I’ve known enough girls to know that applying chemical products on your face in the middle of the day can cause discomfort on the skin, especially when you’re sweating,”

“Are you sure you’re not secretly a closeted fashion diva?”

“Shut it, Kurt,”

“No, you-,”

“HELL YEAH!” came a sudden below. Both boys jumped slightly at the interruption. From the voice, Kurt knew it belonged to Rory. His below was then followed by a frustrated groan that sounded like Sam’s.

“Damn it, Flannagan. Why the hell did you beat me _three_ times in a row?”

“You kicked his ass like it’s nobody’s business,” Mike said, sounding impressed.

There was an awkward silence when the chatter from the living room died down, focusing the entire thing on Kurt and Sebastian once more. Kurt cleared his throat and swiveled on his heel. “Well, I have to go. Don’t follow me, Sebastian,” he said.

However, before he managed to take a single step, he felt someone tugging his hand. Instantly, it felt as if he had been jolted by electricity.

_“Such pretty skin…princess,”_

_“You’re so hot,”_

“Goddammit, Kurt,” Sebastian groaned. “What’s going on with you?”

_A dead weight forcing him down onto the floor…_

“Did I do something wrong?” Sebastian pressed, tightening his grip on Kurt’s hand.

_Hands tugging at his clothes…_

“You’ve been off since you arrived home,”

“Let go,” Kurt whispered.

_“We are going to have so much fun…”_

When Sebastian’s grip did not loosen, Kurt bit his lip and shut his eyes tightly. “Let go of me, Sebastian,” he said again. “Not until you tell me what the fuck is going on in that head of yours,” Sebastian said firmly.

_“I’m going to make you scream, babe…”_

_“LET GO OF ME!”_

_“Don’t fight me, princess…”_

_“HELP! PLEASE, SOMEBODY!”_

With a quick jerk of his wrist, Kurt pulled away from Sebastian with a gasp. Unfortunately, in the midst of his sudden movement, his left foot missed a step and he ended up tripping on his own feet, causing him to fall. “Ah!” he cried in surprise before flailing his arms to steady himself. He saw Sebastian’s panicked expression.

“H-hey!”

Kurt ended up landing right in Sebastian’s arms. However, as soon as he realized where he was, Kurt flinched and got away from Sebastian, as if he had been electrocuted. His eyes were wide and his breathing was speeding up again.

Sebastian merely stared at him in shock.

.

.

.

“What’s _wrong_ with you, Kurt?” Sebastian asked at last.

.

.

.

.

.

“I don’t know,” Kurt admits quietly.


	20. Chapter 19: Nightmares

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ~Is it an illusion? Is it really just another nightmare?~

“You alright there, kiddo?”

The Hudmel family was having their breakfast that Thursday morning. Kurt was halfway eating his omelet when Burt cleared his throat and asked him that question. Setting down his fork, Kurt looked at his dad with a puzzled expression. Beside him, Sebastian was silent as he waited for Kurt’s answer.

“I’m alright, dad,” he replied. “Why do you ask?”

“Well, for starters,” Burt said gruffly. “There are shadows under your eyes,”

At that, Carole put down her glass of orange juice and peered at Kurt in concern. “He’s right, honey,” she said. “Are you feeling okay?”

Kurt nodded cautiously. “I am. It’s just…” he bit his lip. He could not tell them the truth. Not yet. He looked down to the table, trying to think of some sort of an excuse that even his dad would believe.

“He’s just been staying up late,” Sebastian answered, surprising Kurt. He glanced at the boy beside him, his eyes as if silently asking _what are you doing?_

“Why?” Burt asked, his eyes darting from Kurt to Sebastian. The latter shrugged. “He was watching some movie marathon. He could not bear to miss it,” Kurt looked as if he was about to protest because really, Sebastian was blatantly lying to Burt’s face, when Sebastian cast him a meaningful glance.

Oh.

Sebastian was lying, sure, but it was to cover for him.

“Is that true, Kurt?” Burt asked again, looking at Kurt this time. Kurt hastily nodded. “Um, yeah. I was looking forward to that marathon all week…”

“Oh sweetheart, I know how you feel, but you shouldn’t stay up too late,” Carole chided gently. “It’s not good for your health,”

Kurt pretended to look sorry, peeking through his eyelashes. He thought he heard Sebastian cough beside him but maybe he was just choking on something. Like his own saliva. Kurt smirked internally at that.

“Sorry, I’ll try not to stay up too late anymore,”

Burt and Carole looked satisfied and Kurt breathed a sigh in relief. He nudged Sebastian gently on the shoulder and Sebastian, halfway eating his porridge, gave him a sideway glance. “What?” he said.

“Thank you,” Kurt said softly.

Sebastian did not reply but there was a hint of smile on his face.

“Hey,” Finn said suddenly. “You’re taking that sling off for good tomorrow, right Sebastian?”

Sebastian looked momentarily surprised for being spoken to all of a sudden but he nodded slowly. “Yes,”

“You must be excited, huh, dude? Finally, you’re free to move your arm,” Finn grinned.

Kurt watched as Sebastian looked at Finn with a cool expression for a brief second before he returned the grin with a lazy smile of his own. “You bet,” he paused. “Dude,”

Kurt smiled as he ate his omelet. A few weeks ago, Sebastian would be caught dead if he ever became friendly around Finn. Now…well, he changed. And not just to Finn, his interaction with the rest of Kurt’s family and friends were less strained. He smiled often and joined in conversations without being prompted. He even joined in one or two of Finn’s gaming sessions yesterday, though Kurt was too caught up with his own thoughts to comment on it.

He was getting comfortable and Kurt was glad.

Now, if he could only solve his own problems, everything would have been perfect.

~*.*~

_Kurt was running. For what reasons, he was not too sure._

_All he knew that everything was dark and cold, fear surging through him as it urged him to keep on running even though his legs were aching. His breaths came in pants and sweat beaded along his forehead. He was exhausted, confused and scared out of his mind, but still, he kept on running._

_“Princess…”_

_Kurt’s eyes widened. It was that voice again. Cool, calm and eerily confident. But its tone was cold and cruel. And Kurt was sure that it promised trouble._

_“Don’t be afraid,” it cooed._

_Kurt stumbled blindly in the dark, desperate for any sign of escape from this hellish world._

_“I’ll be there for you…” Despite the promise, fear went through Kurt faster and greater than before. Tears stung his eyes and he covered his ears, desperate for everything to stop._

_“Leave me alone!” he cried._

_“I won’t ever leave you…”the voice said, amused. “You’re mine, after all,”_

_Phantom hands grabbed Kurt by the ankle and pulled. Kurt fell to the ground with a sharp cry, immediately struggling to get up as soon as he touched the ground. But this time, he felt his shoulders being grabbed and holding him into place._

_“Come on, princess…you won’t regret this,” the voice cooed again._

_Tears were streaming freely down Kurt’s cheeks now and sobs racked his chest uncontrollably. He felt as if everything was choking him, cutting him off from everything. Oh my god, he was drowning and he just wanted everything to **stop-**_

**_Stop-_ **

**_STOP IT!_ **

~*.*~

“Kurt! Wake up!”

Kurt did wake up, gasping and breathing heavily, cold sweat dripping down his face. He found himself lying on the sofa with Sebastian’s face peering at him, his expression etched in concern.

“Sebastian?” Kurt got up into a sitting position. “W-what happened?”

“You had a nightmare, that’s what happened,” Sebastian replied with a strained tone. “You took a nap this afternoon and the next thing I knew, you were kicking and screaming. You scared the shit out of Finn,”

Sure enough, Finn was sitting in one of the armchairs, his face pale as he looked at Kurt. “Are you alright, Kurt?” Finn asked, his voice shaking. “Do I need to call mom and Burt?”

Worrying them was the last thing that Kurt would ever want to do. He hurriedly shook his head. “No, don’t. I just…I was just dreaming,” He exhaled loudly and covered his face with his hands as he tried to calm his breathing.

All the while, Sebastian was staring at him with an unreadable expression. “Are you sure you’re fine, Kurt?” he asked once more. Kurt nodded, giving him a smile. “Mhm. I’m sorry for worrying you,” He turned to Finn. “You as well, Finn. I’m sorry I scared you,”

“It’s fine…Just…” Finn hesitated. “You know we’re here if you need something, right?”

Kurt smiled gratefully. “Yes, I do,” The pair looked at him with a hesitant expression for a while more before Finn announced that he will be going to his room. Sebastian stayed for a while longer before he gave a long, withering sigh and walked out of the living room.

All of a sudden, Kurt was alone.

He brought his knees to his chest and struggled to breathe slowly. He was tired. No, not tired. Drained, more like it.

He had been having the same nightmare since last night. He woke up twice in the middle of the night, gasping for his breath, all the while trying not to wake Sebastian up. But from their earlier conversation during breakfast, Sebastian must have known about his nightmare but for some reason, he did not talk about it.

He hated the feeling of being scared all the time. Even though it only started yesterday, Kurt felt as if he had been facing this for weeks. The world suddenly started spinning much too fast and everything seemed to be choking him slowly. He was also somehow refusing to be touched though it was more of a sub-conscious thing instead of his own free will.

Even Burt’s warm hug that morning seemed to be drowning him. He remembered the way his body stiffened almost immediately and his hands instinctively reached out to push his dad away. But it was his dad, for crying out loud! So he stayed where he was, trying to force himself to return the hug. He did, eventually, but it was stiff and awkward. If Burt noticed it, he did not show it.

His phone started to ring. He looked at it blankly for a second, as if forgetting that the phone was his, before he took it and pressed the answer icon without looking at the caller ID.

“Hello?”

 _“Hey, Kurt,”_ It was Blaine.

“Oh…hey, Blaine. What’s up?”

 _“….I…How are you feeling, Kurt?”_ Blaine said hesitantly. Kurt raised an eyebrow.

“I’m fine…I guess,”

A loud exhale from the other line. _“Look, about yesterday…”_ he began. _“I just wanted to know why you suddenly ran out like that,”_

“Oh…” Kurt swallowed.

_“Was it something I did again?”_

“What? No! No, no, Blaine,” Kurt answered hurriedly. The last thing he need was Blaine blaming himself again. “I’m sorry…It wasn’t your fault, I promise. I was just…” he trailed off.

There was silence between the two of them before Kurt breathed in a sigh. “I’m sorry,” he said again. “It’s just that everything had been so confusing all of a sudden…and I don’t know what to do about it,”

_“Kurt…”_

“Look, Blaine…about yesterday,” Kurt continued. “I just needed to clear my mind. Do you ever have that feeling where everything seemed so perfect before it suddenly came crashing down?”

A terse pause.

 _“I do,”_ Blaine replied quietly.

Kurt sighed again. “Then, you would understand why I acted the way I did yesterday. I know it was sudden and I bet I startled you quite a bit then…but…”

 _“It’s okay,”_ Blaine cut him off. _“I…I get it. It’s fine,”_ His voice sounded tired and instantly, Kurt felt guilty again.

“I’m sorry,”

 _“It’s not your fault,”_ Blaine said. _“But…can I do something?”_

“What?”

_“Remember the times when we would call each other when we’re upset at any time of the day?”_

Kurt smiled at the memory. “Yes,”

_“There are also times when one of us would sing,”_

“I know,”

 _“So…”_ a deep breath. “ _I can tell that there’s a lot on your mind right now and I probably won’t be able to help much but…can I sing you something? It could help you forget your problems, even if it’s only for while,”_

Kurt did not reply straightaway. But when he did, he was gripping the phone tighter than ever before. “Yes,” he breathed. “ _Please_ ,”

There was a pause before he heard an intake of breath and Blaine began to sing, his voice drifting through the speakers.

_Beauty queen of only eighteen_

_She had some trouble with herself_

_He was always there to help her_

_She always belonged to someone else_

_I drove for miles and miles_

_And wound up at your door_

_I’ve had you so many times_

_But somehow I want more_

_I don’t mind spendin’ everyday_

_Out on your corner in the pourin’ rain_

_Look for the girl with the broken smile_

_Ask her if she wants to stay awhile_

_She will be loved_

Kurt smiled as Blaine continued to sing. His voice never failed to calm him. For some reason, he felt tears slipping out of his eyes and trailed down his cheeks. He sniffed as he wiped them away hastily, gripping the phone tight.

_Tap on my window, knock on my door_

_I want to make you feel beautiful_

When the song ended, Kurt could only say one thing.

“Thank you, Blaine,” he whispered. “For being there,”

~*.*~

_Everything was dead silent. Kurt was standing somewhere all alone. He did know where he was as everything was dark as usual. However, this time, not only was the surrounding was dark and silent, the air was heavy and tense as well, as if something dreadful was coming._

_“Hello, there,”_

_Something gripped Kurt’s heart painfully and he was pretty sure it was fear._

_Something made him turn around and when he did, what he saw made him wish that he could disappear. Standing in front of him, merely several feet away, was a man. His hair was black and it was cropped short almost in a military style. There were tattoos all over his mind. His eyes were steely grey and he had nasty smile on his face._

_Kurt knew he had seen him somewhere before. Because the fear that clenched his heart refused to go away._

_The man’s lips curled into a sneer. He took a step forward and instinctively, Kurt took a step backward. Forward, back, forward, back. But somehow, all of a sudden, Kurt found himself getting nearer and nearer to the man despite the forward back pattern. His heart began to beat erratically in his chest._

_“No…” he whispered. The man smirked and abruptly, he lunged towards Kurt, who was too shocked to even react._

_He felt his breath being knocked out of him as he fell to the ground with the man on top of him. The man’s breath-all warm, foul and just **wrong** \- washed over Kurt’s face as the man loomed over him. He struggled to get up but the man pinned his wrists to the ground without much effort._

_“Get off of me…” Kurt’s voice was shaking as tremors ran through his body._

_The man smiled maliciously and leaned in to whisper into Kurt’s ear. “You want to scream, baby? I’ll make you scream…”_

_And almost instantly, a sharp pain when through Kurt’s body- twisting, breaking and tearing him apart- and he, in fact, did scream._

~*.*~

“Kurt!”

Kurt woke up with a start and looked around with a bewildered expression on his face. His breathing was short and quick and Kurt looked as if he would pass out any time. Beside him, Sebastian was sitting on the mattress, looking at him, his face pale.

“I…I…” Kurt stuttered. “Oh _god_ ,”

“Kurt…” Sebastian’s body tensed. “You’re not okay, Kurt. I need to tell Burt and Carole…You need help,”

“No!” Kurt quickly made a grab for Sebastian’s pajama sleeve. “Please, don’t. I don’t want them to worry,”

Sebastian groaned. “Kurt, you’ve been waking up like this several times in two days. Worrying is exactly what they should do,”

“Please,” Kurt looked at him desperately. “Just…please don’t. It’s…I mean… _fuck_ ,” he covered his face with his hands. “I don’t know if I’m fine or not. Everything is so damn confusing all of a sudden and I just want everything to _stop_ ,”

“Kurt…” Sebastian looked Kurt, who was beginning to tear up, helplessly.

Kurt wiped his tears away but they came as quick as they went. In the end, Kurt gave up and let the tears flow freely down his cheeks. His body was shaking and he was basically gasping for air. “Sebastian…” Kurt looked at him with shining eyes. “I don’t know what to do anymore…”

Honestly?

Sebastian did not know what do, either.

So in the end, he simply gathered Kurt into his arms and let the boy cry, not caring that his favorite pajamas was getting soaked.

What else could he do?


	21. Chapter 20: Revelation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ~Honestly, sometimes it is better not knowing~

“Alright then, Mr. Smythe, can you flex your arm a bit?”

Dr. Sophia Conners reminded Sebastian a lot of his mother. They shared strong resemblance to one another except that Dr. Conners’s hair was straight and shoulder-length instead of long and wavy like Sebastian’s mother. But they had the same smile and the same gentle tone in their voice when they were speaking. That was probably why Sebastian was enjoying this doctor’s visit quite a bit.

“How do you feel?” she asked once Sebastian flexed his arm slightly.

“I feel okay,” Sebastian answered, smiling a bit.

“That’s great,” Dr. Conners smiled, writing something on a clipboard. In the small examination room, stood the rest of the Hudmel family. Finn was looking at the posters on the wall, Burt and Carole were observing the examination carefully while Kurt was texting on his phone.

_So, how’s Sebastian? –David_

Kurt glanced at Sebastian, who was stretching his arm again while looking pleased that he could finally stop wearing the sling.

_He’s doing fine. He’s happy that the sling should be off for good, -Kurt_

_Well, anyone would be :) –David_

_How are the Warblers? I haven’t seen them for a while… -Kurt_

_Visit us then! Come over to Thad’s house some time. We’ve been hanging out at his place lately xD –David_

_Why? –Kurt_

_Three words: BEST. CRIB. EVER. –David_

Kurt let out a soft chuckle and replied a bit more before putting his phone back into his pocket. By the time he returned his attention towards Sebastian, the latter already got up from the stool he was sitting on and looked around the room.

“So, what’s the verdict?” Kurt asked.

Sebastian grinned. “My shoulder is healed and ready to go,”

“But he still needs to go for regular checkups if he starts feeling discomfort,” Dr. Conners interjected.

“Yes, doctor,” Sebastian rolled his eyes but he was still grinning.

Burt and Carole took care of the rest and within 30 minutes, the whole family was preparing to leave. Kurt hesitated before turning to his dad. “Um, dad?”

Burt looked at him curiously. “Yes, buddy?”

“I…want to talk to Dr. Conners for a bit,” Kurt fidgeted where he stood. The said doctor, who was going through some medical files, looked up at the mention of her name, regarding Kurt with a surprised expression. “Is that okay?” Kurt continued.

Burt blinked. “Why? Are you okay?”

 _No._ “Yes,” Kurt nodded. “I just want to ask something that’s all,”

His dad hesitated but he nodded anyway. “Okay, bud. We’ll wait for you in the lounge. But don’t be long. We’re having a celebratory lunch,” he announced.

“Why?”

“To celebrate the fact that Sebastian here isn’t an invalid anymore!” Burt grinned, wrapping an arm around Sebastian’s shoulder. “Now he can have his own fair share of housework so you can’t complain anymore , Kurt,” Sebastian rolled his eyes at that but his lips were curled up into a smirk.

“I’ll try,” Sebastian said.

Kurt chuckled a bit and waved them away. Once they were gone, he turned towards Dr. Conners, who was sitting at her desk, having watching the whole scene with a very amused expression. “What a close-knit family you have there, Mr….” she trailed off.

“Hummel,” Kurt finished. “But you can call me Kurt. And yeah…we’re very close,” he smiled softly. Dr. Conners nodded and leaned against her chair. “Please take a seat, Kurt,” Once Kurt did, Dr. Conners straightened her posture and regarded Kurt curiously.

“You wanted to ask me something?”

Kurt swallowed thickly, looking down at his lap. “Yes,” he said. “I’ve been wondering about something,”

“And what would that be?”

Kurt did not reply straightaway. He slowly lifted his gaze to meet Dr. Conners’s. Behind the rimmed glasses she wore, her eyes were gentle and understanding. It reminded him so much of his mom. Kurt understood why Sebastian was so comfortable around her. Her looks resembled those of Sebastian’s mom greatly.

“A friend of mine,” Kurt began, opting for a safe approach. Dr. Conners must have experienced this sort of approach, though, as Kurt swore he saw a flicker of amusement in the doctor’s eyes. However, Dr. Conners remained silent. “She’s been having weird experiences lately,”

“What sort of weird experiences?” Dr. Conners asked, reaching out for her notepad, presumably to scribble down anything necessary.

“Flashbacks…mostly,” Kurt replied. “She…she reacts strangely to some things like…I don’t know, like…” Kurt bit his lip. “Someone hugged her once and she completely freaked out,”

Dr. Conners raised her eyebrow. “Do you mind explaining on that bit?”

“…Her body stiffened. She would start breathing rapidly,” Kurt exhaled. “And…she suffered from nightmares these past few days,”

“Nightmares, you say,” Dr. Conners replied, writing something on her notepad. “Are they…perhaps, the same nightmare every night?”

Kurt blinked. “Yes,” he said. “They are,”

“Care to tell me what the nightmares are usually about?”

When Kurt hesitated, Dr. Conners smiled reassuringly. “You don’t have to tell me if you’re uncomfortable. It’s okay,”

But Kurt decided to tell her anyway. At least, the summary of it, anyway. “A man,” Kurt breathed. “She said that in her dream, a man is constantly disturbing her. Mocking her and sometimes, coming close to attacking her,”

A pause. A few scribbling.

“And these flashbacks,” Dr. Conners continued. “Are they triggered by something specific? Like a place or an event?”

Kurt racked his brain. “…Touches. The flashbacks are often triggered when she was being touched,”

“Touched, huh? As in…hugging and hand-holding, that sort of thing?” Dr. Conners guessed.

“And simple touches as well,” Kurt nodded. “Like a friendly pat on the shoulder,” He remembered how he had nearly jumped a foot in the air when Finn did that to him this morning at breakfast. He startled Finn quite a bit when he reacted that way. “Do these things mean anything? Is she suffering from something?”

Dr. Conners was silent for a while. She closed her notepad and put her pen back into her pocket. She looked at her hands briefly, her brows furrowed. She seemed to be hesitating at something. Kurt could feel dread going through him for some reason.

“Doctor?” he asked slowly. “What is it?”

Dr. Conners met Kurt’s gaze. The look in her eyes startled Kurt. It was rueful…sad even. Kurt gulped. Dr. Conners sighed heavily and reached out to clasp one of Kurt’s hands. Her own hands were smaller than Kurt’s, but they were warm and soft.

“I might be wrong,” she began. “But I think…”

Kurt waited.

A heavy silence.

.

.

.

Finally, Dr. Conners took off her glasses and stared at Kurt straight in the eye.

“I think your friend has been sexually assaulted,”

~*.*~

Kurt could not breathe. He felt as if the air was choking him and refused to let go. He stumbled blindly into his bedroom as soon as he reached home while the rest of his family watched with worried expressions on their faces. They noticed that Kurt had seemed utterly distracted throughout lunch, refusing or sometimes, not acknowledging any attempt at small talk. He was constantly staring into space. Sebastian also noted that his hands were shaking.

“What’s wrong with Kurt?” Finn asked worriedly.

“I don’t know,” Sebastian replied.

Meanwhile, Kurt immediately switched on his laptop and tapped his fingers impatiently on the mattress as he waited for it to hum into life. Once it did, Kurt wasted no time and logged onto Google. His fingers hovered above the keyboard uncertainly, before he began to type out something he would never imagine himself doing aside for Health and Science class.

**_Signs and symptoms of rape victims_ **

Thousands of results came up and Kurt clicked on a few on the first page. Without blinking much, he began to scan through the articles that came up.

**_Rape is usually experienced as life threatening and as an extreme violation of a person. It is not surprising then, that many rape survivors suffer from a particular kind of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, known as Rape Trauma Syndrome._ **

With shaking fingers, he scrolled down to read the rest of the article.

**_Immediately after a rape, survivors often experience shock: they are likely to feel cold, faint, become mentally confused (disoriented), tremble, feel nauseous and sometimes vomit._ **

Kurt remembered feeling confused lately. But…shaking his head, he thought about the fact that he did not know why he was confused in the first place.

**_Sleep disturbances like: difficulty falling asleep, waking up during the night, being woken by nightmares about the rape, getting less sleep than usual; or on the other hand feeling exhausted and needing to sleep more than usual._ **

The nightmares that had been haunting Kurt for the past of couple of days had been terrible. He knew too well that he was actually exhausted, but throughout last night, after the latest nightmare, he was afraid to go back to sleep. He had spent the entire night going online instead, distracting himself by watching movies.

**_Being more easily frightened or startled than usual._ **

**_Flashbacks - the sudden feeling that the rape is happening again, which makes the survivor very frightened and upset._ **

The rest were pretty normal and were something that Kurt had read before. But his heart skipped a beat when his eyes read one particular sentence.

**_A loss of memory for all or part of the rape, which is called psychogenic amnesia._ **

And immediately, one conversation came rushing back into his head.

_“Um, so what happened?”_

_"You don't remember?"_

_"Bits and pieces,"_

_"You don't remember the guy? With all the tattoos? In the toilet?"_

A man…

With tattoos…

_“You’re going to enjoy this, princess…”_

_A man sneering at Kurt,_

_The dirty toilet floor…_

_A pounding headache in the midst of the pounding music…_

_choking him and pinning him to the ground and-_

Oh God.

“Kurt?” Sebastian entered the room cautiously. He saw Kurt staring blankly at his laptop, sitting cross-legged on his bed, his expression horrified. Instantly, Sebastian knew something was very wrong.

“Kurt, hey, are you alright?”

No reply.

“Kurt?” Sebastian approached the boy slowly. “Come on, Kurt. Please answer me,”

When Kurt did answer him after a while, Sebastian wished he never did. Turning slowly to face Sebastian, he choked out a whisper.

“What happened to me at Scandals?”


	22. Chapter 21: Grey

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ~The dullness is deafening~

The silence in the room was so thick that Sebastian could practically hear a pin drop. The two boys stared at one another, never breaking their gazes. Their expressions, however, differ from one another. Sebastian was shocked; eyes wide and lips parted slightly. Kurt was scared; his lips trembled and his eyes were wandering, as if searching for the answers he hoped to gain simply by looking at Sebastian.

Finally _, finally_ , Sebastian broke the silence. “What?” he choked out.

“You heard me,” Kurt replied, trying his best to sound calm. “I want to know what happened to me in Scandals,”

“Kurt…”

“Don’t you ‘Kurt’ me,” Kurt said. His eyes looked at Sebastian’s in a very desperate manner. “I know you know something that I don’t. And I _need_ to know what it is, Sebastian,” Kurt got off the bed and walked over to Sebastian, gripping the boy’s sleeve as he stood in front of him. “Please…I need to know,”

“Why?” Sebastian said at last, his voice barely above whisper. “It’s not something that I think you should know,”

This made Kurt’s grip tighten. “Something happened, didn’t it? Sebastian, tell me please,” Kurt bit his lip, looking down onto the floor. “You’ve got to help me. Everything is so…” A shuddering breath. “-confusing,”

There was a long drawn pause before Kurt felt something tilting his chin up until he found himself looking straight into Sebastian’s eyes. The latter was wearing a rueful expression on his face. “If I tell you, it would get more confusing,” he murmured.

Kurt did not know what he meant by that but that did not change his resolve. “I don’t care,” he whispered, leaning closer.

Sebastian looked at him for a long moment. His eyes held pain and it was plain obvious that he honestly had no intention to tell Kurt but it would seem now he had not much of a choice. Grabbing Kurt’s shoulder, Sebastian leaned in closer to whisper into Kurt’s ear.

That was then Kurt wished the ground would swallow him.

.

.

.

.

“A man attempted to rape you,”

~*.*~

Kurt was leaning against the wall of an alley, catching his breath. The street was familiar to him but it was further than he intended to go to. Sighing deeply, he looked up at the sky. It was grey, indicating that it might rain pretty soon. Well, the chances of him catching a cold after this was pretty high seeing as he did not even bring his umbrella with him.

In fact, everything that had transpired was a blur to him. He barely registered the fact that as soon as he heard those words, he began to run. He rushed down the stairs and stumbled into the garage. Burt had looked at him in bewilderment as Kurt went inside his car and started the engine. Burt looked as if he was about to say something but Kurt was already pulling out of the driveway, his knuckles turning white as he gripped the steering wheel tightly.

His chest felt tight and tears were starting to form in his eyes when he remembered the gripping fear that clutched his heart the whole time. The world started to spin too fast. In the end, Kurt hastily parked his car at the side of the road, shakily walked towards the hidden part in the alley way and threw up.

_A man attempted to rape you…_

_A man attempted to rape you…_

**_Rape you…_ **

Wrapping his arms around himself, Kurt shivered. The man had only _attempted_ to rape him and he was already in a mess. Imagine if the man had _succeeded…_

“No,” Kurt whispered, shaking his head at that. “I can’t think like that,”

He straightened himself up and walked back towards his car. He should not be acting like this. Kurt knew he desperately needed help and running off was not going to solve anything. As terrified as he was, he knew he had to confront this issue one way or another.

It was just the matter of how.

However, just before he could open the car door, he heard a voice he swore he heard before.

“Well, well… Nice to see you again, princess,”

Frozen, Kurt barely had time to blink when a hand grabbed him by the shoulder and spun him around. He was now face to face to someone his heart knew he met somewhere before. Those steely grey eyes seemed to be holding him and refusing to let go. The smirk was mocking him. And those tattoos on his arms….

Everything came rushing back to Kurt.

_That night at Scandals…_

_The pounding music…_

_The exhilarating performance…_

_Himself, stumbling into the toilet for unknown reasons…_

_This man had followed him. He had locked the door and had every intention on attacking him._

_The heavy weight on his body that pinned him onto the dirty toilet floor…_

_Hands touching him everywhere…the sound of a zipper being pulled…_

“No!” Kurt gasped when he realized who the man really was. He tried to loosen the man’s hold on his shoulder but to no avail. Instead, the latter gripped it tighter and used his other arm to wrap around Kurt’s waist, pulling him closer. Kurt could feel the man’s warm breath washing over his face as he spoke.

“Oh come on, princess…” the man sneered. “Don’t be like that,”

“Let go of me,” Kurt said, his voice rising. “Let go! Hel-mmph!” His cries for help were cut short when the man let go of his shoulder to cover Kurt’s mouth. “Shh…” he cooed. “It will be alright. Besides…there’s no one here anyway,”

Kurt’s eyes widened when he realized that the man was right. Aside from the two of them, the street was otherwise deserted. He mentally kicked himself for going here in the first place. Fear surged through him when the man dragged him towards the darkened corner of the alley.

“We have lots of catching up to do,” the man murmured into his ear. “Hm?”

He backed Kurt against the wall and uncovered his mouth. Kurt immediately gasped for air as soon as the man’s hand was away and he glared at the man reproachfully. “Why are you doing this?” Kurt asked, trying to sound calm. The man merely let out a dark chuckle as he leaned in closer to nuzzle Kurt’s neck. Kurt could barely conceal his disgust and mortification. Not that he wanted to, anyway.

“It’s very simple, pretty…” Kurt gasped when the man kissed his throat softly. “You’re hot…and I’m crazy about you,” Another kiss. “And honestly, I like feisty people. It will be more enjoyable…”

Kurt paled. “Don’t- Let go!” he cried when the man began to lift up his shirt to stroke the skin underneath, similar to the way he did back in Scandals. “You can’t do this! STOP!”

“On the contrary…” A dark chuckle. “I can,”

Without any sort of warning, the man captured his lips into a hungry kiss. Kurt’s eyes widened and his body stiffened almost immediately. He tried to turn his face away but the man cupped his cheek and deepened the kiss. Kurt could feel the man’s tongue licking his lower lip as if asking for permission. A permission that Kurt would _not_ give.

The man seemed to know this as well. Slowly, his other hand, which had been playing with the hem of Kurt’s shirt earlier, reached down lower. Horror washed through Kurt as the man’s fingers slipped past the waistband of his pants without much trouble.

His mouth opened to let out a gasp when the man’s fingers slipped past his underwear and stroked his cock. The feeling was so wrong and unwanted that Kurt felt like throwing up again. Taking advantage of the situation, the man slipped his tongue into Kurt’s mouth.

Kurt felt as if he was violated. Screw that. He _was_ being violated. Kurt almost choked when the man’s tongue tangled with his as the kiss deepened. The man also continued to touch Kurt, stroking and squeezing his cock without any sort of hesitation.

Tears pricked the corner of Kurt’s eyes. He struggled to get out of the man’s grip and in the midst of it, his leg finally managed to land a kick on the man’s thigh. Hissing in pain, the man released Kurt briefly and Kurt seized the chance. He pushed the man away and scrambled to get out of the alley where he could call for help.

Unfortunately for him, he was not fast enough. His ankle was suddenly grabbed and pulled, causing him to fall to the ground with a sharp cry. He looked behind him with terrified eyes as his attacker continued to pull him closer to him without much trouble despite Kurt’s struggle.

“Don’t-no!” Kurt screamed. Ignoring him, the man pinned him down and crawled over him to prevent Kurt from getting away. He smiled maliciously as he leaned in closer. “You like it rough, huh, princess? Who’d knew,” He smirked and cupped Kurt’s cheek before kissing Kurt’s lips slowly. It was chaste this time but the feeling of dread refused to leave Kurt. His eyes widened when the man began to unbutton Kurt’s shirt, popping each of the buttons slowly, as if mocking him.

“Ah…” he sighed happily as more and more of the pale skin of Kurt’s chest began to come into view. “I remember this…”

“Stop…” Kurt whimpered weakly. The man began to kiss his throat again but this time, his lips moved lower down his body, from his collarbone, his shoulder to his chest. When his tongue swirled around one of Kurt’s nipples, Kurt heard a moan. Mortification went through him when he realized…

The moan was coming from him.

“I knew you would enjoy this…” The man sounded pleased. The tears that pricked the corner of Kurt’s eyes were now flowing freely down his cheeks as he bit back a sob. He hated this. He wanted it to _stopstop **stopSTOP!**_ The man unbuttoned Kurt’s pants while he leaned in closer to Kurt’s face, kissing his cheek in an almost a gentle manner. “Shh…Don’t cry,” he murmured. Kurt felt sick.

The man’s hand gripped Kurt’s cock again, causing the latter to cry out in protest, thrashing wildly underneath the man. “No! Please, stop!” he screamed but the man silenced him with another kiss; this time, hungrier than before. The man continued to stroke Kurt’s cock, his thumb brushing over the tip which, to Kurt’s utter mortification, was already moist with pre-come.

“Your words don’t matter, princess,” the man purred. “It’s what your body wants that matters in the end,” He released Kurt’s cock and Kurt practically cried out in relief but horror returned when the man began to pull down his pants lower. “NO!” Kurt shrieked. The man managed to pull down his pants to his knees before he looked at Kurt, smiling wickedly. “You’ll thank me later,” And with that, he took Kurt’s cock into his mouth and sucked.

“Hnngh-!” Kurt cried at the sensation. It was warm and so… _good._ But it was so so so wrong. He flailed his arms weakly in attempt to push the man away but the forced pleasure that went through him made him weal and his body limp. He was horrified at himself when he found himself thrusting upward as the man swirled his tongue around Kurt’s cock.

“N-no…stop…”he moaned, stars bursting from beneath his eyelids.

Heat coiled from within him and Kurt knew he was close. He shook his head, trying to clear his head because…because…he should not be wanting this! Tears streamed endlessly down his cheeks. He was angry and horrified at his body’s betrayal. Another wave of pleasure crashed though him, causing him to moan high and clear.

_Listen to yourself, you whore…._

He came with a high mewl, his body shuddering before it went limp. He heard the man smirk and the latter released his cock and looked at Kurt’s face. “Look how gorgeous you look,” he purred, taking in Kurt’s  flushed, tear-stained cheeks and his parted lips. “Your welcome,”

“Y-you bastard,” Kurt glared at him heatedly through half-lidded eyes. The man merely smiled and grabbed Kurt’s shoulders again so tightly that Kurt was certain that there would be bruises in the morning, before flipping him so that Kurt was face down to the floor.

“W-what are you-?” Kurt asked in a panicked voice.

“Well,” the man whispered into his ear. “Don’t you think you should return the favor?”

~*.*~

Blaine had never felt so scared in his life. He was lying on his bed that day, just daydreaming when he heard his phone ring. When he saw the caller ID, he raised his eyebrow before pressing the answer button.

“Sebastian?”

_“Blaine, you’ve got to help me,”_

Sebastian’s panicked tone caught Blaine’s attention. He sat up on his bed and pressed the phone closer to his ear. “Sebastian, what’s wrong?”

 _“It’s Kurt,”_ Sebastian replied in a rush. Blaine’s heart skipped a beat at that. _“He ran out of the house a couple of hours ago and he forgot to bring his phone with him. I…I…”_ A deep breath. _“I drove around town to find him but I couldn’t,”_

“You mean he’s missing?”

_“I’m afraid so,”_

That was all Blaine needed to hear before he grabbed his car keys and raced out of the house, earning a surprised look from Cooper as Blaine shoved past him. “I’ll help,” he answered. “I’ll look for him as well,”

Now, he was driving around the west side of Lima, searching for any signs of Kurt. He had been driving for about half an hour now and with each passing second, fear and dread was growing within him. Katy Perry’s cheerful and upbeat voice from the radio failed to keep him calm this time.

Blaine finally spotted Kurt’s SUV parked at the side of the road and he breathed in a sigh of relief. He parked his car behind Kurt’s and got out.

“Kurt?” he called out. There was no reply.

He walked closer to the SUV and peered inside. There was no one inside. He considered walking around to look for him before he heard someone screaming.

And it sounded a lot like Kurt.

“Kurt!” he cried, walking into the alley where the scream was the loudest. “Kurt, where are-,”

What he saw made his blood ran cold. Kurt was there alright. He was lying on the ground looking badly disheveled. His shirt was unbuttoned and his pants were around his knees. And on top of him was man, who looked shocked as soon as he realized Blaine’s presence.

“Blaine…I-is that you?” he heard Kurt whisper. “Oh my _god_ , please…please…” a sob. _“HELP ME!!!”_ he finally shrieked.

Anger coursed through Blaine’s veins and his vision was tinted red as soon as he realized what was happening. “You bastard!” he snarled and charged towards the man, grabbing his shoulders and threw him off of Kurt. The man slammed against the wall with a loud ‘thud’ and he groaned in pain. Blaine crouched beside Kurt and gently rolled him onto his back. Kurt’s eyes were tearful and terrified as they stared at Blaine. His whole body was shaking and he was gripping Blaine’s arm tightly like it was his lifeline.

“B-Blaine…” he whimpered. Suddenly, his eyes widened. “Blaine, look out!” he screamed. But it was too late. Blaine barely had time to blink when he felt a fist connecting with his jaw and sent him crashing onto the ground, hitting his head in the process. He hissed in pain and felt something moist running down his cheek.

“Blaine!” Kurt gasped. “Y-you’re bleeding!”

“You bastard,” the man growled as he towered over Blaine. “I’ve had enough of people interrupting me. First at Scandals, now _this_ ,” he spat venomously. “Oh no, I’m not going to run away this time,”

And with that, the man began to land a kick after kick onto Blaine; his stomach, his shoulder, his legs, anywhere the man knew it would hurt. Blaine screamed when a kick landed on his upper chest, knocking the breath out of him. He tried to wrap his arm around himself to protect himself but the man was faster. Just as Blaine reached out a hand, the man deliberately stepped on it and twisted his foot.

There was a loud, sickening snapping sound.

Blaine screamed in pain, his voice bouncing off the walls. “BLAINE!” Kurt shrieked. He looked desperately at the man. “Please stop! PLEASE!”

The man did not and continued to beat up Blaine, his face determined and showing no signs of remorse. Kurt’s body was shaking and he was too horrified to even scream. This was too much…too much… ** _too much!_**

When he finally found his voice again, he gave a scream that echoed through the alley.

**_“STOP IT!”_ **


	23. Chapter 22: Rescue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ~A hero is not always the one who constantly rescues others, sometimes it could be a person wrapping a blanket around a child’s shoulder and says that the world is not over~

The world was spinning.

That was all Kurt knew at the moment.

He also registered that everything was slowly turning red. From the walls to the ground to the view of the people in front of him. Kurt heard screams bouncing off the walls; some of them Kurt knew was his. He heard a cruel and mocking laughter as well the sickening sounds of bones snapping.

Everything else was silent. It was as if Kurt was watching a movie where all the surrounding sounds were muted or fuzzy to focus on a specific scene where the sounds were the loudest.

“Stop it!”

Finally, his own scream broke himself out of his reverie. Only when he did, everything seemed to be intensified. He was suddenly very aware of the gruesome sight in front of him. Blaine, now weak and battered, lay bleeding on the cold ground, his hand still outstretched even though the fingers, now broken were splayed uselessly. Blood ran down his cheek and Blaine seemed to be gasping for air.

But his hazel brown eyes were still locked with Kurt’s glasz ones, maintaining a steady gaze.

“Still alive, are you?” the man asked, his eyes cruel and hard. “I’ll change that,”

“NO!” Kurt shrieked, breaking his gaze on Blaine to look at the man. “P-please! Leave him alone!” he begged.

“Shut up!” the man roared, slapping Kurt’s face hard. Kurt stumbled back onto a lying position as he cradled his cheek, tears streaming freely down his face. But he continued to look at the man, silently pleading him. However, the man did not acknowledge him as he turned back to Blaine, who was trying to crawl towards Kurt.

“Oh no, you don’t,” the man said, stepping on Blaine’s back to keep him in place. Kurt heard a choked scream and he watched as the man kicked Blaine’s side so that the boy rolled onto his back until Blaine was face to face with the man. The latter watched Blaine with a cold calculating look.

“Hm…should I take your life fast and not entirely too painless or let it be slow and torturously painful?” he said.

“Fuck you,” Blaine spat, blood dripping down his chin as he glared at the man. The man merely smiled mockingly. “Well, that answers my question, then,” And with that, he lifted his leg and landed a kick squarely on the side of Blaine’s face, earning another scream from the latter. Blaine began to cough as he tried to catch his breath.

“Blaine!” Kurt cried, before he turned towards the man. “Please, I’m begging you! Stop hurting him! He didn’t do anything wrong!”

The man turned to him slowly, the smile on his face mocking and cruel. He crouched beside Kurt and took a hold of his chin, forcing the boy to look at him. He leaned in closer to whisper into Kurt’s ear. “Princess, the moment he interrupted our little session, he has done something absolutely _terrible_ ,” he purred, kissing Kurt briefly before getting up. He smirked and refocused his attention on Blaine.

“Oh honey,” the man sighed. “Now that I noticed, you’re quite a looker. Not as pretty as porcelain here, but hot enough,” he shook his head as if apologetic. “What a shame you had to act all heroic and interrupted me,” he suddenly snarled, grabbing a fistful of Blaine’s hair and forced the boy to look at him. “I detest people who are rude to interrupt me,”

Blaine merely spat blood on the man’s face.

That was a mistake.

A huge one.

Kurt felt as if he was watching a slow-motion scene in a movie. With wide eyes, Kurt watched as the man’s glare intensified before he lifted Blaine to his feet. The man let out a snarl of a laugh before he forcefully pushed Blaine against the brick wall. Blaine’s head slammed against the wall and Kurt heard a cry.

Before he heard something cracked, its sound resounding.

Then, Blaine’s eyes slowly closed and he slumped onto the ground as the man released him. He was still and Kurt could not hear him breathing.

There was a long, drawn silence.

“B-Blaine?” Kurt called out shakily. There was no response. Beside him, the man laughed louder. “Looks like he’s a goner,” he announced, looking entirely pleased.

“No…” Kurt whispered. “Blaine! Blaine, answer me, please! _Please_!” Fresh tears trailed down his cheeks as he struggled to crawl towards Blaine. But the man took a hold of Kurt’s wrists and forced him to the ground once more.

“Keep quiet,” the man whispered into his ear.

“No!” Kurt thrashed. “Let go of me! Blaine!” he shrieked. “ _Blaine!_ ”

Kurt continued to shriek and scream as the man began to trail kisses on his neck who apparently, decided to ignore Kurt and finish his job. Tears made Kurt’s vision blurry but every time he blinked them away, new ones would replace them almost instantly. He looked at Blaine’s still and bleeding form with a raw desperation in his eyes.

“ _BLAINE!_ ”

And suddenly, Kurt heard another crack and the man suddenly became still before collapsing on top of him, earning a yelp from Kurt. When he looked up, he saw Sebastian looking at him with a wild look in his eyes. He was carrying a baseball bat and he was a mess.

“Sebastian!” Kurt cried out in relief.

“Oh thank god,” Sebastian breathed. He dumped the bat on the ground and hauled the man off of Kurt before abruptly enveloping him into a tight hug.

“You’re okay, now. You’re okay,” Sebastian murmured against Kurt’s neck. Kurt returned the embrace gratefully for a moment before he turned to Sebastian, releasing himself from the hug. “You’ve got to help Blaine,” he said through hiccups, turning to the said teen. Sebastian’s eyes widened when he saw Blaine.

“H-he was trying to help m-me,” Kurt said shakily. “Please! Help him!” he pleaded.

“Okay, okay. I will,” Sebastian promised. He hurriedly fished out his phone to call 911 as Kurt tried to fix his clothes. After he was done, he crawled towards Blaine and peered at his face carefully. “B-Blaine? You’re going to be okay…” His grip on Blaine’s clothes tightened. “Please be okay…” he sobbed quietly.

Everything suddenly went black.

~*.*~

Kurt sat numbly on the hospital bed as the doctors fussed over him. He had woken up half an hour before, only to be greeted by the terrified faces of his friends and family. Burt’s face was unnaturally pale, Carole was sobbing, Finn was trembling and Sebastian was silent as he stared at Kurt.

It turned out that he was fine, to a certain degree. He suffered no injuries aside from bruises on the wrists and his cheek. He did not have a concussion, miraculously. The doctors only mentioned that Kurt might be traumatized by the event and advised that he go to therapy at least for a few sessions. There were a few more terse discussions between the doctor and Burt before Kurt was declared fine, though he should stay in the hospital for the night for observation.

Also, Daniel Turner, the man responsible for the whole assault was arrested and would be in a trial any time soon. Anyone could have seen the way Burt slowly went purple with rage at the mention of the man’s name. Carole, fearing for his health, patted Burt’s shoulder comfortingly and led him out of the room, leaving Kurt and Sebastian alone. Finn had left the room to make some calls.

But all Kurt could think about was Blaine.

“How is Blaine?” Kurt croaked, his eyes darting to Sebastian. The latter hesitated before he sighed.

Stuffing his hands into his pockets, he looked at Kurt for a long moment before replying. “He’s stable,” he said. “He’s in a coma right now but the doctors said that it was a normal for him to be,” he patted Kurt’s leg. “His brain needs some time to heal itself, that’s all. He’ll wake up soon enough,”

“What about his injuries?” Kurt whispered, squeezing his eyes shut. His head was pounding and crying would not help at all.

“He has a broken nose, though it was a clean break so there’s no complication. His broken fingers need to be put in a cast, though,” Sebastian took a deep breath. “Also…he has a minor skull fracture,”

Kurt gasped quietly.

“The doctors said he should be fine, if not slightly disoriented. He may feel dizzy and sick for a little while but those are normal symptoms and should wear off after some time,” Sebastian said reassuringly. He wiped the tear that managed to escape Kurt’s eyes and smiled gently. “He’ll be alright, Kurt. Don’t worry,”

“It’s all my fault,” Kurt said brokenly, burying his face in his hands. “H-he was trying to h-help me and I-I…I….” Kurt could not hold back his tears any longer and began to sob. Sebastian sat at the edge of his bed and wrapped an arm around Kurt’s shaking form. “Shh…” he murmured. “It’s not your fault, Kurt. It never is. Some things just happen,”

“It _shouldn’t_ happen!” Kurt cried. “H-he should be at home right now, watching TV and _safe_! H-He…I-I…” he hiccupped, unable to finish his sentence.

“Shh…” Sebastian rubbed circles on Kurt’s back in an attempt to calm him. “It’s not your fault. It’s not your fault, Kurt. Shh…”

Kurt continued to cry, his sobs wrecking his form. Eventually, Sebastian quietly reached out to press a button by the bedside and muttered something into the intercom, quiet enough so Kurt could not hear him. A few minutes later, a nurse came into the room and Sebastian silently nodded. The nurse injected something into the IV tube and Sebastian gently unwrapped his arm around Kurt before pushing him slightly into a lying position on the bed.

“W-what…?” Kurt looked up, confused. It was then, his body suddenly felt heavy and his eyelids started to droop. “Sebastian…”

“Go to sleep, now, sweetheart,” the young nurse smiled. “You can talk again in the morning,”

“N-no…I’m not…tired…” Kurt protested weakly. “Please, don’t go…”

“I’m here, Kurt,” Sebastian promised, taking a hold of Kurt’s hand. “I won’t leave until you tell me to,”

The nurse left the room wordlessly and Sebastian sat at the edge of Kurt’s bed, watching the boy as he slowly slipped into unconsciousness.

~*.*~

Sebastian could not remember when he had fallen asleep, but when he woke up, the room was dark. The blinds had been pulled down and Sebastian found himself being draped by a soft green blanket. He blinked blearily before he realized the note that had been taped on the dresser.

_Sebastian, take care of Kurt, okay? We sent you a change of clothes for the morning. We’ll pick you two up tomorrow, okay? –Carole_

He smiled briefly and was about to snuggle back into his arms when he heard a whimper. Blinking, he strained hard until he heard it again. There was a whimpering sound in the stillness of the room. Sebastian felt some shifting and he heard a broken whisper.

“Blaine…”

Sebastian’s gaze softened when he realized it was Kurt. The latter was tossing and turning in his slip, his fingers fisting in the sheets. There were tears trailing down his cheeks as he continued to mumble something in his sleep. Sebastian could pick up a few words.

“I’m sorry…”

Sighing deeply, Sebastian lightly stroked Kurt’s cheek and leaned in closer. He began humming in Kurt’s ear and a set of lyrics was heard soon after.

_You've touched these tired eyes of mine_

_And mapped my face line by line_

_And somehow growing old feels fine_

_I listen close for I'm not smart_

_You wrap your thoughts and works of art_

_And there hanging on the walls of my heart._

_I may not have the softest touch_

_I may not say the words as such_

_And though I may not look like much_

_I'm yours._

_And though my edge is maybe rough_

_I never feel I'm quite enough_

_And it may not seem like very much_

_But I'm yours._

_You healed these scars over time_

_And braced my soul, you loved my mind_

_You’re the only angel in my life_

_The day the news came, my best friend died_

_My knees went weak, and you saw me cry_

_Say I'm still the soldier in your eyes._

_I may not have the softest touch_

_I may not say the words as such_

_And though I may not look like much_

_I'm yours._

_And though my edge is maybe rough_

_I never feel I'm quite enough_

_And it may not seem like very much_

_But I'm yours._

_I may not have the softest touch_

_I may not say the words as such_

_And though I don't fit in that much_

_But I'm yours._

The room was quiet after the last note was sung. Kurt’s whimpers died down and his breathing became relatively calmer. He was soon sleeping peacefully again and Sebastian breathed in a sigh of relief. Just as he was about to get up, however, he felt something tugging his sleeve. A soft whisper could be heard right after.

_“Thank you,”_


	24. Chapter 23: Recovery

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ~The road to recovery can be long and tedious, but we will get there eventually~

“Is it okay if I record this?”

“I suppose,”

“Okay, Mr. Hummel-,”

“Kurt,”

“I’m sorry?”

“You can call me Kurt, Dr. Conners,”

“Alright then, Kurt. I’m going to ask you some questions today and if you’re starting to feel uncomfortable, we can stop, okay?”

“Hm,”

“First off, do you know why we’re here?”

“I need therapy,”

“Can you tell me why?”

“The doctors are concerned about me being traumatized or whatever,”

“ _Are_ you traumatized?”

“Maybe, I don’t know. I think it’s not really setting in just yet,”

“Your friend…Sebastian, right?”

“Yes, that’s him. You treated his shoulder,”

“Yes, I did. He mentioned that you had nightmares these past couple of days,”

“…It’s nothing,”

“Do you want to talk about them?”

“…Not really. I’m just trying to forget they ever happened,”

“That’s fine. It’s up to you,”

“Can we talk about something else for now, doctor?”

“Sure. Go on ahead. What do you want to talk about?”

“I had a boyfriend, once,”

“Really? Who is he?”

“I can’t tell you. But he is very good-looking. And he’s sweet and nice,”

“You must really love him,”

“I do. But things didn’t work out for us,”

“What happened?”

“…He fell out of love with me,”

“Oh, Kurt,”

“It’s fine. I mean…it was a lot to take in. And I cried a lot. But you know, I’m starting to feel better now. I think I’m beginning to accept it,”

“I’m glad. But you know, things like this need some time to get over with. And you might need someone to help you through it,”

“I do,”

“Oh? Who is it?”

“It’s a secret. It’s funny, though,”

“What’s funny?”

“This person used to be someone I dislike so much. I mean, he spends most of his time insulting me and calling me names but lately…Lately, he’s always there when I need him. He doesn’t do much, but he listens when I have something to say and he doesn’t judge me for it. At least…not anymore,”

“Well, sometimes help comes in strange ways,”

“It does, doesn’t it?”

“Do you still dislike him?”

“…”

“Kurt?”

“I don’t think I do. In fact, I think I’m beginning to like having him around,”

“Life does that to you, sometimes,”

“I know,”

~*.*~

“Hey, Kurt,”

Kurt exited the doctor’s office and was immediately greeted by Sebastian, who was waiting for him outside the room, sitting as usual one of the plastic blue chairs. It was like this nowadays. It had been five days since Kurt’s discharge from the hospital and this was his first therapy session. It was, however, his third time at the hospital.

Blaine had not woken up yet.

“Hey, Sebastian,” Kurt smiled.

“As usual?”

“It’s not even a question anymore,”

“I guess not, huh?”

They walked in silence through the familiar route to Blaine’s room. Sebastian turned to look at the boy beside him and heaved a sigh. “So…how did your therapy session go?”

“It was good,” Kurt shrugged. “I got Dr. Conners as my therapist,”

“Are you serious?” Sebastian stopped walking to look at Kurt in surprise. “Lucky you. She’s a great person,”

“You only met her once, Sebastian. You’re quick to judge,” Kurt teased. When Sebastian merely let out a huff, Kurt grinned. “But you’re right. She’s nice and she doesn’t pry,”

“Therapists aren’t meant to pry, Kurt,” Sebastian pointed out.

“I know. But still…I’m comfortable around her,”

Sebastian did not say anything. Instead, he wrapped an arm around Kurt’s shoulder and pulled him close, grinning at him as Kurt looked up at him in surprise. “Well, that’s good,” Sebastian said. “Can’t have the princess running for her life or throwing a tantrum, now can we?”

Kurt resisted the urge to poke out his tongue like a five-year-old. Instead, he lightly swatted Sebastian’s arm. “Oh shut up, meerkat,”

The pair reached the familiar door and Kurt hesitated before he slowly pushed it open. The room was empty of nurses and doctors. It was also quite dim seeing as the curtains were drawn closed except for a tiny gap in the middle, letting in a thin ray of sunlight into the room. The room was silent aside from the constant rhythmic tone of the heart monitor. 

Lying quietly on the bed was none other than Blaine himself.

His head was wrapped in bandages, allowing only a small tuft of hair to be seen. His nose was too, bandaged and his faces were filled with black and blue bruises, much worse than the lone purplish-black bruise on Kurt’s cheek where he had been slapped. His hand was in a cast as it lay limply on the blanket. The constant fogging up of the oxygen mask he was wearing indicated that his breathing was rather shallow, despite regular.

Despite all that, he looked relatively peaceful.

“It kinda brings me back to when I saw you lying here on the hospital bed,” Kurt murmured. Sebastian’s arm around Kurt’s shoulder tightened the hold at that.

“The doctors said he would wake up pretty soon,” Sebastian muttered. “They said that he’s not showing any complications,”

“I guess his mind is still healing itself,” Kurt whispered, unwrapping Sebastian’s arm around shoulder and gripped his hand, instead. It was as if Sebastian’s warm and firm grip on his hand could calm him a little, if not a lot.

But still…despite all the doctors’ assurance, Kurt could not help but to worry, regardless. He was terrified at the prospect of Blaine never waking up again. He could not erase the feeling that everything that had happened was his entire fault.

Tears were pooling in his eyes again and Kurt hastily wiped them away with his sleeve. He had been crying too much lately with all the stress. His dad was handling the whole trial matter and insisted that Kurt should not worry about it and let him handle it. Carole was trying her best to restore some normalcy in the household by acting like her usual bubbly self but Kurt could see the stress in her eyes during certain moments.

Crying was not going to solve anything and Kurt knew this.

“Sorry,” Kurt sniffed. “I really should stop getting so emotional,”

“Hey,” Sebastian said softly. “It’s been a wild and hectic several days for you. You have the right to be emotional,”

Kurt smiled gratefully at Sebastian. “Thank you,”

“No problem,”

Things were silent as they stared at the sleeping boy in front of him for a long moment. Kurt let go of Sebastian’s hand and approached the bed. He sat at the edge of the mattress and took hold of Blaine’s hand that was not in the cast. He ran his thumb over the knuckles absently for a little while before he sighed.

_Be still and know that I'm with you_

_Be still and know that I am here_

_Be still and know that I'm with you_

_Be still, be still, and know_

Kurt turned to look at Sebastian with wide eyes when he heard the latter singing. Sebastian merely continued to sing as he strode over to stand next to Kurt.

 

_When darkness comes upon you_

_And covers you with fear and shame_

_Be still and know that I'm with you_

_And I will say your name_

He nodded to Kurt, urging him to sing. Kurt bit his lip before nodding back and opened his mouth to belt out the lyrics.

 

_If terror falls upon your bed_

_And sleep no longer comes_

_Remember all the words I said_

_Be still, be still, and know_

_And when you go through the valley_

_And the shadow comes down from the hill_

_If morning never comes to be_

_Be still, be still, be still_

The two of them sang together this time, their voices melting into a beautiful harmony. Kurt caught Sebastian’s eyes and both of them smiled.

 

_If you forget the way to go_

_And lose where you came from_

_If no one is standing beside you_

_Be still and know I am_

_Be still and know that I'm with you_

_Be still and know I am_

There was a beat. It was then Kurt felt it. It was brief and hardly there, but Kurt felt it all the same.

“Blaine?” Kurt called out uncertainly.

.

.

.

Blaine’s slack fingers gently squeezed Kurt’s hand back.


	25. Warmth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ~He could feel the warmth, but he was unsure where it came from~

Blaine was sure he was dreaming.

His body felt light as if he was floating. Everything around him was dark. He stared blankly ahead, trying to decipher what was happening. His mind registered one thing, though.

Pain.

Despite the lightness of his body, he felt sharp pains everywhere. It was as of someone was piercing a thousand needles- no, not needles. Knives more like it, - into him, stabbing them deeper and deeper until Blaine could hear himself screaming. He tried to block out the pain, to think around it, but the pain was so intense that it clouded his mind.

In the midst of the pain, he could hear someone else screaming. The voice sounded so familiar in so many ways that Blaine could not explain. The voice was pleading, begging…and then it was shrieking and screaming and god, Blaine could feel himself wanting to comfort whoever it was despite his own pain.

_Please stop!_

Blaine felt something moist running down his cheek.

_Kurt…_

_Blaine, please wake up…_

_I’m trying…_

_I’m sorry…._

Blaine closed his eyes as the pain flared one last time before it began to fade away.

_Me too…_

* * *

 

~*.*~

“Blaine?”

Kurt stared at the hand squeezing his own uncertainly yet the hope still remained in his eyes. He held his breath when the fingers squeezed his own again, still slack and barely there, but there all the same. Kurt’s lips trembled as he watched Blaine’s eyelids began to twitch before they slowly fluttered open. Looking at Kurt through glassy half-lidded eyes, Blaine let out a soft groan.

“…K..urt?” Blaine asked hoarsely.

Tears ran freely down Kurt’s cheeks as he nodded, gripping Blaine’s hand tighter. “Yes…yes, it’s me,” Kurt choked. “Blaine, I’m here,”

“Kurt…it hurts…” Blaine whined softly when pain flared at his side.

“I know,” Kurt said. “I…I’ll call the nurse,”

“Let me do it,” Sebastian interjected. He reached for the small button on the wall and said something in the intercom before he faced the pair again. “Hey…Blaine,” he said, smiling uncertainly at the latter.

Blaine blinked, as if confused momentarily before he returned the smile with a tiny one of his own. “Se..bastian,”

“That would be me,”

“You…” Blaine winced. “…are here,”

“Of course,”

“Don’t strain yourself, Blaine,” Kurt frowned in concern.

Blaine shook his head. “What happened?”

Kurt merely looked at Blaine sadly and shook his head. “I’ll tell you later. For now…please,” Kurt bit his lip and looked down. Blaine frowned when he saw something wet trailing down Kurt’s cheek. “You’re crying,” Blaine whispered. “Why?”

Kurt let out a humorless laugh in the midst of his tears. “I’m just worried….and so very relieved,” He let out another sob and turned away, wiping his tears away from his sleeves.

“You were in a coma for several days,” Sebastian explained. “Scared the crap out of Kurt,”

Blaine looked at him with wide eyes before he looked down with another frown. “I’m so sorry,” he said hoarsely. “I just…” Blaine winced again, a groan following suit. “My head hurts…”

“You really shouldn’t be talking too much,” Sebastian chided gently. “Rest up,” As if on cue, a nurse came bustling into the room followed by a young man, not older than his early twenties. From his nametag, Sebastian knew he was a doctor. Despite his young face, Sebastian could see seriousness and genuine worry in the doctor’s eyes. Silently, he moved away to make room for the pair, pulling Kurt along with him.

“Welcome back, honey,” the nurse smiled. “You were out for a while,”

“How are you feeling?” asked the doctor.

“Confused,” Blaine answered softly.

“That’s normal,” the doctor assured. “You had quite a bump in the head…Mr….” he checked his clipboard. “Blaine Anderson,”

“That would be me,” Blaine replied. “And you…are?”

“Dr Nicholas Stephens,” the doctor replied. “I’m your assigned doctor which means…I’m basically in charge of your well-being throughout your stay in the hospital,”

“Oh,” Blaine looked at Nicholas inquiringly. “I never saw you around before…” For some strange reason, Blaine had a weird goofy smile on his face.

“He has officially lost it,” Sebastian muttered beside Kurt. Kurt elbowed Sebastian and clicked his tongue. “Sebastian, stop it,”

The nurse smiled in a motherly way and patted Blaine’s shoulder. “He just started working here, dear. Anyway, we’re going to perform a bit of a checkup on you, if you don’t mind,” She tilted her head. “Before that, someone said you were in pain before?”

“I did,” Sebastian spoke and the nurse turned to him. “He whined of being in pain when he woke up,”

“Just slightly,” Blaine mumbled. “At my side,”

“Ribs,” Nicholas explained. “You broke quite a few,”

“We’ll take care of that soon enough, okay?” The nurse turned to address Kurt and Sebastian. “In the meantime, do you two mind if I were to ask you to wait outside?”

Kurt shook his head. “No, it’s fine. Come on, Sebastian,” Before he walked out, he turned to Blaine. “I…really hope you get better, Blaine,”

Blaine managed a smile before nodding in reply.

When the door closed behind them, Kurt allowed himself to sink down to the floor. He let out a long, withering sigh and hugged his knees. Sebastian looked at him through a sideway glance.

“You alright, Kurt?” he asked after a quiet moment.

There was a beat.

Kurt sighed once more. “Honestly? Not really,”

* * *

 

~*.*~

The room was quiet aside from the monotonous beeping of the heart monitor. Kurt was sitting on one of the plastic chairs beside Blaine’s bed. The latter was fast asleep, his expression so ever peaceful. Dr. Nicholas had announced that Blaine was going to be just fine but advised that he was to stay at the hospital for a few more days for observation.

His parents and Cooper had visited briefly. His mother was a wreck, with tears streaming down her cheeks and her mascara was slightly smudged. His dad was silent but Kurt could see the stress and worry in his eyes. Cooper was…well, being Cooper as usual. He tried to lighten the mood by cracking a joke and Blaine was the only one who laughed, but the tension in the room was diffused nevertheless. There were hugs and more tears but in the end, everything was fine.

It…should be, right?

Kurt leaned tiredly against his chair, closing his eyes briefly. He let out a soft sigh. He was exhausted and hungry, but his mind destroyed his appetite and refused to let him sleep. Whenever he tried to eat, for some strange reason, he would start getting sick at the thought of taking another bite. Whenever he planned to sleep, haunting images of Blaine being beat up over and over again played behind his eyelids.

It was weird as it was confusing. Blaine woke up, didn’t he? He was okay now. So why was Kurt still feeling like this?

Sebastian had dismissed as a post-traumatic stress disorder and even though Kurt wanted to believe it, he could still feel the unease within him. It had been hectic and traumatizing for him this past week. Maybe his body and mind were still healing from the aftershocks. But still, Kurt wanted it to stop.

He was tired from feeling like this. He wanted everything to be okay again. He wanted it to be like his high school days again where everything was so much simpler. Sure, there were a few terrifying moments, but Kurt could handle those. Now, it seemed that the world was constantly spinning and it refused to stop. It felt as if everything was crashing down.

It felt like the day his mom died.

“Hey, Kurt,” Sebastian called out as he emerged from the bathroom, clad in a pair of sweatpants and a long-sleeved shirt. Blaine’s parents and Burt had given them permission to stay over at the hospital that night. “You can have the bathroom now before the water gets cold,”

There was no reply aside from a few sniffling sound. Sebastian raised an eyebrow and turned to the corner. “Kurt?”

Kurt was hugging his knees again with his head buried in his arms. He was silent aside from a whimpering sound that escaped him. His frame was trembling. Sebastian approached him cautiously, almost afraid. Not afraid of him, Sebastian was never that. More like, afraid for him. Because he knew how things had been pretty crazy for Kurt lately. He knew the feeling. All too well.

He brought a chair closer to Kurt’s and sat beside him quietly. “Hey…” Sebastian said softly. “Are you okay?”

“M’fine,” Kurt mumbled. “Just….I don’t know,” He looked up and Sebastian could see that his eyes were red and slightly puffy. He had been crying. Something twisted painfully in Sebastian’s chest. “I don’t know,” Kurt continued. “I mean, I should be fine, right? Blaine woke up, the man who assaulted both him and me is going to be sent to prison, everything is fine. So…I should be, too, right?”

“Kurt…”

“But instead,” Kurt cut him off. “I feel as if I’m barely able to breathe and everything seemed to be so confusing. I couldn’t eat properly and I’m barely able to sleep through the night,” Kurt’s eyes began to shine with unshed tears. “I want everything to stop and let me take a breather. I just…I can’t handle the way things are. I mean, what did I do deserve this?” He looked at Sebastian almost pleadingly. “What did I do, Sebastian? I just…I want time to just stop,”

_“You know how hard it is? Things had been happening to me so damn fast that I can’t seem to keep up and it’s fucking frustrating!”_

_“I lost my parents in a blink of an eye, staying at someone’s house who I consider as someone so annoying and you know, all I want is for time to stop. So I can see my parents again. To see them smile and laugh at the stupidest reasons, to see them proud of my bravery for coming out to them…to hear them say my name in that sickening affectionate manner of theirs..”_

How long has it been? Maybe it was a couple of weeks ago when Sebastian was pretty much saying the same thing. He knew the feeling. How it felt to be so confused and angry, not knowing what to do about it. Sebastian _hated_ not knowing.

“I know,” Sebastian replied. “I know, Kurt,”

_I know how it feels like to be afraid…_

“I can’t take it anymore, Sebastian,” Kurt whimpered. “Make it stop,”

_I know how it feels like to be constantly in the dark…_

Sebastian wrapped his arm around Kurt’s shoulder and pulled him closer towards him. Kurt did not protest, or maybe he did not notice. Tears flowed freely down his cheeks again for the umpteenth time that day. “I’m tired of crying all the time!” Kurt choked, attempting to wipe away his tears.

_I know how it feels like to be sad…_

“I want everything to be normal again,” Kurt whispered before a sob rose out of his throat. Soon, he was crying and hiccupping as if the world around him was ending. Maybe, to Kurt, it probably was. Sebastian was witnessing with his very own eyes what an assault could do to someone. And honestly, Sebastian did not want to see it again. He hated it.

_I know how it feels like to broken inside…_

Sebastian let Kurt soak his shirt with his tears. He held onto Kurt, rubbing soothing circles on his back. He did not say a word because he knew how words, no matter how comforting they may be, would not help things. So he kept silent and let Kurt cry into his shoulder.

_But I know you’ll get through this. Because I know how strong you are._

Before Kurt finally drifted off to sleep, he swore he could feel something cool and comforting pressing against his hair.

* * *

 

~*.*~

Blaine blinked blearily as he woke up. He looked around the darkened room before his eyes settled on something. Or rather, someone. His eyes widened.

Sitting beside his bed were Sebastian and Kurt. Kurt had his head on Sebastian’s shoulder while the latter had his head leaning slightly against Kurt’s. Sebastian’s hand was covering Kurt’s limp one on the blanket, the fingers intertwining loosely. They were both asleep.

Kurt looked…content somehow. Happier in a way he could not put in words.

Blaine leaned back against the pillows and allowed himself to smile despite everything.

_I told you that you’ll be happy again…_


	26. Heartfelt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ~He knew, from the way the words came from his heart, that he really meant it~

When Sebastian woke up the next morning, it was just after dawn, maybe around 6.30 a.m..

Blinking, he yawned and stretched his arms, only to have the right one accidentally knocking Kurt’s shoulder slightly. His eyes went wide when he realized that Kurt still had his head leaning on his shoulder and he felt himself sucking a sharp breath. He forced himself to let it out slowly and kept silent.

And watched Kurt as he slept.

Although he had seen Kurt asleep before, he was never this close to him before. Now that he was, he realized how calm and peaceful Kurt looked. He was breathing lightly and he made soft, whistling sounds as he did. His lips were slightly parted and a few locks of his normally coiffed hair fell over his closed eyes.

“Enjoying the view?”

Sebastian’s head snapped up and he saw Blaine looking at him from the hospital bed. He was smiling.

“What are you talking about?” Sebastian huffed, turning away.

Blaine merely smiled again, fondly this time. “He’s like that when he’s asleep. He looks so peaceful, as if unaware of the world around him,” He looked at Sebastian. “Now that I thought about it, you look kinda like that when you’re asleep,”

“You’ve been watching me sleep?” Sebastian’s tone was surprised, if not weirdly freaked out.

“I woke up a bit a few hours ago. I saw you,” Blaine explained, ignoring the implication behind Sebastian’s tone. “You were…holding his hand,”

“No,” Sebastian replied. “No way,”

“Yeah, you did,” Blaine sighed. “Sebastian…I know how much you care about him than you let on,” he said, his tone oddly sad. “You were there for him every time he’s in need,”

“Maybe because I’m a nice person,” Sebastian crossed his arms. “And Prin- I mean, Kurt, is sorta my friend. And I owe him a lot,” Sebastian shook his head when he nearly let the nickname slip. Kurt had told him yesterday to stop calling him princess because his attacker had called him the exact same thing. And Sebastian saw the fear in Kurt’s eyes; it was not exactly something he wanted to see again anytime soon.

Blaine was silent. He lowered his eyes. For several seconds, no one spoke. Blaine then let out a long, shuddering breath.

“No…it’s not just that,” He looked up to face Sebastian. Something about Blaine’s expression greatly unnerved Sebastian. His eyes were sad, yet they seem to hold the expression of acceptance. Of what, Sebastian did not know.

“Sebastian,” A deep breath. “I’ve seen the way you look at Kurt at times. Even back when Kurt and I were still together, you kept on looking at him with that expression on your face. It got me feeling insecure and greatly irritated,” he paused. “It was really different from the way you used to look at me,”

“Are you high on drugs on something, Blaine? Because I have no idea what are you going on about,” Sebastian raised his eyebrow.

“You used to look at me like I’m some…,” Blaine closed his eyes briefly as he searched for the word. “…a toy that you happen to like and know that you’re going to have,”

“I wouldn’t say a toy…”Sebastian protested.

“You know what I mean,” Blaine continued. “But overtime, when that look fades away and you began to look at Kurt more often, you had this expression on your face,”

“What expression?” Sebastian demanded.

Blaine looked at him for a long moment before he replied. “You look at him like he’s something you can’t have but you want to, anyway,”

There was silence.

“What are you saying, Blaine? Are you implying that I-,” Sebastian broke off.

Blaine smiled sadly. “Yes, Sebastian. And I’m not implying because I _know_. I know that you developed feelings for Kurt,” He paused. “You’re in love with him. A lot,”

_Someday, Sebastian, you’ll know what’s like to lose someone you cherish…_

“No,” Sebastian answered, his tone cold. “You’re wrong. I think, no, I _know_ , that you’re delusional, Blaine,” He looked at Blaine with hard eyes. “As if there’s any chance of that,” He took in a deep breath before letting it out. “I don’t _do_ relationships, remember, Killer?”

And Blaine just kept on looking at him with this rueful expression and it was really pissing him off. It was as if Blaine pitied him. And Sebastian hated being pitied.

He felt Kurt shift beside him and the latter’s eyelids began to flutter open. He yawned and got into a proper sitting expression, unaware of his previous one. He stretched a bit and looked around.

“Good morning,” Kurt said sleepily.

“Morning, Kurt,” Blaine replied cheerfully, tearing his eyes away from Sebastian to regard Kurt. Sebastian did not say a word.

“I heard you two talking,” Kurt continued, stretching his arm. “What about?”

“Nothing much,” Blaine replied, his tone still cheerful. Sebastian could feel his gaze fixing on him. He gave a loud sigh and got up from his chair. “Go bath, Kurt. You smell,”

“Do not!” Kurt protested. “But I guess I kinda do need a bath,” he admitted.

“I’m going to change and go for a walk,” Sebastian announced. He turned around and walked into the bathroom without a word before emerging once more five minutes later, exiting the room as he did. Kurt’s eyes followed his retreating figure.

“What was that about?” he asked a moment later.

Blaine, being Blaine, merely smiled.

* * *

 

~*.*~

The Warblers came to visit that day. Trent came rushing into the room and practically screamed out his relief when he saw Blaine having breakfast on his bed. He was babbling about how relieved he was about not having to attend another funeral or something like that and Blaine laughed despite everything.

Jeff bounded into the room followed by Nick, each of them carrying a bouquet of flowers. Jeff’s grin was so infectious that it soon made Blaine and Kurt smile as well. Wes and David were as calm as ever, but no one could deny the great relief and happiness in their eyes. Thad and the rest of the Warblers soon arrived as well, each expressing how glad they were of Blaine’s well-being.

“Seriously, though, we were so worried,” Trent insisted.

“Sorry I worried you,” Blaine answered ruefully.

“It couldn’t be helped,” Wes sighed. “We’re just really glad that you’re okay, now,” He turned to regard Kurt. “And you as well, Kurt. It must have been extremely traumatizing for you,”

Kurt fidgeted a bit. “I prefer not to talk about it, really,” he said, almost dismissively.

“Well, we’re just relieved that you’re both fine,” Thad piped in. Then, he looked around the room briefly. “Hey, where’s Sebastian? I thought he stayed over, too,”

“He took a walk,” Kurt shrugged. “Been gone for nearly three hours,”

“That’s one long walk,” Jeff commented. “The hospital is not that big, is it?”

“He’s just taking a breather,” Kurt waved his hand dismissively. “I wouldn’t worry that much,”

The Warblers shared some sort of glance before most of them shrugged. They knew Sebastian was like, so they decided to agree with Kurt. They chatted with one another; Wes telling Kurt about his arts program in the university he was attending, Nick explaining to Blaine what they have been up to since school was over and Jeff excitedly wondering about who will be the next captain of the Warblers.

“After the incident during Michael week, the Warblers sort of toned down a bit. The dean found out about Blaine and got really mad at us, Sebastian especially,” he said a little ruefully. “So as his punishment, he would step down as the captain of the Warblers when the next semester starts,”

“So despite the fact that we were a bit disappointed over the news, I mean, Sebastian is a great singer after all, we are excited about the election of the new captain,” Nick added helpfully, grinning.

“Wow, that _is_ pretty exciting," Blaine agreed. “Who’s gonna decide? The council?”

“No,” Thad shook his head. “The dean wanted to make sure that the new captain is really worthy this time, or so he said, so he’ll be doing the election,” He frowned. “It’s a bit too much but I guess I can kind of understand. Compared to other clubs, the Warblers are sort of the pride of the academy,”

“The cream of the crop,” Kurt muttered.

Thad nodded. “But I heard rumors,”

“Rumors?” Wes asked.

“Yep,” Thad replied. “I heard from Danny, who you know, is the student aide so he basically has access to the administration office like, all the time, that he overheard the dean talking about some guy named Hunter,”

“Hunter? That name sounds familiar,” Trent wondered.

“Oh, I think I know him,” David said. “He works in the academy library and we shared the same shift. He’s a new transfer student. Kinda late, too. He transferred about two months away before the semester ended. Something about family issues,” He tilted his head, looking thoughtful. “He’s okay, keeps to himself most of the time, but he’s fine,”

“And apparently an excellent singer,” Thad replied. “Danny said the dean sounded very impressed with his singing skills he showed during some recital,”

“Hm…” Kurt smiled slightly. “Sounds like competition,” He sent a playful grin at the Warblers, particularly at Jeff who huffed.

“We’ll see,”

Laughter could be heard and the guys chatted a little more before Wes announced that it was time for him to go. “I have afternoon classes in about several hours,” he explained.

The rest decided to leave as well, with David being the last one to exit the room. He grinned at Kurt and Blaine. “Feel better, Blaine,”

“Thanks,” Blaine answered cheerfully. “I will,”

“Kurt, say hi to Sebastian for me. It’s a bit of a shame we can’t see him,” David added as an afterthought.

“Will do,” Kurt said with a nod.

When he left, Kurt turned to Blaine. “I’m starving. I think I’ll head to the cafeteria to get something to eat,”

“Sure, go on ahead. I’ll be fine on my own,”

“You want anything? That breakfast doesn’t look really appetizing,” Kurt eyed the soggy omelet with distaste.

Blaine laughed. “Well, it’s nothing like your cooking, that’s for sure. But I think I’ll pass. I’m sure the nurses left out the salt in my food for a good reason,” he joked.

Kurt chuckled and walked out of the room. Before he did, though, he flashed Blaine another smile. It was a little tired, but it radiated with relief.

“I’m really glad you’re okay, Blaine,” Kurt said earnestly.

Blaine nodded in agreement before he returned the smile.

“Yeah, me too,”

* * *

 

~*.*~

_Yes, Sebastian. And I’m not implying because I know. I know that you developed feelings for Kurt…_

_You’re in love with him. A lot._

“Heh,” Sebastian smiled inwardly. “He doesn’t know what he’s saying,”

But honestly, though, it was not like he had any right to talk. He himself did not know what he was doing right now. He had been walking around the neighborhood for a very long while and his legs were starting to ache. Not to mention the fact that he had not eaten any breakfast yet since he had forgotten to take his wallet with him. But he could not bring himself to go back to the hospital just yet.

If Sebastian had to be really honest, Blaine’s words took him by surprise. Like, a lot.

He had not really expected Blaine to be so straightforward like that, jumping at him with those words without any sort of fair warning. And now that his head was clearer, he found himself pondering over them. While he found them utterly ridiculous and really hard to believe, he could not deny that there was some truth in them.

Sebastian…liked Kurt, sure. Their friendship was weird and maybe a little bit on the dysfunctional side, because most of the time, all they did was banter. But it was friendship all the same. Sebastian found himself really enjoying Kurt’s company, despite the smart comebacks that came with it. And Sebastian was pretty sure Kurt at least _tolerated_ his presence.

However, lately, it had been weirder between the two of them. The friendship had started rather smoothly ever since the night at Scandals. In fact, Sebastian was sure that his mind had accepted Kurt as his friend rather than his rival (well, sort of) even before that. It was just him that took longer time to realize that.

But the smooth friendship had only lasted for about several days before Kurt started to act really weird around him. He seemed to be afraid of him and Sebastian-

Sebastian knew why. He just could not tell Kurt. Not yet.

The assault that happened to Kurt did not affect Kurt and Blaine. It affected him, as well, in so many ways. He remembered that horrible feeling that suddenly attacked him after half an hour since Kurt left the house. He had tried to dismiss it as paranoia but when it grew stronger with each passing second, Sebastian could not ignore it any longer.

He knew something was wrong. And he had this nasty feeling that it involved Kurt.

Sebastian himself was calm person at general. He reacted very calmly at most situations one would call worth of panicking. That was one of the reasons he was selected as the captain of the Warblers in the first place. While most show choir teams would panic a few days before competitions, Sebastian remained relaxed and confident. And those things were infectious as the Warblers reacted the same way.

So he was kind of surprised at himself when he began to feel frantic as he drove around town to look for Kurt. And when he finally spotted the familiar SUV, he remembered the relief flooding through him. Only to be replaced by horror when he saw Kurt in the alley way.

Sebastian had never felt so much rage in his life. Not to mention the terror he felt. Those two emotions could have consumed him just like they could have back at Scandals.

He realized that he really did care for Kurt so much that seeing the other boy crying his heart out really bothered him. Kurt had been crying a lot ever since the assault, though most of the time the tears came silently. But it was not as if Sebastian did not notice. Of course he did. He knew those late nights when he would here sniffles coming from Kurt’s bed. Those muffled hiccups and gasps.

He wanted to comfort him. It was as if he was supposed to. He _wanted_ to. He also knew that Kurt was trying to act strong.

_You know, the strongest people are also the most fragile._

His mother’s words rang in his head. For the first time in ages, Sebastian found himself agreeing with her.

Sebastian was actually very foreign to the concept of caring for other people. Aside from his family, he never really understood what it was like to be concerned for other people. To be scared for them. It happened to him twice now, though.

Once when David Karofsky attempted to commit suicide.

Twice when he got to know Kurt better.

Sebastian could no longer deny that he was actually scared, no, _terrified_ for Kurt. He was afraid what would come next that might hurt Kurt even more.

But are caring and being afraid for someone equivalent to being in love with them?

The concept of being in love with someone was scary for Sebastian, honestly. It meant commitment. Giving your heart to someone and leaving yourself exposed. Utterly bare. And Sebastian could not be all that. He could not afford to be.

However…whenever he was around Kurt, he did feel this tingling feeling in his heart and for some odd reason, he became happier. Happier than he had ever been before. It calmed him whenever he was with Kurt, as much as it excited him.

He…really like…No…

He love-

_Someday, Sebastian, you’ll know what’s like to lose someone you cherish…_

Sebastian felt as though he was jolted by electricity. He shook his head and closed his eyes, groaning.

No.

He could not do that.

Loving someone. Falling in love.

It will be too much for him. It will hurt him. And right now, Sebastian could not afford being hurt.

When he finally walked back to the hospital, and Kurt greeted him with a smile, offering him a taco and asked him to accompany him to his next therapy session,

Sebastian found himself holding back tears he had no idea why they were there. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts are appreciated. Could be found at FF.net and Tumblr.


	27. Letters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ~Those written words meant more than he could ever know~

Kurt was confused.

It had been two weeks since the whole ordeal happened. Blaine was already discharged out of the hospital a week before but he was still confined to bed rest until his injuries heal, much to Blaine’s chagrin. Cooper stayed at home more often since then and fussed over Blaine as if he had just survived war. But in a way, Kurt could understand how Cooper felt. Losing a brother was not a nice thought to ponder about.

Kurt had been attending three counseling sessions so far and while he still refrained from talking about the hard parts, the session had gone pretty well. But Dr.Conners had asked him to promise her to talk about the harder parts sooner or later and Kurt hesitantly gave her his word. It was a matter of time after all.

There was, however, something wrong. With Sebastian, he meant. Ever since a couple of weeks ago, just a day since Blaine woke up from his coma, Sebastian had been strangely off. He was friendly, in his own sarcastic way, but he seemed to avoid Kurt. It was not obvious- Sebastian was anything but obvious, after all- but Kurt noticed it all the same. Their conversations became slightly shorter and maybe, just a little bit hurried and there were times when Sebastian avoided looking directly at him.

It frustrated him for some reason, but there was nothing he could do about it without prying into Sebastian’s business.

He was sitting in the counselor’s office that Monday, facing the woman with a calm expression on his face. The doctor offered a warm smile and began taking out her writing pad as usual. She uncapped her pen to write something- Kurt assumed it was the day’s date or something- before she returned her focus on him.

“Hello again, Kurt. How are you feeling today?” she asked.

Kurt shrugged. “Okay,”

“You seemed better than before,” Dr. Conners noted with a smile. “That’s good,”

“I suppose,”

“Have you been sleeping well?”

“…”

“Remember, the truth is always the best option, Kurt,” Dr. Conners reminded gently when she saw Kurt’s hesitation.

“The nightmares are still there,” Kurt admitted with a sigh. “But they subsided a bit and weren’t as bad as before. I got more sleep,”

“And your appetite? During your previous sessions, you told me that you had trouble eating,”

“My appetite came back…”

Dr. Conners waited.

“But the food still tasted like ash at times,” Kurt finally said. “I can’t seem to enjoy the meal as much as I wanted to. But I’m eating more regularly now,”

“That’s good,” Dr. Conners nodded. “So…are you ready to talk about the harder things now?”

Kurt hesitated but he nodded in the end. “Not all…but I guess I can start a little,” he muttered

“Take it slow, Kurt,” Dr. Conners. “I know it won’t be easy so you don’t have to rush. Why don’t we start with something easy? Then, when you’re ready, we can move on to the next part, okay?”

“That sounds alright…”

“Okay, then,” Dr. Conners looked at Kurt. “So, the whole ordeal…can you give me one word, just one, to describe it?”

“Terrifying,” Kurt answered without missing a beat.

“Alright,” A scribble. “And how do you feel ever since it happened? When you wake up every morning, do you constantly think of it?”

“…Most of the time, yes. I get this…” Kurt closed his eyes briefly. “…choking feeling, like I can’t even breathe. I don’t know, it’s like…I feel scared and constantly worry that it would happen again,” He let out a breath. “I feel like I’m in danger even though I’m not,”

“Do you feel…jumpy? Overreact to the most trivial things?”

“I’m really aware of my surroundings, yes. I get startled easily now. It puts quite a strain on my family,”

“Can you explain a bit more on that?”

Kurt sighed. “I could feel their caution whenever they’re around me. They’re always being extra careful not to scare me whether intentionally or not. I feel… guilty,”

“Why do you think you feel that way?” Dr. Conners propped her chin on her hands as she looked at Kurt intently.

“I don’t know…It’s just that…I don’t want them to act like that. I know they care but it makes me feel weird,”

“Why don’t you talk to them about it?”

“A lot of things had been on my mind lately so I tend to ignore little details like that,” Kurt admitted. “I figure I might as well endure it for the time being since I know they meant well,” He sighed heavily.

“Do you ever talk to anyone regarding the whole ordeal other than me? Like your siblings or your parents?” the doctor asked. Kurt shook his head. “Not really. Just one person, but he’s been avoiding me lately,”

“Hm? Avoiding you?” Dr. Conners raised her eyebrow.

“Okay, he’s not physically avoiding me. It’s just that our conversations are often short and hurried and honestly,” Kurt looked down to his hands. “I don’t know why he’s acting like that,” He closed his eyes. “I don’t know why, but when he acts like that, I feel kind of…lonely,”

“Lonely,” Dr. Conners repeated. “Why is that?”

“…”

“Kurt?”

“I don’t know,” Kurt whispered. “I don’t know a lot of things lately. It’s just so confusing. I want to talk to him about it so badly for a reason which I couldn’t figure out. It’s like as if he’s the only one I can trust with all my insecurities but he doesn’t seem to be willing to hear me out. In fact,” Kurt sniffed. “He seemed almost uncomfortable with it,”

“Oh Kurt,”

“Please,” Kurt held up his hand. The other wiped the tears that threatened to fall. “Just don’t. I don’t want to hear it. It’s probably just the hormones or something that makes me feel like this,”

“This person…do you trust him?”

Kurt stared back, not knowing what to say.

“You feel upset when you felt as if he doesn’t want to listen about your problems. To want to tell him your insecurities and all that in the first place requires a lot of trust. So I’m guessing that you must really trust him a lot,”

Kurt thought about it. He thought about the way Sebastian always helped him whenever he needed it. To always be there when Kurt needed someone. To let him cry on his shoulder when he was upset. The person who bought him recital tickets and sang to him as graduation presents. The one he danced with. The one who rescued him.

Twice.

“Yes,” Kurt smiled slowly. “I trust him. A lot,”

Dr. Conners returned the smile. “Then, you have to understand that he might have his reasons of why he acted the way he did. Give him time. If you trust him, that’s the one thing you could do for him,”

There was a beat.

“I guess you’re right,”

* * *

 

~*.*~

_“How’s the counseling session?”_

“Fine as always,” Kurt answered as he sat on the kitchen counter. “We talked about the assault today,”

_“…”_

“It was nothing much. But Dr. Conners said that it’s okay for me to take it slow,”

 _“I wish I was there for you, Kurt,”_ The tone was sad.

“You’re in New York, living your dreams. I don’t want to drag you down with my problems, Rachel,”

 _“You won’t,”_ Rachel said fiercely. _“You’re my friend, Kurt. And the thought of you hurting…I can’t stand it,”_ she whispered.

“Please don’t cry. I’ve cried enough for the two of us,” Kurt smiled. “I’ll be fine. And I’m really sorry for worrying you,”

 _“It’s what friends do for each other,”_ A pause _. “I have to go, Kurt. Don’t forget to call me some more, ‘kay?”_

“Yeah, yeah,”

_“Love you,”_

“Love you too, Rachel,”

Kurt stuffed his iPhone into his pocket and walked into the living room. The house was empty aside from Kurt and Sebastian. His parents were at work and Finn was hanging out with the guys to play basketball or something like that. Sebastian was sitting on the sofa and his head was bent over a piece of a paper. He was writing something.

“Hey,” Kurt greeted.

Sebastian glanced at him briefly before returning his focus on the paper. “Hey, yourself,”

“What are you doing?” Kurt asked curiously.

“I’m…writing a letter,” Sebastian replied softly.

“Letter?” Kurt raised an eyebrow. “To who?”

“…” Sebastian did not answer right away. But when he did, Kurt could not believe he was hearing right.

“I’m sorry?”

“My parents,” Sebastian repeated. “I’m writing a letter to my parents,”

There was silence. Kurt looked shell-shocked as he stared at Sebastian, who bit his lip and let go of the pen, turning to face him. His face was…sad in a way, but it was calm and composed. He was not smiling but he did not look entirely serious. If anything, he looked rather rueful.

“I…took up this habit since a week after their death. I read about it in somewhere that you can get over someone’s death easier if you have some way to…communicate with them,” Sebastian smiled softly. “Like way to connect yourself with them, feel as if they’re there with you,”

“Writing a letter to them helps you to…connect with them?” Kurt asked carefully as he sat down next to Sebastian on the sofa.

“My mom used to write letters to my dad when they were still dating,” Sebastian explained. “They lived far away from each other or something, so they wrote letters to each other constantly. My mom still kept those letters,” Sebastian’s smile turned sad. “I have them, now, actually,”

“You do?” Kurt’s eyes turned wide.

“Burt found them and insisted that I keep them. Said that they’re special. It’s somewhere in our room, but I don’t think you will find them,” His tone was playful but his expression was still wistful, as if he was relieving old memories. Kurt wanted to reply but his cheeks began to heat up when Sebastian described Kurt’s bedroom as theirs. It almost sounded as if they’re…together or something.

He shook his head and tried to dismiss those thoughts. He cannot think like that right now.

“That sounds so romantic,” Kurt said instead.

“I could show them to you one day,” Sebastian replied. “You know, if you want,”

Kurt’s eyes turned wide once more. “Is that okay with you?”

Sebastian merely tilted his head. “I guess. I mean, I don’t normally do this but…” He smiled at Kurt warmly. Kurt swore his heart skipped a beat. “I trust you, you know. So of course it’s okay,”

Kurt’s cheeks grew warm at his words and his heart skipped more beats. Sebastian was looking at him with a warm expression and when he smiled wider, Kurt noticed just how really attractive he really was. He had always known that Sebastian was attractive from the start, but that was just a mere observation, something that anyone would admit. He never really thought about it.

But now that he was so close to him, Kurt could not help but to notice the way Sebastian’s eyes seemed to shine. They were bright and the green in them was intense and penetrating. His cheekbones were high and sharp and the way the corners of his eyes crinkled slightly when he laughed or smiled just added more to the charm.

Sebastian was not just attractive. He was…someone that Kurt could not even begin to describe.

He looked away before he got too far. He willed his heart to stop thumping so fast and his cheeks burned as he stared at the ground. _Keep calm, Kurt._

“…I’m like that too, you know,” Kurt whispered. “I…know how you feel about wanting to connect with the person you love. To see them. To feel them close to you,” He forced himself to look at Sebastian, trying his best to prevent himself from averting his eyes. “In my dad’s room, there’s this old dresser that belongs to my mom. It still smells like her old perfume till today,” His expression turned fond. “Sometimes I would just sneak into the room and sit there, smelling her,”

“Kurt,” Sebastian did not know what to say to that. Kurt shook his head before he could say anything. “I know it’s weird but I feel that her presence is the strongest there. It’s like she’s there with me,”

Sebastian waited. Kurt started chewing his lip and Sebastian saw the tears that began to pool in his eyes.

“Sorry,” Kurt sniffed, wiping the tears away with his sleeve. “I don’t mean to be so emotional like this but it’s…been such a long while since I talked about her,” he mumbled. “Dad doesn’t really like to talk about her too often but I can understand that. It’s just that…I just realized how much I miss her,” He looked at Sebastian with shining eyes. “I miss her smile, her laugh, her hugs….” A shuddering breath. “I miss being with her. So very much. There’s so much I want to say to her,”

No one said a word for tow whole minutes and Kurt was starting to worry that he might have said too much. He was about to say something when he heard Sebastian singing something softly.

_I know how it feels_

_To wake up without her_

_Lying here all alone_

_Just thinking about her_

_I can't believe_

_Her hold on me_

_It's something indescribable_

_I know she knows_

_But won't you please_

Kurt looked on curiously as Sebastian continued to sing, a soft smile playing on his lips.

_If you see my girl_

_Just tell her I miss her smile_

_Tell her I'm counting the minutes_

_Gonna see her in a little while_

_I know when she_

_Holds on to me_

_She's the one thing that I could never live without_

_Oh, oh, oh, oh_

_And tell her I love her_

Kurt wanted to laugh, because honestly, this was a song meant to be sung towards your lover or something similar. But when he heard the lyrics, it struck him that they actually held some meaning that Kurt could really relate.

_Oh yeah, just tell her I love her_

_The way that she moves_

_You know what it does to me_

_And when I catch her eye_

_I can hardly breathe_

_Still can't believe_

_Her hold on me_

_She's just so indescribable_

_I know she knows_

_But won't you please, please_

Kurt’s breath caught as Sebastian suddenly tugged his arm to pull Kurt closer to him until they were shoulder to shoulder. His warm breath washed over Kurt’s face as he sang the final sets of the lyrics.

 

_If you see my girl_

_Just tell her I miss her smile_

_Tell her I'm counting the minutes_

_Gonna see her in a little while_

_I know when she_

_Holds on to me_

_She's the one thing that I could never live without_

_Oh, oh, oh, oh_

_And tell her I love her_

_Every time that I'm around her_

_I just go to pieces crashing tumbling to the ground_

_I'm so glad I found her_

_I know how it feels_

He whispered the last line in Kurt’s ear before pulling him into a hug.

_Oh yeah, just tell her I love her_

This…

Kurt could not describe how he felt. He felt like crying and laughing at the same time. Crying because this…this touched his heart so much that it hurts and laughing because he was so ridiculously _happy_. Happy that Sebastian did this for him. Happy that Sebastian trusted him.

Happy for other reasons he did not know.

“Thank you,” Kurt mumbled into Sebastian’s shoulder as he returned the hug. “That’s…so very nice of you,”

“You’re not crying,” Sebastian noted.

“I don’t need to,” Kurt whispered. “You make me happy enough that I don’t need to,”

He released himself from Sebastian’s hug and looked at him with bright eyes. Kurt really meant every word he said because…because they were true. Sebastian made him so happy in ways he could not explain. He was so glad that Sebastian was always there for him when he needed him. He was sarcastic and rude and brash, but he was also kind and understanding when he wanted to be. He was the one who was initially broken when he first came to the household, but in the end, it was him who did all the fixing.

He was there to see all Kurt’s tears and did his best to stop them from continuingly flowing. He helped him so much and Kurt…

Kurt, he…

Likes this.

Likes _him._

Sebastian.

“Sebastian,” he whispered. He suddenly realized how close their faces were, their lips just inches apart. Sebastian seemed to realize this as well because Kurt thought he heard Sebastian’s catch. They stared at one another for a long moment, not knowing what to say.

At the Anderson household, Blaine sat on his bed, idly watching the sky, taking in the brightness of the blue in it. He sighed deeply as he began to whisper lyrics to a song.

_We're the best of friends_

_And we share our secrets_

_She knows everything that is on my mind_

_Lately somethings changed_

_As I lie awake in my bed_

_A voice here inside my head_

_Softly says_

They were leaning in and Kurt’s heart was thumping that he was positive that Sebastian could hear it. It did not matter after all. He wanted Sebastian to know because…

_Why don't you kiss her_

_Why don't you tell her_

_Why don't you let her see_

_The feelings that you hide_

_'Cause she'll never know_

_If you never show_

_The way you feel inside_

_Sebastian, I never knew this could be possible…_

_Oh I’m so afraid to make that first move_

_Just a touch and we_

_Could cross the line_

_Everytime she's near_

_I wanna never let her go_

_Confess to her what my heart knows_

_Hold her close_

Sebastian was torn. He wanted to stop himself, remind himself that he cannot. He must not. He should not. But looking at Kurt like this, he did not know which voice in his head to listen to anymore.

_Why don't you kiss her_

_Why don't you tell her_

_Why don't you let her see_

_The feelings that you hide_

_'Cause she'll never know_

_If you never show_

_The way you feel inside_

_What would you say_

_I wonder would she just turn away_

_Or would she promise me_

_That she's here to stay_

_It hurts me to wait_

_I keep asking myself_

 

Blaine thought of Sebastian and Kurt, the two most stubborn people he ever met. He knew very well how they felt towards each other. He could see it all too well. It was just that Sebastian refused to believe it for some reason and Kurt had not realized. But he knew, it was only the matter of time after all.

_Why don't you kiss her (tell her you love her)_

_Why don't you tell her (tell her you need her)_

_Why don't you let her see_

_The feelings that you hide_

_'Cause she'll never know_

_If you never show_

_The way you feel inside..._

The two were nose to nose now, their breath mingling. One was hesitant but wanting, the other was afraid and unsure. It did not matter in the end because the distance between their lips began to shorten as they leaned in some more.

Kurt closed his eyes.

Sebastian’s mind when blank.

_Why don't you kiss her?_

And they did, their lips met in warm, soft kiss.

_“I trust him. A lot,”_

_“I trust you…”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Songs are both from Jesse McCartney. Thoughts? :)


	28. Conflict

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I need you to be happy. I need one of us to be happy.”   
> ― Holly Black, Red Glove

Kurt remembered his first kiss with Blaine all too well.

But his first kiss with Sebastian was something he could not describe-even if he could, he was sure that no word would be accurate. His kisses with Blaine were always sweet and full of love, even when they were in throes of passion. The kisses made Kurt feel warm and wonderful.

Sebastian’s kiss was something else entirely.

The brushing of lips made Kurt’s body feel as if it was on fire. His heart starting beating erratically and something grew within him. Something desperate. Something _primal._ Suddenly, he could not be close enough to Sebastian. He felt Sebastian’s tongue licking his bottom lip and he opened his mouth to grant him access.

He heard himself moan high and clear when their tongue battled for dominance and stars burst behind Kurt’s eyelids. His fingers somehow tangled themselves in Sebastian’s hair and he felt himself being lowered into a lying position on the sofa.

Kurt would be lying if he said he did not like the kiss. The kiss awakened something inside of him and it made him feel bolder. Being this close to him, Kurt could taste Sebastian-a mix of cinnamon and mint and something else entirely that it made Kurt dizzy. He suddenly realized how much he _wanted_ this. Wanted it so much that his heart felt like exploding.

The kiss was slightly messy but it was so wonderful and amazing and _oh god, so perfect_ and Sebastian-

Sebastian was-

He was-

No, wait, why-

Sebastian was pulling away. His lips left Kurt’s abruptly and he immediately scrambled off of Kurt to scoot at the furthest end of the sofa. His breathing was heavy and his cheeks were flushed. But his eyes surprised Kurt the most. Whatever he imagined Sebastian’s reaction might be, it was certainly not this.

His green eyes were horrified and mortification was clear in them. It was as if he had done something absolutely terrible and Kurt could not figure out what it might be.

Unless-

“I… _oh god_ ,” Sebastian let out another shuddering breath, covering his face with his hands. “I’m so sorry,”

Kurt pushed himself into a sitting position. “Hey, what’s wrong? What are you sorry for?” he asked softly. He reached out a hand to touch Sebastian but the latter flinched when he came near. He swiftly got up from the sofa and cast Kurt a look that made his heart drop.

His expression was tortured and he looked as if he was in some sort of pain.

“I shouldn’t have done that. It was wrong,” Sebastian whispered.

Kurt felt as if he had been slapped. He watched as Sebastian ran up the stairs and he heard a door being slammed shut. He continued to stare at the stairs before something coursed through him. He was not sure what it was yet. He heard his phone ring and he slowly took it out and answered it.

“Hello?”

 _“Hey, buddy,”_ It was Burt.

“Oh…hi Dad,”

_“Carol and I were thinking of going out for dinner tonight. Want to come with?”_

“…I don’t know…”

_“Does Sebastian want to?”_

At the mention of Sebastian’s name, something broke inside of him. The numbness that was caused by the shock disappeared and something else coursed through him. It was painful and dizzying and suddenly, Kurt felt like throwing up. A sudden sob rose out of his throat and his vision became blurry from tears.

Kurt hated crying, now that he had been doing too much of it.

 _“Kurt?”_ Burt’s voice was alarmed.

Kurt sucked in a breath in an effort to stop his upcoming hysteria. “S-sorry, I was just…watching The Notebook again. Sad scene,” he lied.

_“I thought I told you to stop watching those kinds of movies too much,”_

“Sorry,” he said again, closing his eyes. “I just…needed some me time today,”

_“You alright, buddy?”_

“I’m fine…Just stressed from counseling. And by the way, I think I’ll pass on the dinner,”

 _“Are you sure?”_ Burt sounded concerned.

“Yeah,”

_“Well, alright. We’ll be home late so I’ll put you in charge with dinner for Finn and Sebastian, okay?”_

“Sure thing,”

_“See you later,”_

“You too,”

He hung up and set his phone on the coffee table. He lay quietly on the sofa for a long moment, focusing on trying to stop his tears. He forced himself to breathe slowly and calmly. But no matter how hard he tried, he cannot stop the hurt that grew with each passing second.

Why did Sebastian react the way he did? Why was he sorry? And why did he look so…tormented?

Kurt could not find an answer to any of those questions.

* * *

 

~*.*~

“Hey…”

Sebastian had been quietly lying on his makeshift bed for an hour, his head too chaotic for him to think properly. His emotions had been a mess. He felt like screaming and throwing things, and he also felt like crying, something which he rarely did. Because…he made a terrible mistake.

When he kissed Kurt, it was…simply amazing. It made his body tingle with excitement and warmth spread inside his chest. It was totally different from the kisses he shared with other guys during his numerous hookups. This one made his heart felt like exploding and he wanted to forget the world for a while just so he could concentrate on kissing Kurt.

Sebastian loved it. It drove him crazy in ways he never been before.

But…he was not supposed to love it. He was not even supposed to _want_ it. He could not afford to. Not if he wanted everything to stay the way they were.

_Someday, Sebastian, you’ll know what’s like to lose someone you cherish…_

_“Mom! Dad!”_

_Tires screeching, screams, blood, red red red everywhere…_

He had been writing letters again just to distract himself from those kinds of thoughts. Tearing one piece of paper after another to write a new letter, each word written in a desperate manner. All the while, he was breathing rapidly and his eyes burned with tears he refused to shed. He bit his lip so hard that it nearly bled. After writing six long letters, he collapsed on the mattress, the letters scattered all around him. Despite the fact the he did not cry, his eyes ended up being red and puffy from exertion. He huffed in exhaustion and closed his eyes.

Before he realized it, he had fallen asleep.

But when he heard Kurt’s voice calling him softly, he hesitated to open his eyes. After a few considerations, he slowly opened them anyway. Kurt was hesitating by the doorway of the bedroom. His face was carefully calm and it betrayed nothing. Sebastian hoped his face did not as well.

“I er…made dinner,” said Kurt. “Finn is eating out and my parents are out as well. So there’s only the two of us,” He fidgeted. “So…dinner’s downstairs so I guess I’ll see you there,”

“…Sure thing,” Sebastian replied quietly. When the door closed with a click, Sebastian slowly got up into a sitting position and looked around him. He sighed and proceeded to collect all the letters scattered all around him and kept them somewhere in the room. He caught sight of his reflection in the mirror and let out a humorless laugh. He looked terrible. His hair was a mess and there were sleep marks on his cheeks. He opted to wash his face before going downstairs.

Kurt was sitting at the kitchen counter when Sebastian entered the kitchen around five minutes later. Kurt caught sight of him and nodded curtly as greeting before turning back to his spaghetti. Sebastian’s won share was placed opposite of him and Sebastian muttered ‘thanks’ before taking a seat across him.

When they ate, there was nothing but awkward silence. None of them dared to look at each other.

Sebastian was done in barely ten minutes. He rose from his seat and went to the sink to wash his plate.

“You don’t have to,” Kurt said quietly as Sebastian turned on the tap. “It’s my turn to handle the dishes,”

“It’s fine,” Sebastian shrugged. “There’s only the two of us,”

Just as he was about to head upstairs, Kurt called out his name. “Sebastian…can we talk?”

Sebastian kept his back towards Kurt. “What about?”

Kurt chewed his lip. “Look, about this afternoon…I’m really sorry,” he sighed. “I shouldn’t have done things that made you uncomfortable,”

At this, Sebastian could not help but to bark out a laugh. Kurt watched in confusion as Sebastian turned to a face him, still laughing slightly. There was something about that laugh that Kurt did not like. He was used to hearing Sebastian’s laugh when it was sarcastic or genuine, but this one…

This one sounded somewhat bitter.

“I’m not uncomfortable with it, Kurt,” Sebastian replied when his laughter died down. “I kissed many guys before, remember?” He sounded like he was sneering.

“Then, why did you pushed me away and mumble something like an apology right after?” Kurt crossed his arms, not liking the tone of Sebastian’s voice from his earlier reply.

Sebastian breathed in deeply and his face abruptly turned solemn. “Kissing you like that…It’s something that I should not have done,”

Kurt felt as if he had been slapped again. He could not help it. For some reason, he felt hurt and angry.

“Why?” Venom seeped into Kurt’s voice. “I’m not your taste or something?” When Sebastian did not reply, it only made him angrier. “Look, you arrogant dick, when I kissed you, I really meant it. I wasn’t playing around with you. And now you’re basically saying that it was a mistake?”

“I’m sorry,” Sebastian said. “Look, I’m sorry I made you angry. I really am. But you have to understand,” His tone turned pleading. “It’s just something that I should not do,”

Kurt simply stared at him wordlessly. Sebastian sighed tiredly.

“Can we please not fight about this? Things had been hectic in this household lately and I don’t want to add more fuel to the fire,”

Kurt took in the genuine exhaustion in Sebastian’s eyes and the haggardness of his appearance. He really did look tired. Something was obviously bothering him. Unfortunately for Kurt, Sebastian did not look as if he was going to share his problems anytime soon.

Kurt took a deep breath and pinched the bridge of his nose. “Fine. I’m sorry, too. I kinda lost it back there,”

Sebastian merely smiled wearily. “It’s fine,” As he climbed the stairs, he cast another look at Kurt. “And besides…I don’t want make things between us more complicated,”

Kurt stared at his retreating figure silently. When Sebastian was out of his view, he slumped in his seat and groaned.

“You dumbass, things between us are already complicated from the first day we met,” he muttered.

* * *

 

~*.*~

 

It was late at night when Kurt heard the sound of someone whimpering.

Blinking tiredly, he pushed the duvet off of him and got into a sitting position. He looked around for the source of the sound and he thought he saw some shifting of limbs. He scooted to the edge of the bed and looked down. Sure enough, it was Sebastian.

He was thrashing and his blanket was tangled up at the foot of the mattress. He looked as if he was in some sort of physical pain. “Please…don’t leave me…” he mumbled.

Kurt figured that he must be dreaming about his parents again. Granted, it had been quite a while since he had those dreams, but Kurt could understand. It had only been a month after all since the death of his parents. Kurt himself still dreamed of his mother every once in a while.

He kneeled beside Sebastian. He planned to shake him awake but changed his mind. He did not want Sebastian to wake up feeling disoriented like the last time. Instead, he took one of Sebastian’s hands and grasped it tightly, rubbing soothing circles over the knuckles in an effort to calm him down.

“Shh…” he said. “It’s okay, Sebastian. Shh…”

 _What a troublesome person you are…_ Kurt could not help thinking with a small smile. “Shh…”

Sebastian continued to toss and turn but his movements were becoming less and less and when he finally calmed down, he muttered one last thing. It was so soft that Kurt almost missed it. But he heard it anyway.

“I’m sorry… _Kurt_ ,”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts :D ?


	29. Advice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ~He wanted to make sure it was real, that it wasn’t just his imagination~

**WARNING: Get ready for a bit of skin.**

* * *

 

It had been three days since the whole fiasco.

Sebastian, being true to his words, did not want to talk about it and Kurt refrained himself from mentioning the topic. He had been dying to ask about Sebastian’s dream ever since that night when Sebastian had muttered his name in his sleep. But he knew Sebastian would not appreciate it, so he did not dare to bring up the subject.

So this dance had been going on for quite a while these past few days. They remained friendly towards each other but Kurt could sense the tension between them. He knew it was unintentional, just unavoidable. Sebastian could not look at him properly in the eye and this left Kurt feeling very frustrated. He sometimes blamed himself for ever kissing Sebastian in the first place. But a rational voice in his head insisted that his feelings for Sebastian would be clear on their own one way or another.

He was really in love with Sebastian. He never thought it was possible, but apparently it was. But it would seem that Sebastian had a hard time reciprocating those feelings.

“Are you okay, dude?” Finn asked one day during breakfast.

Kurt looked up and gave Finn a quizzical look. “Yeah. Why do you ask?”

“I don’t know. It’s just that you seem a little down lately,” Finn answered. “Sebastian is kinda off, too. Is there something going on between you two?”

Kurt sighed. “Not really. I mean, I don’t know,” He ran a hand through his hair. “Things are kinda complicated right now. I don’t really know what to do,”

“Did you two fight or something?”

“Not exactly. We just had a…misunderstanding,” Kurt smiled ruefully. “We’re trying to forget it ever happened, that’s all,”

Finn looked thoughtful for a moment before nodding. “Yeah…sometimes running away is better. I mean, it doesn’t _always_ mean being a coward, right? Sometimes, running away can lead to some sort of victory,”

Kurt blinked. “Wow, Finn. That’s…wow,”

Finn grinned. “I know. I read it some time ago in History class when they were discussing about wars and stuff. It’s really fascinating at time,”

Kurt merely smiled before continuing to eat his pancake. Sebastian could be seen padding into the kitchen, still looking half-asleep. His hair was sticking in many directions and he was still in his dark green pajamas. He mumbled a good morning before opening the fridge and took out a carton of milk.

“Slept in?” Finn asked casually.

“Mmm…” Sebastian answered noncommittally. He began drinking the milk directly from the carton and Kurt could not help but to click his tongue disapprovingly. Honestly, was it so hard to drink something from a glass? Apparently, to the guys in this house aside from him, it was.

“Kurt made blueberry pancakes. It’s awesome. You should try it.”

Kurt preened at his step-brother’s compliment. He moved his chair slightly to the side so Sebastian would have room to sit beside him. Sebastian blinked owlishly as he stared at the food served in front of him before he began to eat them in a dazed state. The sight of it was so adorable that it made Kurt’s heart ache. If things were not so complicated between them right now, he would have teased Sebastian about it by now. So instead, he settled himself by watching him eat through the corners of his eyes, holding back a smile.

Finn checked his watch. “Shoot, I have to go. I promised Sam I’d meet up with him today,” He rose from his seat and ruffled Kurt’s hair despite the boy’s protests and patted Sebastian lightly on the shoulder before bolting out the door, not bothering to clear up his plate before. Kurt grumbled to himself and decided to finish his own breakfast before doing the dishes. Beside him, Sebastian ate his breakfast without saying a word.

Kurt was done washing the dishes when Sebastian was done with his breakfast. Kurt sighed before holding out his hand towards Sebastian which the latter looked at with a confused look on his face. Oh god, why did he have to be so cute? It was almost unfair. Kurt shook his head to push away those thoughts. Damn, his hormones.

“I can wash that for you. Might as well,” he said.

Sebastian shot him an apologetic smile before handing him the plate. “Thanks,”

“No problem,”

He heard Sebastian getting up from his chair and walk upstairs. Moments later, the sound of running shower could be heard. Kurt dried the plate and set it aside. He turned around and looked around.

Sebastian and himself really needed to fix this little problem of theirs before things get a little too awkward for his liking. He shook his head and walked upstairs. He took his time and hummed a soft melody as he climbed each step. His bedroom door was left ajar when he reached the room. Raising an eyebrow, he pushed the door open cautiously took a step inside.

And nearly got a heart attack.

There, standing in the middle of the room, was Sebastian, drying his hair with a towel. While there was nothing unusual about this scene, but see…Sebastian was-

He was-

How to say this-

He was…um-

Sebastian was naked. Like, seriously. There was nothing on him.

Kurt gave an ear-piercing shriek and fell to the ground before he scrambled away from the door, his face so hot that it could have been on fire. Sebastian turned around and oh _god_ , Kurt could actually see it. In perfect view.

 _That_ part of Sebastian.

“ _Fuck_ , I’m s-so sorry,” Sebastian cursed one more time before hastily pulling on a pair of boxers while Kurt looked determinedly away, his cheeks still burning. “N-no,” Kurt stuttered. “It’s my fault. I should have knocked,”

“I should have locked the door, too,” Sebastian admitted. “But I thought you were still busy with your chores downstairs,” Kurt waited for another minute before Sebastian called out to him nervously. “Hey, I’m decent now,”

Kurt slowly took a peek and let out a relieved sigh when Sebastian already had his jeans on. While this was not the first time Kurt had seen him topless, this was however, the first time he took time to observe Sebastian’s body. As weird as it might sound, Kurt could not help but to take notice of the smoothness of Sebastian’s skin and the way his body was lean and not overly muscular. His shoulders were rather wide and strong and-

Okay, stop right there. Kurt slapped his cheeks multiple times to stop his train of thoughts. Thinking like that would not help things. It certainly did not help that he was already attracted and had feelings for the boy. If he cannot control his hormones, things would not look so good.

Although the outcome _was_ very tempting-

“I gotta go,” Kurt mumbled hurriedly.

“Hey! I said I was sorry,” Sebastian replied.

“I know, it’s just,” Kurt forced himself to look at Sebastian who was still, unfortunately for him, was still topless. “I need some fresh air, you know. I think I’m going for a run. Yeah, a run sounds good,” he rambled. “See you in a few hours!” he called out as he hurried downstairs, leaving a very confused Sebastian staring at him.

If this keeps up, Kurt Hummel was so screwed.

In a figurative sense, of course.

* * *

 

~*.*~

“I didn’t think today was that hot, Kurt,” Cooper greeted him cheerfully at the front door. “You’re sweating buckets,”

Kurt did not know he ended up at the Anderson household but somehow he did. He shrugged as he panted slightly. “Had a run. Thought I’d stop by and er…borrow your shower or something,”

“Oh sure, sure. Come on in,” Cooper invited him in and took in Kurt’s appearance. “You know, that’s a pretty unusual outfit to wear when going for a run,”

Kurt looked at himself. Sure enough, he was wearing skinny jeans, a blue scarf and a long-sleeved white shirt. Not exactly the most suitable running outfit. And it did not help that his sneakers had heels on them. He seriously needed to consider his ‘fashion has no gender’ policy at times like this.

“Oh er…It was a spontaneous thing. You know….a sudden surge of adrenaline,” Kurt waved his hand dismissively.

Cooper smiled knowingly and led him to the guest bedroom. “You can use the bathroom in there and I’ll lend some of my clothes for you. They might be a little too big for you but it’s either that or Blaine’s clothes,” he chuckled. “Which I’m pretty sure won’t fit you too well,”

Kurt nodded. “Thank you, Cooper. Sorry for the intrusion,”

“Nah, it’s fine. A friend of Squirt’s is a friend of mine. Especially attractive ones like you,” he winked to which Kurt blushed at.

He hastily showered and when he was done, folded clothes had been laid on the bed for him. True enough, the sleeves of the button up shirt were slightly too long and the legs of the black pants had to be folded twice, but otherwise, Kurt looked pretty okay.

He folded his own clothes and put them on the nearby shelf before walking out the room. Cooper was lounging on the sofa, watching some soap opera and he turned his head towards Kurt when he heard him approaching. “Looking good, Kurt,” he whistled.

Kurt smiled. “Can I see Blaine for a little while?”

Cooper raised his eyebrow. “Sure you can. I was under an impression that that was the main reason you dropped by,”

Kurt merely chuckled lightly at that and went upstairs, following the familiar route to Blaine’s room. The door was unlocked and he knocked lightly.

“Come in,” Blaine called out.

He pushed the door opened and was greeted by Blaine’s surprised expression when he came in. “Kurt! Wow, I wasn’t expecting you,” he grinned. Blaine was still wearing his cast and there was a huge plaster at the side of his forehead, but other than that, he looked fine. Better, even. The bruises on his face had faded into dull yellowish ones and he did not seem to be in any sort of pain.

“Surprise,” Kurt said with a smile. “Thought I’d come for a visit,”

“Are those Cooper’s clothes you’re wearing?”

“It’s a long story,” Kurt sighed. “Anyway, how are you?”

“Fine, great, awesome,” Blaine said. “These pain meds are a miracle. I can’t feel a thing!”

 _But you’re undeniably high…_ Kurt thought wryly.

“So…what’s up with you nowadays?” Blaine asked. “You hadn’t called in ages,” he pouted.

“Sorry,” Kurt laughed. “I was busy. And besides, you need to spend time resting instead of texting,”

“Ugh,” Blaine groaned, collapsing on the pillows. “Any more sleep and I’ll turn into a vegetable,”

“Well, you do make an attractive avocado,” Kurt teased.

“That’s a fruit, Kurt,” Blaine rolled his eyes but his smile was still intact.

Kurt let his eyes wander around the room briefly before his gaze caught sight of something on the bedside table. It was a framed photograph and it looked pretty new. It was a picture of Blaine as he sat on the bed, with a man wrapping an arm around his shoulders. They were both grinning but the man was not looking at the camera. He was looking at Blaine. And for some reason, the man looked awfully familiar.

Kurt’s eyes widened when he remembered who he was.

“Is that Dr. Nicholas Stephens?” he exclaimed. “The one at the hospital?”

At that, Blaine somehow began to look embarrassed. “Uh…yeah. He…visits often,”

“Visits?”

“Yeah,”

“As a doctor, right?”

“…”

“Blaine,”

“The first three times, yes,”

“How many times did he visit you?”

“….Seven,”

“You’re saying that he visits you basically every day?”

Blaine somehow looked ashamed. “I guess,”

Kurt could not believe what he was hearing. “Blaine,” he said carefully. “Is there something going on between the two of you that I don’t know about?”

“ _Mom_ ,” Blaine teased half-heartedly. At Kurt’s look, he faltered and slowly, he nodded.

“Blaine! He could be like, what…21?”

“20, actually,” Blaine corrected him. “He’s in a houseman ship program. And besides,” Blaine exhaled slowly. “It’s just a little thing. I don’t even know if it’s serious,”

“But you like him,” Kurt said.

Blaine sighed. “I do…I mean, who wouldn’t? He’s friendly and funny and I’m not bored when he’s around. He makes me smile,” he said fondly.

Kurt stared at him silently. Then, he sighed heavily. He really did not have the right to judge, after all. It was Blaine’s life. “As long as he makes you happy,” he conceded. “Just…don’t mess around, okay?”

“Yes, mom,” he smiled cheerfully. “Which reminds me, how are things going between you and Sebastian? Are you two getting along?”

Kurt sat on Blaine’s bed. “At the moment…not really. It’s a bit complicated,”

Blaine’s expression turned sympathetic. “What happened?”

Kurt leaned against the headboard as he lay beside Blaine. “There was a misunderstanding. Or at least…on his part. I’m not sure about mine,” He looked up at the ceiling. “Like I said, it’s not easy to explain,” He turned to Blaine, lightly tracing his cheek. Blaine leaned into his touch happily and Kurt could not help but to smile. It was just like the old days when they were still dating. Even though now they were only friends, Kurt still felt comfortable being like this with Blaine. And apparently, Blaine did not have any problems with it, either.

“Actually, that was the main reason I came here in the first place,” Kurt continued, trailing his fingers to trace the slight bruise underneath Blaine’s right eye. “I wanted to ask for your advice on this,”

“I’d be happy to, Kurt,” Blaine smiled. “You know you can always count on me, right?”

“Like the song?” Kurt smiled.

Blaine grinned. “Like the song,”

Kurt giggled a bit before looking at the ceiling again. He took a deep breath before facing Blaine slowly. “I…sort of…maybe…” He closed his eyes. “I kissed Sebastian,”

There was a drawn pause.

“When?” Blaine whispered.

“Three days ago,” Kurt whispered back.

“I should have seen this coming,” Blaine muttered before getting up into a sitting position, his face somber. Kurt followed suit but his expression was confused. “Wait, what did you mean by that?”

“I’ve seen the way he looks at you, Kurt,” Blaine’s tone was resigned. “And I know how you look at him,” When he smiled at Kurt, it was sad. “You may not realize it, but you have this certain look on your face when you’re with Sebastian. You look…happier,” He tilted his head. “I haven’t seen you that happy in a while,”

Kurt did not say a word.

“And even before you two are properly friends, you are always so…” Blaine racked his brain search for the right word. “… _lively_ when you’re around him. Whether it’s insulting each other or cutting each other down, all I know is…” He took a deep breath. “You’re happier when you’re yourself and you’re yourself when you’re with him,”

“I’m myself when I’m with you,” Kurt said quietly.

Blaine’s smile turned sadder. “I know. But I guess you’re yourself _more_ when you’re with him,”

“…”

“You’re in love with him, aren’t you?”

Kurt closed his eyes to prevent any tears from escaping. “ _Yes_ ,” he choked. “Yes, I am,” The words were so true that it hurt so badly. He wanted to break down and cry but he knew he could not because he had done too much crying lately. So instead, he breathed in and exhaled with a shudder. “But it doesn’t matter anyway. He doesn’t and probably won’t return my feelings,”

“What makes you think that?’ Blaine asked, touching Kurt’s knee.

Kurt looked down. “When I kissed him…it was simply wonderful. But he suddenly pulled away and told me that kissing me was something that he should not do,” Kurt looked at Blaine with shining eyes. “We haven’t talked about it since that night and he refused to answer when I tried. So it’s kinda obvious what’s the message he was trying to relay,”

“Kurt…”

“I really shouldn’t make such a big deal out of this. I mean…” he sucked in a shaky breath. “I should be used to this kind of thing,”

“Kurt,” Blaine grasped Kurt’s hand tightly. “No one should get used to things like that. It’s not right,”

Kurt laughed bitterly. “Yes well, not everything has to be right, after all. That’s why people call it reality,”

Blaine rubbed his thumb over Kurt’s knuckles. “I can’t possibly tell you what is on Sebastian’s mind right now but I can tell you one thing,” He paused. “Sebastian is the type of person who is hard to share his thoughts and feelings. And I know it might be hard but sometimes, when dealing with people like that, you just have to give them time,”

“You sound a lot like my counselor,”

Blaine smiled before continuing. “Give Sebastian some space he needs. Maybe someday when he’s ready, he’ll tell you what’s been playing on his mind,” He patted Kurt’s knee. “Like I said, I’ve seen the way he looks at you. The look of rejection isn’t one of them,”

“So you’re…okay with this? With me and Sebastian? You’re not mad?” Kurt looked at Blaine timidly. “Because if it’s you instead of me, I’d be pretty broken-hearted,”

Blaine ruffled Kurt’s hair lightly. “You goose. I told you that you’re going to be happy. Who am I to stop you from falling in love with someone that gives you just that?”

Kurt’s eyes shone with unshed eyes. “I’m reminded of the main reason why I fell in love with you once. You’re a lot of things, Blaine. Funny, charming, sweet,” His lips trembled slightly. “But the thing that I love about you the most is your never-ending compassion towards others. You would do anything just for the sake of another’s person happiness,”

Blaine pulled Kurt into a hug which Kurt gladly returned. They took time to breathe in each other’s scent and simply remembered all the times they shared together. From both Junior and Senior proms, Nationals, the first time they kissed to the first time they ever met.

These were the things that Kurt would _never_ want to forget.

“I have to go,” Kurt mumbled, releasing himself from Blaine’s hug. “It’s nearly noon and I haven’t cooked lunch yet. And besides…I sort of ran here so I didn’t have my car with me,”

Blaine’s eyes went wide. “You _ran_ here? B-but this is Westerville and you live in Lima! How on earth-,”

“Like I said, long story. Adrenaline can make you do weird things,” Kurt waved his hand dismissively. “I guess I’ll see you around then,”

“Yeah. Don’t forget to keep in touch,”

“Good luck with Nicky,” Kurt teased.

“Oh,shut up, you,” A blush.

Just as Kurt was about to leave the room, he cast Blaine a grateful smile. “Thank you so much for today, Blaine,”

Blaine merely shrugged. “It’s no problem,”

* * *

 

~*.*~

When Cooper dropped Kurt off at his house around an hour later, he thanked him and waved goodbye as Cooper drove off.

He gripped the plastic bag containing his clothes and made his way to the front door before unlocking it. He put his clothes in the washing machine first before padding into the living room. Imagine his surprise to see Sebastian lying on the sofa, fast asleep. In his hand, there was note. It was addressed to Kurt himself.

Hesitating, he bit his lip before slowly taking the note from Sebastian’s hand and unfolded it.

_Dear Kurt,_

_I’m so sorry for everything. Please…all I want from you is your understanding. I’m sorry._

_-Sebastian_

Kurt’s lip trembled when he reread the note over and over again. He quietly kneeled beside Sebastian’s sleeping figure and whispered something in his ear before pressing a kiss on his cheek.

“I understand…it’s okay,”

When Kurt left, Sebastian mumbled one word. It was soft and broken, but it was clear enough.

_“Kurt…”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts and kudos are really lovely and appreciated.


	30. Understanding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ~In the end, it’s easier said than done~

_“So basically, you want me to teach you the ways to convince someone to allow you to get into their pants? I thought you had that covered with Blaine.”_ A drawn pause. _“Assuming if you really did screw that hobbit.”_

“Good grace, Santana!” Kurt groaned as he spoke into the phone. “You made it sound so crude. And yes, I did have sex with Blaine, though I prefer not to discuss my sex life with you of all people.”

 _“I’m just being honest. It’s what I do,”_ Santana replied breezily. _“Anyway, what I still couldn’t believe is that you have any intention of getting it on with the criminal chipmunk. Though I do admit he excels in the looks departments except for that awful Disney prince hair.”_ A beat. _“I was pretty sure you hated that guy.”_

“I don’t. At least, not anymore,” Kurt ran a hand through his hair. “It’s complicated. And no, getting it on with him is not my main intention. I just…wanted him to…I don’t know. Acknowledge my feelings for him.”

_“You mean, returning them.”_

“Not…necessarily. But that would be nice.” A moan of frustration. “Lately, all he’s been doing is avoiding the matter at hand. And while I don’t want to seem so forceful, it would be nice if he gives me the chance to at least talk about it to clear things up, you know?”

_“How you ended up falling for that guy still remains a mystery to me.”_

“I’m starting to regret telling you,” Kurt said wearily.

Santana merely laughed at the other line. “ _Okay, okay. I get it, Porcelain. Well then, at times like this, I could so imagine Mr. Schue telling us to express our feelings through a song.”_

A chuckle. “You’re right about that.”

_“Well, why don’t you?”_

“Why don’t I what?” asked Kurt in confusion.

 _“Sing him a song.”_ Her tone was mildly irritated. _“You’re good at that.”_

“You want me to serenade him?” Kurt scoffed. “I never thought you’d actually suggest that, Santana.”

 _“I have my moments,”_ Santana replied.

“It’s not that easy,” Kurt sighed. “I wish it was but it’s…not.” Kurt brought his knees to his chest as he sat on his bed. The room was dim aside from the single ray of sunshine that streamed into the room through the tiny gap between the curtains.

On his make-shift bed, Sebastian slept soundly. Kurt smiled softly to himself as he looked at him.

_“Kurt? Are you still there?”_

“Yeah,” said Kurt.

_“You really like him, do you?”_

Kurt’s smile turned wistful. “More than you’ll ever know. More than I thought I would.”

_“That’s really nice.”_

Sebastian shifted and mumbled something in his sleep.

“It’s…bittersweet,” answered Kurt.

* * *

 

~*.*~

Sebastian was hanging out the mall with Nick and Jeff that day. Burt had commented how it had been quite a while since Sebastian went out with his Dalton friends and Sebastian really did need to get out of the house for quite a while so he had called Nick and Jeff and invited them out for lunch. The duo, who never turned down at any chance of free food, agreed readily. Kurt had declined his attention with an excuse that he needed to do something.

Something about his tone when he said this made Sebastian suspect that Kurt was hiding something from him.

“When was the last time I ate at Burger King?” Jeff let out a contented sigh after he finished his meal. “My parents hardly bring me anywhere near here,”

“That’s what you get for having parents who insist on eating high quality food,” Nick replied. “And by high quality, I mean high class restaurant-made food.”

“That type of diet does have its perks, though,” Sebastian added. “So, you never told me about what’s going on with the Warblers.”

“What do you want to know?” Nick asked, looking at Sebastian curiously.

“For starters,” Sebastian leaned against the seat. “I heard a rumor going around about the newly appointed captain of the Warblers. Someone by the name Hunter?”

Jeff shrugged, frowning a little. “It’s not confirmed yet, but it’s highly possible. The dean has taking a liking towards that guy.” He crosses his arms.

Nick smiled. “Jeff is just jealous.”

“I’m _not_.”

“Apparently, Hunter is a very good singer and as far as I know, he doesn’t cause much trouble at school. His grades are excellent and he does well in sports,” Nick added. “That’s a lot of strong points to back someone up, I guess.”

“We’ll just see, then,” said Sebastian.

They chatted a little bit more before Jeff leaned in and looked at Sebastian with a twinkle in his eyes. “So, dude. How’s it going with Kurt?”

Sebastian looked at his friend in confusion. “What do you mean by that?”

“Oh, you know…” Jeff grinned wickedly. “Nick and I both know there’s something going on between you two.”

“The whole Warblers, actually,” Nick corrected.

“I still don’t understand,” answered Sebastian.

Jeff’s grin grew wider. “Sebastian Smythe, don’t pretend like you don’t know…” He paused to lean a bit more across the table. “You like him.”

Sebastian simply stared at his friend. “He’s my friend.”

“Well, yeah, but I don’t mean it like that.” Jeff reached out to mock-punch Sebastian’s shoulder. “I mean, like as in you want to push him against the wall and kiss him senseless.”

“Jeff,” chided Nick.

“What?” Jeff asked innocently. “It’s true.”

Sebastian looked at both of his friends with a hard expression. “You guys are ridiculous. I don’t do that kind of thing.”

“Yeah, but-,”

“Look. What is with you people? You both know how I’m like. I do hook-ups and random one-night stands. Relationships? No,” Sebastian cut Jeff off and fixing him a stern glare. He honestly did not like the topic being brought up right now. Jeff stared back at him with an expression of both fear and confusion.

Nick placed a hand on Sebastian’s arm reassuringly. “Sorry if we made you uncomfortable, man. We didn’t mean to.”

“Y-yeah,” Jeff broke eye contact with Sebastian. “Me too.”

Sebastian’s gaze softened and he sighed, running a hand through his hair. “I’m sorry, too. I sort of lost it,” he smiled at Jeff. “Sorry, man.”

Jeff, who was never the type to hold grudges, returned the smile slowly. “It’s okay. I should have known better than to pry into your business, anyway.”

There was silence. Nick cleared his throat, hoping to diffuse the tension.

 “Well…” Nick said thoughtfully. “There’s this new DVD store I saw on the second floor. Why don’t we hang out there?”

Jeff beamed excitedly. “Ooh, good idea. I’ve been meaning to get the new Taken 2 DVD for quite some time now. That movie is so awesome.”

Sebastian smiled fondly as Jeff rambled on about the movie to Nick, who was listening quietly aside from the occasional ‘mmm’ or ‘ah’s as they walked. There were a few reasons Sebastian was close to the blonde and one of them was his constant vibrant energy. He was always so bright and happy, and his cheerful demeanor drew others towards him like a magnet.

In some ways, Jeff reminded him of Blaine, always as excited as a puppy.

“Sebastian, there’s this new action movie I really recommend you to watch. It’s called-,”

“ _Calm down_ ,” Nick laughed, patting his friend’s back. “You’re talking a mile a minute.”

“But-,”

“We’re here,” Sebastian announced as the trio stood in front of a DVD store. He turned towards his friends. “I think I’ll go over the music store for a while. Can I meet up with you guys in 20 minutes?”

Nick nodded. “Sure.”

“See you later!” waved Jeff happily before he bounded into the store, already searching the racks full of DVDs. Nick followed with an amused smile.

Sebastian walked inside the familiar music store and looked around. His gaze somehow landed on a guy with really familiar gelled hair. He looked at him more carefully. The bow tie confirmed it.

“Blaine?”

Blaine turned around at the sound of his name and his eyes widened when he saw Sebastian casually leaning against one of the racks.

“Sebastian,” he said. “Fancy meeting you here.”

“I can say the same for you,” Sebastian smirked, approaching him. “Aren’t you supposed to be in bed, resting?”

“I need to get out once in a while,” Blaine grumbled. “Mom and Dad worry enough as it is. In fact, Cooper nearly refused to let me out of the house. I took a full hour just to convince them that I’m fine enough to go out for a few hours.”

“I pity you.” Sebastian’s tone was half-mocking. His smirk was still intact.

“How’s Kurt?” Blaine asked.

Sebastian’s smirk lessened and he shrugged. “Kurt’s fine,” he said dismissively.

Blaine looked at him knowingly. “I heard that it’s pretty complicated between you two right now.”

“Who told you that?” Sebastian’s eyes were wide with surprise before they narrowed in suspicion. “It was Kurt, wasn’t it?”

Blaine did not say a word.

“I guess it couldn’t be help seeing how much he trusts you,” said Sebastian is a resigned tone. He stuffed his hands in his pocket. “There’s no use denying it, then.”

“So I was right then,” Blaine said. “What I said in the hospital.” He smiled. “You like Kurt.”

“Oh for the love of-,” Sebastian rolled his eyes. “Why do people keep on saying that? You and Jeff are not making things any easier for me. And for the last time, I don’t _do_ relationships.”

“Why?”

“What?”

“Why don’t you do relationships?” Blaine repeated calmly. He tugged Sebastian’s arm to lead him out of the store. The topic was getting a bit too serious to discuss in a music store. “Did you ever wonder why?”

“Not really,” replied Sebastian. “There’s no need to.”

“Well, you should,” Blaine stood in front of Sebastian. “Because from the way I see it, if you keep this up and refuse to talk about it with Kurt, you’re basically leading him on.”

“I am not leading _anyone_ on, Blaine,” Sebastian insisted. “And why are you so…persistent about this? Why do you care?”

“Because we’re talking about Kurt’s feelings here!” Blaine snapped. Sebastian was taken aback. He had not expected Blaine’s anger. He watched as Blaine breathed in deeply in an effort to calm himself down and not draw anyone’s attention. “Look. I care about Kurt, alright? And I don’t want him to get hurt. But if you keep this up, he might get hurt, anyway.”

“Blaine-,”

“There is something there between you two and you need to wake up and stop running away from it,” Blaine continued. “I’m well-aware of Kurt’s feelings for you and I’m not going to let you keep him hanging. You need to man-up and face the reality.”

There was silence.

Blaine sighed. “I have to go. I’ll see you later.”

Before he walked off, however, he turned to Sebastian one more time.

“Did you ever think that the reason why you don’t want to be involved in a relationship is because you’re scared of getting hurt?”

As Sebastian watched Blaine’s retreating back, a humorless laugh escaped his lips.

“What happens if you’re right?”

* * *

 

~*.*~

“-so, you’ve been doing very well since our very first session, Kurt,” smiled Dr. Conners. “You are able to talk about the incident more calmly now and from the reports I received, you’ve been eating and sleeping more regularly now. I’m happy to say that you might not need any more therapy sessions regarding this after we’re done.”

“Really?” Kurt asked excitedly.

“You are still free to arrange one if you need to. But otherwise, I think it’s safe to say that you’re fine, now,” Dr. Conners placed a hand on top of Kurt’s. “You’ve been very brave and if there’s anything you would like to talk about, you are always welcomed at my office.” Her eyes were soft. “I’m proud of you, Kurt.”

“Thank you,” Kurt answered in a shy tone. “It’s all thanks to you.”

Dr. Conners shook her head. “I merely provided the necessary push. You’re the one who did all the work.”

“But still, I can’t thank you enough.”

“It’s my pleasure, Kurt.” Dr. Conners wrote something in her writing pad. “I’ll inform your parents about this so they’ll know.”

“Thanks, doctor.” Kurt’s eyes caught sight of a photo frame on the desk. Funny, he never noticed that before. He peered in closer. It was a picture of Dr. Conners herself with a man with brown hair and bright blue eyes. Both of them were smiling into the camera. The man had his arms around Dr. Conners’s waist.

“That’s my husband, Tyler,” said Dr. Conners.

“Oh.” Kurt tilted his head. “He seems nice.”

Dr. Conners smiled sadly. “He is…well, was seemed to be more appropriate word.”

Kurt looked at her in confusion.

“He passed away two years ago on our third year of marriage.” explained Dr. Conners. “He succumbed to brain cancer which he had since he was a teenager.”

“I’m so sorry,” Kurt whispered.

“It’s nearly his death anniversary. I would put his picture in the office when the day is near so I won’t forget.” She laughed slightly, though it sounded forced. “I tend to forget sometimes. Probably because I didn’t want to remember in the first place.”

Kurt kept silent, unsure of what to say.

“Did you know that I started to become a therapist a few months after my husband’s death?” Dr. Conners took the photo frame and lightly traced the picture of her husband. “I mean, I had some training of course, but initially, it was never really my interest. It was Tyler’s.”

“He was always a good listener and willing to help anybody that needed it. And when he died, I felt this overwhelming sense of grief and I couldn’t function properly for quite a while. I wasn’t like your friend.” She looked at Kurt with a sad smile. “I wasn’t capable of putting up a strong front. But then..I remembered my husband and how his vibrant energy never fails to bring a smile to someone’s face and I decided. I don’t want to be weak anymore. I want to move on and help someone else overcome their problems. I want to be strong like Tyler.” She leaned against her seat. “So here I am. A part-time doctor and a therapist.”

“You said that your husband had brain cancer,” said Kurt. “Have you always known this?”

Dr. Conners shook her head. “I only knew about it after dating him for a year and a half. He informed me after he told me of his intention to marry me. He asked me whether I would marry someone who’s about to die anytime.” She sighed as she looked at Kurt with a wistful expression. “Did you ever love someone so much that you don’t care about things like that? Like you’ll continue loving them even though knowing that someday, you might just lose them?”

There was a beat.

An image of a certain brown-headed boy with sparkling green eyes entered Kurt’s mind.

“Yes. I know the feeling,” replied Kurt.

* * *

 

~*.*~

Kurt was sitting in his room alone, absently staring at the ceiling. He thought of the words that had been said today at his therapy session.

He was not lying when he said he knew the feeling.

The feeling of loving someone despite the fact you might lose them.

Kurt never thought loving someone could be so confusing. He wanted to know why Sebastian kept on pushing him away without explaining why. It frustrated him to no end and by the end of the day, Kurt could not help but to feel hurt at Sebastian’s behavior.

But still, the feelings he had for him refused to go away.

 

_Loving him is like driving a new Maserati down a dead end street_

_Faster than the wind_

_Passionate as sin, ended so suddenly_

_Loving him is like trying to change your mind_

_Once you’re already flying through the free fall_

_Like the colors in autumn_

_So bright just before they lose it all_

Kurt sang the lyrics earnestly because he meant every word of them.

_Losing him was blue like I’d never known_

_Missing him was dark grey all alone_

_Forgetting him was like trying to know somebody you've never met_

_But loving him was red_

_Loving him was red_

Sebastian walked on the sidewalk, feeling entirely alone for some reason. He had walked both of his friends home and had decided to take a little detour from the way home. He did not feel like facing Kurt just yet. Not after what Blaine had said to him.

He looked at the sky, which was slowly turning red as the sun began to set. He hummed a familiar tune and before he knew it, his humming turned in singing.

_Touching him is like realizing all you ever wanted was right there in front of you_

_Memorizing him was as easy as knowing all the words to your old favorite song_

_Fighting with him was like trying to solve a crossword and realizing there’s no right answer_

_Regretting him was like wishing you never found out love could be that strong_

_Losing him was blue like I’d never known_

_Missing him was dark grey all alone_

_Forgetting him was like trying to know somebody you've never met_

_But loving him was red_

_Oh red burning red_

_Remembering him comes in flashbacks and echoes_

_Tell myself it’s time now, gotta let go_

_But moving on from him is impossible_

_When I still see it all in my head_

Kurt looked out of the window and stared at the sky, a soft sigh escaping his lips.

_Burning red!_

_Darling it was red!_

_Oh, losing him was blue like I’d never known_

_Missing him was dark grey all alone_

_Forgetting him was like trying to know somebody you've never met_

_Cause loving him was red yeah yeah red_

_We're burning red_

Sebastian leaned against the brick wall, feeling so drained and his mind was conflicted. He knew Blaine was right, but sometimes, things refused to be easy for him.

_And that's why he's spinning round in my head_

_Comes back to me burning red_

_Yeah yeah_

As the two boys stared at the same sky, their voices melted into harmony as they sang the last line.

_Cause love was like driving a new Maserati down a dead end street_

Kurt brought his knees to his chest and closed his eyes, trying to remember the lovely feeling of Sebastian’s kiss and held on tight to the only hope he had left.

Why must love be complicated sometimes?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts and kudos are lovely and appreciated. :D


	31. Dream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ~Sometimes, he wished that all of the things that have happened are just terrible dreams~

_“Fuck, Kurt…”_

_Sebastian felt as if his body was on fire. The feeling of soft lips brushing against his own, wandering hands and the sound of harsh breathing were enough to make him feel dizzy and overwhelmed. Kurt’s lips left his and the boy looked at him from underneath his eyelashes. The moonlight that shone on him made him looked ethereal and simply breathtaking. The way his eyes were wide and trusting made Sebastian groan. Kurt wrapped his arms around Sebastian’s neck as he leaned against him._

_“I love you,” he breathes before kissing Sebastian again, soft and sweet._

_Sebastian returned the kiss with so much eagerness and soon the mere brushing of lips turned into something more, something primal, something hungrier. Their tongues tangled and Sebastian could taste the sweetness of Kurt’s mouth; a mixture of mint and chocolate and something else that was simply overwhelming. Warmth spread in his chest and he growled when Kurt let out a soft, high moan._

_Hands were touching him everywhere and he did not know what to think anymore. Each stroke and squeeze was enough to drive him insane but all Sebastian wanted was more._

_That was when he heard it._

_The moans turned into whimpers and Kurt sounded as if he was in pain. Sebastian opened his eyes (he did not remember ever closing them, in the first place) and they widened when Sebastian was greeted by a horrible sight._

_All he saw was red. It was spreading throughout Kurt’s chest and Kurt himself was writhing in pain, his mouth open to let out a scream. “K-Kurt?” Sebastian cried out in alarm, reaching out to touch Kurt. When his hand touched the red substance that continued to spread, he realized what it was and his expression became mortified._

_It was blood._

_“Kurt, oh my god. I-I…I’ll get help. Please, don’t-,” He was cut off when he saw Kurt’s lips move to form words. It was soft and almost could not be heard, but Sebastian did anyway._

_“It’s…all….your…fault…”_

_And suddenly, everything around him changed. The calm surroundings turned chaotic, with screams and more blood seeping through the walls and floor, forming a pool around the pair. Kurt’s eyes gradually turned glassy and Sebastian could not do anything other than to watch on helplessly as Kurt’s breathing began to slow._

_“K-Kurt…Please, don’t do this to me…Please…” Sebastian choked, gripping Kurt’s blood-soaked hand. Kurt simply stared back at him. His eyes were lifeless._

_This…could not be happening._

_No._

_No, it cannot be like this._

_Kurt-_

_K-_

_“KURT!”_

* * *

 

~*.*~

“Kurt!” Sebastian screamed, bolting up from the mattress. The said boy, who was sleeping peacefully on his bed with his arm dangling over the edge of the bed, shifted and opened his eyes groggily.

He turned to Sebastian slowly. “Sebastian…? What’s wrong?” Kurt yawned, sitting up.

“Kurt! You’re okay!” Sebastian cried out in relief, abruptly getting up from the mattress and pulling Kurt into a bone-crushing hug. “Oh my god, you’re okay. You’re okay,” he said breathlessly.

Stunned, Kurt returned the hug awkwardly and rubbed soothing circles on Sebastian’s back. “Of course, I’m okay. Sebastian, what’s wrong? Did you have another nightmare?”

Sebastian did not answer. He continued to breathe heavily, his hold on Kurt tightening. Kurt was silent as he waited and continued to rub circles on the boy’s back. Sebastian’s frame was shaking and Kurt could feel something moist on his shoulder.

“Sebastian?”

“I…I’m fine.” A sniff. “I just…I just had a terrible dream,” Sebastian answered, lifting his hand to wipe away the tears in his eyes, or at least, that was what Kurt thought he was doing.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

Sebastian hesitated before he shook his head. “I don’t really want to think about it.”

They stayed like that for a while until Sebastian’s breathing slowed down and he stopped shaking. He slowly released Kurt from the hug and looked away, his hands still holding onto Kurt’s forearm. “I’m sorry about that,” he muttered.

“It’s fine.”

Kurt waited a bit more before sighing and making a move to lie back down on his bed when he realized that Sebastian still had not let go of his arms. In fact, his grip on them seemed to be tightening.

“Sebastian?”

Sebastian was still looking down and he was biting his bottom lip. This was a rare image of him, all hesitant and unsure and Kurt could not help but to find it a bit endearing. “Do you mind…if I sleep with you tonight?”

A beat.

“W-what?” Kurt stammered, feeling heat rushing to his cheeks.

“I-I don’t mean it like that,” Sebastian added in a rush. And for some reason, Kurt felt oddly disappointed. “I-it’s just…” Sebastian sucked in a sharp breath. “You don’t have to if you don’t want to but…I don’t want to be alone right now.”

Kurt was rendered speechless. Because Sebastian always put up a strong front and from the very start, he had been emotionally distant. Despite his many hookups and flirtatious nature, he was always careful of not letting anyone getting too close to him. Until recently, Sebastian was known to be quite distant towards others, even his friends.

And now, he was just…bare. Sebastian was letting someone notice his fears and despite the fact Kurt had seen him cry before and even comforted him at times, this was entirely different. Before, he had shown his insecurities involuntarily, usually because Kurt noticed them. Now, he admitted them.

It was a whole lot more different than what Kurt usually dealt with.

The room was silent.

“I guess you don’t want to…”Sebastian said, his tone somewhat dejected yet resigned at the same time. As if he was hoping that he could, but prepared himself for rejection regardless.

“N-no! I mean, I don’t-,” Kurt sighed. “C’mere.”

He pulled Sebastian so the boy was on his feet before patting the mattress of his bed. “I guess I don’t mind,” he added. “If it would help make you feel a little bit more secure.”

“Are you sure?”

“Don’t make me repeat myself, Sebastian,” Kurt replied firmly, but there was a smile on his face. “Just for tonight, though. My dad won’t really like the idea of me sleeping with a guy while I’m in this house.”

Sebastian smiled a tiny smile before sitting on Kurt’s bed, swinging his legs onto the mattress before lying down onto the pillows. Kurt followed suit and soon, they were lying next to each other face to face. Despite the calmness of his voice earlier, Kurt struggled to keep his heart from beating erratically, fearing that it would be so loud that Sebastian could hear it. Even though he already made his feelings towards the boy loud and clear (and pretty obvious, too), with their current situation, Kurt decided not to push things further.

For now.

So instead, he sighed and pulled the duvet to cover the both of them. “Good night, Sebastian,” he said quietly.

“Good night,” Sebastian answered just as quietly before closing his eyes.

Soon, despite the fact that Sebastian was the one who initially had the nightmare, Kurt was the one who had trouble sleeping in the end. Not with Sebastian’s face less than an inch than his, his breath washing over Kurt’s face. Kurt, who could not even bring himself to move and turn to the other side, too transfixed at the sight of Sebastian’s sleeping face.

Fuck, Kurt was so screwed.

* * *

 

~*.*~

Burt was walking up the stairs to Kurt’s room, with a recipe book in one hand and a spatula in the other. He had given up hope in trying to decipher the notes that Kurt gave him. He planned to cook one of Kurt’s ideas of a healthy breakfast as a way to surprise him, as a way to say that Burt Hummel could cook just as well as his son.

But as soon as he saw the ingredients required, he knew it would be easier said than done. Out of the fifteen ingredients needed, Burt only managed to recognize three of them.

Three.

And that was milk, flour and organic eggs.

He hated to, but Burt was forced to admit defeat.

“Kurt? What the hell did you use to make this stuff and how on earth did you find them?” he called out.

There was no answer. Strange, it was 9 a.m. and Kurt was normally an early riser, even during the weekends. He stood in front of the bedroom door and gave a light knock.

“Kurt?”

There was still no answer.

“Kurt? Are you awake yet?” Burt called out once more, louder this time.

No answer yet again. Burt heaved a sigh and gripped the doorknob, twisting a bit and found that the door was unlocked. Since Kurt slept pretty early last night, it must have been Sebastian who forgot to lock the door last night. Kurt will be pissed as hell if Burt did what he planned to do, but what the heck. Might as well.

He gently pushed the door open.

And what he saw made him drop the book onto the floor.

Apparently, Kurt was not alone on his bed. He had his arms around another person’s waist and he was snuggling against the said person’s chest. Their legs were tangled up together and the other person had his face buried in Kurt’s shoulder.

And that person was none other than Sebastian Smythe.

Oh dear god, Burt could practically feel his heart attack coming back.

He cleared his throat loud and clear, loud enough that Kurt shifted in his sleep and opened his eyes to look at his dad sleepily. At first, he looked pretty confused at Burt’s expression, taking in the stiffness of his posture and the thin line of his lips and wondering why he was in his room in the first place.

Until he turned to the side and saw Sebastian sleeping peacefully beside him.

Kurt felt his blood draining from his face.

“You mind explaining to me what’s going on?” Burt asked, his voice dangerously quiet.

“Um…It’s not w-what you think,” Kurt stammered, sitting up immediately. “It’s…” He took a deep breath. “Can please we discuss this after breakfast?” he asked this in a small voice.

“Of course,” Burt said calmly. “You do realize that we’re having a late breakfast today.” At Kurt’s confused expression, he smiled grimly. “It’s 9 o’clock in the morning.”

“9 o’clock in the morning?!” Kurt shrieked before hastily clamping a hand over his mouth, glancing at Sebastian. Sebastian shifted slightly but he remained asleep.

“Apparently, your biological clock seemed to have been disturbed after last night,” Burt commented.

Kurt turned a deep shade of red. “Like I said, I-,”

“You’ll explain later,” Burt waved his hand. “Now, wake Sebastian up and get ready for breakfast. I’ll just cook pancakes today seeing as I want the explanation as fast as possible.” He eyed Kurt meaningfully.

“Yes, sir,” Kurt answered meekly.

When the door closed, Kurt took one of the pillows and covered his face with it before he began to scream as loud as possible.

Sebastian chose that moment to wake up. He blinked at Kurt groggily.

“What’s going on?”

Kurt took one look at him, hair sticking up everywhere and sleep marks on his chin and all, and could only sigh.

* * *

 

~*.*~

“So, I suppose I should apologize,” Kurt began.

Kurt and his dad were sitting face to face in the dining room. Finn, Carole and Sebastian had excused themselves from the table some time ago and Kurt desperately wished he could do the same thing.

“Depends,” Burt replied.

“On what?”

“On what you have to say beforehand.”

“Can I ask something first, though?”

Burt nodded. “Go on ahead.”

“Why only me? I mean,” Kurt paused. “I don’t mean to sound whiny but Sebastian was kinda involved in this situation as well.”

“True, but judging from both of your positions, you were clearly the more intimate one of the two,” stated Burt as-a-matter-of-factly.

Kurt blushed and looked down. “Like I said, it’s a misunderstanding.”

“Then please, clear the picture for me.” When Kurt did not reply, Burt sighed. “Look, I really don’t want to pry into your personal life, really I don’t. But we have rules in the house about those…issues.”

“It wasn’t like that, I swear!” Kurt insisted. “Sebastian…he had a nightmare and he didn’t want to be alone so-,”

“Kurt, what did I tell you about people taking advantage-,”

“Like I said, it wasn’t like that!” Kurt cried out in utter mortification. “He asked if he could sleep with me, and by that I mean _beside_ me, and he gave me a choice to accept or decline so really, it was okay. Nothing _happened_ between us.” He hesitated. “Not really…”

Burt raised an eyebrow. “What do you mean by not really?”

Kurt hesitated.

“Kurt.”

“I kissed him, okay?” Kurt said in a rush. “But that was _before_ last night. It happened some time ago, in fact,” he added when Burt’s expression began to change.

He watched as Burt took in a deep breath before letting it out slowly. “Kurt…is there something going on between you two that I don’t know about?”

“No, I mean, yes, I-I mean,” Kurt sighed, covering his face with his hands. “I don’t _know_ , alright? Things are rather complicated between us right now.”

“Complicated how exactly?” Burt demanded, looking at Kurt unwaveringly.

Kurt dropped his gaze to look at his lap. Biting the inside of his lip, he began to whisper, “I…kissed him.”

There was a long silence. Kurt held his breath and refused to meet Burt’s gaze.

“When?” Burt asked carefully, his voice unnaturally calm.

“Some time ago,” Kurt answered cautiously.

“What happened after?”

“What do you mean, after?” Kurt asked, a little bit confused.

“Well,” Burt rubbed his temples. “You said that things are complicated between the two of you. So I assumed that something else happened after you two…um…kiss.”

Kurt hesitated. “He pushed me away.”

“Pushed you away,” repeated Burt.

“Yeah…he apologized and mentioned something about making a mistake.” Kurt sighed, finally looking at his dad with a tired expression. “To put it simply, we don’t feel the same way towards each other. At least, that’s what I think. I don’t understand what’s going on in that head of his.”

“Wait, wait.” Burt held up both of his hands. “Don’t feel the same way? Are you saying that you-,”

“That I have feelings for Sebastian?” Kurt continued. He smiled wryly. “Apparently, yes.”

“I thought you can’t stand the guy,” Burt pointed out. “I mean, sure, you two are friends now but it’s…it’s been only about a month since you two got to know each other…well, more.” He sighed heavily. “Don’t you think you’re a bit too quick to decide whether you’re really in love with him? I mean…” he hesitated before continuing. “You barely got over Blaine.”

Kurt flinched slightly at that before he shook his head. “But I did, in the end. It took me time and trust me, I cried…like a lot,” he chuckled humorlessly. “But do you know who helped me through it? Who’s always there to comfort me whenever I needed to be?” Kurt smiled softly. “It’s Sebastian, dad. He’s the one who helped me get over Blaine, slowly but surely. I thought for sure that I would be hurting for a long time but he…he helps me forget the pain. He’s fun and…I like being around him.”

“But still…”

Kurt grabbed a hold of his dad’s hand. “Hey, you know how easy it is for me to fall in love. Look at Finn. Look at Blaine. It was love at first sight for them.” He paused. “Well, more for Blaine than Finn. But still.”

“And Finn ended up became your step-brother,” Burt pointed out.

“That was partly my fault,” reminded Kurt.

“And Blaine…well, you know,”

“Dad,” said Kurt. “I get it. You’re worried. And believe me; falling in love with Sebastian was actually the last thing I thought would ever be possible. He’s stubborn, arrogant, gets on my nerves and honestly, sometimes I wondered if there’s something mentally wrong with him.”

Burt chuckled dryly.

“But,” continued Kurt. “Things happen. And sometimes, we can’t always find the answers to why they did. All I know for sure is…” Kurt closed his eyes. “Sebastian makes me feel safe and secure. And honestly, I can’t say anything else other than I really love him.”

Burt let out a loud exhale of breath before pinching the bridge of his nose. “Sometimes, you really do remind me of your mother. Always headstrong.” He looked at Kurt. “I’m just really worried about you getting hurt. You just said that Sebastian might not return your feelings. That things are complicated between the two of you. I’m just afraid…that you get hurt as hard as you fell in love.”

Kurt’s smile dropped slightly and he tilted his head to the side, looking thoughtful. “I know. But that’s a chance that I’m willing to take.”

“You really do love him, do you?” said Burt in a resigned tone.

“More than I thought I would,” replied Kurt, fondness seeping into his voice.

“Then, there’s’ really nothing I could do about it,” Burt sighed. “Just…no more funny business, okay?”

Kurt flushed. _“Dad.”_

As the two of them laughed, Sebastian stood quietly by the doorway, having heard the whole thing. His eyes were unreadable and his face was carefully blank.

_Lose someone you cherish…_

_“You like Kurt.”_

_“This is Kurt’s feelings we’re talking about here!”_

_“I’ve seen the way you look at him.”_

The feeling of soft lips against his own…

_“When I kissed you, I really meant it.”_

The hushed phone calls in the night that Kurt thought he did not overhear…

_“More than I thought I would.”_

_“It’s…bittersweet.”_

Clenching his jaw, Sebastian walked away, taking out his phone as he did.

* * *

 

~*.*~

_“Hey, babe. It’s been quite a while since I heard from you.”_

“Hey.”

_“Are you okay? You sound a bit down.”_

“I’m fine. Can we meet up somewhere?”

_“Sure! Where?”_

“I’ll text you the address. I’ll meet up with you in about 15 minutes.”

_“Okay, sure thing. Will be great seeing you again. Figured that we need some catching up to do. If you know what I mean.”_

“Of course I do. See you later.”

_“Can’t wait, babe.”_

* * *

 

~*.*~

Sebastian had left a note on Kurt’s bed saying that he went out for a bit.

Kurt stared at the note for one minute before sighing and throwing the note into the bin. He went over to the windowsill and sat there, simply soaking up the sun. He was feeling a bit lazy and decided to close his eyes for a bit. Before he knew it, he had fallen asleep.

He was, however, woken up by the sound of tapping.

He blinked and looked around. There was no one in the room. He glanced at his watch and saw that only 45 minutes had went by. That was when he heard it again. The tapping sound. And it came from the window.

He waited before he saw the source of the sound. It was a tiny pebble, being thrown at his window. Raising an eyebrow, he looked out.

And smiled.

Blaine was waving at him, grinning widely as he stood in front of his house. Next to him was none other than Nicholas himself, dressed smartly in a button-up blue shirt and a pair of slacks. There was a pair of sunglasses perched on top of his head.

Kurt waved back before rushing downstairs to greet them.

“What are you doing here?” Kurt grinned as he walked out of the door. He gave Blaine a light hug which Blaine happily returned.

“Oh, Nick and I were in the neighborhood and I saw you sleeping over there. Thought I’d wake you up.” Blaine shrugged.

“It’s Nick, now?” Kurt commented, eyeing Nicholas before looking at Blaine, who flushed.

Nicholas smiled warmly and offered Kurt a handshake and Kurt accepted it. “It’s great to see you again. Kurt Hummel, right?”

“Yup. But Kurt would be just fine for me,” replied Kurt. “What were you guys doing anyway?”

“Nick visited me today and he suggested that we go for a walk,” Blaine answered. “You know, to get some fresh air.”

“Hm…” Kurt smiled knowingly. “ _Just_ a walk?”

_“Kurt.”_

Kurt chuckled. “Okay, okay. I’ll stop.”

“Actually,” said Nicholas. “I’m planning to take Blaine out for dinner tonight. If you know, he agrees.” He looked at Blaine with a cheeky smile. “What do you think?”

Blaine could barely splutter a coherent reply as he looked at Nicholas disbelievingly. “I-I…u-um.”

“He would love to,” Kurt chirped. “What time?”

“Around 7 o’clock sounds good?” Nicholas grinned, playing along.

“That sounds perfect,” replied Kurt. He turned to Blaine. “Isn’t it, Blaine?”

“Y-yeah.”

“Great!” Nicholas beamed.

Kurt and Nicholas laughed as Blaine continued to stare at the both of them with disbelief etched across his face when Kurt felt his phone vibrating in his pocket. He took it out and slid his thumb across the screen. The message was from Sebastian.

_Meet me here._

And below it was an address to a place that Kurt vaguely recognized. It was not too far and Kurt could easily reach there in twenty minutes by foot.

“Er…” He put his phone back into his pocket and turned to the pair. “I have to go. Sebastian asked me to meet up with him somewhere.”

“Oh, okay,” Blaine answered. “See you around then.”

Kurt nodded. “Yeah.”

Waving, Kurt went inside the house to write a note to his parents. His mind was still pondering over Sebastian’s message.

What on earth could Sebastian want _this_ time?

* * *

 

~*.*~

“Fuck, Sebastian…”

In an alley somewhere, Sebastian was pressed against the wall, another guy pressed close to him. They were kissing, all tongues and teeth. Their breath mingled together and the guy groaned when Sebastian grinded his hips against his.

“I miss doing this…” he growled, before attacking Sebastian’s mouth. “Been too long since I last saw you.”

“Easy, tiger,” Sebastian chuckled softly. “Don’t want to end things too quickly.”

“Cannot wait…” The guy moaned before pressing himself closer to Sebastian, trailing kisses all over his neck. “You’re so hot.”

Sebastian merely tangled his fingers in the guy’s hair, letting him kiss him with heated passion. The guy’s hands roamed lower down Sebastian’s body, until his fingers grabbed the waistband of Sebastian’s jeans.

That was when Sebastian heard it.

Slowly, he turned his head to the side. Sure enough, standing there, his expression shocked and hurt, with his hands covering his mouth was Kurt. His eyes were wide.

They stared at one another for a long moment.

Deliberately, Sebastian gave him a small smirk.

_That’s right…_

Kurt took a step back.

_Just please…_

He looked at Sebastian one last time.

_Go…_

And ran.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Erm...please don't kill me?


	32. Standstill

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ~And when the time stopped, he did not know what to think~

The room was silent.

Kurt stared blankly at the ceiling as he lay on his back. His hair was a mess and his cheeks were still red from exertion from running. His fingers were gripping the duvet tightly and his breathing was slightly uneven.

But other than that, he did not show any signs that might indicate that he had been crying.

Because he did not cry. He was too numb to even react properly.

Maybe luck was on his side because when he arrived home, the house was empty. It turned out that the rest of his family had gone out for lunch. He had four missed calls that indicated that Burt had tried to contact him. So in the end, a note was written informing him that they’d be back soon with his own share of lunch.

Funny, Kurt did not even notice that his phone even rang.

He did not know how long he had been lying there. He did not care. He simply continued counting his breaths, eyes trained towards the ceiling. Beside him, his phone rang once. Twice. Thrice. Kurt did not notice.

_1 missed call from Blaine._

_2 missed calls from Dad._

Then his phone vibrated. Yet still, Kurt ignored it. Or rather, he never noticed.

_1 message received from Blaine._

Three thousand and fifty-four breaths later, Kurt heard the door to his room being opened. Slowly, he looked away from the ceiling and his gaze landed on the person standing by the doorway.

It was Sebastian.

Kurt’s heart skipped a beat.

Cautiously, he sat up and stared at the boy quietly as Sebastian moved towards his make-shift bed and lay down, closing his eyes briefly. He looked calm, as if the events that had occurred not a moment ago had never happened. None of them spoke for one long minute.

Until Kurt could not take it anymore.

“Why?” he whispered.

“Why what, princess?” Sebastian answered coolly. Kurt flinched at the return of the nickname, wincing at the hazy memories that began to resurface. He determinedly pushed them back, refusing to give in.

And also, he did not like the tone of Sebastian’s voice. It was cold and cynical. Something which he had not heard in a while. Kurt swallowed thickly.

“Why did you do that?” Kurt asked again, trying to keep his voice from wavering.

Sebastian opened his eyes to regard Kurt with an amused expression. “I did a lot of things today, Kurt. Or rather, people,” he added with a cynical grin. “So you’re going to have to be more specific.”

Something broke inside of Kurt.

“I…just can’t believe you,” said Kurt, his voice at the edge of breaking. And when Sebastian continued to regard him with his cynical grin, Kurt grew angrier. And more hurt. “I should have known better,” he continued. “I’ve known you for a long time and yet…” Kurt let out a shuddering breath. “I fell for it.”

Sebastian merely raised an eyebrow. “I can’t understand a single word you’re saying.”

“You’re a jerk, that’s what I’m saying,” Kurt snapped, his tears finally falling from his eyes. “I’m saying that you’re a cold-hearted bastard who likes to play with other people’s feelings without any sign of remorse. I’m saying that I can’t believe I actually thought I love you.” Kurt glared at Sebastian. “Why do you think it’s right for you to give me mixed signals just to…to lead me on and-,”

“I didn’t lead _anyone_ on, princess,” Sebastian interrupted smoothly. “You’re the one who had it all in your head.”

Kurt was speechless.

“Face it, princess,” continued Sebastian, sitting up. “You had this little fantasy made up in your head of how much you wanted me but unfortunately for you, that schoolboy mind of yours confused it with love. A love which I don’t return.” He offered Kurt a pitying smile, though it seemed like it was mocking Kurt instead. “It’s okay, though. It happens a lot. I won’t hold it against you.”

There was a resounding sound that echoed in the room and suddenly, Sebastian had stumbled and fell on the mattress, his expression slightly shocked. His cheek was red.

Kurt had his hand raised and he was breathing heavily.

“Fuck you, you selfish bastard,” Kurt growled. “I always known how much you disregard love, treating people’s emotions like they were nothing. I know how you like having flings, shags, one-night stands or whatever, just for the fun of it. But you know,” He took in a breath and let it out shakily, wiping away the tears on his face. “I still fell in love with you. Do you know why?”

“Because you’re naive?” Sebastian offered.

Kurt abruptly threw himself on top of Sebastian and pinned him to the mattress, his fingers clutching the material of Sebastian shirt. If truth to be told, Sebastian was immensely surprised. Kurt looked at him through narrowed eyes, his lips merely inches away from Sebastian.

 _“Because I thought you changed, you asshole!”_ Kurt snarled. “Because I thought you actually cared for once! I…I...” Kurt dropped his gaze. “I don’t understand. You’re always there for me and you helped me a lot. I grew to care for you, to worry about you, to be _scared_ for you. I thought that I misinterpreted you this whole time.” He looked at Sebastian though watery eyes. “I love you, Sebastian. And I never thought that I would.” His voice broke at the last word. “So why do you continue to disregard my feelings for you like they’re nothing? I can handle rejection, Sebastian but…” He sniffed. “But not like _this_.”

Kurt did not expect Sebastian’s reaction. The boy suddenly found himself being flipped over so that he was lying on his back and Sebastian was hovering over him. His lips were suddenly captured in a kiss so passionate that it made Kurt dizzy. He gripped Sebastian’s forearms to steady himself as they continued to kiss, all tongues and teeth.

When Sebastian finally pulled away, Kurt found himself staring at him, his expression a mix of awe and disbelief.

“Why don’t I give you something to make it up to you?” Sebastian whispered.

“What?” asked Kurt in a confused voice. “W-what do you mean?”

Sebastian smirked. “I could give what you wanted,” he purred into Kurt’s ear. “So you won’t feel like you’re on the losing side.” His hand caressed Kurt’s cheek before it traveled downwards and went underneath Kurt’s shirt, stroking the skin underneath. Kurt gasped quietly when Sebastian’s fingers gripped the zipper of the fly of Kurt’s jeans.

Part of him wanted it. Wanted it so much that it hurt.

But a majority of him was angry. Pissed.

He pushed Sebastian off of him and scrambled away, glaring at the boy heatedly. “How dare you,” he hissed. “You think that is all I’m really after? You think _sex_ is going to solve everything?”

“For most people…”Sebastian shrugged. “Yes.”

This time, Kurt did not slap him. He punched him. Squarely in the jaw. Sebastian stumbled back onto the mattress, cradling his sore jaw. When he removed his hand, there was blood on it. Sebastian was actually bleeding.

“You’re sick,” Kurt said venomously. “I can’t stand the sight of you.”

Kurt spun on his heel and ran out of the room, not looking back.

It was such a shame, though.

Because if he did look back, he would have not missed the broken expression that Sebastian wore as he watched him leave.

* * *

 

~*.*~

The next several days had been incredibly tense between the two of them.

Kurt had vehemently refused to talk or even look at Sebastian. His posture was always stiff when Sebastian sat beside him during meals and he blatantly ignored him when Sebastian looked at him sideways. Kurt was always already asleep by the time Sebastian went to bed, his back towards him.

The tension between them was so thick that the rest of Kurt’s family noticed. But none of them dared to say anything just yet.

Kurt was still angry and the anger only grew every time he caught sight of Sebastian. He hated how much he had hurt him, how he had disregarded him like he was nothing, how he made such a fool out of Kurt by letting him fall in love with him.

He hated how Sebastian seemed so unfazed by the whole situation.

He hated the fact that he might be the only one suffering.

He hated the fact he was the only one who cried in his sleep despite everything.

Because this hurt him more than when Blaine told him that he fell out of love with him. That was a different story. Blaine had accepted and returned his feelings genuinely. And he tried to keep his feelings towards Kurt when he felt himself losing them.

Blaine was different because he fought back.

Sebastian did not even try. He did not even care.

And this,

This hurt more than it really should.

Blaine had called him a few times and Kurt struggled to sound as if he was okay. They talked about random things, with Kurt asking about the date to which Blaine replied that it was wonderful in this happy voice that it was almost sickening. And also, apparently, Nicholas had kissed him. For the first time.

 _“I didn’t even expect it,”_ said Blaine. _“He completely took me by surprise.”_

“People don’t usually go “Hey, I’m going to kiss you now,” you know,” replied Kurt dryly, a small smile playing on his lips. “Unless of course, if they’re Rachel.”

 _“But still.”_ A happy sigh. _“I just…wow.”_

“I’m happy for you.” Kurt tried to make it sound like he really was, but his voice sounded down-spirited, even to him. And unfortunately, Blaine noticed.

_“Are you okay, Kurt? You don’t sound very cheerful.”_

“I’m fine,” replied Kurt reflectively before he paused. “Actually…” He sighed. “I’m not. I’m not okay, Blaine. At all.”

_“What happened?”_

“Can I tell you about it later, face to face?”

 _“Well…I have the house to myself for a few days. My parents are out of town and Cooper had another audition to go to.”_ Blaine explained. _“If it’s okay with you, why don’t you stay over for a while?”_

“That’s…” Kurt smiled sadly. “I may take up that offer.”

_“You know that I’m always there for you.”_

“I know.”

He had approached Burt and asked him about it not long after. Burt had been a bit difficult about the whole issue but finally, after taking in the somehow haggard look of his son, he relented. He knew Kurt was troubled something and the comfort that he needed could not be provided by Burt.

Blaine might be the only one that could.

Kurt packed his clothes and left after dinner, not speaking to Sebastian as usual when he passed him at the foyer. Sebastian stared as Kurt drove off in his car.Then, he went upstairs and knocked on the door of Kurt’s parents’ bedroom. Carole opened the door and after taking in the seriousness of Sebastian’s expression, she knew something was up.

“What’s wrong, Sebastian?” she asked. “Are you feeling alright?”

“Can I talk to you for a while?” Sebastian considered. “Actually, it would be nice if I could talk to you and Burt. Finn, too, if possible.”

Carole stared at him for a while before she nodded.

“Of course, honey.”

* * *

 

~*.*~

Kurt had stayed at Blaine’s house for two nights.

They did the usual things they do during the times when Kurt stayed over. They watched DVD’s, played around with Blaine’s piano, gossiped, and sang so loud that Kurt was worried that the neighbors might complain to the police about the noise (They did not of course. They were too used to the antics of the Anderson brothers, already.).

But somehow, they never ended up talking about Sebastian.

Kurt could not bring himself to.

Blaine did not dare to ask.

And Sebastian had called him on his last day at Blaine’s house. Kurt had stared at the phone silently before pressing the ignore button and continued to pack his things as he prepared to leave.

However, despite that, Kurt ended up slightly happier than he was in days. So when he left Blaine’s house, kissing the boy’s cheek beforehand, he was actually in a happier mood when he arrived to his house. He was humming a tune as he bounded up the stairs.

That is, of course, until he opened the door of his bedroom and noticed that all of Sebastian’s things were gone. The roll-up mattress was gone, his guitar was not occupying its usual corner in the room and when Kurt checked his wardrobe, only Kurt’s clothes occupied it. Gone were the familiar checkered shirts, hoodies and sneakers. Gone was the Mcfly poster that used to occupy one of the wardrobe door, put there just to annoy Kurt.

He heard Burt’s voice behind him and he turned around to face his dad.

He did not like the look of Burt’s face.

Not one little bit.

“Dad…what happened to Sebastian?” asked Kurt carefully, almost afraid to hear the answer.

“He tried to call you but you won’t pick up,” Burt began before he sighed. “He said he found out that one of his relatives lives nearby. Well…nearby as in another an hour worth of plane ride away but, yeah.”

“Dad?”

“Yeah, buddy?”

“I don’t understand.”

Burt looked at Kurt with a very sad expression. He hesitated before he began to speak.

“He moved out, Kurt. He left an hour ago. He should be at the airport by now.”

Burt was saying something else but Kurt did not hear them. All he processed was one matter. One matter that could easily be simplified by a few little words.

Sebastian left.

And he probably would not come back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter of angst...I think. I hope. Yikes, I don't know. Probably shouldn't promise anything. o.O


	33. Truth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ~He knows, now. ~

If Kurt was honest, he felt like laughing more than anything else.

He had been sitting on his bed, looking around his room for nearly half an hour now and suddenly, he felt like laughing. Because he just realized how dramatic his life had been lately. He had been dumped, rejected by his dream school, sexually assaulted twice, rejected by the one he loved and now the one he loved was gone.

It sounded so much like a bad soap opera he hate-watched on television.

It was so funny in a way that soon Kurt was indeed laughing albeit slightly bitterly. But as he laughed, tears trailed silently down his cheeks and soon, his laughter was replaced by choked sobs. Kurt honestly did not know what to do anymore. He was so tired of everything. Tired of getting hurt, again and again.

“This is so…ridiculous,” Kurt whispered to himself, his left arm covering his eyes as he lay on the bed. “So…fucking ridiculous.”

He did not know whether to feel angry or depressed. Sebastian was gone, to another state perhaps and Kurt could not help but to wonder about the reason why Sebastian had to take such a dramatic action just to get away from Kurt. He wondered briefly whether it was caused by his own harsh words and that thought caused him to feel unsettled.

Giving up on trying thinking of anything, Kurt let out a soft, withering sigh and get up. He was feeling oddly resigned about the whole matter. There was nothing else he could do and he was honestly just so damn exhausted.

_I need a break…_

As he walked towards the bathroom, his eyes caught sight of something. He turned and walked towards it, kneeling on the floor to get a closer a look. Wedged between his bed and the wall was a blue box, tied closed with a string. Raising an eyebrow, he took it and brought it closer to his face to inspect it. He did not remember ever possessing such a thing and he instantly thought of Sebastian.

Of course, the box must be his.

He set it down on the floor and merely looked at it for one long moment. Written at the side of the box, Kurt noticed, were the names of Sebastian’s parents.

_“I still keep the letters…”_

“His parents’ letters, huh…” Kurt wondered why Sebastian would forget to bring such a valuable thing, even in his haste. He took the box again and his fingers hovered hesitantly over the string. Kurt bit his lip and took a deep breath. He knew he should not be doing this. But something in his mind told him that he needed to.

So he slowly tugged the end of the string and pulled, untying the box in one motion. He hesitated again before lifting the lid of the box and set it down on the floor. Inside the box was indeed stacks of letters, piled neatly and labeled accordingly. There was one that was labeled “parents’ letters”, one was labeled “Letters to parents” and the other was-

It was-

It was labeled “Letters to Kurt”.

The letters… They were addressed to him. Written by Sebastian but they were never sent to Kurt. He felt his breath caught in his throat as he stared at them. He slowly picked up the stack of letters and sat on his bed, never taking his eyes off the letters in his hands.

There were a total of fifteen letters and they were arranged by date, starting from the day Kurt was admitted in the hospital. He took the first one from the pile and opened the envelope before taking the piece of folded paper inside.

He began to read, holding his breath as he did.

_Dear Kurt,_

_I recently took up this habit of writing letters and I thought I’d write one for you for once. I’m writing this as I sit by your bedside, watching you sleep. You know, you look really different when you sleep. You look more peaceful and relaxed, like you are totally unaware of the world around you._

_You talk in your sleep, too. Sometimes. The words that you say usually don’t make too much sense but I could sometimes catch the gist of what you’re saying. You usually talk about Blaine. About how you missed him, how you love him and all that. You talk about your mom, too, every once and in a while. It wasn’t very often but I heard it, once or twice. I understand how you feel. I miss my parents a lot, too._

_Kurt, you also cry in your sleep at times. Like just now. And honestly, I hate it when you cry. It makes me feel helpless because I don’t know how to stop your tears. I hate it when you’re in pain because…Because I know that you don’t deserve it._

_I’m really sorry for everything that has happened to you, Kurt. I wish I could turn back time and prevent those horrible things from happening to both you and Blaine. I’m sorry I couldn’t do much aside from staying by your side for as long as you need me to. As long as you want me to._

_Because really, that’s all I could do for now._

_Sebastian_

Kurt put down the letter slowly, letting out the breath that he was holding. He honestly did not know what to say. What could he say in a situation like this? So instead, he simply took another letter at random this time and began reading. It was written on the day that Blaine woke up from his coma. The tone of this letter was somewhat…melancholic.

_Dear Kurt,_

_So Blaine woke up today. You must be really glad. You seem glad._

_I’m writing this while you sleep again. You had been crying again. You said that you were tired. I don’t blame you. I would be too if I were you. I’m happy that you’re happy now, though, even if it’s only a little bit. You still have a lot more things to deal with after the whole ordeal._

_I’ve been dreaming about that guy, you know. I dreamt that I was beating the crap out of him for doing that to you. For hurting you in so many ways I could not explain. I don’t think I will ever forgive him. Not even if he begs. You don’t deserve to be hurt the way you did._

_Sometimes, I spend my night thinking of ways trying to repay you for everything that you did for me. Because you have done a lot for me even though I’ve done nothing to deserve any of them. You have shown me kindness and compassion and you make me happy so much. You gave me everything that I need and you were there for me to provide me a shoulder to cry on. I don’t normally cry. I see crying as a way to admit that you’re weak. But somehow, being around you, I don’t see it like that anymore. Not when you don’t judge me for it and instead, you tried your best to comfort me in any way that you could._

_And now, I wish to return the favor._

_Because you deserve to be happy for once._

_Sebastian_

Kurt wiped the tears that escaped his eyes hastily, shaking his head to clear his thoughts. “I deserve to be happy, Sebastian?” he mumbled. “Then, if that was the case, why are you doing this to me?”

He continued to read the rest of the letters that Sebastian had written for him. The rest of the letters were pretty random in topic, varying from Sebastian’s thoughts on Kurt’s family, how happy he was nowadays, how Kurt handled his counseling session and Sebastian even expressed an interest in Kurt’s college choices.

 _Kurt,_ read one letter. _You have so much potential in designing. You spend your days thinking of which outfit to wear and sometimes you would pour over magazines for the latest trend. You have a flair for fashion design, a flair no one could deny. Not even me. So NYADA is a little further away from you for now, but why don’t you try to pursue something else for a change? I have faith in you._

Kurt considered it and realized that Sebastian was right. He did have other passions and fashion was one of them. He still had a reason to go to New York, even if NYADA was not one of them. He just never thought that Sebastian cared about this more than he did. Then again, there was a lot about Sebastian that Kurt did not know.

He had finished reading all of the letters in about 45 minutes. All except for one. That one letter seemed to be the longest as there are two pieces of folded paper instead of one. It was written just a few days ago. The day when everything changed for the worst between them. Maybe that was why Kurt was so afraid of reading it in the first place.

So, slowly, he reached for it, biting his lip again as he did. He stared it for a while before hesitantly, carefully, he unfolded the paper. Holding his breath, he began to read, preparing himself for the worst.

_Dear Kurt,_

_This might be the last letter I’ll ever write to you. I know that I hurt you. Every time I look in your eyes, there was nothing but pain and betrayal in them. It pains me, too. Especially when I know that I’m the one who caused them._

_Kurt, I decided that if I can’t be honest to you in person, I might as well be honest to you in a letter. That’s all I could do. So from this on, everything I saw is the truth, this I swear to you._

_First of all, I’m sorry. I know you would not believe me and I won’t beg for your forgiveness. All I want is for you to know how sorry I am for doing that to you._

_Kurt, I’m writing this letter to express the words that I long to say to you but something kept me from doing it. If I have to be really honest, I will say how much I truly care for you, Kurt, despite everything I did. I love having you around me. I love the way you laugh, a genuine belly shaking and loud noise of a laugh that is so endearing._

_Since the first day I spoke to you, when you were pretending to be all serious and intense, till last night when you were cracking up at something I said, I have listened to everything you have said to me. I have cherished every movement you made, every raise of your eyebrow apologetic brush of your hand against mine. I would fall, fast and hard, if you give as much as a hint. But it cannot be, because you are oblivious, blissfully, to the fact that I am the nicest when I am talking to you, only you have the privilege of touching my hair, only you would be able to get away with murder and only you can make me write a love letter._

_I love that you don’t give in to me. How you would return all my poisonous words with a few of your own. I find your stubbornness to be something that I grew to like over time, as strange as that might sound. You may not know it, but I like it when you sing, your voice high and pure. Don’t even get me started on your clothes. You wear the most weirdest and extraordinary clothes and yet, I don’t mind. I find it pretty funny and that’s what makes you unique, I guess. Kurt, no matter what people say, don’t ever change that side of you. It defines you the most, after all, aside from your voice ;)_

_Kurt, I love you. More than you’ll ever know. But I cannot say this to you because I’m afraid of what’s to come. I’m afraid that I might end up hurting you after some time, whether intentional or not. I’m afraid that instead of having you, I’d lose you. I’m afraid to lose someone I cherish again. Kurt, I have never felt this scared in a long time. When I kissed you, I know I was falling hard for you. I really wanted to say it right there and then, of how much I want you, how much I care for you. How much I cherish and love you. But the prospect of losing you is too much for me to bear._

_So I thought if I push you away first, you wouldn’t get hurt as much as you would if you were with me. Call me a coward and I won’t deny because that’s what I am. Trust me when I say that I want you so much that it hurts knowing that I can’t. I’m too afraid._

_I’m sorry for a lot of things. But the thing that I’m most sorry for is hurting you just to push you away. I never disregard your feelings, Kurt, please know this. I never have and never will. I just cannot accept it. I don’t want what happened between you and Blaine to happen again between the both of us. I love you too much to let that happen._

_I know you won’t forgive me perhaps in a long time, but I guess I can bear with that._

_I will, even if I have to force myself to._

_Truly sorry,_

_Sebastian_

There was a long silence. Kurt could not process the words that he had read properly. He could not even breathe. There were fresh tears in his eyes and they trailed silently down his cheeks. He gritted his teeth and let out a gasp as sobs began to rise out of his throat.

“You…asshole,” Kurt choked out. “You…Sebastian…all this time…”

What was he supposed to say to something like that? He thought he was ready for something like this, but the truth never hit him as hard as this. He sat there on his bed, numbed slowly being replaced by disbelief and confusion and something else.

Oddly enough, Kurt found himself feeling relieved.

Because despite everything, Sebastian actually loved him. He did not disregard Kurt’s feelings even though he made it seemed like he was. And this…

This actually made Kurt happy. Weirdly enough.

Slowly, he wiped the tears on his face and get up.

 

_I sit alone in my empty room_

_Waiting for a sign_

_Is this the way you show you’re mine?_

He went downstairs.

“Kurt?” Burt asked, as he looked at his son. “Where are you going?”

“Dad, did Sebastian tell you what time was his flight?”

 

_So many crazy thoughts are in my head_

_But I know they’re untrue_

_Am I in love or just a fool for you?_

“Around 3.30 p.m.. Should be 50 minutes from now. Why?”

“Sorry, dad. I have to go. Don’t wait up for me.”

_You never told me you love me_

_I know you’re not to blame_

_It’s just the way you play your game_

_You never told me you love me_

_But I’ll get by somehow_

“Wait, where are you going?!” An alarmed voice.

 

_You never told me you love me_

_So why should you care now?_

Kurt stared at his dad with a determined expression.

“To bring that idiot back home where he belongs.”


	34. Inevitable

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ~There is no such thing as coincidence, only the inevitable~

_“-we regret to inform you that the flight 1567A heading to Chicago has been delayed due to mechanical problems. We will inform you the new time for the departure in just a bit. We thank you for your cooperation.”_

“You have got to be kidding me,” groaned Sebastian as he sat at the small café in the airport. “How long do I have to wait to get out of here?”

Sebastian had been at the airport for nearly two hours now and honestly, he was starting to get restless. He glanced at his watch. It was 3.00 p.m. and if things had gone smoothly, he would have been out of Lima in half an hour. Now, it looked like he had to wait again.

He looked down miserably at his coffee. There was one reason he wanted to leave as fast as possible. He needed to avoid Kurt. He knew that not telling him about his departure earlier might make him upset, if not angrier at him than he already was. But it was not as if he did not try. He tried calling Kurt. But the boy would not pick up and Sebastian could not blame him for not wanting to.

He hated leaving Kurt when he was still hurting, but he did not have much of a choice.

_“You make me sick.”_

_“I can’t stand the sight of you.”_

Sebastian smiled grimly to himself. Well, his plan had gone well. A bit _too_ well. But that was what he wanted so it was pretty much take it or leave it for him given the circumstances. Although, he had to admit that there were probably other ways he could put a stop to Kurt’s feelings towards him without hurting him too much. But he knew that those ways would probably cause more complications, awkwardness or worse, given the fact how stubborn and determined Kurt could be based on Finn’s story of how Kurt used to pursue him, they might just fuel more hope to the boy.

So he did it in the way that he knew would be quick and easy. Even if he had to hurt Kurt a lot in the process.

He smiled to himself again when he remembered that day.

When Kurt had left, Sebastian had remained looking at the spot where Kurt had stood for quite a while, completely ignoring the guy’s kisses on his neck and collarbone. He simply thought of Kurt; how he looked like, the pain in his eyes, the shock written across his face. The betrayal that was clear to the both of them.

So Sebastian pushed the guy off of him and abruptly walked away, despite the guy’s protests.

_“H-hey! Where are you going?”_

_“I’m not in the mood anymore. I think I’ll just go for a walk. Maybe next time, tiger.”_

_“What the hell is wrong with you?”_

_A sad smile. “You wouldn’t know.”_

Sebastian did, in fact, take a walk. He walked around aimlessly around the city for a couple hours, not thinking about anything. He hung around the mall where he bumped into Wes. The teen had gone shopping for music sheets for his university classes. Apparently, he was in a music program and went to the Music Institute of Chicago. Apparently, he was on a break.

_“Must be a pain for you to fly back to Chicago from Lima just to attend classes when you visited Blaine the other day,” commented Sebastian as they walked around the mall._

_Wes shrugged. “I don’t mind every once in while. After all, Blaine is my friend and I’m willing to go through some trouble just to see him.”_

_“That’s nice of you,” Sebastian muttered, stuffing his hands in his pocket._

_Wes looked at him through the corners of his eyes. “Are you alright, Sebastian? You seem a little down.”_

_Sebastian was not sure why but when he looked at Wes once more, taking in the sincerity in his eyes, something snapped inside of him. Before he knew it, they were sitting in a small café with Sebastian pouring out his heart to him before he could stop himself. He told Wes everything; from Kurt’s feelings towards him, how he felt the same but could not bring himself to return it, what he had done to Kurt, his fears of losing someone he cherished, everything._

_And Wes simply listened and did not interrupt him even once. He sat there, taking in Sebastian’s words with quiet understanding written across his face. When Sebastian was finally done, he waited some more before he slowly began to speak._

_“You know, David talked a lot about you when you were first selected as the captain of the Warblers,” he began carefully. “I was curious about you so I really didn’t mind, anyway. He said that you are determined to get what you want up to the point that you could be manipulative.” Wes sighed. “After I heard about Blaine’s slushying incident, I started to dislike you. I couldn’t hate you yet because, despite your other intentions, you weren’t aiming for Blaine so it shows that you care for him at least to some extent. But Kurt is my friend too, so I still disliked you for it.”_

_He took a deep breath before continuing._

_“But, he said after a while, you changed. You wouldn’t tell them what happened, but one day, you just came to practice with this sad yet determined expression on your face and you suddenly apologized to everyone. Which, you know, is pretty much a rare feat for the others,” he paused, smiling slightly. “You announced that you weren’t going to cheat anymore and the Warblers will win Regional’s fair and square. Well, you guys didn’t win in the end but that’s a different story. The point is from that day on, you changed for the better. And that’s why I’m giving you another chance.”_

_“Why are you telling me all this?” Sebastian asked quietly._

_“Because,” A sigh. “I want you to know that I don’t hate you for what you did to Kurt. Disappointed and upset, yes, but that’s all. You have your reasons and I can understand your fear of losing someone was enough to drive you to do such things.”_

_“Aren’t you going to call me a coward for not telling Kurt the truth?”_

_Wes smiled gently. “I’m sure you’re pretty much telling yourself that you are right now. So my words won’t be necessary.”_

_Sebastian flinched but otherwise said nothing._

_“Do you care about Kurt despite everything?” Wes asked._

_Sebastian hesitated before nodding._

_“Then, I’m sure, somehow, everything will be alright between you two.”_

_“I’m sure he hates me right now,” said Sebastian in a tired tone._

_“Well, that’s what you wanted, wasn’t it?” Wes replied diplomatically._

_“I know, it’s just…things are so complicated right now. Sometimes, I feel like getting away from it all. And trust me,” Sebastian paused to let out a bitter laugh. “If I have somewhere else to stay, I would.”_

_Wes was quiet for a while before he slowly patted Sebastian’s shoulder comfortingly. “Hey…look. If you really need to get away from it all for a while, why don’t you stay with me in Chicago?”_

_Sebastian looked at him in surprise._

_“I live with my sister there,” Wes explained. “We have a spare bedroom and it’s only an hour worth flight from Lima. Of course, a last minute ticket will probably won’t get you a good seat but well…You’ll survive.”_

_“Wes..that’s…” Sebastian shook his head. “I don’t want to trouble you.”_

_Wes waved his hand dismissively. “You won’t. I’m doing this for the sake of helping out a friend in need, so don’t worry about it.”_

_Sebastian said nothing._

_“Hey,” said Wes. “Just think about it, okay? I’ll be going home tomorrow so if you still haven’t decided till then, call me when you are, alright?”_

_Sebastian nodded, flashing Wes a smile. “Thank you, Wes.”_

_“No problem.” Wes grinned. “Like you said, once a Warbler, always a Warbler, right?”_

Back at the airport, Sebastian smiled as he remembered Wes’ words.

“You’re right.”

* * *

 

~*.*~

Burt sat at the sofa, trying his best to concentrate on reading his paper. But try as he might, he just could not. He set it down with a tired sigh and closed his eyes in an effort to calm himself down. Carole came into the living room, carrying a mug of hot chocolate and offered it to him. Burt opened his eyes when he smelled the delicious scent of the drink.

“Thanks, Carole,” he smiled at his wife, taking the drink.

“You seemed a little tense so I thought this might calm your nerves a bit,” said Carole, sitting beside him. “Are you alright, sweetie?”

“Kurt found out about Sebastian,” Burt said simply.

“Oh,” Carole frowned slightly. “Did he take it well?”

“If you count rushing to the airport to bring him back as well.”

“What?” Carole exclaimed. “Kurt went to the airport? Now?”

Burt nodded. “There’s no use stopping him.”

Carole looked down at her lap, sighing. “I guess you’re right. Kurt cares for him too much just to let him leave like that.”

Finn came downstairs just as Carole said that, and his face immediately turned concerned. “Are we talking about Kurt?”

Burt and Carole looked at him and nodded.

“I overheard that he went to the airport?” Finn asked again.

“Just now,” answered Burt. “I couldn’t stop him.”

Finn fidgeted where he stood. “I guess none of could even if we wanted to.” Fin frowned. “You know how stubborn Kurt could be.”

Silently, they all agreed to this.

_“I had a fight with Kurt.”_

_“I noticed.”_

_“Burt.”_

_“It’s true. Have you seen the way Kurt refused to look at Sebastian these past several days?”_

_“I know but-,”_

_“It’s okay, Carole. I don’t mind.”_

_“Sebastian, honey.”_

_“Wait, dude, so what exactly does your fight with Kurt have anything to do with this talk?”_

_A quiet sigh. “I’m planning to move to Chicago. As soon as possible.”_

_A pause. “Who are you staying with, kid? Because I won’t allow you living alone-,”_

_“I won’t. I…found out that I had a distant relative living there. On my mother’s side. She said it was cool for me to live with her.”_

_“Honey, why didn’t she offer you a place to stay before?”_

_“…She’s not really close with the main family to know too much about their affairs. She just found out about my parents’ death a week ago.”_

_“How did you know her, man?”_

_“She called me. We kept in touch.”_

_“I still don’t understand why the part where you fought with Kurt has anything to do with this.”_

_“Because, Burt, things are really strained between us and I think it might be good for us to get some distance for a little while.”_

_“So you’re running away.”_

_“Burt.”_

_“It’s alright, Carole. And no, I won’t really call it running away. But I think me moving out might do us both some good.”_

_“Can’t you just work things out with him, Sebastian?”_

_“I’m afraid not, Finn.”_

_There was a beat. A resigned sigh. “I suppose you’re right, to some extent. But are you planning to tell Kurt about this?”_

_“…When I can.”_

_“When are you moving out?”_

_“In a few days.”_

_“Kurt won’t take this too well, you know.”_

_A sad smile. “I know.”_

“Oh, Sebastian.” Carole closed her eyes. “I hope everything will be alright for him. For Kurt, too.”

Burt wrapped an arm around her shoulders comfortingly while Finn sat down beside her.

“Me too, Carole,” he agreed. “Me too.”

* * *

 

~*.*~

“Come on, turn already!”

Kurt groaned as he stared at the traffic light, which had remained red for the past two minutes. He was just ten minutes away from the airport, just ten minutes, but it would seem that the traffic lights in the area were all against him. And honestly, his patience was running thin. He tapped his fingers on the steering wheel impatiently, eyes trained on the traffic red.

“I don’t have time for this crap,” said Kurt with gritted teeth. When the traffic light _finally_ turned green, Kurt stomped on the accelerator and ignored the loud whistle of the traffic police.

_“So, Kurt, before we end our final counseling session together, is there anything you would like to say?”_

_“I would like to ask something, if you don’t mind.”_

He turned sharply to the corner, glancing at the digital clock on his dashboard. Damn it. He only had 15 minutes left till 3.30 p.m. and the traffic was holding him back. He bit his lip in frustration, and hastily wiped the angry tears that gathered in his eyes. No, he cannot afford to cry right now.

_“Do you think…everything happened because of coincidence? You know, wrong move after another?”_

_“Can you explain a bit more on that?”_

_“-We are pleased to inform you that the flight 1567A heading to Chicago will be ready for departure in 45 minutes at 4.00 p.m. All passengers are asked to report at the departure gate in ten minutes-,”_

“Finally,” said Sebastian, taking a sip of his coffee. “I should probably hang around at the bookstore for a while.”

He stood up and began to walk off.

_“I was just wondering if the bad things happen in life happen because of our choices alone. That it has something to do with karma.”_

_A frown. “Are you blaming yourself for what has happened to you, Kurt?”_

_“No, no. I was just wondering about that issue in a general view.”_

Taylor Swift was belting out a happy tune in the radio and Kurt hastily switched it off. Music was only going to distract him at this point. He gripped the steering wheel tighter as he drove, his mind entirely focused on one thing. Or rather, one person.

_“Well…if you ask me, I don’t quite believe in coincidence. I rather believe in the inevitable. Not that I’m saying that the ordeal was something that was meant to happen to you or anything like that, but I guess in my opinion, most things happen for a reason.”_

_“Why do you think bad things happen, then?”_

“Ugh, scandals again?” Sebastian wrinkled his nose in disgust. “I don’t understand how Kurt managed to read this stuff without having the urge to vomit.” He caught himself when he heard himself saying Kurt’s name and set down the magazine quietly.

No need to talk about things like that.

_“Hm…do you know what a catalyst is, Kurt?”_

_“I do.”_

_“Then, I guess you will understand when I say that sometimes, bad things can become a catalyst to something good.”_

Kurt suddenly felt like screaming. He had seven more minutes till the departure time and he was only two turns away from the airport. Yet he was _still_ stuck in traffic. Taking a really deep breath before letting out, he drove and parked at his car at the side of the road. Switching off the ignition, he kept his keys in his shirt and pocket and got out of the car, before locking it.

Hell, at this rate, he’ll probably go faster if he ran there instead.

_“Think about it, Kurt. Has anything positive came out of the whole ordeal? It doesn’t matter if it’s not too much, just as long as it’s positive.”_

_“…Well, I began to understand someone a whole lot better now.”_

“I guess, it’s time for me to go,” mumbled Sebastian, swinging his duffel bag on his shoulders as he walked towards the departure gate not too far away. He whistled a tune as he walked. It was ‘I’m Glad You Came’ by The Wanted.

Sebastian wanted to laugh at the irony of that.

_“So…do you think that hardships could really bring a change to someone’s life? You mentioned that if we’re going through hell, we might as well just keep going.”_

_A smile._

“Come on!” Kurt panted as he ran. He was at the airport entrance now. He found out that the flight had been delayed but the passengers were already supposed to be at the departure gate. He could not afford to waste anymore time.

Even if his legs were killing him and his lungs burned from the lack of air. He needed to find Sebastian and fast.

_“Not necessarily, Kurt.”_

“Excuse me, can you tell me the departure gate for a flight to Chicago at 4.00 p.m.?” he asked a lady at the information counter. She blinked momentarily before looking at her computer, scrolling down slowly. Kurt resisted the urge to snap at her.

“That would be flight 1567A at Gate 3-B, sir-,”

“Thanks!” Kurt called out as he ran off.

_“After all…”_

Sebastian looked out at the window as he waited for his turn. Huh, the weather looked pretty nice today. He did not really notice that before.

_Dr. Conners took Kurt’s hands and smiled at him warmly._

Kurt saw him queuing up and immediately, he grinned in triumph. However, he wasted no time and immediately ran over towards him.

_“The only way to change a person…”_

“Next,” said an officer.

“SEBASTIAN!” shouted Kurt.

Sebastian’s head snapped up and turned to look at Kurt. Shock was clear on his face.

_“…is by meeting another…”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I finally get to write the chapter that has been playing in my head since the first day i wrote this fic :D


	35. Try

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ~We gotta get up and try, try, try~

You know that scene in a movie where suddenly time stopped and everything just seem to focus on a few specific characters? That everything and everyone in the background did not matter? That it was only just those characters, and them alone?

Well, this was how Sebastian currently felt like. He stared at the boy in front of him, taking in his harsh breathing and his hunched posture as he tried to catch his breath and maintained a steady gaze on him at the same time.

“Kurt?” said Sebastian. “What are you doing here?”

“To bring you home of course, you idiot!” Kurt snapped as he panted, clutching his knees in front of Sebastian. “What the hell are you thinking? Moving to Chicago so suddenly? Without telling me?”

“I tried telling you. You wouldn’t answer the phone,” Sebastian shot back, suddenly irritated. “And why should you care? Don’t you hate me or something? I thought the sight of me sickens you. So shouldn’t you be glad that I’ll be gone? Out of your life?”

Sebastian and Kurt totally ignored the bystanders and a rush of déjà vu went through Kurt when he realized the familiarity of the situation. Nevertheless, he continued to stare at Sebastian with a disbelieving expression. He straightened his posture and went nearer to the boy.

“You think running away would solve anything between us?” Kurt demanded, his arms akimbo. “You think that you could just pack your stuff and leave without offering me some kind of explanation?” Kurt gritted his teeth and jabbed a finger on Sebastian’s chest. “You have no right to keep me hanging, no matter what the circumstances are.”

“So call me a coward then!” Sebastian snapped angrily. “Call me a coward for doing that to you. If it makes you feel any better.”

“I won’t!” Kurt replied. “But you know what, it sucks that I have to know the truth not from you but from pieces of papers folded and hidden somewhere in our room.”

Sebastian stared at him, surprised.

Kurt reached inside his pockets and pulled out a crumpled piece of folded paper. “I found more of this in our room, Sebastian. They were all addressed to me.”

Sebastian’s eyes widened when he realized what they were. “Kurt…”

“I read all of them. Every single one and you know what?” His expression turned soft yet it was still pained as he looked at Sebastian. “The words written here are much more honest than the words you ever said to me. And I can tell that all of them came from your heart.”

“Sir,” said an officer. “I’m sorry but you’re holding up the line.” He seemed to be slightly annoyed.

Sebastian did not reply but he moved out of the way to let the people behind him pass, regardless. However, the people in the line were now more interested in Kurt and Sebastian’s conversation than their intention to board the plane.

Kurt smiled. “I read your last letter.”

“Kurt, that’s…” Sebastian tried again before trailing off.

“I hate you for lying to me,” continued Kurt. “I hate you for not telling the truth from the start. I hate you for putting me through a lot of pain just for your own selfish reasons.” Kurt’s eyes shone with unshed tears as he bit his lip. “But most of all, I hate that you’re afraid and I can’t do anything about it.” He placed a hand on Sebastian’s chest where his heart beat a steady rhythm.

Sebastian found himself unable to say anything.

“I’m going to sound so incredibly cheesy for saying this bit,” Kurt laughed breathlessly. “But I’m going to say it anyway.”

They may not realize, but even the crowd was leaning in to hear what Kurt planned to say.

Kurt took a deep breath and smiled. “Sebastian Smythe, I love you.”

There was silence before Sebastian replied. “You can’t.”

“Don’t give me that crap,” Kurt answered calmly. “I am allowed to love whoever I want. And you’re allowed to love whoever you want, as well.” Kurt gripped the material of Sebastian’s shirt. “You don’t have to be so afraid all the time. You may find it hard to believe but you can love and cherish someone without having to lose them in the end.”

Sebastian barked out a humorless laughter. “Oh, yes, I can, Kurt. I have this weird ability to hurt people without even trying,” he sneered. “And yes, I do know how it feels like to lose someone I cherish, so-,”

“You’re still hanging on to those words of mine?” Kurt sighed exasperatedly. “Even after all this time?”

Sebastian stared back stonily, refusing to answer.

“Sebastian, that had nothing to do with you. Your parents’ death…was something you couldn’t control so stop blaming yourself for it. And I’m sorry for ever saying those words to you in the first place. But,” he paused before throwing up his arms into the air. “Doing this, pushing people away because you’re afraid of hurting them…you’re punishing yourself and honestly, I want you to _stop._ ”

“I can’t, okay?!” Sebastian snapped, surprising Kurt. “My parents’ death has little to do with everything, alright? I’m doing this because I’m just truly afraid of the possibility of losing someone I love again, so okay, maybe their death was one of the factors but it’s not the main thing.” He took in a deep breath in an effort to calm himself down. “It’s you, Kurt. You’re the reason why I’m so afraid of losing the one I cherish.”

Kurt’s eyes widened. “What…?”

Sebastian shook his head, groaning. “Okay, maybe I said that the wrong way. What I meant to say was the fact that it’s you, Kurt. It’s because that I love you too much that my fear began to grow. I’m afraid, no,  _terrified_ , of the prospect of losing you. I love you so much, Kurt. You don’t even know,” he whispered brokenly. “But I don’t want the same thing that happened between you and Blaine to happen again between us. I don’t want you to get hurt by the person you love most, ever again.”

“Well, you’re too late,” Kurt answered dryly. “You hurt me before and I already love you then. But,” He looked at Sebastian determinedly. “I still love you now, Sebastian. And I’ll always will no matter how many times you hurt me. What happened between me and Blaine was…maybe it’s just one of nature’s many ways to give me a wake-up call to say that Blaine was not the one.”

“Then how do you know if I’m the one?” challenged Sebastian.

“ _Because I still ended up loving you when I should hate you to bits!_ ” Kurt shouted. He let out a shuddering breath before continuing. “I was so angry and hurt when I saw you with that guy the other day. I honestly thought you were playing with me again, disregarding my feelings for you even though you know about them. I cried my eyes out every night in my sleep when I thought of how offhand you are about the whole matter. I hate that I’m the only one hurting. However, even then, no matter how much I wanted to hate you for it,” he sighed. “I just can’t do that.” He smiled sadly. “I can’t get over you like how I got over Blaine.” He laughed slightly. “And trust me when I say this, but it was truly a surprise for me that I could get over him in a rather short amount of time but when it came to you, I just can’t. When I realized, it was because of you that I got over him in the first place.”

“I love you, Sebastian,” he continued, silent tears finally escaping his eyes. “You mean so much to me and I am such an idiot for not realizing it sooner.” He sniffed. “So please, don’t push me away because of it.”

Sebastian was quiet and a tiny part of him wondered why the airport suddenly seemed to be in a standstill. The people were obviously listening to every word, some in disgust, some with hearts in their eyes, some with quiet understanding. But a majority part of him was solely focused on the boy in front of him, with his tear-streaked face, eyes that screamed desperation for understanding, and those trembling lips. The sight was beautiful in a twisted sort of way. Sebastian himself was a twisted person in some ways, so this was probably normal for him. Inside of him, he wanted to laugh. He wanted to laugh out of pure relief because after all he had done to hurt Kurt, to push him away, Kurt still remained. Still waiting for him.

Instead of laughing however, he began to let out a choked sob. How…odd.

He could not stop the tears that ran down his cheeks no matter how many times he tries to wipe them off; new ones would come just as fast as the old ones. Sebastian hated showing weakness and he was honestly mortified that he was doing just that; in public at that. But he continued to cry until he collapsed to his knees and he felt someone rubbing circles on his back, a familiar voice comforting him.

“H-hey, are you okay? Shh…Don’t- I mean, it’s going to be fine…Shh…”

“Is he alright?” asked a woman.

“Does he need help?” asked another voice.

“Do you want me to call someone?”

Kurt shook his head and could only look at them helplessly in response.

When Sebastian’s sobs finally died down to quiet whimpers and occasional sniffles a few minutes later, he heard the boy exhale heavily before he turned to him. His eyes were red from crying and he offered Kurt a shaky smile. “It has been such a while since I cried like that. And it’s usually because of you.”

Kurt frowned and his heart clenched. “Sebastian, I…”

Sebastian cut him off by holding up a hand. “But this time…I can’t tell you how happy and so _fucking_  relieved I am to hear you say all that.”

Kurt was…well, he did not how to react to that.

“I’m so fucked up, aren’t I?” said Sebastian. “I pushed you away because I was so afraid of something so…utterly fucked up and yet, when you said how much you love me despite everything I did to you, it makes me feel so  _happy_  and  _relieved_  that you still…” A swallow. “You still….”

“I still love you, Sebastian,” Kurt finished his sentence for him with a gentle smile. “And you know that I’ll always will.”

Something triggered it and Kurt was not so sure what it was but before he could process it, he found himself leaning in and pressed his lips softly on Sebastian’s. There was a slight stiffening of posture in Sebastian’s part but before long, he felt fingers twisting themselves in Kurt’s hair as Sebastian pulled him closer to deepen the kiss.

The kiss tasted salty with tears but unlike the first one when it was all desperation and heat raging through Kurt’s body, this one was softer and gentler, with steady warmth spreading inside Kurt’s chest. He thought he heard cheers in the background but that did not really matter to him. He did not care or notice how dramatic this scene must look like to the others. He did not care that people are staring and whispering. He closed his eyes and held on tight.

Because all that mattered was the fact that Sebastian was no longer pulling away. Instead, he clutched onto Kurt tightly, as if afraid that Kurt would let go. Kurt would not of course, not ever.

_I love you…_

_I know, I love you, too._

This was enough. Sebastian was enough.

_But just because it burns_

_Doesn’t mean you’re gonna die_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the shortness of the chapter :)


	36. Feel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ~For now, words cannot describe how he feels~

The drive was quiet, but in a comfortable way. There was soft song playing the background and Sebastian was leaning lazily in his seat. The sun was beginning to set. The pair had not gone home immediately since the whole fiasco at the airport and instead, they opted to drive around town to clear their heads. Kurt had called Burt beforehand to inform him that they might not be home till late. Kurt had honestly expected some kind of argument from his dad but Burt had gone strangely quiet and said it was okay.

Kurt casted a glance at Sebastian, who was on the verge of falling asleep. His gaze dropped to their intertwined hands and Kurt smiled. He felt at peace after a long time.

“Hey,” he said softly, nudging Sebastian slightly. “It’s barely seven. You’re not sleepy already, are you?”

He heard a soft chuckle from the boy beside him. “Hm…Today had been rather hectic for me, you know.”

“At least have dinner first, you moron,” Kurt rolled his eyes but his tone was affectionate. He had a feeling that he would continue talking to him in that tone for quite a while. The concept of it was strange. But it was in a good way. The thought of it made Kurt smile to himself.

“Sure…” Sebastian yawned. “Wake me up when we’re there.” He snuggled more into the seat and breathed out slowly, his eyes closed. The grip on Kurt’s hand became tighter and Kurt smiled fondly. He contemplated on where to go for now seeing as the night was still pretty early. He took a turn and drove towards the direction of a familiar restaurant he had gone to many times before.

It was around ten minutes later when Sebastian felt himself being shaken gently awake. He blinked blearily before his gaze landed on Kurt, who was already outside the car and standing beside him, the passenger door already open. “Come on, Sebastian. It’s Breadstix for tonight.”

“It’s always Breadstix…” Sebastian complained lightly, but he got out of the car anyway. He shook his head and stretched before he noticed Kurt’s offered hand. He looked at it with a puzzled expression. Kurt laughed. “Shall we?” he asked.

“Always the gentleman, I see,” Sebastian teased.

Kurt shrugged. “Being with Blaine for a certain amount of time has its effects on me, I guess.”

Sebastian chuckled some more and accepted Kurt’s hand before walking inside the restaurant. Dinner was not too uneventful. Kurt talked endlessly, as if he had been saving up all the words unsaid and released them all in one go to make up for the lost times. Sebastian listened, making up for the times he did not. He nodded off slightly at one part- who could blame him? Kurt was talking about  _Broadway_ \- but after receiving a playful (at least, he hoped it was) kick under the table, Sebastian managed to stay awake throughout the whole meal. He also explained a few things to Kurt about the whole fiasco, earning a few shocked looks from the latter.

“You were planning to stay with Wes this whole time? What about that distant relative of yours?” Kurt asked.

“Made up. I couldn’t tell your parents the truth. They might have told you and all my efforts of running away would have been in vain. You would know how to keep in touch with me.”

“You do realize that I could just easily do that by calling your phone, right?” Kurt pointed out.

Sebastian smiled wearily. “I was planning to change my number.”

“You coward,” muttered Kurt.

Sebastian shrugged, his tired smile still in place. “I wasn’t thinking properly. I just wanted to get away from it all.”

Kurt sighed and reached over to hold Sebastian’s hand, rubbing his thumb over the knuckle like a pale imitation of the way he used to do so with Blaine. He gripped it tightly. “Please don’t do that ever again. You have no idea how I felt when Dad told me you were gone.”

“I figured that you might be happy. You  _were_  angry with me at the time, remember?”

Kurt nodded, biting his lip. “True enough, but still…Just…” he pinched the bridge of his nose. “Please…next time, talk to me. Tell me the truth. And I’ll promise I’ll listen no matter how mad I am at you.” He looked at Sebastian almost desperately. “You aren’t the only one here who is afraid of losing the one he loves.”

“Kurt…”

“I’m fine,” Kurt said hurriedly. “I’m fine. You’re fine,” he added.

“We both are. Now,” Sebastian smiled softly which Kurt returned.

“Finally,” he breathed.

They did not talk much anymore during the rest of the meal aside from the occasional exchange of shy (Kurt’s) and cheeky (Sebastian’s) glances. They were already inside the car when Kurt began to speak again, breaking the silence between them.

“Sebastian…I just want to say that…” he looked at Sebastian earnestly. “Today just seemed unreal, don’t you think?”

Sebastian turned to him, raising an eyebrow. “What do you mean?”

“I mean…when I think about it, today seem just like a soap opera. You, acting as the runaway lover, me, acting as the desperate girl hoping to catch up to the one she loves the most before he’s gone forever. The airport scene…” He blushed, laughing slightly. “Sharing a passionate reunion kiss…”

Sebastian grinned. “I can’t deny that I love that part especially.” Then, his eyes turned soft. “But I suppose you have a point. Didn’t really mean to make it all so dramatic,” he paused. “Though…I thought the girl usually starts scenes like those?”

“True…In a way, I’m glad for everything that has happened to me today. Things had never been this…dramatic when Blaine confessed to me,” Kurt replied, smiling at the memory. “I guess in away…It shows how much I really want you. How much I come to treasure you despite the mishaps that has happened between us.” He leaned slightly against Sebastian’s shoulder. “Getting to know you helps me learn that most of the time, we can’t really know what fate has in store for us,” he smiled at Sebastian, turning his head slightly to face him. “But I like what it has in store for me so far, despite how much it hurts at first.”

“That’s because Kurt, the events in your life are all so catalytic.” Sebastian teased.

“I’m glad it is,” Kurt agreed, before capturing Sebastian’s lips in a gentle kiss. Sebastian sighed into Kurt’s mouth and returned the kiss with fervor, pulling Kurt closer. He nipped Kurt’s bottom lip and slid his tongue into the boy’s mouth, taking the time to taste him. “God, I miss you,” Sebastian murmured between kisses.

Kurt laughed breathlessly. “You just miss doing this,” he said, motioning to the way Sebastian’s hands travel lower down Kurt’s sides.

“No,” Sebastian insisted, looking at Kurt determinedly. “Not just that. I miss you. All of you.” He kissed Kurt softly for a moment before looking at him again. “I m making up for all the time that I wasted being scared of nothing. I miss you.”

“I miss you, too,” Kurt whispered, kissing him again. Sebastian let out a soft moan and tangled his fingers in Kurt’s hair as the latter pressed himself closer against Sebastian. When the kiss began to grow heated, he tore his lips from Kurt’s and looked at him. Kurt’s face was flushed and his eyes were darker. And from the looks of things, Sebastian was sure that his appearance mirrored that of Kurt’s.

“I…”

“I don’t want to go home…” Kurt interjected. “Not yet.”

“And where do you suppose we should go?” Sebastian whispered, breathing slightly heavier than before. He could feel Kurt’s heart thumping in his chest and this made him swallow. He knew. Of course, he did. And he was pretty sure that Kurt knew he felt the same way.

Something clicked in Sebastian’s head. “My house.”

“What?”

“Let’s go to my house.”

“Do you have the key?”

“I always have the key, Kurt. I so happen to visit that house of mine every once in a while to keep in clean.”

“How come I never noticed?”

“You were always hanging out somewhere whenever I go there.”

“Well, you never invited me.”

A laugh. “True.” Sebastian kissed Kurt chastely before looking at him for any signs of confirmation. “Well…how about it?”

“Sounds…” Kurt laughed breathlessly. “Somewhat romantic.”

“It’s a gift.”

Kurt swatted Sebastian’s shoulder playfully before scooting back to his seat. “Give me the directions, then.”

Sebastian only grinned in response, patting Kurt’s knee affectionately. As they drove, no one spoke. But it was not as if they needed to, anyway. Kurt knew that both of them could feel the anticipation hanging in the air around them. His loud heartbeat was proof enough.

Kurt had not felt this excited and nervous in a very long time.

* * *

 

~*.*~

The house was quiet when they entered it. True to his words, the house did look relatively well-taken care of. Kurt looked around, observing the place carefully. “This is a nice place…” he mused. “Very chic and modern, yet with a hint of vintage in it.”

“Yeah, well.” Sebastian hung their coats on the hanger. “My mom loves interior designing. She took care of all the decorating and stuff. Dad and I just help out wherever we could.”

“I really like her taste in furniture,” Kurt hummed approvingly. “Oh…And I texted Finn to tell dad that we might not be going home tonight,” he added, slightly shy.

“Oh?” Sebastian’s lips curved into a tiny smile. “And?”

Kurt blushed. “Dad said….that…it’s fine. He understands.” He placed a hand on Sebastian’s chest where his heart beat a steady rhythm. “Would it be weird for me to say that I’m nervous and excited at the same time?” he whispered.

He felt a rumbling in Sebastian’s chest and he realized that the boy was chuckling slightly before he found himself enveloping into a hug. He felt lips kissing his hair and he found himself relaxing despite himself. “Not at all,” replied Sebastian. “Would it be weird if I’m the one who’s nervous?”

“A bit, yes,” Kurt admitted with a laugh. He released himself from the hug and faced Sebastian. His eyes shone and his lips trembled in a way that made Sebastian bite back a groan. And they had not even done anything yet.

He nodded and took Kurt’s hand silently, leading him upstairs. When they entered Sebastian’s room, Sebastian released Kurt’s hand and pushed him slightly towards the bathroom door. “Why don’t you shower first? You’ll probably feel weird not having a bath the whole day.”

“What about you?”

Maybe it was a trick of the light, but Kurt thought Sebastian’s cheeks reddened. “Um…I’ll just use my parents’ bathroom.”

“Are you sure?”

“Very. Now go on before the water gets too cold.”

After Kurt disappeared into the bathroom, Sebastian took several deep breaths as an effort to calm himself down. Hell, he was not kidding when he said that he was nervous. Huh, how ironic it was for him to be nervous at things such as sex.

Well…there was always a first time for everything, after all.

* * *

 

~*.*~

Meanwhile, Kurt leaned against the wall as the water continued to rain down on him from the shower head. He took his time because, he really did feel a little dirty from all sweat, but also mainly because he was a nervous wreck. He should be because…this was Sebastian. Sebastian, who probably had lots more experience than him at things like that. It was not as if he did not have any himself, of course, but…sex with Blaine was all tender and sweet, with a lot of foreplay before. He was not sure how it was with Sebastian.

Oh dear god, what if he messed up?

He shook his head. No, those were typical school girl thoughts. He cannot afford to let himself think like that. He turned off the tap and stepped out of the shower stall. Wearing a bathrobe and taking a towel to dry his hair, he got out of the bathroom. Only to stagger back against the wall in shock.

Sebastian was drying his hair as he sat on his bed, wearing nothing but a towel around his waist. His eyes widened in shock when he saw Kurt.

“Oh…um, sorry. I thought you’d be in the bathroom slightly longer,” said Sebastian, getting up from the bed. “I’ll just…”

“No,” said Kurt hurriedly. “I..it’s fine. I don’t mind.” He averted his eyes, his cheeks burning. God, what was wrong with him? They both knew why they were really here and it was not as if this was Kurt’s first time or anything but somehow, Kurt could not stop the blood rushing to his face.

“Hey…” Sebastian reached out to caress Kurt’s cheek. “You alright?”

“Fine, just fine,” Kurt smiled hesitantly. “Just…nervous, I suppose.”

Sebastian smiled gently, leaning over to kiss Kurt’s forehead. “Don’t be. I…we’ll take it slow, alright?”

Kurt could not help but to roll his eyes at that, his lips quirking into a wider smile. “Please, Sebastian. I’m not some blushing virgin.”

“Well, you certainly act like one,” pointed out Sebastian, his thumb swiping against Kurt’s cheek.

“It’s the nervousness,” insisted Kurt. “Um…”

Sebastian cut him off by leaning in and captured his lips in a searing kiss. Kurt sighed in his mouth and parted his lips to let Sebastian’s tongue through. Sebastian took the time to drink Kurt in, to really taste him. His arms wrapped around Kurt’s waist as they staggered backward towards the bed. The kiss continued heatedly until they both found themselves collapsing on top of the bed with Sebastian hovering over Kurt. He tore his lips from Kurt’s and looked at him searchingly.

“Are you sure?” he asked again.

Kurt looked at him for one long moment before he nodded. “Yes. I’m sure.”

And that was all Sebastian needed to hear.

Sebastian leaned down to kiss him again, his hand reaching out to part the material of the bathrobe until it slid down Kurt’ shoulder. He started to trail kisses down Kurt’s neck to his collarbone. He heard a pleased sigh from Kurt when Sebastian experimentally flicked his tongue around Kurt’s nipple, teasing it before moving over to do the same to the other one.

He continued to kiss his way down Kurt’s body, pressing his lips softly at Kurt’s inner thigh, enjoying the sound of Kurt’s moan, all high and sweet. When Sebastian finally closed his mouth around Kurt’s cock; already half-hard, he was rewarded by the sound of Kurt’s sharp cry before it faded into a soft groan, fingers twisting in Sebastian’s hair.

Sebastian did not tease him this time. He simply sucked wet and hard until Kurt’s hips came up off the bed. Sebastian smiled around him a little and flicked his tongue back and forth over the swollen head. Kurt moaned, hands working hard against Sebastian’s shoulders, and rocked up into his mouth.

“Sebastian…fuck,” Kurt gasped, body pulling taut. Sebastian made an approving sound and sucked Kurt down all the way, and swallowed slowly around him. The cut-off moan that answered as Kurt came undone, shuddering under him, would have made him purr except his mouth was full. So he just thought it.

He could not help the way his smile turned slightly smug when he kissed his way back up Kurt’s body. Kurt let a breathless laugh escaped his laugh when he looked at Sebastian’s expression. “Enjoyed yourself, did you?” he asked, still trying to catch his breath. Sebastian grinned wickedly. “I should be the one to ask you that, Kurt.” He nuzzled Kurt’s neck briefly. He looked at Kurt again, his eyes rather serious.

“Are you-,”

Kurt pressed his finger on Sebastian’s lips to shush him, smiling at him reassuringly. “I’m fine. You can…” he sucked in a breath. “You can continue.”

Sebastian was silent for a moment before he nodded. “Okay.” Sebastian reached over to the bedside drawer and opened it before taking out a small bottle containing lube. This made Kurt raise his eyebrow. “Not that I’m complaining, but…why do you still keep lube in your house if you’re no longer living in it?” he asked.

Sebastian smirked. “For emergencies. Knowing me, that should be self-explanatory.”

“How clever of you,” Kurt rolled his eyes but his tone was teasing. Kurt heard the bottle being uncapped and before long, he felt Sebastian’s lube-slicked finger pressing against his entrance, before it pushed in slowly. Kurt bit down a hiss and closed his eyes, gripping Sebastian’s forearm. The sensation itself was not unfamiliar, but it was slightly uncomfortable. Sebastian kissed his throat almost as an apology before moving his finger in and out of Kurt, slowly and carefully.

“Just try to relax,” he whispered before he added another finger. He took his time to fully stretch Kurt, eventually finding Kurt’s prostate judging from the way Kurt suddenly let out a high moan and arched off the bed. After a while, he felt Kurt’s hand on his shoulder and saw the way the boy looked at him, with his cheeks all flushed and sweat beaded along his forehead.

“I think…I’m ready now,” he gasped when Sebastian’s finger brushed his prostate again. “Sebastian…”

Sebastian kissed Kurt briefly, nodding before taking out his fingers. Kurt groaned at the emptiness for a moment. He heard some shuffling of movement before he felt a cool, blunt pressure pressing against him. Kurt adjusted his position so that he was straddling Sebastian’s lap, faintly noticing that the towel was now gone and the bathrobe he was wearing currently pooled around his waist. He wrapped his legs around Sebastian’s waist and leaned against his chest.

Sebastian kissed Kurt heatedly before he began to push in. At that, Kurt let out a startled gasp which morphed into a throaty moan. He heard Sebastian swear fervently, his hands gripping Kurt’s hips tightly as he continued to push in until Kurt was filled up to the hilt. They remained like that for a while, taking their time to catch their breaths.

“Are you okay?” Sebastian whispered.

Kurt bit his lip before nodding. “Y-yeah…” He sucked in a sharp breath. “Y-you can move…”

And when Sebastian did; pulling out slowly and thrusting back in, Kurt groaned and buried his head in Sebastian’s shoulder. Sebastian kissed Kurt’s own shoulder, as if reassuring as he continued to move. He felt electricity running down his spine and stars burst beneath his eyelids. “Kurt…” Sebastian trailed off as he hit something deep inside of Kurt that made the boy cry out softly and arch against him, gripping his shoulders tightly for support.

Kurt never tore away his lips from Sebastian. He did not want to know what he might say if he had his lips all to himself.  “K-Kurt…” Sebastian gasped into his mouth as he continued to hit that spot deep inside of Kurt, making him arch and see stars every time.

“Sebastian… _fuck_ ,” Kurt hissed. The way his name spilled from Kurt’s lips made something hot and possessive tighten through Sebastian. When Kurt’s body finally clamped down around him, he growled, driving up into that tightness with short, hungry thrusts until pleasure raked him over the edge.

They fell into a steady pace, moving as one unit.

Sebastian eventually groaned low and loud against his lips, thrusting one more time before a wave of warmth filled Kurt. Kurt himself was not too far behind as he felt Sebastian’s hand on his cock, rubbing it until he too, came all over Sebastian’s stomach.

They fell into a comfortable silence, Kurt curled around Sebastian, arms holding him close. He worked to catch his breath, ghosting over Kurt’s neck, head nestled against his neck, nose in his hair. Kurt’s fingers idly played with Sebastian’s brown locks of hair, letting out a sigh.

When the fire that wrecked his nerves finally died down, Sebastian carefully eased himself out of Kurt and guided Kurt into a lying position. He kissed Kurt’s eyelids, forehead, cheek and eventually his lips, at which Kurt smiled before returning almost in a lazy manner.

“You alright?” Sebastian whispered against his neck.

“I’m more than alright,” Kurt smiled tiredly at Sebastian. “That felt very good. It was amazing.”

Sebastian grinned cockily at that. “Well, what can I say?”

Kurt laughed as he playfully swatted Sebastian’s shoulder before snuggling against his chest. His eyelids were beginning to droop and he yawned. Sebastian’s arms tightened around him. “Sleep,” he said softly, pressing his lips against Kurt’s hair.

“You don’t have to tell me twice,” answered Kurt. There was a brief silence before Sebastian heard Kurt’s breathing becoming softer and lightly slower.

He was already asleep.

Sebastian stared at the ceiling for a brief moment and took the time to contemplate his thoughts. Kurt was right. He truly had no reason to be afraid when it came to love. Especially when it came to Kurt, who was stubborn as hell and refused to let go despite everything. Kurt and his determination. Kurt and his smile. Kurt and his kindness.

Sebastian closed his eyes and simply decided to be grateful to life for ever letting him meet someone like Kurt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :) Enjoy


	37. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ~They say karma is a bitch, but I don’t know. I like what it has in store for me so far. ~

“Sebastian, Warblers’ practice is cancelled today.”

Sebastian was rummaging through his locker when he heard a familiar voice coming from beside him. He turned his head and saw Hunter leaning casually against the neighboring locker, looking at Sebastian with a cool stare. The two of them had finally met at the start of the term, having assigned as lab partners in Chemistry. They got along fairly well but they only spoke to each other during practices and classes.

Sebastian raised an eyebrow. “And you know this how?”

“Trent told me,” Hunter shrugged. “Apparently, most of the Warblers had plans that could not be avoided. So a day off for us.”

“Hmm…by the way, how’s the audition coming along?” Sebastian asked casually, walking alongside him as they headed outside. “Think you’ll get the lead?”

Hunter smiled delicately. “Who knows? I just sang like the dean asked me to and it’s up to him to decide.”

“You don’t seem too concerned about it,” commented Sebastian, casting him a sideway glance.

“Probably because I don’t. I joined the Warblers simply because I love to sing. I’m not entirely too concerned about getting leads and solos and stuff like that.” Hunter stuffed his hands into his pocket. “Singing is what I love to do and that’s probably the only reason I have to join the Warblers.”

Sebastian smiled. “Well, then. At least I won’t have to worry about too much competition,” he smirked.

Hunter simply chuckled and shook his head. “I have to go. See you later, Sebastian.”

“Yeah, sure.”

Sebastian continued to walk until he spotted Kurt’s familiar car waiting for him at the gate. Sebastian broke into a grin and jogged up to the car. He opened the passenger door and climbed inside. Beside him, Kurt was humming along to a song playing on the radio. He smiled when he saw Sebastian, reaching out to turn down the volume of the radio.

“Hey,” he said.

“Hey yourself, Kurt,” Sebastian replied, his easy smile still intact.“Warblers’ practice is cancelled today. So…I was wondering if you could take me somewhere before we head home?”

Kurt raised an eyebrow. “Sure…Where to? I have to head home soon to do some last minute packing.”

Kurt was moving to New York in several hours, planning to search for an apartment to live in with Rachel. He had taken Sebastian’s advice and searched online for a job relating to fashion, as something he could do while waiting for the time when he could reapply for NYADA in the next semester. Kurt also said that it was a great way to earn money while doing the thing he loved.

Sebastian told him where and Kurt turned quiet before he smiled in understanding, caressing Sebastian’s cheek affectionately.

“I found an internship offer for Vogue.com,” said Kurt as he drove.

“Vogue.com?” Sebastian whistled. “Bet that would pretty hard to get, though.”

“I can expect that there will be some competition but Sebastian,” Kurt regarded him with serious eyes. “If my resume proves to be sufficient enough for me to get accepted, imagine all the advantages I’ll get.”

“Please, do tell.”

“Well, for one thing, it will make college applications so much easier. And I get to work personally with the manager of Vogue.com who just so happens to be one of my fashion icons…you know, aside from Michelle Obama.”

“The wife of our president is your fashion icon?” Sebastian failed to hide his amused smile at this.

“She’s fabulous, alright?” Kurt shot back. “Her outfits are so chic and _anyway_ , I hope that Vogue.com finds my outfits as well,” he sighed, tapping the steering wheel anxiously. “God, it was like such an impulsive thing to do. All I know was that I found that offer online when I browsed through their website and before I realized it, I was emailing my resume just like that.”

“That is pretty impulsive,” Sebastian agreed. “But I’m sure…you’ll have a good chance of getting it.” Sebastian offered Kurt a reassuring smile which Kurt slowly returned. They did not talk again for the rest of the drive and Sebastian opted to stare out of the window, his eyelids slowly drooping. Before long, he had dozed off.

Kurt stared at him, his eyes soft and his expression fond. He reached out to give Sebastian’s hand a light squeeze, leaning in to kiss Sebastian on the eyebrow before returning his gaze towards the road.

* * *

 

~*.*~

“Hey, Mom. Dad. How are you?”

Sebastian crouched in front of the two graves, looking at the tombstones. His parents’ names were engraved on them, as well as their date of birth and death. Sebastian trailed his fingers along the carving of his mom’s name on the tombstone, his expression carefully neutral. Kurt was leaning against the car not too far away. He chose not to follow Sebastian, opting to give the boy some privacy.

“I can’t believe that it’s nearly a year since well…everything changed. I could have waited for a few more months but…well, Kurt’s leaving for New York today and I felt that I need to talk to you guys about it,” he continued.

He glanced at the clear sky above him, a sigh escaping his lips.

“You know, I realized that I never really talked to you guys about Kurt, haven’t I? I mean, I mentioned him a few times during dinner but that was more like a passing mention than anything else. So…” he took a deep breath. “I just wanted you guys to know how much I’m glad to have ever met him. He…is a lot of things, honestly. He is extremely stubborn, picky and sometimes…” He laughed. “He could be kind of a bitch and I don’t mean that in a rude way, Mom,” he added as an afterthought. “When I first met him, he annoyed me a lot, and I annoyed _him_ a lot, too. You see, we didn’t meet at normal circumstances,” he let out another chuckle. “I met him when I was trying to hit on his boyfriend.”

His gaze moved towards Kurt, who had his eyes closed. He smiled fondly.

“But you see, Kurt is also the most compassionate person I ever met. He helped me whenever I needed it, he doesn’t really care about what most people think of him and he is headstrong. He won’t hesitate to tell you if you done something wrong but he knows and respects other people’s boundaries. He doesn’t push.” He closed his eyes. “I was very stupid for quite a while several months back. Kurt…he has feelings for me after some time. And I realized this. I wanted so much to return it but…”

He took a deep breath.

“I was so afraid of the possibility of losing someone I love again that I couldn’t bring myself to. I lost you guys and I was a wreck. I can’t imagine what would happen if I were to lose Kurt. Or worse, I would lose Kurt because of what I said or did. You see, Mom, Dad…Kurt and Blaine, that’s his boyfriend’s name, by the way, they broke up. It wasn’t anyone’s fault. It was something that couldn’t be controlled. Blaine… he…fell out of love with Kurt. He could have lied to Kurt, told him it was something else that resulted in the breakup, but well, Blaine is the type of person who feels that he should come clean about the whole situation as early as possible. To avoid more lies and complications. To avoid more hurt if Kurt were to find out about it on his own at a later time.”

He smiled bitterly, his eyes downcast.

“He beat himself up pretty badly about the whole thing and Kurt…well, he was quite a wreck at first. And that’s exactly the thing I’ve been trying to avoid. I’m not too used to the concept of being in love with someone and that was probably another reason to why I was so afraid. I tried to get Kurt to stop…pursuing me or something like that. I made myself clear by doing something…that ended up hurting Kurt more than I intended to,” he laughed bleakly. “Trust me, I wasn’t proud of myself…but it did the job. He stayed away. In fact, he ended up not wanting to even look at me. So…I discussed with a friend of mine who offered me a room at his place in Chicago. I was all set to go. And then you know what happened?”

He paused.

“Kurt…he was there. At the airport. All out of breath as if he had been running for miles. He yelled my name and then… he told me not to go. To stay. That he loves me despite everything. He told me that there’s no reason to be afraid,” he bit his lip before continuing. “It was so dramatic and sudden but…it was special. That was the moment when I told myself to stop lying. Be truthful. Tell him how I really feel about him. That I wanted him so much that it hurt so freaking bad. So I did. I stayed here. I called Wes and told him everything. He understood. I became a permanent resident at the Hudson-Hummel residence until I am a legal adult. And I didn’t leave Kurt’s side since. Not that I wanted to, anyway.”

“Oh, and Blaine is doing fine, too. He’s the senior class president and is dating a genius. Not kidding,” Sebastian laughed. “He insisted that Nicholas was still a medic student but I think otherwise. They’re happy. Kurt’s happy.” He smiled softly. “I’m happy.”

“As you should be,” said Kurt. Sebastian turned to see him standing behind him. Kurt offered him a hand and Sebastian accepted it, straightening his posture as he stood up. Kurt looked at the graves and smiled. “Nice to finally meet you, Mr. and Mrs. Smythe. I’m Kurt Hummel and I’m dating your son, just so you know. I’ll take good care of him and make sure he doesn’t do stupid things like jump off a bridge or something.”

Sebastian nudged his shoulder playfully. “Please. I’m too pretty to die. You’ll miss me.”

“Of course, I would.” Kurt rolled his eyes and the two of them cast the two graves one final look before they walked to the car, hand in hand.

* * *

 

~*.*~

They were all at the airport that late afternoon. The Hudmel family, the rest of the remaining New Directions who had not gone off to college, even the Warblers. There were so many people that Sebastian found it pretty odd.

“I mean, I get that Kurt moving to New York is a pretty big deal but it’s not like he’s never coming back, right?” he commented.

Kurt glanced at the rest of his friends and shared a knowing look before turning back to Sebastian. “Well…I still have around an hour left before I’m supposed to board the plane…so I wanted to give you, Sebastian, a farewell gift. Until the next time we see each other…physically, I mean.”

Sebastian raised an eyebrow. “Oh?”

Kurt nodded. “The Warblers and the New Directions are kind enough to help.”

“So that’s why Warblers’ practice was cancelled? To help Kurt at something?” Sebastian turned to Trent who laughed apologetically. “Sorry, Sebastian. He wanted to keep it as a secret. Hunter did a pretty good job at that,” he glanced at Hunter, who smirked.

“So…Carole, Dad, Sebastian, why don’t you guys take a seat?” said Kurt. The trio shared a look before taking a seat on one of the nearby benches. Kurt turned to his friends who all nodded to him before arranging themselves. Several bystanders stopped walking to take a look, already curious. Kurt took a deep breath and looked at Sebastian. “This is especially for you, Sebastian.”

As if on cue, the Warblers began to belt out a tune and the New Directions soon joined in, their voices melting into an upbeat melody. Kurt grinned and opened his mouth to sing.

 

_Sometimes I hate every single stupid word you say,_

_Sometimes I wanna slap you in your whole face._

_There's no one quite like you, you push all my buttons down,_

_I know life would suck without you._

Sebastian grinned when Kurt started to sway his body to beat, evidently enjoying himself.

 

_At the same time I wanna hug you, I wanna wrap my hands around your neck._

_You're an asshole but I love you, and you make me so mad I ask myself_

_Why I'm still here, or where could I go? You're the only love I've ever known, but I hate you, I really hate you, so much I think it must be..._

There was a dramatic pause as Kurt heaved a deep sigh, pretending to be resigned. That was before he broke into a huge smile and resumed singing.

_True love true love_

_It must be true love_

_Nothing else can break my heart like true love_

_True love, it must be true love_

_No one else can break my heart like you_

Kurt approached Sebastian, sitting beside him and looked at him so longingly that Sebastian could not help but to laugh at his antics.

_Just once try to wrap your little brain around my feelings_

_Just once please try not to be so mean_

_Repeat after me now R-O-M-A-N-C-E_

_Come on I'll say it slowly_

He proceeded to whisper the word in Sebastian’s ear before giving him a light peck on the lips.

_You can do it babe_

_At the same time, I wanna hug you_

_I wanna wrap my hands around your neck_

_You're an asshole but I love you_

_And you make me so mad I ask myself_

_Why I'm still here, oh where could I go_

_You're the only love I've ever known_

_But I hate you_

_I really hate you, so much_

_I think it must be_

_True love true love_

_It must be true love_

_Nothing else can break my heart like true love_

_True love, it must be true love_

_No one else can break my heart like you_

_Why do you rub me up the wrong way_

_Why do you say the things that you say_

_Sometimes I wonder how we ever came to be_

_But without you I’m incomplete_

_I think it must true love true love_

_It must be true love_

_Nothing else can break my heart like true love_

_True love, it must be true love_

_No one else can break my heart like you, like you_

_No one else can break my heart like you_

 

When the last note hung in the air, the crowd broke into applause at the performance. The Warblers and the New Directions preened at the attention while Sebastian merely laughed again when Kurt pulled him to his feet, enveloping him into a tight hug as Burt and Carole looked on with a smile. Kurt kissed him again, on the cheek this time before releasing him.

“What do you think?” he asked.

“You’re very thorough,” offered Sebastian, chuckling when Kurt swatted his arm. “Thank you. I love it.”

Kurt beamed at this but he let out a startled yelp when Sebastian pulled him into another embrace, moving his head to whisper something in Kurt’s ear. “You mentioned that you still have about an hour left before boarding, right?”

“Um…yeah?”

Sebastian smirked. “Well, I can think of a few ways to reply your farewell gift. It also involves using my mouth like yours did.”

Kurt thought about Sebastian’s words, cheeks reddening when the meaning behind them clicked together in his head. He pushed Sebastian away and it was clear that his face was burning up, turning redder every second.

“Y-You…in public! Have you no shame?” he spluttered.

“When it comes to you….not really,” Sebastian replied, sliding up to Kurt, still smirking. “Well, what about it?”

“Get away from me, you asshole!” Kurt practically cried. He grabbed his luggage and turned to the rest. “Sorry, I gotta go before he can get me.”

Carole giggled cheerfully. “Bye, honey. Make sure you visit during the holidays.”

“Break a leg, buddy,” said Burt.

“Go get ‘em, Kurt!”

“Take New York by storm!”

“Say hi to Rachel for Finn, alright?” Finn had left for the army around two weeks ago. Kurt had wanted him to stay a little while longer, at least until he left for New York, but it was not possible since the date of the army boot camp intake was already set. He had wanted to say a proper goodbye to him.

“Are you sure you don’t want to?” said Sebastian again, his tone teasing. “The offer still stands, you know.”

“Go away!” Kurt cried, slightly mortified. “Oh god, Sebastian…”

“You know you want to, princess!”

“I have my dignity, meerkat!”

“Hey, Kurt?”

“What is it, Sebastian?”

A smile.

“I love you.”

A grin.

“I love you, too.”

“Come back soon, alright?”

“You know I will.”

_Be your forever, Be your fling_

_Baby, I will be your everything_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There you have it. The ending. *tearing up* Okay, okay. I’m going to do this the proper way. The proper….dignified….no tears…way. *takes a deep breath*
> 
> As a human being, I feel that I should thank my body parts for helping me in writing this story. 
> 
> • Thank you to my head for thinking of such a nice idea of a fic, while I’m sitting in a hotel room in Bali, enjoying a nice breakfast in bed.  
> • Thank you to my fingers for being patient with me as I forced you guys to type on and on for every chapter, regardless of what time of the day it was.  
> • Thank you to my eyes because I know it must be a pain to stare at the glaring computer screen all night long. 
> 
> As an author of this fic, I would like to thank you guys, my reviewers, for well…reviewing! 
> 
> Thank you for giving me your thoughts on this fic, providing me support and ideas, and sometimes giving me help by politely pointing out any mistakes that I might have missed out as I typed the chapter. Thank you for being my cheer team by flailing at something you like, which in turn makes me feel very happy. Thank you for putting up with me during my exam leave and leaving me good luck messages. :D
> 
> A special mention to dannyseguel, thank you for making me a fanart for this fic. Also to Callmebass for taking the time to translate my fic into Spanish! Thank you to all my twitter followers (you know who you are) for being online whenever I need them to. ;) 
> 
> Just…thank you to everyone who helped me along the way. I appreciate it so much. It will probably a while until I post up another multi-chap seeing as next year, I’ll be facing the biggest and most important exam of my life which would guarantee me a good future if I do well. *gulps* But I will try to post one-shots every once in a while if I’m free. I take requests, too, so feel free to send some and I’ll try my best to write them. 
> 
> Soo….once again, thank you.


End file.
